Sunday Funnies

I Ain't One To Gossip, But......

ESPN's Pardon the Interruption co-host, and clueless moron, Tony Kornheiser made some rather downright insulting comments regarding SportsCenter anchor Hannah Storm and her wardrobe.
On.The.Air.
"She was wearing a horrifying, horrifying outfit today. She's got on red go-go boots and a Catholic school plaid skirt … way too short for somebody in her 40s or maybe early 50s by now. She's got on her typically very, very tight shirt. She looks like she has sausage casing wrapping around her upper body … I know she's very good, and I'm not supposed to be critical of ESPN people, so I won't … but Hannah Storm … come on now! Stop! What are you doing?"
So, the "sports" guy morphed into Mister Blackwell, and took his comments to the airwaves. And, as is par for the course in these cases where people open their yaps before thinking, Kornheiser apologized for his insulting comments:
"I was wrong. This is sort of what I do, and I'm sorry for it. … Not the first time and won't be the last time, but I apologize for it this time."
His backhanded apology wasn't good enough for ESPN and they suspended him indefinitely.
Good for ESPN.

Sting released a new CD this past year, but he really hasn't toured much since The Police Reunion Tour of 2008.

Now, however, he is planning a world tour this summer, playing all of his music, reworked for the Royal Philharmonic Concert Orchestra. The tour begins June 2nd in North America, and a UK leg is set to follow.

In a statement, Sting said:"I'm delighted by this new opportunity to tour with the Royal Philharmonic Concert Orchestra and reinterpret the songs I've been playing for many years."

I will be looking for, and hoping, that the tour comes somewhere near Smallville, even in a neighboring state. I am a huge fan of his music, and, well, in the interests of open dialogue, I once stalked Sting up and down the West Coast, seeing him in concert eight times in nine days, everywhere from Los Angeles to Seattle.

Don't judge.

After saying he wouldn't, because he doesn't have any sort of substance abuse issues ::::any more:::: Charlie Sheen has checked himself into rehab for alcohol and cocaine.

But, not, however, the same rehab facility where his current wife, Brooke Mueller, is seeking treatment for her crack habit. This is ::::allegedly:::: Brook's first trip through rehab, and Charlie's third.

People close to him, say he's seeking help because: “He loves his children and ultimately that’s what convinced him to get help.”

Hmm, love your children, but cannot give up the coke'n'booze; and then mom has her own crack troubles. Lovely set of parents for those children.

Charlie, while in rehab, is apparently trying to re-negotiate his contract with his mindnumbingly dumb TV show Two and a Half Men, because, well, rehab, and maybe another divorce, cost money.

In a case of crazy meets crazy, Paula Abdul will film a pilot for Oprah Winfrey's I-Have-More-Money-And-More-Cake-Than-God-Network, I mean, OWN.

Paula would be doing a daily talk show--who told Paula she could talk--in the vein of the old Oprah show, with celebrity guests and inspirational tales.

Seriously, this is the craziest thing ever.

Paula hasn't strung a coherent sentence together since 1984, and Oprah thinks she can have a talk show?

People wonder, though, if Paula's talk show--I laugh just typing it--takes off, will she still do the American X-Factor show with Simon Cowell, and Paula answers, "If Ellen DeGeneres can do it…so can I!"

Honey? You're no Ellen.

You're Paula Crazy Abdul.

I smell a trainwreck.

Evgeni Plushenko is a sore loser. An asshat of epic proportions.

Since losing the Gold medal at the Vancouver Olympics to American Evan Lysacek, Evgeni Plushenko has gone on a tear about how he was robbed and he's the better skater and he does a quad and ::::blibbety blah blay blue:::: get over it.

Now, it seems that Evgeni and his webmasters have created a website where he declares that he won, and this is so funny it's stupid, the ::::ooooooh aaaaaaah:::: Platinum Medal.

Do you see what he's doing there? Platinum is much more precious than either Silver or Gold, so he's rewriting Olympic history to say that was the winner, going so far as to create a medal category that doesn't exist.

Poor Evgeni Plushenko.

You can change the name, dear, but you're still a big pile of Number Two.

Lorenzo Lamas, hasbeen TV actor from the early 1980s, is apparently taking a page out of Charlie Sheen's book. Not the cocaine and booze page, but the serial groom page.

Seems, La Lamas, fifty-two years, um, young, is getting married again, for the fifth time, to his 23 year-old girlfriend of three months, Shawna Craig.

Good thing The Gays can't marry and the Straights can do it again and again and again and again and again.

I bet they have loads in common. For instance, she probably went to high school with a few of his six children. And, though she wasn't born yet, she can catch up with Lorenzo from his days on Falcon Crest in the 80s.

Good luck to these two crazy kids!

Tiger Woods is pissed at PETA.Not because he's a fur-wearing starlet, but because of a proposed billboard PETA wants to us.

