I Ain't One To Gossip, But......

Wow! Big Head Alert!!
Usher is the next Michael Jackson.......according to Usher.

He says: "I've been doing this 18 years now and my icon is well on its way. Michael was doing it for 50 years and that's something I'd like to grow towards. At the same time, I am one of a kind, a worldwide pop icon."

My icon?

Wow.

Get over yourself and come out already you queenie little bitch.

Looks like another celebrity marriage has hit the adultery mark.

ALLEGEDLY Matt Lauer has walked out on his wife of 12 years, Annette Roque.

But, um, not because she cheated on him, but because he cheated on her.

ALLEGEDLY Matty Boy got a little snow bunny action while covering the Olympic games in Vancouver, and when Missus Today Show wifey found out there was "an explosive two-day fight."

Lauer left.

Annette took off her ring.

Matty? Seriously. We get that you have a hot bod--in the interests of fairness, I'd hit it--but, sheesh, you and your cronies covered every inch of the Tiger Woods thing, every inch of the Mark Sanford thing, every inch of the Jesse James thing.

You think you might have learned something from all that cheatin' coverage.

Like....keep Little Matty in your pants.

Well, we had the Facebook campaign--that worked--to get Betty White on SNL--but now it's getting a little out of control.

Facebook has a new page to get Betty White to host the Oscars.

Facebook has a new page to get Betty White to appear on Glee.

Corey, at the MadTexter, has a new page to get Betty White to be the new judge....not on American Idol....on the Supreme Court.

I'm just hoping she'll join my Facebook page and start delivering the mail in Smallville.

I'm hooked on the Real Housewives Of New york, and I am so Team Bethenny in the Jill/Bethenny feud.

And Jill makes it easy.

Apparently, she is so jealous of Bethenny that she has Google alerts when news about Bethenny breaks so she can Twitter it and Facebook it and call the Countless Luann about it.

Case in point: Bethenny just had her baby last week, and Jill "Get a hobby" Zarin heard about it and posted this on her Facebook page:

"Heard Bethenny had a baby boy....so happy for her and son. So happy for them."

Nice Jill. Take away the new parents thunder--the new parents who don't even like your nosy ass--by announcing the birth of their child before they do.

Worse, though, is that Jill, in her haste to gossip, got it wrong.

Bethenny.Had.A.Girl.

Jill tried to apologize after people jumped her hobby-less ass on Facebook and Twitter, by putting the blame on.....her daughter:

"Yesterday [my daughter] read a tweet and blog that Bethenny gave birth. We were excited and congratulated her obviously prematurely. I should have waited until B announced it herself. Sorry."

Get a hobby, Jill. Or a life.

My BFF Lindsay Lohan is back on the ISBL gossip page.

It seems that hasbeen wacktress, and wannabe singer/designer/coke mule, Lohan got into a bit of an altercation with hasbeen singer, wannabe actress/designer Avril Lavigne who ALLEGEDLY called my girl Lindsay a "loser."

Is that bad?

Lohan and Lavigne had a huge brawl in front of guests at Hollywood's Chateau Marmont, which ended with Lohan begging the hotel to toss Lavigne out.

An eyewitness, er, paid informant, said: "Avril was at a table with friends just over a week ago including her boyfriend, Brody Jenner, when Lindsay came over to say hi. But as soon as she approached, Avril launched at her and said: 'Get the hell out of my face, you are fake, you are a loser. I don't like false people. Stay away from me and my friends.'
Lindsay ALLEGEDLY screamed back: "Don't threaten me!"

Good comeback, Linds.

Then she then stormed off to security and tried to get them to kick Avril out. They refused, and Lindsay took her party, and her paraphernalia, and left.

The BoDeans: Good Things

.....because the weekend is a good thing.

Who Does Subway Think They Are........Oprah?

I don't know if y'all remember this, and if you don't, I'm here to remind you.

Oprah and her minions once threatened legal action against an insurance company--MetLife, AllState, BigInsurance, I forget--to stop using the phrase "Aha moment." It seems Oprah believes she invented the phrase "Aha moment" and that she patented the phrase "Aha moment" and would trademark the phrase "Aha moment".

