I Didn't Say It ...

Al Franken, on _____:

"Well, it finally isn’t funny anymore—the grandiosity, the ignorance, the cruelty, the bullying, the racism, the petty insults and incessant stupidity. But especially the non-stop lying. The greatest asset that a president can bring to a crisis is credibility. On Day One of his presidency, Donald _____ chose to pick a fight with the media about the size of his inaugural crowd … The very next day, Kellyanne Conway let Americans know of the existence of something called “alternative facts.” Oh. So, that’s how it’s going to be, huh? Since then, the lies have come so fast and furious that keeping track has been impossible. How do you remember the last one when three or four equally ridiculous lies are almost certain to follow that day? ‘Don’t take him literally,’ his supporters insisted. ‘Take him seriously.’ Really? Well, no. What they really were saying was how happy they were that he would be appointing pro-life, pro-corporate Federalist Society judges, cutting taxes to benefit the wealthy, undoing regulations to help corporations exploit their employees and destroy our environment, and pulling us out of the Paris Agreement and the Iran Nuclear Deal. That the President of the United States is a malignant narcissist who could allow no fact to stand that contradicted his insatiable need for self-aggrandizement has been of little concern to establishment Republicans. The stock market was climbing. They were getting richer. And they had cover from the right-wing media to fool enough of his base into believing his limitless dishonesty. At this year’s State of the Union, the First Lady bestowed upon Rush Limbaugh the Presidential Medal of Freedom, an honor he now shares with Mother Teresa, Cesar Chavez, and the crew of Apollo 13 …  Until this crisis, _____ has paid no real price for his constant, pathological mendacity. Before politics, the man had spent his entire career in a business where, evidently, there was no accountability for inveterate lying. But for this crisis there is accountability. And instead of leading, Donald _____’s focus has been where it always has been—on Donald _____. ‘I give myself a ten out of ten.’ ‘We are very close to a vaccine.’ ‘I don’t take responsibility at all.’ ‘Anybody who needs a test can get a test. And the tests are perfect. Like the letter was perfect. The transcript was perfect.’ Of course, no leader could have prevented the devastation that this virus has and will continue to exact. But because _____’s focus has been on himself, his reelection, and his fragile self-image, our federal government squandered our most valuable commodity. And the amount of suffering which that lost time will cost our nation is as tragic as it is unknowable. _____ will not step away. He will continue to take the stage and our focus—but he will not be able to claim the credibility he never earned. We are left to proceed despite our president and find the leadership we need elsewhere. From governors and mayors and other civil servants. From health care professionals and scientists and economists. From community leaders and each other. It is time for each of us to step up and fill the vacuum at the top—first by staying home. And for those fortunate enough to weather this storm financially—to help those who cannot. Lest we forget _____’s Houdini-like ability to escape the traps he’s set for himself, it is also time for us to commit to his defeat in November. For now, find a way to do that from home. But when it’s time to come out into the light, it must be our collective mission to make this godawful human being pay the price for every lie he has ever uttered."

Word.

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Dr. Anthony Fauci, on how he convinced _____ to push social distancing guidelines for another 30 days:

“We felt that if we prematurely pulled back, we would only form an acceleration or a rebound of something, which would have put you behind where you were before. And that’s the reason why we argued strongly with the president that he not withdraw those guidelines after 15 days but that he extend them—and he did listen. We made it very clear to him that if we pulled back on what we were doing and didn’t extend them there would be more avoidable suffering and avoidable death. We showed him the data. He looked a the data and he got it right away. … It was a pretty clear picture. He looked at them and he understood them and shook his head and said, ‘I guess we gotta do it.'”

It’s funny that _____ was the only person in this country, aside from Fox news and their zombies, who actually needed this to be explained.

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John Oliver, on the _____ administration’s incompetence in dealing with the crisis.

“COVID-19 continues to rip around the globe … and the president has only recently seemed to realize the gravity of the situation. … As recently as a month ago, he was saying we have it ‘very much under control,’ adding, ‘Stock market starting to look very good to me!’ before abruptly shifting gears to claim that he ‘felt it was a pandemic’ long before it was called one. On Tuesday, our ‘wartime president’ seemed to already be considering giving up the fight and encouraging everyone to go back to work. The date he’s setting is just two weeks from now, which is objectively way too soon. Although if you are going to pick a holiday to break a quarantine, you could do a lot worse than one honoring the time that Jesus was supposed to stay inside, and didn’t. It’s worth taking a moment to appreciate just how irresponsible that attitude is. Because we wasted so much time that we could have spent preparing, the virus is now widespread, and thanks to how we have massively botched the rollout of testing the virus, we still don’t know exactly how bad things are. So strict social-distancing measures are our best shot at slowing this outbreak. I’m in no way minimizing the economic suffering caused by the shutdown. But the idea that people should sacrifice themselves for the economy is absurd. And yet, it actually gained traction this week. You get that the coronavirus is not The Hunger Games, right? You can’t volunteer yourself as tribute. And what you’re doing is actually much darker: You’re actively volunteering others, including people of all ages with health conditions, to die. And even if these guys are okay with letting the coronavirus kill as many people as it feels like so that the economy’s protected—which, again: really?!?—there are—and I cannot believe I have to say this—significant drawbacks to hundreds of thousands of people dying. This was always going to be hard. But it actually didn’t need to be this hard. And that is why it’s so profoundly disheartening that we’re being led through this crisis by a man who may be less equipped to deal with this historical moment than anybody in recorded history.”

_____ was never able to handle this because he couldn’t make this about him, about how great he is, or about how the media is mean to him, or about how much money we’ll make off this.

All he knows is how to make his name the topic of conversation, and now this damned virus is running the news cycle and he can’t stand it.

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Dr. Michael Brady, medical director for Britain’s Terrance Higgins Trust, urging gay men not to hook up during the pandemic:

“I’ve never been an advocate of promoting abstinence, but this message is not about protecting your sexual health: it’s about protecting your general health and those around you from a virus that can be deadly. This advice means that, unless you have sex with someone within your household, it’s important to find sexual pleasure in other  … This isn’t just to protect ourselves against the coronavirus but also to protect the most vulnerable in our society. The virus can be passed on through direct contact with saliva or mucus, so this would include kissing. The COVID-19 virus has also been found in the feces of people who are infected so rimming may also be a risk for infection. There is no risk of passing on coronavirus through masturbation and there’s plenty of evidence that shows masturbation can relieve stress and anxiety. If you use sex toys, make sure you wash them and your hands with soap for at least 20 seconds before and after.”

Brady noted that although there is no evidence of COVID-19 spreading sexually, it can be transmitted through any physical contact within six feet.

Luckily I don’t hook up, well, except with one other person, but did he have to look so bald and hot and tell me to masturbate?

Just sayin’, Carlos, when the door is locked …

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Jair Bolsonaro, Brazilian President, proven to be more of an asshat about COVID-19 than _____:

“The Brazilian needs to be studied. He doesn’t catch anything. You see a guy jumping into sewage, diving in, right? Nothing happens to him. I think a lot of people were already infected in Brazil, weeks or months ago, and they already have the antibodies that help it not proliferate.”

I don’t wish the virus on anyone, but if I did, Bolsonaro would top that list.

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