Thursday, December 28, 2017


We watched Good Morning America while having breakfast on Christmas Day and when Santa appeared with gifts, Carlos said:
“Is that Matt Lauer?”
Sometimes he doesn’t know how really funny he is.
Clearly the Fat Bastard has no problem with elder abuse, because his administration is scaling back the use of fines against nursing homes that harm residents or place them in grave risk of injury.

Since 2013, nearly four of every 10 nursing homes have been cited at least once for a serious violation.

I hope the Fat Bastard will be okay because after Junior locks him away in Shady Pines, there’s no telling what he’ll endure. And I’m fine with that.
In a Christmas Day editorial, the Salt Lake Tribune named GOP Senator Orrin Hatch as its “Utahn of the Year.”

That sounds nice, until you read further, and they say he earned the honor by his stunning “lack of integrity.” The editorial board claims Hatch had an extraordinary year and “has done the most … made the most news … had the biggest impact. For good or for ill.”

In Hatch’s case, the paper put him in the ‘ill’ column because of his part in aiding and abetting _____’s dismantling of the Bears Ears and Grand Staircase-Escalante national monuments, his role as chairman of the Senate Finance Committee in passing that GOP Tax Scam and his “utter lack of integrity that rises from his unquenchable thirst for power.”

The paper then urged Hatch to step aside, but Orrin Hatch clearly didn’t read the article, save the headline, because he Tweeted about the ‘honor.’

Stupid little asshat.
In high-larious news, someone sent a package wrapped in holiday gift paper and filled with horse manure to US Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin.

That’s all.
In hypocritical news, Callista Gingrich began her duties as the new US ambassador to the Vatican.

Gingrich, wearing a traditional black mantilla, presented her credentials to Pope Francis though I think she left out the part where she reveals that she is Newt Gingrich’s third wife and had an affair with him when she was a congressional aide and he was still married to his second wife.

Hey, she talked Newt into converting to Catholicism, so maybe Pope Frankie ignored the three times married adulterer parts, still, judging by that photo it might be best to keep a supply of Holy Water and an exorcist on hand.

Just Satan, er, sayin’.
Arizona’s GOP Senator Jeff Flake says he isn’t ruling out a 2020 presidential run following his term in the Senate.

Um, Jeff, that might have sounded promising when you announced your retirement and blasted _____ in a speech, but, you know, since you voted for the GOP Tax Scam, you are clearly a GOP asshat of epic proportions.

Good luck losing that election.
Speaking of the Fat Bastard, _____ visited Mar-a-Lago for Christmas, and went golfing the day after; he insisted he is on a “working vacation” but because he’s as dumb as a box of GOP Congressman, he Tweeted on Christmas night that he would get “back to work” Tuesday.

Carlos does not like making decisions; if you ask him if he’d like dinner served now, he’ll say. “I could eat.’ And I usually say that isn’t an answer, because it also implies that he could not eat.

On Christmas Day he tried that with me and we both ended up laughing so hard at his “We could … “ lines and his “If you’re ready …” nonsense and his “Whenever you want …” bull shiz.

I finally had to shout:
“Do.You.Want.Dinner.Now? Yes OR No?”
And then I get an answer.
We all know the Fat Bastard got his panties in a wad when his Attorney General, Little Jeffy Sessions, recused himself from the Russia probe because _____ believed that helped lead to Mueller’s appointment.

But this is better, and by better, I mean stupid.

Now the Fat Bastard is blaming Jeff Sessions for Ry Moore’s defeat in Alabama because it was Sessions’ departure from the Senate to the DOJ that necessitated the election Moore lost.

Like I said, stupid.
Man Candy this week is one Daniel Kaluuya, from Get Out, a disturbing horror film—or is it—along with three stars from Nocturnal Animals, the always delicious Jake Gyllenhaal, Aaron Taylor-Johnson—thanks for the nude scene—and Armie Hammer.

Hammer’s role was small but any chance I get to post his photo, well, deal with it.


Leanna said...

All of these are great but the best was when Carlos made that statement, "Is that Matt Lauer?" That was a killer. I laughed so hard. Nearly spilled my covfefe. Carlos is a lot like my husband David. He could eat too. That's why I make him cook the next day.

the dogs' mother said...

Oz. Totally. xoxoxox to Carlos for a great chuckle.

Deedles said...

Oh my goodness, I'm Carlos! Now that I see it in writing, I can understand why my balder half goes crazy over my indecisiveness over eating. Thank you, Bob, for giving me the incentive to join a self help group!

The delicious man candy right after the three stooges can give a person a bad case of the bends.

Linda d said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Linda d said...

I'm not one to obsess, give much thought to, or even drool a little but Lordy Armie Hammer is a beautiful man. Can't wait to see Call Me By Your Name.

brewella deville said...

Did Carlos grow up in the deep South? For some reason the "I could eat" answer has always seemed like a southern thing to me.

Raybeard said...

Re: Mrs Gingrich (the Third)'s Vatican appointment - perhaps it didn't get wide coverage in America but it was only a few weeks ago when Papa Frankie pleaded for more tolerance towards those who've been divorced and who have married again. Coincidence? - or is he-who-shan't-be-named now having influence on Roman Catholic doctrine? What God himself couldn't do, POTUS can! He must be chuffed as anything!

anne marie in philly said...

that last one - SPOT ON!

Dave R said...

Did he really blame Sessions for Moore's defeat? How in the hell did I miss that turd..... must have been packed in the box of shit sent to Mnunchin and his trophy wife.

Helen Lashbrook said...

Callista Gingrich is as one with her spouse; as hypocritical as all get out. Of course the adulterous spouse of a three times married man is the ideal pick for ambassador to the Vatican. And that pick of her is as scary as hell.

Moving with Mitchell said...

Yeah, but WAS IT Matt Lauer?