Sunday, April 05, 2020
The Funny Papers
Saturday, April 04, 2020
I Ain't One To Gossip But ... COVIDIOT-19 Edition
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Arielle Charnas, a fashion influencer—whatever that means—is being, rightfully attacked for fleeing NYC to the Hamptons after testing positive for COVID-19. And, because her followers might ditch her and then what would she do, Charnas has taken to social media to issue tearful apology, all while her husband, Brandon, goes after her critics.
It all began when Arielle Charnas—who founded the lifestyle blog Something Navy and has 1.3 million Instagram followers--pissed off her “fans” when she got a COVID-19 test via connections to a fancy doctor while others in the city cannot get tested.
To make matters worse, these out-of-touch, self-entitled, media whores, Arielle and Brandon, filmed every detail of Arielle’s ordeal as she went to a drive-through testing site. And they kept filming when her test came back positive, and kept filming as she fled to the Hamptons, with the virus, and took all kinds of photos of her outside.
And people went off; and that’s went Arielle sniffled and apologized:
“My family and I are truly sorry to those we have offended for not appearing to [take] this crisis gravely seriously. We’re not bad people.”
No, you’re entitled selfish asshats. And your husband, Brandon is a dick. See, Brandon didn’t like being called out for being a moron, and took to calling one of Arielle’s “fans,” Andrea Rodríguez, “a loser” after she posted to Instagram that Arielle is “reckless, selfish and irresponsible.”
“Get a life,” Brandon said.
Perhaps Brandon—founder of commercial real estate firm Current Real Estate Advisors—needs to think of his own life, because while Arielle is positive for the virus, so is he and so is their nanny, who went with the infected duo to the Hamptons.
This is the One Percent; they get special treatment and don’t think the rules apply to them, and only when their image or their brand is threatened. do they pretend to apologize.
They should be in quarantine for months for being such Covidiots.
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Ivanka is self-isolating and wants y’all to know that she’s rereading The Odyssey and learning to play guitar, while describing her self-quarantine experience as similar to “pretty much every parent around the country” amid the COVID-19 pandemic.
Yes, my staff of nannies and maids and butlers share her pain. But, here’s the bigger question? Why is she not at the White House? I mean, Daddy’s there, holding his daily press rally; and even Jared’s at work, telling people who can and cannot get a mask. But Ivanka gets a vacation?
Well, she did appear on a Yahoo Finance interview to discuss Daddy’s plans for the country as well as the steps she’s taken to help curb the spread of the virus.
Um, let’s see …Daddy learned of the virus last fall and did nothing; he was reminded of it again in January and did nothing; a group of Senators went to the White House in February asking for emergency funding for an imminent pandemic and he did nothing. Then, when he finally realized how late he was to the “party,” he told us it would be over in two weeks, or we could go to Church on Easter, or that a 100,000 people dead was a win.
Yes, by all means you self-entitled little bitch tell us what daddy’s doing, and what you’re reading and how you and your kids and your staff are getting by in the manse.
Better yet, instead of reading Homer, read my lips: fuck off, you complicit bitch.
Sidenote: look at that photo and tell me she isn’t looking more and more like Daddy every day, and how much that is killing her!
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Speaking of out-of-touch and self-entitled media whores—I’m sensing a theme—Jennifer Lopez and fiancé Alex Rodriguez don’t think the virus will get them—they’ve probably already gotten tested and have masks and have their staff on a six-foot tether—because, well, this …
While these two ignorant millionaires probably have their own gyms in any number of the homes they own—or could have one built at the snap of a finger—their more concerned with getting their photos in the papers apparently. See, their regular gym in Miami was closed as the virus hit Florida, but the owners unlocked the doors for these two selfish pigs.
To be fair, Florida Governor, and _____ butt-bot, Ron DeSantis, hadn’t shut down the state as yet, but the gym did close its doors to patrons, except for J-Rod … or A-Hole. When they arrived at thee gym, they found a sign posted to the door:
“The gym is not open stay home stay safe.”
Well, that was meant for regular people because these two morons were allowed inside. Did they not know about the virus? Could be because JLo probably only reads the news when she sees her name in print, but, as they were leaving the gym, a mask-wearing security guard—maybe they think he can protect them from the virus—opened up the SUV door for them with a sanitizing wipe.
