Saturday, July 25, 2015

It's Snarkurday!

Rule # 1: Never piss off the Queen. Not queen, mind you, but The Queen, as in Elizabeth of England.

It seems that HRH is a little pissy that Princess Kate went to Wimbledon and met up with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, but couldn’t spare a moment to meet with UK veterans. Palace sources confided, and Royal Air Force officials confirmed, that Kate skipped a July 10 lunch in honor of WWII pilots attended by William and other royals, though she managed to squeeze in tennis and chats with Brangelina.

So, Queen Liz ain’t happy, and has, ALLEGEDLY, taken to calling her grandson’s bride and baby mama “Lazy Katie” and “Duchess of Do-Little.”

Duchess of Do-Little?  I.Am.Dying. Who knew the queen threw shade?

A couple of weeks ago we chatted about Tom Selleck stealing water from fire hydrants to use on his avocado farm, and to hydrate that tumbleweed above his upper lip.

Well, the minute that the private investigator returned to the Calleguas Municipal Water District headquarters with proof of the H2O thievery, a lawsuit was filed, and as soon as the lawsuit was filed, Tom Selleck stepped up to pay for the water. And the water district has voted to accept his payment of $21,000 to settle the lawsuit.

So, wait, is Tom Selleck the Wimpy of water thievery? I mean, will he gladly pay you tomorrow for the water he stole today?

So, Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert, country singing darlings and once happily wed sweethearts are divorcing. And it all seemed pretty quiet and private and amicable.

Not so much now. Rumor has it Team Miranda blamed Blake for cheating with another country singer, then Team Blake countered by saying Miranda caused the divorce by refusing to have children. And then they threw down their own cheating rumor, claiming Miranda broke Blake’s heart, and the marriage, by getting busy with country singer Chris Young — who denies it — and perhaps a roadie or two.

So, was she getting’ boned by a singer who wasn’t her husband; or was he boning a singer who wasn’t his wife.

Either way you slice I smell some Country Number One Singles coming up from both Blake and Miranda.

In country music, what doesn’t kill you makes a great country song.

In a Bill Cosby Update:

His lawyers filed papers to block any further release of the deposition where he admitted to buying Quaaludes to give to women so he could rape them, and to stop the ugly release of Cosby’s statements about how he seduces young women while his wife sits at home waiting for him every night for fifty-some-odd years.

The deposition Bill threw up was part of the lawsuit filed against him by Andrea Constand who says he drugged and assaulted her in 2004. The case ended with a settlement, and so now Bill’s lawyers are claiming that since the deposition was released, the settlement agreement was violated and want their money back. But Andrea ain’t lying down for Cosby — not this time — and her own lawyers are trying to get the entire deposition released.

They should be careful not to drink the water at that mediation table lest Cosby drug them and make them sign a waiver saying they want to keep the deposition sealed.

I mean, ain’t that how The Cos rolls?

Are the rumors that Tommy Grrrl Cruise is ready to tie the knot for the fourth time true? And is his new bride really his twenty-two year old Katie Holmes look-alike assistant, Emily Thomas?

Rumor has it that Emily has been “quietly seeing the superstar since late 2014,” and Tom is reportedly “smitten” with her — and by that, he means he can control her. And this comes at the right time because Cruise has a new Mission Impossible knock-off to promote and what better way than to get married … I mean, it worked with Katie Holmes?

So, prepare for a Xenu wedding, followed by a Xenu baby, and then a quick escape by Wife #4.

Uh oh. Trouble in paradise … or at least a Kardastrophe version of reality TV paradise?

Apparently Kim Kash Kow Kardastrophe is furious with her current husband — not to be confused with her last or next husbands — Kanye Kardastrophe after she found him looking at nude photos of his ex-girlfriend Amber Rose on his computer.

No word if he was spanking Tiny Kanye while he studied the photo set.

So, I digs me some Taye Diggs — hat/tip to TV’s Jack McFarland for the line — and am especially excited that he is taking over the lead role in Broadway’s Hedwig and the Angry Inch.

But there’s a line in the show that some are wondering if it will stay in; see, while Taye as Hedwig sings a song with his co-star, he also sings the line:
“Idina sang it better.”
Idina would be Taye’s ex-wife, Broadway diva and former Wicked star, Idina Menzel. So people were shocked that he left the line in and sang it as written in rehearsal.

But they were equally stunned when, after singing the line, he ad-libbed a reference to Mendel’s hit tune from the movie “Frozen” when he looked at the rehearsal crowd and sang:
“Let it go.”
Too funny, and it would be fun if he kept it in the show … as long as Idina’s cool with it, you know.


Helen Lashbrook said...

HM is shorthand for Liz II; HRH is reserved for the Duchess of Cambridge and the Princess Royal and those of that ilk if you like that kind of stuff.

As far as I am concerned if I am paying for the Palace crowd (and I am) then people like Mrs William Windsor (aka Mrs William Saxe-Coburg Gotha) should go to veterans' lunches not Wimbledon!

Raybeard said...

Yes, Helen (above) is correct on that technicality of royal address/reference. But I must be living in a cocoon as I hadn't heard this story re Mrs Wills. Mind you, I don't read the tabloids (apart from their headlines on the BBC newspaper page) where they must have gone to town on this one, where anything about the royals, especially knocking them, is 'de rigueur'.

So, Tom's tying the knot - yet again! No doubt his intended has been vetted and cleared (i.e. found to be satisfactorily gullible - with a degree of servility not being unhelpful.). Sounds like she's just one to give little T.C. a little TLC, at least until her 'term' is up. Anyway, in the short term, hope the sofa springs are strong.

Would love to have seen the hunky Mr Diggs (and all those teeth) in 'Hedwig'. MMMMMMM mmmmmmm!

Blobby said...

I'm sure Ms. Cruise's wife was hand-picked. Though only an uneducated 22 yo would be stupid enough to venture into that marriage and that cult without ever having typed 'scientology' into Gooooooogle.

Miranda Lambert: Juliet Barnes come to life.

anne marie in philly said...

Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert - supposedly she's preggers with his baby.

the dogs' mother said...

Dear Kate, if it was not for those WWII veterans
you would be speaking German right now...

Bob Slatten said...

"Miranda Lambert: Juliet Barnes come to life."