Friday, January 15, 2010

PR7EP1: The Fashion

Aaaaaaah. I like New York in June, er January. I like a Kors retort, a Heidi pregnancy, a Tim Make-it-Work, and, well, I love Nina.
Yes, the Runway is back, and, for me, EP1 more than makes up for all of PR6. Good, fun, funny, gay, bitchy contestants.....NYC........s'all good people.
And, while I don't do the whole recap [for that see DustBunny Grande Dame DavidDust HERE] I like to snark on the fashion.
So, let's rip:

First off: The ISBL What Were You Thinking award goes to Pamela.
Pamela? Honey? Were you channeling your inner Flying Nun. I mean all this needed was a big hat and that girl could have swooped down the runway. And, for the record, neon pink is over. For me, Pamela should have been Auf'd. It looks like something Lucy cut out of the carpet on I Love Lucy. Seriously....look for that episode and you'll see what I mean.
This, however, by Christiane, was the Auf-icial loser of EP1. But I get it, where she was going, I mean. But, the loop-de-loop fabric swatch that cuts down from shoulder and then disappeared into a seam alongside the girl's ass? Well, not to brag, but I've made a neater hem with spit and hair gel than this woman did with a Singer and some thread.
Ben's dress. I love how some of these designers make a wrong, wrong, wrong, choice, and then try to cover by calling the dress both fashion-forward and retro. I think they mean, it's out of this world and it's been done before....and better. As soon as I saw this I got an instant Earth Girls Are Easy [starring Jeff Goldblum] vibe. And that's never good.
Janeane, from Portland, O! She is the Official Crier Of PR7. She started weeping as soon as she went the wrong way in the revolving door at the Atlas apartments, and didn't stop crying. It looks like she cried the whole time she made this utterly boring crapfest, and I, too, was weeping as it came down the runway. It looks like something that awful PR6 could have made.
Amy came up with this little number. And, well, Meh. I don't hate it; I don't love it. It's........Amy. But, I do notice how one of the models breasty-things is kind of riding a bit higher than the other, and looks a little more plump. Still....Ameh. That's what I'll call Amy, unless she steps it up.

Jay. JayJayJay. He was given a pass from the judges, neither good enough for top three, nor bad enough to pack his scissors and go. But, I kept waiting to hear Michael Kors say something about the powder puff hips--What woman wants to look like she stuffs her dress?--and the big old puffball front and center. Yeah, Jay, you'll go far, making a woman's stomach and hips look like they exploded.
Maya, however, decided to stay away from making a woman look hippy and pregnant, and decided to flop a bathmat over the shoulder of her model, and then give her hair to match. But then, the bathmat is the best part of this bland concoction, and it's perfect, really. I mean, look how washed out the model's face is....washed out? Bath mat? M' I'm getting it. It's all connected.
This here is Anna's dress. It's cute. It's sweet. It''s........yawn. It's nothing new, nothing special. It's cellophane. I'd seriously forgotten this was on the runway when I saw it this morning. It's table linens as sundress. It's, um, er, it's.......I just can't. It'd be like shooting designers in a barrel.
And now we have Big Gay Anthony, who made several mentions of the fact that he's a Flamer From Atlanta, or the Ghet-TOE, as he calls it, like we wouldn't have known. He'll be the Auf-icial Last Comic Standing of PR7. And, he got the laughs going with this dress. Kors said it looked like a dress a woman would wear to a garden party, and use that thing on the side to steal champagne bottles. I thought, Is that so wrong? But BGA's fabric choice, well, it looks a little bad-sofa-from-Miss-Pat's-Playroom to me. I thought kids might use the dress to play which one of those things doesn't belong.