It's clever, but Tiger ain't laughing. His lawyers, already working overtime on other issues, have contacted PETA and the animal rights group seems to be backing up:

"In light of conversations we have had with Mr. Woods' attorneys, plans to run our billboard are on hold at this time."

I think it's funny.

Diva-licious Diana Ross

For all the wannabes out there, this is how it's done!

There's A Hero

During the ongoing Health Care debate, Representative Anthony Weiner shouted from the podium:
"Make no mistake about it! Every single Republican I've ever met in my life is a wholly owned subsidiary of the insurance industry!"
He was asked to stop speaking, but allowed to resume if he promised to change his words.
He did not.

source Joe.My.God.

Is He Import-able?

In November we elected a man who called himself our "fierce advocate," an ally for the LGBT community, although he hasn't really proven himself to be quite so fierce in his first year-plus in office. I will cut him some slack because of the economy and health care and the environment, but a part of me still harbors some resentment over his failed promises to our community.

And, I get a tad more annoyed when I read about British Prime Minister Gordon Brown, who, with his decidedly pro-LGBT stance, both in the UK and around the world, seems, by a wide margin, to truly be a fierce ally to lesbians and gays. Not to mention his wife, Sarah's, support of our issues.

Brown was one of the first world leaders to, not only acknowledge, but speak out against, the Ugandan "Kill The Gays" bills; he even took his case directly to President Obama. And his missus regularly walks in Britain's LGBT Pride parade. We don't see that kind of out front support of the gay community by our politicians, and their spouses, in this country.

And the Browns continue their support this month with their second annual reception, held at Number 10 Downing Street, their official residence, to celebrate LGBT History Month. It was during that reception that Brown spoke directly to several people and groups about his stance on LGBT rights; to gays, lesbians, and bisexuals, serving openly in the British military, he said:

“You are the pride of our country and we thank you very much. We know this debate continues in America today. I would say to people who still favour ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’, look at our experience in Britain.”

Prime Minister Brown also spoke about hate crimes, and talked to James Parks, who was gay-bashed in Liverpool last year, saying:

“We all went into shock and morning as a spate of homophobic and transphobic attacks happened and as James Parks was hospitalised our thoughts were with him.”

And then he introduced James Parks to the crowd, along with Parks' newly-wed civil partner, Tom.

At the end of his speech, Brown closed, by saying:

“I will not give up on the fight for justice until justice is achieved."

We've heard that from some of our leaders. Heard it, but never seen action, never seen much recognition, never seen a decided stance on DADT. It would be nice if our politicians would take a page from Brown's book.

Failing that, I wonder if we could import Gordon Brown and have him run for president.

I Didn't Say It

Johnny Weir on the Canadian broadcasters who thought he might need to have a "gender check" before he skated:
"I'm not somebody to cry over something or to be weak about something. I felt very defiant when I saw these comments. It wasn't these two men criticizing my skating, it was them criticizing me as a person, and that was something that really, frankly, pissed me off...I hope more kids can grow up the same way I did and more kids can feel the freedom that I feel to be themselves and to express themselves and that's the most important thing."

Lady Gaga on safe sex:

"Women need to protect themselves. You put that condom in your purse and save your own fucking life."

Elton John on Jesus' sexual orientation:

"I think Jesus was a compassionate, super-intelligent gay man who understood human problems. On the cross, he forgave the people who crucified him. Jesus wanted us to be loving and forgiving. I don't know what makes people so cruel. Try being a gay woman in the Middle East -- you're as good as dead."

Elton John after the religious right uproar over his comments on Jesus' sexual orientation:

"I think everybody's individual faith is their own business, and I do believe in Jesus and I believe he was a compassionate person, and from my point of view, and that's just my point of view, as a compassionate person — someone who was persecuted, someone who forgave people. And that's how I see him...I identify, in my own mind, as someone like that...I'm not saying to everyone that he definitely was gay. That's how I see him. That's my idea of faith."

Andrea Fay Friedman on Sarah Palin's comments about the Family Guy episode that featured a character with Down's Syndrome:

"My name is Andrea Fay Friedman. I was born with Down syndrome. I played the role of Ellen on the "Extra Large Medium" episode of Family Guy that was broadcast on Valentine's day. Although they gave me red hair on the show, I am really a blonde. I also wore a red wig for my role in " Smudge" but I was a blonde in "Life Goes On". I guess former Governor Palin does not have a sense of humor. I thought the line "I am the daughter of the former governor of Alaska" was very funny. I think the word is "sarcasm".In my family we think laughing is good. My parents raised me to have a sense of humor and to live a normal life. My mother did not carry me around under her arm like a loaf of French bread the way former Governor Palin carries her son Trig around looking for sympathy and votes."

Jennifer Lopez on being dropped by her record label and the news that her newest album is a dud:

"I am making this statement to put an end to any confusion in regards to my next album, titled Love. I have belonged to the Sony family since the beginning of my career as a singer and together we've had great success. I have fulfilled my contractual responsibilities with Sony/Epic up to this point, and we have both reached friendly terms about my departure from the label. I'm also happy to say that we've found a new home for my album Love? and that it is slated for release in the summer of 2010."

