It's Snarkurday!

She wrote a book called ‘Class with the Countess’, but it looks like Luann de Lesseps forgot the chapter on getting arrested with class.

Yup, the RHoNY “star” was arrested in Palm Beach, Florida last Sunday morning on charges of disorderly intoxication, battery of an officer, resisting arrest and making threats against a public servant. The former countess, who divorced her soulmate this year after seven months of bliss, ALLEGEDLY slammed a door, kicked a police officer and shrieked:

“I’m going to fucking kill you all.”

During her court appearance on Sunday, the judge strongly advised Drunky de Lesseps to hire a defense attorney rather than ignore the charges, saying:

“I don’t think it would be that hard to find you.”

The “Countess” left Florida for New York at once and isn’t speaking to the press. She’s busy writing an addendum to her book on how to graciously threaten to murder police officers.

PS Lu has since apologized, sort of, via Twitter:

“I want to offer my most sincere apologies to anyone that I might have offended with my behavior. This was my first time in Palm Beach since my wedding and being here brought up buried emotions. I am committed to a transformative and hopeful 2018.”

Yup, she’s blaming the wedding last January for her behavior 11 months later. That’s class, minus the cl especially when you hear the rest of the story …

It seems Luann de Drunkenness was discovered getting her groove on with an unnamed man in room 407 at the Colony hotel in Palm Beach just as a maid was finishing turn-down service.

Trouble was, Luann was registered in room 327, so neither she nor the man she was with, in bed, were supposed to be in that room. And so, a security guard was called, and he ALLEGEDLY tried for five minutes to get the two drunks to leave and when they didn’t he called the police.

When the police arrived, Luann de Drunkenness had locked herself in the bathroom and was refusing to come out. The security guard used his key to open the door, and Luann shoved one officer in the chest and slammed the door on him.

That’s when she was wrestled down and into cuffs, and just before, as she was being escorted off property, she slipped free from the cuffs and shouted:

“I’m going to fucking kill you all.”

Such class, getting so drunk and so horny that she takes her conquest to a different room, on a different floor than hers and tries to bang him on someone else’s bed.

Take the ‘o’ out of countess, Luann.

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And speaking of “stars” and bad behavior, Lainie Kazan was also arrested last weekend for shoplifting.

On Christmas Eve, 77-year-old Kazan—best known as Toula’s mom in My Big Fat Greek Wedding, and Andrea Zuckerman’s grandma on Beverly Hills, 90210 and Grace Adler’s Aunt on Will & Grace—was handcuffed by the cops and taken down to the station on a petty theft charge after leaving a Gelson’s in the San Fernando Valley with a cart full of groceries she didn’t pay for.

Kazan ALLEGEDLY filled reusable bags with $180 worth of food and was stopped by an employee who called the police. Kazan said she didn’t pay for the groceries because she didn’t have any money.

Oooooh. Man, life would have been better for me had I known that was a ‘thing’ when I was in college.

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Since we have kind of a theme going here, you know, jail birds, let’s keep going with my favorite ex-convict, Lindsay Lohan.

It seems Lohan owes Uncle Sam some $100,000 for unpaid taxes, but, in true Lohan fashion, she is blaming someone, anyone, anyone, Bueller, for the mistake and says she, Lindsay Motherf**king Lohan, is launching an investigation into her management firm to nab the culprit. Lohan ALLEGEDLY believes the team, and specifically one manager on that team, improperly handled her money.

Huh, an investigation into tax fraud by Lohan? I have more faith in OJ’s Hunt For The Real Killers mission.

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Last summer, Olivia de Havilland sued FX and Feud creator Ryan Murphy for using her likeness in the show without her permission; she also took a few potshots at Catherine Zeta-Jones over the latter’s portrayal of her. 

Well, the 101-year-old de Havilland asked a court to speed up the case because, well, she’s 101 years old and … yeah … but Murphy’s side argued that their depiction of Olivia was protected under the First Amendment and so they didn’t have to contact her for her “side” of the story.

And now de Havilland has smacked back. Her attorney argues that supporting Ryan and FX’s “First Amendment” logic would give docudrama creators unfair immunity, pointing to a specific scene where Olivia [CZJ] gossips about Bette and Joan, something the real Olivia would never do:

“Appellants [Murphy and FX] acted with reckless or intentional disregard for the truth or falsity of the challenged statements. … In that fake interview, Respondent gossips and makes negative comments about Davis and Crawford’s personal lives. Evidence that defendant made up a fake interview that never happened is grounds for a defamation claim … Respondent giving other interviews during her career about other subjects does not make the statements attributed to Respondent’ any less false. Mixing fact and falsehood makes the conduct worse, not better.”

I said it before, and will say it again, I think Feud: Olivia and Ryan has a place on FX, if this lawsuit ever ends!

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“Dr.” Phil is a quack. There; I said it.

Anyone who has ever watched his show knows that he is less doctor and more “doctor” whose show seems intent on exploiting people rather than helping them. And now, according to an investigation published by The Boston Globe’s STAT News, the “doctor” is ALLEGEDLY guilty of encouraging his guests to get fucked-up before they walk on stage.

You.Don’t.Say.

STAT spoke with several former guests, including former Survivor winner Todd Herzog, who appeared on an episode in 2013 to deal with alcoholism. Herzog was so drunk on camera, which begs the question why have him on, that he had to be physically carried onto the set by his family and “Dr.” Phil. But Todd says he wasn’t drunk when he got to the studio, and says he was told to wait in the greenroom where a bar was set up; and where he drank all the vodka. Todd also claims a “Dr.” Phil staff member gave him a Xanax to “calm his nerves.”  So, was it really a big surprise that when Todd came out onstage “Dr.” Phil gave him a breathalyzer and Todd blew more than three times the legal limit?

And ratings went up? And Todd isn’t the only one; other former guests ALLEGE that the show left them, unsupervised, in hotel rooms for 48-hours before they came on the show, and they say this caused them to turn to old habits like drugs and drink while they waited to see the bald-headed jack ass.

When one guest named Jordan started itching for heroin, a producer ALLEGEDLY directed her to Skid Row in Los Angeles. Another guest named Kaitlin, who was six months pregnant at the time, began to detox while waiting for her episode taping, so Kaitlin, her mom, and a show went shopping for a dealer.

I mean, if you’re doing a show on abuse, the guests must be clearly abusing drugs, right?

STAT also investigated the ALLEGEDLY shady Origins Behavioral HeathCare, “Dr.” Phil’s go-to rehab centers. Origins was founded in 2009 by Dr. Phil’s graduate school mentor Frank Lawlis, who has been an advisor to the show since it began in 2002. “Dr.” Phil sends many of the shows addicts to Origins, but he and his show don’t feel there is a conflict of interest at all.

Go figure. But there’s more; “Dr.” Phil’s son, Jay McGraw, recently launched a virtual reality rehab program called “Dr.” Phil’s Path to Recovery that rehab centers have purchased for monthly rates between $3,500 and $7000.

Nothing to see there, right?

“Dr.” Phil had no comment for the story; and Martin Greenberg, a psychologist who serves as Dr. Phil’s director of professional affairs, also had nothing to say. But it clearly looks like the fat bald bastard exploits his guests to line his own pockets and those of his friends and family.

Who didn’t see that coming?

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