Snarky Thoughts

Reality show “star” and future prisoner of Cellblock Q, Todd Chrisley has “fired back” at claims that he had an affair with Mark Braddock, his ex-business partner who turned him in for bank fraud. Todd says he would never get fucked by Mark and would rather be rumored to be fucked by Brad Pitt or George Clooney. 

My Thought: Yes, straight men sit around and think about who they’d like to fuck them. Bend over and pick up the soap, Todd.

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Last year, Bond producers put the kibosh on my dream of seeing 50-year-old Idris Elba donning James Bond’s tuxedo by saying that they’re looking for an actor in his 30s to take over the role from Daniel Craig. And to that end they have met with 32-year-old Aaron Taylor-Johnson, left, and 30-year-old Lucien Laviscount.

My Thought: I’ve seen Taylor-Johnson nekkid and he is what I would call more 0014 than 007, if you get my meaning, but I’m still leaning toward dreamy Lucian to shake my martini.

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After last year when Ryan Seacrest pitched a hissy because Drunk Andy Cohen called him and his New Year’s Eve show “boring,” this year Ryan is pissy because Sober Andy Cohen ignored him during the end of the year festivities when Ryan tried to wave at him in Times Square.

My thought: Come on out, Ryan, and ask Cohen on a date, because it’s clear you have some fixation on him.

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Once again Khloé Kardastrophe has changed her appearance and once again she claims it’s because of her hair or her make-up or her new clip-in bangs. After Khloé’s cover shoot for Sorbet magazine many of Taylor Swift fans accused Khloé of stealing Swifty’s look, while Khloé  took to The Gram to blame it on the choppy bangs.

My Thought: I don’t get Taylor Swift at all, but I also don’t get Khloé Kardastrophe. She should figure out who she wants to look like, because it sure isn’t herself, and it’ll never be Beyoncé or Swifty.

PS Here's some of Khloé’s transformations through the years.

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Is Mimi trying to be the George Santos of the music industry now? While Mariah Carey has called herself the Queen of Christmas forever, this year after seeking to trademark the title, and being told to Piss Off, she graciously gave the title to Darlene Love and all seemed right with the world. Until Mariah decided to tell the tale that she wrote her Christmas “classic” all by her lonesome and not with her writing partner Walter Afanasieff, who then came for Mimi:

“She started to hint at the fact that, ‘Oh, I wrote that song when I was a little girl.’ But why weren’t you saying that for 12 or 13 or 15 years prior to that? So it just sort of developed in her mind. She doesn’t play anything, she doesn’t play keyboard or piano. She doesn’t understand music, she doesn’t know chord changes and music theory or anything like that. She doesn’t know a diminished chord from a minor seventh chord to a major seventh chord, so to claim that she wrote a very complicated chord-structured song with her finger on a Casio keyboard when she was a little girl, it’s kind of a tall tale.”

For her part, Mimi says she never said that BUT in 2017, during an interview with Billboard, she said:

“I am proud of this song that I wrote basically as a kid on my little Casio keyboard.” 

And then as liars do, she changed the story again, saying now:

“I was up at the farm, upstate where we did the video, and it was nighttime, and I was just walking around, and I got the idea for the song. I don’t know where it came from, sometimes things just come to me like that. That melody just came into my head, the verse melody. And then, I was walking around, and I just went in and I had a little keyboard set up there and I just kind of finished the lyrics and the melody just came pretty quickly.”

My Thought: All I want for Christmas is for Mariah to stop talking and stop caterwauling that song.

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