Girls Just Wanna Help

Cyndi Lauper has long been a fan and friend to the LGBT community, and this week, in New York City, she's done it again; this time for homeless LGBT youth.

True Colors Residence, located in Central Harlem, will be New York City's first permanent housing facility with support services exclusively for 18-24 year old LGBT youth with a history of homelessness. The idea, conceived by West End Executive Director Colleen Jackson, singer Cyndy Lauper, and Ms. Lauper's manager Lisa Barbaris, entails the construction of a new, energy-efficient multifamily building, indoor and outdoor community space for residents, and a computer room and resource library. The building is named in honor of Cyndi's Lauper's support for the project and her hit song, "True Colors."

Cyndi Lauper: "Gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender youth living on the streets and in foster care need our support more than ever. In New York City, the True Colors Residence is going to play a big role in providing these young people with the leg up and encouragement they need. I am thrilled that construction has already begun and I am honored to be a part of this important project."

More info HERE

Going To The Chapel And They're Gonna Get Married

The haters and the homophobes are running out of time up in DC as they try again to block the District's new law which allows gay couples the same rights, privileges and benefits that straight couples take for granted.

Attorneys for Stand4MarriageDC and the Alliance Defense Fund appealed a court order that upheld a DC Board of Elections ruling against a referendum on the issue. they want the majority to vote on the rights of the minority before equality goes into effect.

Senior legal counsel, and longtime asshat, Austin R. Nimocks, says, "We are appealing because the District's marriage redefinition law shouldn't go into effect until voters have the opportunity to vote on a critical matter that affects everyone in the District."

He doesn't seem to realize that the people most affected by the change in law, want the change in law. Gay marriage has no ill effect of straight marriage; it's a given to anyone, unlike Nimocks, with more than two brain cells to rub together.

Council member David Catania, the bill's sponsor, has a countdown clock on his website to March 3, the anticipated first day when gay couples will be allowed to apply for licenses in DC. With the three day waiting period, that means same-sex marriages can happen in Washington DC by March 9.

Set the date!

Fight Back New York

A group of well-financed gay rights activists, still pissed off by the defeat last year of a bill that would have allowed marriage equality in New York state, have started a political action committee to take aim at state senators who have opposed same-sex marriage.

The first person that Fight Back New York will single out is Hiram Monserrate, the Queens Democrat, convicted of beating his girlfriend, the Queens Democrat who voted against marriage equality, the Queens Democrat who was recently expelled from the Senate. Monserrate has filed as a candidate in a special election to reclaim the seat he lost.

The campaign against Monserrate will begin on the Internet and with direct mailings, but might expand to phone banks and emails. The costs could exceed $100,000, but Fight Back New York is prepared to raise and spend in the high six figures range in the State Senate races this year.

Queens with money. Be afraid, be very afraid.

Financing for this campaign will come, in part, from some of the most politically active, and financially powerful gay rights advocates in the country. Tim Gill, a philanthropist and former software developer who has backed many gay rights initiatives nationwide, is a major player.

“Politicians who deny gays and lesbians basic equality should be thrown out of office, starting with convicted criminal Hiram Monserrate,” said Bill Smith, an adviser to Take Back New York, and deputy executive director of the Gill Action Fund, Mr. Gill’s political organization.

The committee will start going after Monserrate by mailing fliers to voters in his district. The flier consists of still frames of a surveillance video that shows him dragging his companion, Karla Giraldo, through the hallway of his apartment building. Monserrate was acquitted of felony assault by a judge, who convicted him of misdemeanor assault.

“He brutally assaulted a woman and tried to cover up his crime.

Now he has the nerve to run again.

Many of us have voted for Hiram before.

But we cannot vote for him again.”

In the three weeks before the election, Fight Back New York will send out five different fliers, upwards of 100,000 pieces of mail. And. while the district’s population is around 300,000, voter turnout in special elections is typically quite low.

Fight Back New York's website is expected to go live today. HERE is the link.

Just Another Homophobic Media Whoring Lying Asshat

So, just yesterday I posted the story about Miss Beverly Hills and her homophobic rant about God killing The Gays. Well, it seems as if little Miss Bigot Lauren Ashley wasn't exactly who she claimed to be; go figure.

The City of Beverly Hills says she is a fraud and disavows any connection with her, according to the L.A. Times reports:
"In a statement Wednesday, the city said it was shocked by Ashley's description of herself as 'Miss Beverly Hills.' The city 'does not sponsor a beauty pageant and has no association with Miss California USA. As such, there should be no individual claiming the title of Miss Beverly Hills.' The city's statement said Ashley lives in Pasadena and 'does not represent Beverly Hills in any capacity.' ... 'We are dismayed by any potential association with the city of Beverly Hills, which has a long history of tolerance and respect,' Mayor Nancy Krasne said....Beverly Hills said it had contacted pageant officials to determine how to prevent any future beauty contestants from claiming the title of Miss Beverly Hills."