Which lead to my own "Aha moment". See, I imagine Oprah also invented, patented and trademarked other phrases, like "Give me the whole pot roast" and "The cupcakes are only for me." But she never sued over those.

BTW....Oprah was denied in her lawsuit. Another "Aha moment" for me...and a "whoop-te-freakin-do" moment as well.

But now Subway has taken a page out of Oprah's I Created Language Handbook and is sending out legal letters to sandwich places informing them that Subway "has applied for the trademark FOOTLONG (TM) in association with sandwiches," and is instructing all sandwich shops to stop calling their sandwiches "footlongs".

Or else! ::::foot stomp::::

However, it seems Subway might just be off on the wrong foot. One restaurant that got the letter doesn't sell "footlong" sandwiches; they sell "footlong" hot dogs! So there. Subway says the hot dog place received the letter in error.

But, um, Subway, what are you gonna do about the guy that hangs out in the alleys of downtown Smallville, and goes by the name of Footlong Jim. I mean, can he keep his name? After all, his "footlong" isn't a sandwich either.

Just askin'.

Los Angeles Tells Arizona Where To Stick It

Councilman Ed Reyes meets with supporters after the council voted to ban most city travel to Arizona and future contracts with companies in that state in response to Arizona's crackdown on illegal immigration. (Al Seib / Los Angeles Times)

Out in California, the Los Angeles City Council, denouncing Arizona's tough new racist, fascist illegal immigration laws, has voted to ban most city travel to Arizona and future contracts with companies in that state.

Way to go, LA.

The city council members understand that this new law in Arizona, which makes it a state crime to lack immigration papers and requires police to determine whether people they stop are in the country illegally, could lead to racial profiling and discrimination.

And they don't like it.

Council members compared Arizona's action to those of Nazi Germany and the beginning of the Holocaust, as well as the internment and deportation of Japanese Americans during World War II in this country.

Councilman Ed Reyes: "Los Angeles is the second-largest city in this country, an immigrant city, an international city. It needs to have its voice heard....As an American, I cannot go to Arizona today without a passport. If I come across an officer who's having a bad day and feels that the picture on my ID is not me, I can be … deported, no questions asked. That is not American."

And it needs to end.

I Didn't Say It.....

ABC, on the recent flap that gay couple Cameron and Mitchell do not kiss on Modern Family: "Cameron and Mitchell are a loving, grounded, committed, and demonstrably affectionate couple and have been from the beginning of the series. It happens that we have an episode in the works that addresses Mitchell's slight discomfort with public displays of affection. It will air in the fall and until then, as Phil Dunphy would say, everyone please chillax." Jake Gyllenhaal, on bulking up for The Prince Of Persia: “The Jake Gyllenhaal workout plan…starts with growing long, long hair. Very long…gorgeous greasy locks and then washing every day….Wash, shampoo, then condition. Washing works the biceps and then the triceps by conditioning. And vigorously rubbing all of your body with soap really defines the abs and the pectoral muscles. And if you do squats while you’re bathing — that’s it!”