Maybe when they got home, they had the staff give them each their own sanitizing wash.
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And since we’re on a roll with asshats … Gwyneth ‘Contagion’ Paltrow and her husband Brad ‘Why Did I Get Married’ Falchuk.
With nothing better to do, and sure the world cannot exist without her wisdom, Contagion hosted a chat with “intimacy coach” Michaela Boehm about sex in the time of COVID-19. And one of the questions that Contagion asked is how she and Brad get their hypoallergenic rocks off during a pandemic when they are side-by-side with the kids in quarantine in their Brentwood mansion:
“We’re lucky that we have a really solid relationship but we’re also in the house with the kids and it’s pretty close quarters. I think we all feel, especially my teenagers right now, are feeling really pent in … [and] as a couple it’s sort of like, ‘Where do you go as a couple when you’re all in the house and you’ve got dogs, and work, and work from home’. It’s like, ‘What are you supposed to do?’”
Hmm, quick guess would be ANYWHERE ON IN YOUR 20,000 SQUARE FOOT MANSION where the children don’t have to listen to Contagion and Brad f-alch-uckng.
Of course, that photo up top there, taken during their intimacy interview, clearly shows the last thing Brad wants to do is Contagion.
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Friday, April 03, 2020
Things I Like #2
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Once again, in a post inspired by, or stolen from, Mistress Maddie, here are some things i like that are around the house.
It's Cher, bitches.
A few years back, when Cher was on the cover of Vanity Fair, I naturally rushed out to buy the issue and read the article because, yeah, it's Cher.
But then Carlos surprised me that Christmas by having the cover framed for me.
It was a kind of silly gift, but it meant a lot, means a lot, and makes me smile every time I see it.
PS She's right next to me as I type this.
And PeeWee Herman.
Who doesn't love a PeeWee Herman doll? Especially one that's roughly 30 years old and still talks!
And, like Cher, Peewee is watching me from atop the bookcase right now.
Lastly, men dancing the tango.
A friend gave us this photo and I know nothing about it. Are they a couple? Are they simply teaching the tango? Either way it makes me smile, because you rarely get to see two men dancing in one another's arms.
More to come ...
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I Didn't Say It ...
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Al Franken, on _____:
"Well, it finally isn’t funny anymore—the grandiosity, the ignorance, the cruelty, the bullying, the racism, the petty insults and incessant stupidity. But especially the non-stop lying. The greatest asset that a president can bring to a crisis is credibility. On Day One of his presidency, Donald _____ chose to pick a fight with the media about the size of his inaugural crowd … The very next day, Kellyanne Conway let Americans know of the existence of something called “alternative facts.” Oh. So, that’s how it’s going to be, huh? Since then, the lies have come so fast and furious that keeping track has been impossible. How do you remember the last one when three or four equally ridiculous lies are almost certain to follow that day? ‘Don’t take him literally,’ his supporters insisted. ‘Take him seriously.’ Really? Well, no. What they really were saying was how happy they were that he would be appointing pro-life, pro-corporate Federalist Society judges, cutting taxes to benefit the wealthy, undoing regulations to help corporations exploit their employees and destroy our environment, and pulling us out of the Paris Agreement and the Iran Nuclear Deal. That the President of the United States is a malignant narcissist who could allow no fact to stand that contradicted his insatiable need for self-aggrandizement has been of little concern to establishment Republicans. The stock market was climbing. They were getting richer. And they had cover from the right-wing media to fool enough of his base into believing his limitless dishonesty. At this year’s State of the Union, the First Lady bestowed upon Rush Limbaugh the Presidential Medal of Freedom, an honor he now shares with Mother Teresa, Cesar Chavez, and the crew of Apollo 13 … Until this crisis, _____ has paid no real price for his constant, pathological mendacity. Before politics, the man had spent his entire career in a business where, evidently, there was no accountability for inveterate lying. But for this crisis there is accountability. And instead of leading, Donald _____’s focus has been where it always has been—on Donald _____. ‘I give myself a ten out of ten.’ ‘We are very close to a vaccine.’ ‘I don’t take responsibility at all.’ ‘Anybody who needs a test can get a test. And the tests are perfect. Like the letter was perfect. The transcript was perfect.’ Of course, no leader could have prevented the devastation that this virus has and will continue to exact. But because _____’s focus has been on himself, his reelection, and his fragile self-image, our federal government squandered our most valuable commodity. And the amount of suffering which that lost time will cost our nation is as tragic as it is unknowable. _____ will not step away. He will continue to take the stage and our focus—but he will not be able to claim the credibility he never earned. We are left to proceed despite our president and find the leadership we need elsewhere. From governors and mayors and other civil servants. From health care professionals and scientists and economists. From community leaders and each other. It is time for each of us to step up and fill the vacuum at the top—first by staying home. And for those fortunate enough to weather this storm financially—to help those who cannot. Lest we forget _____’s Houdini-like ability to escape the traps he’s set for himself, it is also time for us to commit to his defeat in November. For now, find a way to do that from home. But when it’s time to come out into the light, it must be our collective mission to make this godawful human being pay the price for every lie he has ever uttered."