Enough Chances

Former American Idol alum and former recording star Gay Aiken, I mean Clay Gayken, dammit, Clay Aiken, who grudgingly came out in 2008 after years of speculation and denials, will finally use his :::somewhat limited::: celebrity to speak for gay rights in his home state of North Carolina this weekend.

Aiken will deliver a speech at the Human Rights Campaign gala in Raleigh, though some aspects of the appearance proved too controversial for him. Apparently, according to Clay, he rewrote his speech after he decided that the remarks provided to him were too controversial, too political, including a slam aimed at former President George W. Bush.

But Clay, these days, when we are seeing our rights trampled on, when we see people voting on whether or not we should be allowed the same benefits this country has to offer every other, straight, citizen, being gay, and talking about it is a political issue.

And don't forget, honey, you are speaking at a Human Rights Campaign rally.

Rights.

They are political.

Too be fair, I was one of those people, those many, many, many, people who knew you were a big old queen the moment you strolled onto the Idol stage in your size, what are they, fourteen shoes. But, as I believe, gay people, while they do need to come out, must be able to do so at their own pace. You cannot force a stuck closet door open. So, I said, "Give him a chance."

Then the Internet sex stories started and I said, "Give him a chance."

Then came news that you were having a baby with a woman through artificial insemination, and that, primarily, you would be raising the child alone, and I said, "Give him a chance."

And you came out. And we all breathed a huge sigh of relief. Well, actually, we all giggled some and thought, "What took you so long."

But now, you have the chance to speak about human rights and you don't want to get too political? Enough chances. You are behind the times, my friend; you can't go through life as Uncle Arthur or the center square on Hollywood Squares and hope people don't think of you that way.

You're here. You're queer, dear. We're used to it.

Now, if you're gonna speak, then speak the fuck up.

No Puppet Cleavage EVER!!!!!!!!

Avenue Q, the Tony-winning musical, is on tour and raising all sorts of ruckus in Colorado before it even opens. It seems that the ad for the show, featuring Lucy T. Slut, one of the shows fuzzy stars, has been banned from bus shelters in Colorado Spring because of, it's true, the dreaded “puppet cleavage.”

Jeff Moore, an account executive at Lamar Advertising that rejected the ads, told The Colorado Springs Gazette, “If I have to explain it to my four year old or my grandmother, we don’t put it up.”

So, what exactly is wrong with the ad, Jeff?

“It’s the fact that it’s cleavage,” he said.

The image was replaced with photos of other characters from the adult puppet musical, and, when contacted by Broadway.com about the ad, Lucy T. Slut said:

“When my public relations people told me that my cleavage was banned from the bus shelters of Colorado Springs, my first thought was: ‘they could fit my cleavage on a little bus shelter?!’ Then I was disappointed—I simply hoped to further beautify the community. However, given my notoriety as a profligate home-wrecker, I suppose all of the men of Colorado Springs might succumb to my generous charms. My bazooms are widely acknowledged as a threat to the traditional family structure.”

Sorry Lucy, Colorado Springs, nationally known as an ultra-conservative town, is steadfastly against puppet tits.

Their loss.

A Cool Thing To Do

UPDATE: I received an email tonight, from Gregory [of Gregory and Jonathan] and thought I'd share it with you all:

Hey thank you for posting our story! We have now moved into first. You can read more about our story on Jonathan's blog at http://www.jrh456.blogspot.com/ . This whole contest has really shown us the amazing power of community! Please keep supporting us!

So, if you haven't voted, head to the bottom of this post and please vote for these two happily gay fellas!

Crate and Barrel is having an Ultimate Wedding Contest, and this is one of the couples. Now, i know, as Carte and Barrel no doubt also does, that gay marriage is not legal everywhere, but they have opened, and keep open, the voting for a gay couple on their site.

The couple, Gregory and Jonathan, tell their story:

Our love story.
Boy meets boy, boy falls for boy, and boys get engaged. The pure existence of our love is not always accepted. We had to deal with hatred from outsiders and support one another in recovery. Our love story involves the evolution of the meaning of love and the perseverance that allowed two people such as us to openly experience happiness. We knew that we were right for each other from the start, we knew that we would always be by one another’s sides and that as best friends we could truly experience our love openly.
Three important details about our Ultimate Wedding.
The three key things for our wedding are simply friends, family, and fun. We want a simple, but elegant affair at an outdoor vineyard in the DC area with our family and friends from across the country. Our family and friends are very important to us and our dream day would not be complete unless we were surrounded by all of them. And we want all of these people to be able to celebrate our love for each other and enjoy a memorable occasion.
Our everyday dream day.
Beauty, tranquility, and love characterize our perfect day. A perfect day for us is a day that is very similar to our wedding day. It is a day that we are free to spend together and to enjoy the company of our friends and family. One of our favorite weekend pastimes is venturing out to the vineyards in Virginia with a small group for a wine tasting and picnic. It gives us the opportunity to enjoy each others company, be absorbed by our surroundings and get away from the hectic lives we lead in the city.