Andrew Sullivan, on Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan's alleged homosexuality: "Is Obama actually going to use a Supreme Court nominee to advance the cause of the closet (as well as kill any court imposition of marriage equality)? And can we have a clear, factual statement as to the truth? In a free society in the 21st Century, it is not illegitimate to ask. And it is cowardly not to tell." Out lesbian Cynthia Nixon, on her partner, Christine: "She’s basically a short man with boobs. A lot of what I love about her is her butchness. I’m not saying I fell in love with her in a sexually neutral way. I love her sexuality—it’s a big part of what I love about her—but I feel like it was her. It wasn’t something in me that was waiting to come out. It was like, This person is undeniable. How can I let this person walk by? Christine would probably kill me for saying this, but my daughter said one time that if you really had to break this down, [it looks like] she would be butch and I would be femme…but really once you get to know us it’s really the opposite." Cougar Town co-creator Bill Lawrence, on his just announced decision to change the name of the show when it comes back next fall: “You would be hard-pressed to watch the last three episodes of the show and asked anyone for titles I doubt anyone would say ‘Cougar Town.' Partly as a result of common sense and partly from [the studio's] research, they find too many instances of testing of people saying they would never watch a show called Cougar Town — ‘I don’t want to see some show about a 40-year-old woman nailing younger guys.' And then they screen an episode, and people go, ‘Oh, I would watch this show.’" How does The Girl From Friends Who Isn't Jennifer Aniston's New Show sound? Kristin Chenoweth, in response to Ramin Setoodah's Newsweek article in which he claims that gay actors cannot convincingly play straight roles: "As someone who’s been proudly advocating for equal rights and supporting GLBT causes for as long as I can remember, I know how much it means to young people struggling with their sexuality to see out & proud actors like Sean Hayes, Jonathan Groff, Neil Patrick Harris and Cynthia Nixon succeeding in their work without having to keep their sexuality a secret.No one needs to see a bigoted, factually inaccurate article that tells people who deviate from heterosexual norms that they can’t be open about who they are and still achieve their dreams. I am told on good authority that Mr. Setoodeh is a gay man himself and I would hope, as the author of this article, he would at least understand that. I encourage Newsweek to embrace stories which promote acceptance, love, unity and singing and dancing for all!"

I Knew It Wouldn't Last

My truce with Pope Benedict, that is.

I mean, yes, I was surprised when he finally admitted that the problems of the church allowing priests to go unchecked and unpunished while they molest children, was caused by sins within the church and not the fault of The Gays, The Media, The Jews, or The Pro-Choice folks. That made my day. It made me think that this pope is crawling out of the slime of the Dark Ages and into the light of the 21st Century.

Oops. My bad. Spoke too soon.

The Pope, wrapping up a trip to Portugal, where roughly 90 percent of the population is Catholic, made an appeal in Fatima that the Portuguese people stand up for values that are the "essential and primary values of life," such as "the family, founded on indissoluble marriage between a man and a woman."

Vatican speak for No.Gay.Marriage.EVER!!!!!!!!

Benedict then said that abortion, which has been legal in Portugal since 2007, and gay marriage are "some of the most insidious and dangerous challenges facing the common good today."

See what he did there? Common good....gay marriage bad. You hardly noticed his lips moving when he spouts hate.

This new anti-gay speech, and let's be clear, he isn't standing up for "traditional" marriage, he's anti-gay, is the result of the Portuguese parliament's passage last January of a bill that would legalize same-sex marriages; the government had rejected the alternative proposals of civil partnerships. President Anibal Cavaco Silva is under pressure from the Church and conservative groups not to ratify the bill, but, if he vetoes it, parliament can override the veto with another vote.

Which brings the Pope to Portugal.

And ratchets the anti-gay speech up a notch.

Ladies And Gentle-ladies: Cher!

After posting about Steve King, Arizona, and the Catholic Church, I need a little Cher....

Bigotry Gets Around

First Colorado, now Massachusetts.

A Roman Catholic school in Hingham, Massachusetts has withdrawn its acceptance of an 8-year-old boy with lesbian parents, saying their relationship was "in discord" with church teachings.

The Massachusetts woman, who spoke on condition of anonymity because of concerns about the effect of publicity on her son, had planned on sending her son to third grade at St. Paul Elementary School next fall, but she learned her son's acceptance was rescinded during a conference call with homophobic-bigot-tag-team, Principal Cynthia Duggan and parish priest, the Reverend James Rafferty.

"I'm accustomed to discrimination, I suppose, at my age and my experience as a gay woman," the mother said. "But I didn't expect it against my child."

Reverend Rafferty told the woman that her relationship "was in discord with the teachings of the Catholic Church" and therefore they would not educate her son. And then Principal Duggan told her that teachers would not be prepared to answer questions her son might have because the school's teachings about marriage conflict with what he sees in his family.

How about, you have two parents who love you? How about that Principal Duggan and Reverend Rafferty?

Terrence Donilon, a spokesman for the Boston Archdiocese, said it learned about the school's decision late Tuesday, and said the archdiocese is in "consultation with the pastor and principal to gather more information."

In other words, shore up their defense.

