Day Three: The Republican National Clusterf**k

I don’t know which is ickier … watching Ted Cruz’s snake lips jiggle across his chin or watching two homophobes — The Rump and The Pittance — attempt an air kiss?

First up, Mike Pence finally got his time before the camera without [t]Rump around to interrupt and take over and he gave one of those traditional stump speeches that conservatives like, where he didn’t say anything of note — he relied heavily on saying the other side was running a “predictable name” — and ended with Make America Great Again.

Like back when The Blacks knew their place, and The Gays were in the closet and The Women were in the kitchen and White Men ruled. That isn’t great, for anyone, except rich white men and bigots and homophobes.

And then there was Ted Cruz, failed presidential candidate, trotting onstage to a thunderous ovation and then proceeding not to endorse [t]Rump but instead begging people to vote their conscience — which may be hard because the zealots in that crowd have no conscience. Then came the boos, and the arrival, again, of [t]Rump  in the hall, which sent Cruz scurrying like a rat offstage, but not before making a money beg for 2020:

“We’re fighting not for one particular candidate or one campaign.”

Of note is the picture of the [t]Rump clan during Ted Cruz’ speech. Who’s not there? Oh yeah, Melania. I heard she was back home writing her Gettysburg Address. But Little Donny looks like he wants to stomp his feet and scream, “Be nice to Daddy!” Big Donny wants to say, “You’re fired!” Ivanka is thinking, “Who wrote my speech?” And Lil Tiffany is wondering is she set the DVR to record The Real Housewives.

Former House speaker, and skipped over Veep-choice, not to mention serial adulterer, Newt Gingrich then tried to tell everyone what Ted Cruz was trying to say … though, for once, Cruz was clear: “Never [t]Rump.”

“I think you misunderstood one paragraph that Ted Cruz, who’s a superb orator, said. He said, you can vote your conscience for anyone who would uphold the Constitution. In this election, there is only one candidate who will uphold the Constitution.”

Um, yeah, that’s not what Ted said.

Rick Scott, the governor of Flori-duh, said [t]Rump “can be a little rough” and then called him a friend. That’s high praise. 

And then, because he has nothing to do while waiting to be voted out off office, Wisconsin governor, and fellow failed presidential candidate, Scott Walker, said that failing to support Mr. Trump was equivalent to endorsing Mrs. Clinton. 

So, it’s not “Vote for Trump” because he’s the best person for the job; it’s “Vote For Trump” because he’s not Hillary.

Again … high praise.

Now, usually at these conventions — on both sides — the party presents its strongest leaders, its best speakers; the party presents itself as the one party to run the country.

This year, it’s about the children. Little Donny spoke, and kinda spit a little too, and then Little Tiffany auditioned for “America’s Got No Talent.” Last night it was Little Eric who stepped away from the kiddie table to talk about how great Daddy his … like when he supervised rehabilitation of Wollman Rink in Manhattan.

“Vote [t]Rump! Make America Skate Again!”

Is it me, or does Eric have Daddy's Small Hands?

Yes, vote for the man whose own party doesn’t want to get too close, lest the crazy rubs off; lest the inexperience, the racism, the bigotry, the misogyny, the homophobia, rubs off. Let the kids talk because Daddy supports them … financially.

Eileen Collins, a retired space shuttle commander, delivered a speech about space and about making the country’s space program great again; she was supposed to end her speech like this, according to her prepared remarks:

“We need leadership that will make America first again. That leader is Donald Trump.”

But she left off those last five words.

FoxNewshound Laura Ingraham gave a Hate Speech of her own and ended it like this:

No.Words.

Lynne Patton, the Vice President of the Eric Trump Foundation and senior assistant to the [t]Rump children, praised the family — um, Lynne, we’re not voting for the family — and [t]Rump and then encouraged minorities to vote [t]Rump:

"Historically, black lives have mattered less. My life mattered less. Whether we like it or not, there are people out there who still believe this to be true ... I am proud to stand before you tonight and support Donald Trump, not just in spite of the color of my skin, but, in fact, because of the color of my skin."

So, I read that stunned; a woman of color endorsing a candidate who has said horrific things about people of color — though, to be fair, it’s just the brown-skinned one s from south of the border or the Middle East. I imagine Ms. Patton received a lovely bonus from the [t]Rump kid’s allowances for speaking so highly of their hateful Daddy.

And here’s my final thought … because I just saw the Air Kiss That turned stomachs Across The Globe on TV again; I’ve watched these things for many years now — or at least read about them the next day — and I remember watching them with my parents when I was a wee queerling.

The candidate usually stays out of sight for the first three or four days and lets the party state its case; he, or she, lets other members of the party rile the crowd up, so that on the last day it’s all a frenzy of excitement waiting for the candidate to appear.

Not in a [t]Rump Convention; he appears through smoke on the very first night to introduce his wife, Melania, and let her give Michelle Obama’s speech. Then he arrives by helicopter another night; then, when Cruz gets booed, he appears in the hall again.

So, the convention isn’t about the party, the election, the platform; it’s about Donald [t[Rump and nothing more and if anyone votes for him then that’s all you can expect.

Nothing more.