So, if you feel the urge, take a walk over HERE and give Gregory and Jonathan a vote for their Ulitmate Wedding.

Special thanks to Dan at 41North87West for bringing this to my attention. So go, now, and vote.

Go.

Now.

Listen Up

I saw this over at Joe.My.God. and needed to help spread the word. Stephen Fry is an openly gay British author, actor, and director, and he has something to say to the Catholic Church. It's long, but it's worth it.

The Intelligence² Debate - Stephen Fry (Unedited)
by Xrunner17

Hudson Taylor: The Future Is Now

Hudson Taylor is a wrestler for the University of Maryland. He's ranked 3rd in the nation in his weight class. He wants to be a lawyer, and maybe run for office, but he isn't your basic, run of the mill athlete.

He is a openly straight ally of the LGBT community. He used to wear an HRC [Human Rights Campaign] sticker on his headgear when he wrestled--though he stopped when that became more of a topic than his athletic prowess--and he is an outspoken proponent of both LGBT and feminist rights.

"For me and my generation, [LGBT rights] is a pressing issue. I believe that whatever history I'm a part of, I'm responsible for. If I feel something is unjust or unequal, I feel a responsibility to do something about it."

And he isn't just talk, planning his spin for a possible political office run down the line. At twenty-three, he is a monthly donor to the HRC, and he works passionately to counteract the aura of homophobia that pervades sports by talking about gay rights in interviews and discussing the issues important to the LGBT community with teammates, despite the discomfort it might bring.

"It's tough being a college athlete. Guys like to bring each other down and use hurtful words. But I think you need to be conscious of your thoughts, words and actions."

While there aren't many sports that are "gay tolerant"--a look at the recent Olympics and the topic of Johnny Weir versus Evan Lysacek is a prime example--wrestling, and wrestlers face even more stigma. With the outfits wrestlers wear, and the opponents grabbing each other, it can seem very homoerotic to some. Taylor says this often leads some wrestlers, and other athletes, to feel the need to "reaffirm to others their quote, unquote, ‘masculinity,' and to show and strut their bravado." Hudson Taylor loves his teammates, but he isn't afraid to speak up when he hears one of them utter anything that might demean the gay community.

"A common way to degrade a teammate is to call them a ‘fag. This is not unique to wrestling, but a common discourse for many male sports teams. It's important to address it publicly and say something in front of the team."

His passion for gay rights doesn't come from having gay friends and witnessing the difficulty with which they must navigate through every day life; he just knows that discrimination, against anyone is wrong. The two maids of honor for his upcoming wedding to Lia Alexandra Mandaglio are lesbians, but he doesn't have a close gay male friend, and doesn't know of any college wrestlers who are gay. He, however, has been as gay on an Internet discussion forum for his pro-LGBT views.

Taylor Hudson is the future of the LGBT community, when our leaders don't necessarily need to be L, G, B or T, but simply human, and capable of understanding that no one is equal until we are all equal. i look forward to hearing more about Taylor Hudson and what he can do, and will do, as a pro-LGBT, feminist, lawyer, politician, artist, speaker. Human.

To read more about Taylor Hudson, and he really is quite interesting, go HERE

Deja Vu All Over Again

Well, gang, it looks like we gots us another Bible-Thumping-Gay-Marriage-Hating-Beauty-Queen in California.

Miss Beverly Hills 2010, Lauren Ashley, talked to, oh yeah, who else, FOX News and said:

"The Bible says that marriage is between a man and a woman. In Leviticus it says, 'If man lies with mankind as he would lie with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. They shall surely be put to death and their blood shall be upon them.' The Bible is pretty black and white. I feel like God himself created mankind and he loves everyone, and he has the best for everyone. If he says that having sex with someone of your same gender is going to bring death upon you, that's a pretty stern warning, and he knows more than we do about life.'"

Ashley will be competing for the Miss California title in November, and counts herself as a big fan of Camera Phone and Homemade Video Porn Star Carrie Prejean. She also says she has "no hate" for anybody, even her gay friends, but feels real sad that because if they have sex with each other God wants them dead.

It Didn't Take Them Long To Turn On Him

What is that sound?

Oh. It's the G-NO-P getting all pissy at the new boy in town because he doesn't seem to want to "No the line". He isn't goosestepping along with the other Republicans doing anything and everything he can to, as they like to say, "stop Obama."

See, Scott Brown gave the vote Monday that killed the GOP filibuster against Majority Leader Harry Reid's $15 billion jobs creation bill. And, while Brown wasn't the only Republican to break party ranks--Maine's Susan Collins and Olympia Snowe, Ohio's George Voinovich, and Missouri's Kit Bond helped--it was new kid on the block Brown who got all the attention after the vote.