Word.
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Dr. Anthony Fauci, on how he convinced _____ to push social distancing guidelines for another 30 days:
“We felt that if we prematurely pulled back, we would only form an acceleration or a rebound of something, which would have put you behind where you were before. And that’s the reason why we argued strongly with the president that he not withdraw those guidelines after 15 days but that he extend them—and he did listen. We made it very clear to him that if we pulled back on what we were doing and didn’t extend them there would be more avoidable suffering and avoidable death. We showed him the data. He looked a the data and he got it right away. … It was a pretty clear picture. He looked at them and he understood them and shook his head and said, ‘I guess we gotta do it.'”
It’s funny that _____ was the only person in this country, aside from Fox news and their zombies, who actually needed this to be explained.
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John Oliver, on the _____ administration’s incompetence in dealing with the crisis.
“COVID-19 continues to rip around the globe … and the president has only recently seemed to realize the gravity of the situation. … As recently as a month ago, he was saying we have it ‘very much under control,’ adding, ‘Stock market starting to look very good to me!’ before abruptly shifting gears to claim that he ‘felt it was a pandemic’ long before it was called one. On Tuesday, our ‘wartime president’ seemed to already be considering giving up the fight and encouraging everyone to go back to work. The date he’s setting is just two weeks from now, which is objectively way too soon. Although if you are going to pick a holiday to break a quarantine, you could do a lot worse than one honoring the time that Jesus was supposed to stay inside, and didn’t. It’s worth taking a moment to appreciate just how irresponsible that attitude is. Because we wasted so much time that we could have spent preparing, the virus is now widespread, and thanks to how we have massively botched the rollout of testing the virus, we still don’t know exactly how bad things are. So strict social-distancing measures are our best shot at slowing this outbreak. I’m in no way minimizing the economic suffering caused by the shutdown. But the idea that people should sacrifice themselves for the economy is absurd. And yet, it actually gained traction this week. You get that the coronavirus is not The Hunger Games, right? You can’t volunteer yourself as tribute. And what you’re doing is actually much darker: You’re actively volunteering others, including people of all ages with health conditions, to die. And even if these guys are okay with letting the coronavirus kill as many people as it feels like so that the economy’s protected—which, again: really?!?—there are—and I cannot believe I have to say this—significant drawbacks to hundreds of thousands of people dying. This was always going to be hard. But it actually didn’t need to be this hard. And that is why it’s so profoundly disheartening that we’re being led through this crisis by a man who may be less equipped to deal with this historical moment than anybody in recorded history.”
_____ was never able to handle this because he couldn’t make this about him, about how great he is, or about how the media is mean to him, or about how much money we’ll make off this.
All he knows is how to make his name the topic of conversation, and now this damned virus is running the news cycle and he can’t stand it.