See, I get that the Catholic Church finds homosexuality repugnant, living in the Dark Ages as they do. But they do not discriminate against children of divorced parents; those children are allowed to attend Catholic schools, even though the church does not recognize divorce.

It's just the kids with two mommies or two daddies they don't want.

One More Step In Erasing The Hispanics From Arizona

As if she hasn't done enough to create the most hated state in the Union, this week Arizona Governor Jan Brewer signed a bill that bans the teaching of ethnic studies in public schools. The law, which takes effect December 31, bans classes that are designed for a particular ethnic group, promote overthrow of the U.S. government, foster resentment toward a particular race or class, or "advocate ethnic solidarity instead of the treatment of pupils as individuals."

Arizona Superintendent of Public Instruction Tom Horne said the bill was written to target a Mexican-American studies program in the Tucson school system. The 14-year-old program offers courses in standard topics like literature and history, but with an emphasis on Latino authors or history. It also has specialized courses with African-American and Native American emphasis.

What? We don't want people learning about Hispanics or Africans! How can we keep them outta our state if we let our kids learn about 'em?

Although just 2 percent of the Tucson Unified School District's 55,000 students are enrolled in the program, the governor has seen fit to ban it. Sean Arce, who runs the Tucson program, said that students do better in school when presented with material that includes people who look like them.

Go figure.

"It's a highly engaging program that we have, and it's unfortunate that the state Legislature would go so far as to censor these classes," Arce said.

But Tom Horne, who, incidentally, is running for Attorney General of Arizona, and therefore wants to pander to the racists and fascists of his jurisdiction, says the program teaches Latino students that they are oppressed by white people. "It's just like the old South," he said, "And it's long past time that we prohibited it."

The Old South was "Whites Only," too, Mr. Horne, and your new anti-anything-but-white classrooms are falling back into that pattern.

You, Governor Brewer, and the entire state of Arizona ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

Sidenote: the bill leaves it up to the state Board of Education or superintendent to decide whether a school violates the law, but a school that does not comply could lose 10 percent of its state aid each month.

Steve King Is A F&%king Asshat

Note to ISBL readers: Forgive my language, but this guy pisses me off more than I can say.

Iowa Congressman Steve King was having a radio conversation earlier this week with Family Research Council’s Tony Perkins about the Employment Non-Discrimination Act [ENDA] because homphobes only talk to each other, and slap each other on the back when they say something especially stupid or hateful.

King was arguing that employers discriminate against gay and lesbian people because “they [LGBT folks] wear their sexuality on their sleeve,” and then he proceeded to tell a meaningless, illiterate, fucktard anecdote about how his colleague, and obviously hetero, friend, Iowa Republican Senator Jerry Behn used to ask LGBT activists to guess his sexual orientation. In typical Republican moronic double-speaking-out-of-both-sides-of-his-fat-lily-white-ass, Steve King tried to make the point that, while sexual orientation shouldn't be obvious, those LGBT activists “should have known” that Behn was straight:

Steve King: And [Behn] said, “let me ask you a question.”

“Am I heterosexual or am I homosexual?”

And they looked him up and down, actually they should have known, but they said, “We don’t know.”

And he said, “Exactly, my point. If you don’t project it, if you don’t advertise it, how would anyone know to discriminate against you?”

And that’s at the basis of this. So if people wear their sexuality on their sleeve and then they want to bring litigation against someone that they would point their finger at and say, “You discriminate.”

...This is the homosexual lobby taking it out on the rest of society and they are demanding affirmation for their lifestyle, that’s at the bottom of this.

First off, you piece of %$^#, it isn't a "lifestyle" it's an orientation and if you can't get that little bit of knowledge into that hardened pea you use for a brain then shut the fuck up; there's enough stupid without you adding to it. And, remember this, if you can: I do not need your "affirmation" of anything; what any of us needs from a fucktard such as yourself, is that you do your job and uphold the Constitution and laws of this country and fight to make sure that all of us, ALL OF US, asshat, are treated equally. Affirm that, dickhead.