"I came to Washington to be an independent voice, to put politics aside and to do everything in my power to help create jobs for Massachusetts families," Scott Brown said in a statement. "This Senate jobs bill is not perfect. I wish the tax cuts were deeper and broader, but I am voting for it because it contains measures that will help put people back to work."

And, apparently, putting people back to work upsets a lot of Republicans, who took to calling Brown a RINO [Republican In Name Only]. And others took to Brown's Facebook page to voice their displeasure at the man who voted the will of the people of Massachusetts:

Scott Brown is a traitor
You voted for it because you are a coward. RINO. Just another politician. So disappointing.
You, sir, have made me regret my first political contribution EVER. You let me down like Tiger Woods, Scott.

And over on Twitter, people raged in 140 characters or less:

Nice sell out! You realize this is just a useless pork program. U turned on the people that put u in. We will remember!!
Senator Brown: You Weren't Elected for Bipartisanship

So, it is quite clear the the Republicans, both those in office and those who vote Republican, do not want any kind of bipartisan efforts put forth in this Congress. And yet these same fools will be the ones who complain that they can't get anything done. It's a never-ending cycle: refuse to work together and bitch that no work gets done.

And Scott Brown, the hero of the Republican party for about five minutes, suddenly becomes the odd man out. Hopefully, though, he'll set the example that everything Obama wants done isn't an automatic No vote; and hopefully other Republicans will learn the work for the people, not against the country.

Seven Things

I settled in last night, as is my usual, to watch a little RuPaul's Drag Race, and I was startled to see so many drag queens on the stage. I thought we were down to nine, but there was about fifteen of them on the stage, and one on the couch talking to.......oh......it wasn't the Drag Race? It was The Bachelor: The Women Tell All? Forgive me, it's sometimes hard to tell the difference between men dressed as women with big fake breasts and too much make-up and a bunch of man-hungry women on a TV whore show selling themselves to a guy they've never met.

American Idol starts tonight with the Final 24. Not to be confused with the Hollywood Week 186; or the Last Chance 77; or the Final 12; or the Final 10 who get to go on tour. So many finals. but I'll watch. i have a wee crush on that dirty-blond-haired boy. Dirty. Blond.

Carlos and I sat down to watch Swimming With Sharks over the weekend on the DVR-licious thing. If you haven't seen it before, it stars Kevin Spacey and Frank Whaley. Kevin is the boos from hell, a Hollywood studio exec and Frank is his new assistant who suffers the abuses of his boss. About halfway through I turned to Carlos and said, "This is The Devil Wears Prada and Kevin is Meryl, and Frank is Anne!" Sharks was Prada with a little beating and murder thrown in for good measure.

Dick Cheney is hospitalized again for heart trouble. How this is possible for a man with no heart is beyond me. But I wish him no ill-will, I just wish the Wizard would give him a new heart and get it over with. Of course, while he's at it, the Wizard could give Liz a brain. Just sayin'.

I don't know about the rest of you, but Scott Brown, that new Cosmo Senator from Massachusetts, seems to be doing what he was elected to do: represent the people of Massachusetts. Maybe his election wasn't such a bad thing after all. I'm tentatively cautious.

Somehow I missed this, perhaps because Mitt Romney looks like a Flintstone cartoon character....Mitt Rockney? But, when he was a CPAC he gave one of his WTF speeches. No, he wasn't asking WTF; people in the crowd, and those of us who read it, were asking WTF. Rockney said:“Americans will not endure government-run health care, a new and expensive entitlement, an inexplicable and surely vanishing cut in Medicare, and an even greater burden of taxes.” And then he spoke of his hero, George W Bush.

Really. But see, here's' the rub: as Americans we already "endure" government-run health care, like, um, say, Medicare, Medicaid and the veterans’ health system. And as for those “new and expensive entitlements,” Mitt's mancrush, W, created a $550 billion one in 2003--and added it to the national debt.

Mitt Romney. I used to think he was handsome and stupid, now he's just stupid.

Last month I was in need of some new duds, so i decided to see what was out there. There isn't much to choose from in Smallvile, unless you count WalMart as your fashion HQ. I don't. But we do have a Belk, right here in town. I decided to give them a try. Nice store. Belk.

I found some pants, shirts, sweaters and a belt, and, laden down with goodies, I went off to the cashier.

Would you like to apply for a Belk card?

No, thank you.

If you apply today you can use it on these purchases and get an extra 15% off."

Booooiiiinnnnnnngggggg!!!!! An extra 15%? The shirt was 35% off; sweaters, too. The pants were half off.....my ass....but I kid, they were marked down 50%. An extra 15% would be a Martha Stewart Good Thing.

Sign me up. Savings is my middle name!

Slam Bam ThanK You Ma'am. Pants, shirts, sweaters, belt for $90.01!

So, the bill comes, and I decide to pay online. I head to the Belk website and realize I needed to activate the card they sent me in order to pay the account. I got the card, and got on the phone. They wanted the card number, the last 4 digits of my social, and could I squeeze a drop of blood into the receiver for the Belk DNA databank.

