Saturday, December 17, 2011

I Ain't One To Gossip, But.....

Wow. Lindsay Lohan's probation report was 'glowing'. And by glowing, I don't mean all lit up, like it was high. There was no drama, no bad marks, to typical Lohan self-denial. It was all good. Does mean our little Mean girl is growing up?
Hardly. She's still full of the crack drama, only it's just recycled crack drama.
See, a few days back, the wacktress decided she needed a vacation--working with dead people, posing nekkid and puffing up her lips--is hard work, so Lohan winged her way to Hawaii. Not to worry, though, ALLEGEDLY her probation officer said it was okay even though Lohan had that court date this week.
And while in Hawaii, knowing she needed to be back in California soon, the cracktress left her Chanel purse unattended and it was stolen. With her ID and ALLEGEDLY $10,000 in it.
How very 2010 Cannes Film Festival of her. You remember, when she was supposed to return to California and her passport was "stolen" and then there were pictures of Lindsay with the White Powder.
She just rehashes her drama. For the sake of drama, because no sooner than you could say 'Book 'em, Dano,' the purse and ID were returned, but the $10,000 was missing.
Her dealer ain't gonna be happy about that missing payment.ALLEGEDLY.


Y'all remember that a week or so ago, Brooke Mueller was arrested and charged with assault and possession in Aspen? And she went to jail overnight? And Crazy Charlie Sheen bailed her out?
Well, now her spokesdealer, Steve Honig--ironically, the same guy that speaks for that other cracktress, Lindsay Lohan--says Brooke is just misunderstood and that the charges are bogus and everything is fine. 
But Brooke’s family says she isn't fine--she's a coughcrackwhorecough--and they have tried to force her into rehab. But Brooke kept on partying and partying, and then said she would try rehab [again] only this time as an outpatient--like Charlie did, when he “rehabbed” at his own home. 
Well, Brooke’s family isn’t happy about that, and the Aspen DA also chimed in, saying that there wasn’t going to be any deal, and the charges would not be dropped. Ruh-roh, Brooke.
With everyone is lining up against her and making it clear that her crack-nanigans are not going to be overlooked anymore, Brooke changed her mind [again] and did what all crackmonsters do--with the exception of Lohan whose MO is deny deny deny--and decided to go full bore into rehab.
Hopefully, this time the rehab takes. Those kids surely didn't ask for two crazy drug-addicted parents with wads of cash to waste on coke and crack.


Since she dumped her last K after several minutes of marriage, does it come as any real surprise that Kash Kow Kardashian is trying to land another K.
As in Kanye.
New York papers are claiming that Kim and Kanye are hittin’ it again. See, there were all sorts of rumors of Kash and Kanye doing the nasty up until she married that other K. So, it seems like Kanye is Kash Kow's rebound, um, dong. 
According to a report in The New York Daily News, Kanye was ‘all over Kim’ following his Watch The Throne concert in LA.
A source--and by source we all know I mean Kris Jenner who never had a child she didn't want to peddle--says, "Kanye was eating Kim up like she was a piece of cake." A fat-assed piece of cake who will use you for publicity and money and then dump you for publicity and money, but I digress.
"He was all over her--caressing her head, touching her waist. I think he was dying to kiss her, but there were too many people in the room." And Kash Kow seemed to like the attention, even Tweeting: "Last night was KRAY."
What's, um, Kray is that Kash Kow cannot spell, but she can f**k her way through the phone book.....under the K's. 
Famewhore meet famewhore.


I guess when you look the part, you get the part.
And since she often looks like a crazy homeless lady, it seems that Courtney Love is actually about to become a real homeless lady.
Her landlord is evicting her from the $27,000 a month Greenwich Village townhouse she's been living in since February because, ALLEGEDLY she tried to burn the place down. Not quite a shock, considering this is  Courtney Love. I wouldn't rent her a refrigerator carton for fear of what she'd do it, much less allow her to move into my multi-million dollar New York townhouse.
Donna Lyon, the owner of the house, says Courtney ruined the interiors by painting over walls and installing wallpaper. Also, a candle--okay, we'll go with 'candle'--set a curtain on fire earlier this year. Bad enough, but little Miss Love is also $54,000 behind on the rent.
Seriously, Donna, you seem like a nice lady, but you need to be a little bit better about picking tenants. An actual homeless person would treat the place better.


It's nice when you go to one of those fancy Hollywood functions and you get one of those fancy Hollywood gift bags on the way out. And, apparently, it's started a trend.
It seems that when Derek Jeter and Minka Kelly broke up, it was assumed that Jeter would just start banging random women at will because, well, that's kinda what he does, and he's a famous athlete and all. And, while he has been bagging babes left and right, he is also adding a little something
Gift bags on their way out.
Jeter has the girls stay the night with him at his New York apartment, and in the morning he has a car waiting to whisk them back to from whence they came. But, inside the car is a gift basket containing signed Jeter memorabilia, usually a signed baseball.
♪♫Isn't it romantic?♫♪
Jeter's wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am-have-a-signed-baseball kiss-offs came to light when he mistakenly pulled the stunt twice on the same woman--forgetting she had been an earlier conquest.Gift bags. For getting f**ked by Derek Jeter.
Would you do it? For the baseball? Or for a Hickory Farms gift basket? I mean, if you already had the Jeter kielbasa, wouldn't a real kielbasa be a nice parting gift?

5 comments:

froggy said...

Still gobsmacked at paying $27,000 in rent.

R.J. said...

Courtney Love (used to) pay $27k in rent? No wonder she can't afford a decent stylist.

Sam said...

Who cares. Ditto on K
Deter gives you a free gift basket??? Damn. Valtrex offers gift baskets?

Jim said...

Lindsay continues to be a basket case. LOL

twunty mcslore said...

I'd do it for the gift basket. Hell, I'd do it for one ball.

Jeter is one of the nicest Yankees ever. My friend did their PR photography for years. He's by far his favorite and the biggest douche (outside of A-Rod) was the insanely entitled Reggie Jackson. He was notorious for only signing 5 baseballs after the games. Left many a kid crying.