Second off, no one wears their orientation on their sleeve. You know how I know when somebody is straight? When they tell me about their boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife; and that's how I know they're gay, too. The difference, you fucking piece of garbage, is that straight people don't have to worry that if they declare their orientation by simply mentioning a personal detail about their lives, it might result in being fired, or losing your home, or having your skull bashed in.

Stop saying stupid things, Steve King, you motherf*&^%ing load of batshit. If you can. Think before you speak, and then, well, STFU anyway because you're a hompohobic fool who, I don't doubt, we will one day find tapping his foot in an airport men's room or using a travel assistant to "lift your dried-up bags."

As for ENDA, you dumbass, it will protect all people from discrimination based on sexual orientation because, you illiterate asshatted wingnut fuckmonkey, EVERYONE has a sexual orientation. ENDA might just protect one of your hetero supporters from being fired just as it might protect a member of the LGBT from having the same thing happen to them.

You are the epitome of what's wrong with politics, Steve King. You are a moronic, ass-speaking fool who spouts your hate-filled homophobic propaganda as if it were gospel.

It's not.

So, please, shut the fuck up already.

Can Gay Actors Play Straight?

Ramin Setoodeh wrote an article for Newsweek [HERE] on straight actors playing gay roles, and how they can do it, but gay actors, openly gay, playing straight roles doesn't work. He basically says that gay actors are bad actors because they can't convince an audience that they're straight.

And while--and I'm gonna say it--Setoodeh does have a point. But it isn't the actors, or the roles, or Broadway or the movies; it's the audience that has a hard time believing a gay actor as a straight character.

I think where Setoodeh went wrong was in basically making his point by using the performance of recently out-actor Sean Hayes, in Promises, Promises, on Broadway. Setoodeh says that he doesn't "believe" Hayes is a straight man on-stage, that he isn't believable as the love interest to Kristen Chenoweth, citing a New York Times review that called Hayes performance "wooden" and "insincere" as proof that gay can't play straight.

Maybe that review is right, but maybe it's because the part wasn't right for Hayes, not because he's a gay man. Gay men have been playing straight on Broadway for years, openly; and gay men have been playing straight in movies for years, closeted: think Rock Hudson. Handsome. Virile. Manly. As gay as a picnic basket. But not open about it.

There has been all kinds of hubbub about Setoodeh's piece, er, article, from everyone from Kristin Chenoweth, who wrote a response [HERE] in which she called Setoodeh homophobic; for the record, Setoodeh is an openly gay man, who has been attacked for being everything from a homophobe to a self-loathing gay man to an Arab who should only write about terrorism. That last part is true, and, again for the record, Setoodeh is American, born in Texas, of Iranian descent. Let's talk about what he wrote, but refrain from personal attacks; it's the discussion that matters.

Cheyenne Jackson, an openly gay actor who plays straight, and hot, on Broadway all the time, said of Seteoodeh and his article:

It was infuriating on so many levels. Not only does [Setoodeh] say that a gay man can't play straight, he got personal, picking on Sean Hayes in Promises, Promises, [pointing out] certain scenes where he thinks [Sean] is stiff and uncomfortable. And then he picks on Jonathan Groff, who just came out. He's a young teen heartthrob [in Glee]. He's so talented and so delicious and needs our love and support. Instead, [Setoodeh] says he's not believable at all. It was very veiled self-loathing. Really upsetting. Everytime we go forward, some asshole like this takes us back a bit. I was really glad that Kristin Chenoweth wrote what she did. She sent it to me before it went out and about. I was very proud of her. For me to stand up and say, 'F*ck you,' that's what you'd expect. But for someone like Kristin, she stands up for what she believes in and is very committed.

Michael Urie, also openly gay, and appearing on Broadway now, says:

Look, I'm not from f*cking Vienna [he's playing Viennese designer Rudi Gernreich in The Tempermentals]. We're all actors, and the audiences get it. When I saw Sean Hayes in Promises, Promises, it was a full house and everyone was completely in love with him. And I saw it at a Wednesday matinee full of tourists. They've all seen Sean in Will & Grace, and they loved him and believed in his relationship with Kristin. It worked. And to attack, to quote Ugly Betty, someone [like Groff] recently 'hatched from the gay egg' is unconscionable and he should strung be [up]. [Groff] made everyone want him in Spring Awakening. And Cheyenne was f*cking Elvis in All Shook Up. He was sexy and hot. He's always playing straight. And people buy tickets to see him. No straight critics accuse Sean Penn of not being able to play Harvey Milk or [criticize] Tom Hanks in Philadelphia.

