Was I Surprised? No.......Not Really

Well, Adam Lambert didn't win, although I suspect he'll have a much better career than without the title, or that God-awful trophy that was trotted out and given to Kris Allen. And maybe the time is right for a new Pat Boone, so Kris should fill those White Bucks nicely. White Bread and Mayo. Sounds like the title of Kris' debut album.

Side note #1: For some unexplainable reason, Carlos calls Kris Allen "the little boy," as in "Did you see the look on 'the little boy's' face when they said he won?"

But, hey, how about that show? Was that something else or what? Two hours of drivel--yes, you Seacrest.

I mean, seriously, Lionel Richie? Lionel hasn't been relevant since 1981, and even then his relevancy lasted about six minutes.

Rod Stewart? Rod used to be sexy and swaggering and gravelly, and now he is just old. And tired. And drunk.

Steve Martin? Yeah, because the banjo is so current.

Latifah? Come out already.

Cyndi Lauper? Looking less like Cyndi Lauper every day.

Kiss? Meh.

Jason Mraz. Adorkable.

Carlos Santana. :::yawn::: I almost forgot he was on the show.

Fergie and the Black-Eyed Peas. I thought the deal was to perform with the AI finalists, but except for the G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S spelling bee, the AI girls were relegated to being hand-clappers for the Fergie/Black-Eyed Peas show.

And the AI awards. I could let loose with a string of profanities here that would reverberate across the blogosphere until the end of time, but I'll just say this: That was lame.

Bikini Girl. That crazy chick who squeals and cries. Although that geeky guy was kind of a hoot.

As for Adam and Kris performing. i mean, c'mon, I don't care if you voted for Kris or not, when you see the two of them singing side-by-side, it looks like Adam the Superstar is putting on a show and invited the lonely glee club boy onstage to fulfill his lifelong dream.

Adam = Stage presence and performance ability.

Kris = Deer-In-The-Headlights.

Case in point: Adam and Kiss. Adam became a member of Kiss, interacting with them, performing with them, being them.

Kris with Keith Urban. Kris just stared at Keith all through the song like he needed help following along.

Side note # 2: I was staring at Keith Urban too, but, I think it was for an entirely different reason than Kris. I think.

So, that was that. Kris looked all shocked when he won because he knew it was wrong. He even started to mutter something about how Adam should have won, but, the AI machine, in the form of Miss Ryan Seacrest, put the kibosh on that.

But it's over, and I'll move on. I'll learn to live again. It'll be a Hard Candy Christmas but I Will Survive. And I'll learn that next year, should I opt to care about AI, that I will only watch the last twenty minutes of the show and not sit through the drivel--yeah, I'm still talkin' 'bout you, Seacrest.

In summation, let me make this perfectly clear: I will not fall into that conspiracy theory that is floating around saying America isn't ready for a gay American Idol. I think it boils down to this:

The top three was Adam Lambert, Kris Allen, and Danny Hokey, er, Gokey.

Danny, the nice Christian boy, gets the boot. Well, who do you think would get the majority of Hokey Votes? The Glambert or The Little Boy?

'nuff said.