I kid. But it could happen.

I entered all the numerical info and got the dreaded Please wait for the next available operator. I wait, and then this man comes on and tries to sell me the Belk credit insurance plan.

No thanks. I just wanted to activate my card.

But, sir, if you were to lose your job and be unable to pay--

No thanks. I just want to activate the card so I can pay off this purchase. I am not interested in the insurance plan.

But, sir, I know none of us plans on losing their jobs, but if, god forbid, it happens--

Look. Brian? Is it? I have a head cold. I am oozing phlegm from every orifice in my body right now and the last thing I need is to argue with a voice on the phone about whether or not I may or may not lose my job in the future. Now, if you want to keep your job, and not have me ask for your supervisor, you'll understand that when a client says "No thank you": you take that and say "Have a good day, sir."

Have a good day, sir.

You, too. Brian.

Moral of the story is two-fold:

Number One: Fifteen percent off items already marked down is dee-lightful.

And 'B': Don't piss off a queen with a head cold.

The Song In My Head

Every morning I wake up with a song playing on a loop in my head. Where it comes from, I don't know, and why it comes to me, I can't begin to guess. But, like a good queen, this morning's song was from Broadway!

Welcome To Asshat Central

Up in Virginia, quickly becoming Asshat Central, State Delegate Bob Marshall says that disabled children are God's punishment to women who have aborted their first pregnancy. His statements come on the heels of his opposition to state funding for Planned Parenthood.

Marshall: "The number of children who are born subsequent to a first abortion with handicaps has increased dramatically. Why? Because when you abort the first born of any, nature takes its vengeance on the subsequent children....In the Old Testament, the first born of every being, animal and man, was dedicated to the Lord. There's a special punishment Christians would suggest."

Get me Sarah Palin on the line. I mean, as the mother of a child with Down's Syndrome, how does she feel about what Marshall says? is he, a fellow Republican, suggesting that Palin had an abortion in her past and has now been punished with a special needs child? Why so silent, Sarah?

Marshall, joined by Christian pastors, has called on Virginia officials to eliminate state funding for Planned Parenthood because the organization provides abortions, which, let us not forget, are legal, and a woman's right.

Another Virgina delegate, wingnut and Republican, Brenda Pogge, is goosestepping alongside Marshall in co-sponsoring the budget amendment to eliminate state funding for Planned Parenthood. She says: "I think that the reason it's gone on so long is that most people don't have a clue what's being paid for by taxpayer dollars."

But, Brenda, you idiot, what about the people who don't mind that their tax dollars support Planned Parenthood, which does more than perform abortions? Are you suggesting that the American people should be allowed to pick and choose where their tax dollars are spent?

If so, keep my money outta schools. I don't have kids so why should I spend any money educating them? And give me back my tax dollars spent on infrastructure, you know, roads and bridges. I have a four-wheel drive, I don't needs roads and bridges.

According to Marshall, Planned Parenthood receives "about $500,000 a year" from the state, but according to Jessica Honke, director of public policy for Planned Parenthood Advocates of Virginia, the only state funding Planned Parenthood receives are Medicaid reimbursements, which amount to about $35,000 in 2009.

The asshats are up in arms in Virginia. Are you up in arms about the asshats?

Who's Normal?

Oy! All this hubbub about men's figure skating and who's manly and athletic and who's flamboyant [read: gay] and out there.
I mean, here we are in the 21st century for crying out loud and we're caught up in gender-identity issues and who's a real man and who maybe isn't. Haven't we moved beyond the Marlboro image of he-manlyness? Or, is a man really a man if he's tough and rugged and, well, doesn't ice skate with a pink tassel on his shoulder?

NBC and the Olympics have pissed me off with their continued discussions of athletic, traditional Evan Lysacek [read: hetero] and the flamboyant Johnny Weir [read: homo]. They act as though Evan is more of a man because, while he wears feathered gloves and sequined body stockings on the ice, he doesn't wear corsets and tassels, and primp and pose, and skate around with a tiara of roses. And you get the feeling that the judges scores are not based solely on artistic and technical merit, but costumes, hair and make-up, with a little, life off the ice thrown in.

So, did Johnny place so low in the standings because people don't like his brand of skating; or did Evan place so high because he's the safer, man's man choice?

I think it's fear.

Fear of saying, Wow, Johnny is flamboyant and wild and marches to his own drummer, but, damn, he can skate! Fear of looking a little too gay, whatever that means, if you happen to enjoy the athletic prowess and in-your-face razzle-dazzle of a man who doesn't say he's out, but isn't really in, either.

And it's also fear of guilt by association. I know first hand, because people have been asking me for a week how I feel about Johnny Weir. It's like they all gather around and talk about him, and then, as a group, vote to bring the discussion to the in-house queer.

Do I like Johnny Weir? Hell yeah. He skates to his own drummer, he wears whatever the hell he wants, and he acts how he chooses. His skating, his personage, his life, are a big Fuck you to anyone with a hang-up about what makes a man a real man.