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Dr. Michael Brady, medical director for Britain’s Terrance Higgins Trust, urging gay men not to hook up during the pandemic:
“I’ve never been an advocate of promoting abstinence, but this message is not about protecting your sexual health: it’s about protecting your general health and those around you from a virus that can be deadly. This advice means that, unless you have sex with someone within your household, it’s important to find sexual pleasure in other … This isn’t just to protect ourselves against the coronavirus but also to protect the most vulnerable in our society. The virus can be passed on through direct contact with saliva or mucus, so this would include kissing. The COVID-19 virus has also been found in the feces of people who are infected so rimming may also be a risk for infection. There is no risk of passing on coronavirus through masturbation and there’s plenty of evidence that shows masturbation can relieve stress and anxiety. If you use sex toys, make sure you wash them and your hands with soap for at least 20 seconds before and after.”
Brady noted that although there is no evidence of COVID-19 spreading sexually, it can be transmitted through any physical contact within six feet.
Luckily I don’t hook up, well, except with one other person, but did he have to look so bald and hot and tell me to masturbate?
Just sayin’, Carlos, when the door is locked …
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Jair Bolsonaro, Brazilian President, proven to be more of an asshat about COVID-19 than _____:
“The Brazilian needs to be studied. He doesn’t catch anything. You see a guy jumping into sewage, diving in, right? Nothing happens to him. I think a lot of people were already infected in Brazil, weeks or months ago, and they already have the antibodies that help it not proliferate.”
I don’t wish the virus on anyone, but if I did, Bolsonaro would top that list.
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Thursday, April 02, 2020
Bobservations
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Kent Taylor CEO of Texas Roadhouse, is giving up his base salary and incentive bonus so that those funds can be made available to assist front-line hourly restaurant employees.
Just sayin’, when this is all over, I may just have to find a Texas Roadhouse and have a bite to eat.
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One of the first deaths of a Virginian from COVID-19 was Landon Spradlin, a Christian “musical evangelist” who shared a meme that compared virus deaths to swine flu deaths and that it was a plot against _____, writing:
“It will come and it will go.”
Not before you did, sir.
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Billionaire David Geffen took to Instagram to say he is self-isolating during the pandemic and wants y’all to know that he’s safe … on his $590 million yacht:
“Sunset last night … isolated in the Grenadines avoiding the virus. I’m hoping everybody is staying safe.”
To be fair, Geffen’s foundation is a major contributor to LGBTQ rights groups, health clinics, and charities for the homeless in L.A., but, c’mon man, did you have to prove yourself so out of touch?
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The Empire State Building debuted a flashing red and white light display, and lit up red, Monday night, an effect intended to represent America’s heartbeat, according to the building's Twitter account:
“We’ll never stop shining for you.Kinda breaks my heart a little. |
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Well, now we know, and in November we need to make sure _____ knows we know.
Way back on February 5, _____ administration officials rejected an offer of emergency coronavirus funding from Congress. In that meeting was Democratic Senator from Connecticut, Chris Murphy, who Tweeted that day:
They knew in February; were warned in February; and they did nothing.
November is coming
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Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross is working from his estate in Florida, while the _____ administration tries to limit the economic fallout from the coronavirus outbreak.
Ross said in January the pandemic could be good for U.S. jobs and manufacturing, arguing it might give businesses “another thing to consider when they go through their review of their supply chain.”
Wilbur Ross is a fuckmonkey.
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Great news … Christopher Meloni is bringing his Law & Order: SVU character Elliot Stabler for a new upcoming NBC crime drama series. Like SVU, Meloni’s series will also be set in New York, centering on “the NYPD organized crime unit led by Stabler.”
I was hoping it would be set in Scotland so we could get Meloni in a kilt.
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Life Tabernacle Church was packed for services on Tuesday night after its pastor, Mark Anthony Spell, was charged with six misdemeanor counts of disobeying the powers of the governor for defying the state’s ban on public gatherings amid the coronavirus crisis; he said:
“We have a mandate from the word of God. … We have a mandate from God to praise God in his sanctuary. This is the sanctuary.”
Perhaps COVID-19 is God’s way of thinning the religious wingnut herd?
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And now, even though we had Scottish beef[cake] earlier, I need a little more of a palette cleanser, in model David Taylor.
He gets my motor running …floats my boat …tightens my screws …lights my fire … maybe I’ve been cooped up too long.
Still …
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Wednesday, April 01, 2020
Architecture Wednesday: El Mirador ... The Looker
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After last week’s huge, sleek farmhouse, I thought we’d head south for something a little more rustic, a little smaller, a little different.
