Snarky Thoughts

Okay, so Shakira is the latest celebrity to find out that her boyfriend was dipping his wick into another lady’s pond … yes, mixed metaphor, but y’all know what I mean. But Shakira didn’t find out by hacking his phone or hiring a private detective, she used jam. Strawberry jam. Returning to the home she shared with her partner, Shakira saw that someone had been eating her jam, and the boyfriend don’t eat jam … which is a whole other thing … so she knew that the side piece was into the Smucker’s and dumped his sorry ass.

My Thought: Don’t let the side-pieces into the refrigerator if you wanna keep your dalliances a secret. Oh, and the jam don’t lie.

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It’s been a long week for anti-Semite, and future failed presidential candidate Kanye West, what with pissing off his first wife by taking her look-a-like as his second wife that he just didn’t have time to deal with the myriad of legal troubles surrounding him. Like, you know, changing your phone numbers and not telling your legal team, forcing his lawyers to take out ads in two Los Angeles newspapers to let him know they’re quitting him.

My Thought: Jacoby & Meyers, Ye, Jacoby & Meyers; you can probably still afford them.

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Clearly someone is still desperate for attention, and yet, no, this time it isn’t about Madge, though it is Madge adjacent. I guess that even though her last two movies were about weddings, filmed specifically so JLo could give interviews about how she and Ben Affleck fought their way back to one another, that source of media glare dried up so Jennifer Lopez Affleck had to come up with a new plan to get all eyes back on her: she’s claiming that the infamous Madonna, Britney and Christina lip-locks at the 2003 VMA’s was supposed to be Madonna, Britney and JLo, but she couldn’t get the day off of working on a movie to fly to New York and deep throat Madge’s horned tongue.

My Thought: Funny how this story slipped her mind for two decades but she’s just remembered it now that she needs more attention. JLo must be parched.

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ABC News hasn’t commented yet but it seems as if the dust has settled on the married anchors bumping uglies in their off hours and Amy Robach is still employed, but TJ Holmes is out. Now, before anyone says anything about why she gets to keep her job and his adulterous ass has to pound the pavement looking for another gig, know that T.J. has ALLEGEDLY had several affairs with a few other ladies at ABC and so his pattern of schtupping coworkers sent him packing.

 My Thought: wherever TJ lands, it’ll probably be on another woman.

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Last week the Critics’ Choice Awards aired on TV and while several nominees sat out the show after testing positive for COVID, one Cate Blanchett—who skipped the Golden Globes the previous—did appear to collect her trophy for Best Actress Tár. Cate used her time onstage, on TV, in public, accepting her award to tell the crowd that these shows, are a  “televised horse race” and should never happen again, then strode offstage, award in hand.

My Thought: I’m guessing Cate just wanted to go down in  history as the last winner of the Critics’ Choice Award for Best Actress and had she not won, she would have kept her mouth shut.

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Diddy might be trying to crash Nick Cannon’s Baby Daddy party since he just had a surprise baby to add to his already large family with a woman named Dana Tran while claiming to be both “single” and yet dating rapper Caresha “Yung Miami” Brownlee. And Diddy may wanna rethink this coupling since Yung Miami just revealed on her show Caresha Please that she loves a good old-fashioned Golden Shower.

My Thought: Is that why they call him Pee Diddy?

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