So, then I don't like Evan Lysacek? No, I like him too. He is a bit more traditional, if we forgive the feathered gloves and sequins; he does seem a bit more athletic. But that doesn't make him a man.
Last I checked, having a penis makes you a man.

Johnny Weir scares people because he's Johnny Weir; he's this year's Adam Lambert. He doesn't fit the mold of ice skaters of years past. He doesn't talk of athleticism and quads, he talks about "rockin' the tassel." As for Evan Lysacek, he doesn't scare people; he'll do fine as 2010's Kris Allen on ice. He's the guy next door who, because he doesn't tassel and corset, must work harder at being a manly-man skate. A lot of folks like the Kris Allens and Evan Lysaceks because they seem so normal. But normal isn't all it's cracked up to be. I imagine Michelangelo wasn't normal; or Da Vinci; Gertrude Stein wasn't normal. k.d. lang, who blew the roof off the place during the opening ceremonies, isn't what people might consider normal.

Which is another way of saying there is no such thing as normal.

Johnny Weir is normal for Johnny Weir; flashy costumes, over-the-top quotes, flourishes, are normal. Evan Lysacek is normal for Evan Lysacek; athletic, good looking, a few feathers in Johnny Cash black.

Neither is bad. They're both just different.
And different is good.
And it's normal.

Heaven. I'm In Heaven.....

It looks like that grassroots [read: Facebook] campaign to get our Golden Girl Betty White to host Saturday Night Live may have paid off.
Apparently Lorne Michaels and SNL are ready to Betty.
As am I.
But there is a catch--though it could be fun.
Betty wouldn't host alone. Supposedly SNL is going to do a “Women of Comedy” episode that would team the former Rose Nylund-Sue Ann Nivens with a few of her younger contemporaries. Former SNL'er, Molly Shannon is rumored to be on board, and there is talk of both Tina Fey and Amy Poehler might join the fun.
This, um, well, tag-team of comedians will allow SNL to make those of us on the Get Betty On SNL Facebook page 9allegedly 500K+] happy, without making Betty, 88-years-young and quite the pistol, carry the entire show on her own.
Go Betty!

Happy Birthday Miss Ginger!

Word comes from David Dust that the lovely and talented Miss Ginger is having a birthday today. So, without further ado...

Interesting CPAC News

Roughly 10,000 people attended the Conservative Political Action Conference [CPAC] and of that number only 25% participated in a vote, but still congressman Ron Paul won the most support for the 2012 Republican presidential nomination in their unofficial straw poll.

Paul, a libertarian from Texas, against spending and the Federal Reserve, won the CPAC contest with 31% of those straw polled. He has run for president nomination in the past and has attracted a following among voters frustrated with Washington.

But he wasn't the favorite out of those who didn't vote, as evidenced by the boos that erupted when his name was announced.

Former Massachusetts governor, and serial flip-flopper, Mitt Romney, was second with 22% of the vote, and the darling of conservatives, the writer on the palms, that lipsticked pit bull, that governor who quits before the job is done, came in a distant third with just seven percent.

In more interesting, related news, here's another CPAC showing what the conservatives are most concerned about.

Note that gay marriage falls very near the bottom, which makes it odd that so many conservative wingnuts want to talk about banning gay marriage and keeping gays out of the military. Why is that, you ask?

Well, for me, those, supposed, conservative politicians don't want to reduce government because they might be out of a cushy job; they don't really care about reducing government spending, because, well, see reason one. Lowering taxes? Reason one.

So, they opt to spread fear about that The Gays will do if we allow them to marry. That'll get them elected, and re-elected, and then they won't have to worry about doing anything that might jeopardize their jobs.

Stepping Backward

Apparently the state Senate in Kentucky hasn't heard of a little thing I like to call, 'separation of church and state' because they have approved a bill that would allow teaching of the Bible....I know!....in public schools.

And they approved it unanimously.

This proposal gives schools the option to offer Bible classes as a social studies credit.

Democratic Senator David Boswell, sponsor of the bill, says the Bible lessons would be based up on literature, art, cultural, and social aspects of the Bible, and so the classes would be constitutionally sound.

So, are they teaching history, with the Bible as an alternative resource?

Not really. Another Senator. asshat Julian Carroll, believes that passing the measure is the moral thing to do, saying, "We took the Bible out of our schools, but we put nothing back. When we took the Bible out of the schools, we also unfortunately took out that portion of the Bible which relates to life skills, which relates to value systems. And so our students these days do not have the full opportunity, in my judgment, to be taught those life skills and value judgments that keep them out of our penitentiaries ..."

Senator Carroll? Dipwad? Schools do not teach morality. Parents should teach their children moral lessons; their churches should give them the skills and value judgement they need. Not the public schools.

i don't get it with these wingnuts. They bitch and complain about government intrusion into their lives and then they for more intrusion. Bible study in public schools. Sheesh.