El Mirador is located on the 234 acre El Eterno estate in Valle de Bravo—a forested municipality that wraps one corner of Lake Avándaro—about an hour-and-a-half southwest of Mexico City. That’s the south; now for the different.
The house is partially embedded in a slope overlooking the valley, and on top of it, crafted from railway sleeper cars is a car barn, or, better still, a horse barn. The architects designed the house so that its living areas are below the level of the road that passes out front, making only the horse barn visible from the road. That’s the different, now for the smaller.
It's a 1500-square-foot one bedroom, two bathroom very open home that feels larger because of the openness of one side and the views beyond.
A large living room, with two seating areas and two fireplaces, occupies the center of the homey, with wide glass doors that open onto a terrace. Stone seats and tables are built into this patio area, which is fronted by a glass balustrade that permits unobstructed views of the valley. The living room is flanked by a bedroom and en-suite bathroom on one side, and a kitchen and second bathroom on the other. A large slate island stands in the middle of the kitchen and serves as both a dining table and a workspace. A large display case shows off old leather-bound suitcases and books, alongside crockery and specimen belljars.
It's rustic; it’s different; it’s small. It’s very cool.
            
Click to emBIGGERate ...
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GOP Senator Kelly Loeffler and Her Husband Profited Off A Pandemic
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Keep in mind that Republican Senator Kelly Loeffler’s most recent financial disclosures show that millions of dollars in stocks were sold on her behalf at the same time Congress was dealing with the impact of the coronavirus.
Keep in mind that Loeffler is married to Jeff Sprecher, the CEO of the company that owns the New York Stock Exchange.
Keep in mind that Loeffler and Sprecher sold shares in retail stores such as Lululemon and T.J. Maxx—that have been shuttered in the pandemic—and then invested in a company that makes COVID-19 protective garments.
Coincidence?
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Franklin Graham Makes You Promise To Hate Before You Can Help
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With all the cases of COVID-19 in New York City, Samaritan’s Purse, an evangelical Christian humanitarian aid organization that provides aid to people in physical need, is funding and erecting a Field Hospital in Central Park to handle all those people who need care.
Nice, but … Samaritan’s Purse run by Faux-Christian bigot, homophobe, asshat, fuckmonkey Franklin Graham makes all workers, including health care providers “read and adhere” to a statement of faith that says gay people will burn in Hell.
You know, because when you’re caring for the sick you want god to know who should burn in Hell.
A City Hall spokesperson said the field hospital will operate as a Mount Sinai facility, and must adhere to the hospital’s policy against discrimination. But I guess they still have to read about Hate and agree that The Gays should burn in Hell.
New York state Senator Brad Hoylman, the only openly gay member of the New York State Senate, put the group on notice:
“Graham has a long history of homophobic and transphobic remarks. He’s called LGBTQ activists ‘immoral,’ said being gay or trans is ‘detestable,’ and even claimed Satan is behind the fight for equal rights … LGBTQ New Yorkers already experience health disparities compared to the general population, including higher rates of HIV, cancer and respiratory health issues. This means many LGBTQ New Yorkers have weaker immune systems or pre-existing conditions that make them more vulnerable to COVID-19. COVID-19 doesn’t discriminate, and neither should Franklin Graham. It’s unacceptable that a New Yorker infected with COVID-19 could be subjected to discriminatory treatment from an organization whose leader calls us ‘immoral’ and ‘detestable.’ Today I’m calling on Franklin Graham to publicly assure LGBTQ New Yorkers that they will receive the same treatment as anyone else at the Central Park field hospital. The City of New York and the Mount Sinai hospital network must monitor conditions closely at Graham’s facility and ensure every single LGBTQ patient is treated fairly. We cannot abandon our moral compass in the middle of a pandemic. Sadly, beggars can’t be choosers: New York needs every ventilator we can get. But homophobic pastor Franklin Graham and his field hospital operation in Central Park must guarantee all LGBTQ patients with COVID-19 are treated with dignity and respect. We’ll be watching.”
Bravo, sir, although the idea that Franklin Graham has a “moral compass” is laughable.
I hope the volunteers at that hospital step up, and away, from the kind of “Christian” Franklin Graham represents.
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