Jesus, what in the name of the baby Jeebus were you thinking? I mean, bolt after bolt of fabric in the park and you picked this faux-animal hide? Even the judges thought it was less naughahide and more naugha-hideous. But, still, I get where you're going. Just, for the love of, well, you, stay out of the fake animal skin aisle at Mood, and quit dressing women as furniture.
I didn't think much of Jonathan's creation as it swished and sashayed down the runway last night, but seeing it this morning, with a fresh, albeit it somewhat crusty eye, I likeeee. It looks a little Upper West Side Dominatrix Mom on her way to a Soho Gallery Opening. It's versatile. Pick the kids up; see a new exhibit, and whip the hubby, all in one outfit. It's dangerous......oooooooh. Plus the belt converts to an S&M mask. Versatile, like I said.
Mila seems to be designing for Martha Stewart Living. That's all I could think about when I saw it. I can see Martha standing outside one of her mansions in this outfit, screaming at the help to weed the azalea beds, and paint the barn, and lay down fresh asphalt on the driveway, after they bring her a Margatini. That said, I like it. I like all the different fabrics, but I don't like how the jacket stays open. Mila? Honey? Ever heard of buttons? Yeah, they work.
Ping. Ping Wu. Love that name. And, while this first looked like she'd just had her model roll around in a pile of textiles to see what stuck, it works. Ping's got a point of view. It's off-kilter, but, hey, it's a point of view. It's draped and tucked and wrapped and belted. It comes off, it stays on. I like Ping. Love her name, like her style.
Now this is what I call retro and fashion forward. It reeks of the 1930s and 40s, but with a modern twist. Jesse done good. Plus, that little jacket comes off to reveal a cute orange top. It's tweedy, it's fresh, it's a throwback, it's a call to tomorrow. I should be a judge. I can come up with a clever bon mot as fast as Kors.
Seth Aaron. Apparently he's going by two names, which I find a bit showy. [PS I will be called Bob Lee now]. And I'm getting a little Jefferey Sebilius, PR-season-whatever, with this, but I like it. Seth Aaron knows how to fashion a model, too. The whole thing works from hair to heels. I'm not a fan of plaid, because it veers from farmer to tablecloth, but this works because it's fun. Watch out for Seth :::::breath::::: Aaron. Oh, that double name thing is gonna get old.
Tonight's winner was Emilio, and I actually picked this one as the winner. I'm usually off, so I was surprised. But he worked it, grrrrrrrrrrl. He cut and sewed and pasted and basted and bobbined and weaved. He did it all and he actually made something fun and cute. That said, Emilio needs to take a lesson from Seth Aaaron [God that's annoying] and learn to fashion his girl. That hair don't, don't work.
And there you have PR7EP1 runway critic from Bob Lee [okay, I'm over it...back to just Bob......Hmmmmm, JustBob? Maybe]. If you want the full on recap, well, then you know where to go.......and if you don't, well, learn it. DavidDust, PR Recapper Par Excellence HERE


Michael Rivers said...

I really enjoyed this episode too! PR is bag. I need my dose of Michael, Nina, Tim and Heidi. This season got off to a great start. I'm looking forward to it!

froggy said...

I thought the Martha Stewart dress was going to be in the top three. And Ping in the bottom three. Dauther's BBF liked the brown naugha-gown.

madtexter ☺☺☺☺☺☺ (corey james) said...

Although I don't watch the show (my DVR is about to explode anyway from all the shows I already record), I really enjoy the 'man on the street' reporting about the show that you and other bloggers I follow write about it.


You are too much.

Thanks for keeping me laughing!

Mark in DE said...

Loved your commentary, Bob Lee!!

Biki said...

Just Bob Lee, this is the funniest post I have ever read! I was giggling the entire way thru!! And I would have to agree with everything you said! And yea, he should have won, his was the only one with true vision! And yea Ping is a hella good name!

Kris said...

Ahahaha @ baby Jeebus!

I personally think that the runner-up, zippery, rock 'n roll dress should have won because I thought everything about it kinda worked. Nina did too. LoL!

The winning dress is interesting. BUT I find it so annoying that the designer just decided to do random cross-crossing of fabric. Really? He couldn't be bothered to think of an interesting pattern?

mistress maddie said...

Love the show last might and glad to see the talant is back! I did like the winning design and I loved Maya dress. I'm a huge sucker for anything with feathers or floral ruffles, or just ruffles. But I didn't like the models hair or the color of the dress. Make that dress in fushia or iradescent purple and the Mistress would wear it!!! And the croc-o-dill dress? I love the style, but not the fabric. Looks like a dress Sharon Stone would have worn in Casino.

David Dust said...

Great post, and thanks for the kind words.

I was pleased with the show last night, but I'm sorry - I don't get Ping (and her "Ode to the Mood Remnants Bin") AT ALL.