See, it isn't about the actor, it's about the audience. Setoodeh points out Sean Hayes as his example to prove his theory, but Hayes spent years playing a gay man on television, and then recently came out in The Advocate. I think the audience can't separate Sean Hayes' homosexuality from Sean Hayes' performance in Promises, Promises. And until we have an audience that understands that its acting, we'll çontinue have this discussion.

But to denounce Setoodeh, I think is a bit ridiculous. Sure, he got off the mark by making the article about Hayes--and also dragging in recently out actor Jonathan Groff, who's now appearing as a straight boy on Glee. That's the wrong approach. Discuss why audiences may, or may not accept a gay man playing straight, don't make a blanket judgement against all gay actors being unable to play straight.

Two-Of-A-Kind

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

What's This?

After years of moving pedophile priests from parish to parish so they can molest again; after decades of monumental cash settlements to victims of child sexual abuse at the hands of the clergy; after months and months of laying blame for the scandal at the feet of anyone, and everyone, else, from the LGBT community, to the Jews, to Pro-Choice advocates, to the media, the Pope has finally come clean.

Finally.

In his most thorough admission of the church's guilt in the sex abuse scandal, Pope Benedict has said that the greatest persecution of the Catholic Church "is born from the sins within the church," and not from a campaign by outsiders.

Finally.

The Pope also said the Catholic church has been tormented by problems of its own making, "in a truly terrifying way....The church needs to profoundly relearn penitence, accept purification, learn forgiveness but also justice....Forgiveness cannot substitute justice."

Finally.

Benedict now promises that the church will take action to protect children and make abusive priests face justice; he has begun accepting the resignations of a few bishops who either admitted they molested youngsters or covered up for priests who did.

Still, for some, myself included, it really isn't enough. While the Pope is scolding his own church, and accepting resignations, no one has been actively punished or defrocked, even those who have admitted to sexually abusing children. Some feel his words are merely words and that action should follow.

Finally.

Quote Of The Day: Bryan Fischer

Bryan Fischer, one of the homophobes and haters at the American Family Association [AFA], on Elena Kagan maybe being a :::gasp::: lesbian:

"One qualification for public office is personal character, and nothing speaks to character more than the choices one makes when it comes to sexual conduct. Bill Clinton convinced an entire generation of America's youth that oral sex isn't really sex, and as a result we've seen an explosion among millenials in cancers of the throat and head caused by the HPV virus, which is spread through oral-genital contact. It's time we got over the myth that what a public servant does in his private life is of no consequence. We cannot afford to have another sexually abnormal individual in a position of important civic responsibility, especially when that individual could become one of nine votes in an out of control oligarchy that constantly usurps constitutional prerogatives to unethically and illegally legislate for 300 million Americans. The stakes are too high. Social conservatives must rise up as one and say no lesbian is qualified to sit on the Supreme Court. Will they?"

Hey Bryan? You moron. Why must you equate the "sexual conduct" of gay men and women as somethjing immoral? You don't liek having sex with men, then don't do it? It isn't sexual conduct, it's sex.


And, all I can say is Wow about Bill Vlinton and the power he wields. I mean, he says oral sex isn't sex and suddenly everyone's doin' it? I mean, no one ever had a blowjob before?> Or gave a blowjob before? Or, um, you know, went down....there? Seriously? People have been giving one another the pleasures of oral sex since, well, probably, Adam and Eve. And Adam and Steve. And Madam and Eve.


But it's that last line that gets me. "[N]o lesbian is qualified to sit on the Supreme Court"? So, no matter her education, experience, talents, the simple fact that she might be....MIGHT BE....gay automatically disqualifies her for the job?


And you say you aren't haters and homophobes?


If it quacks like a homophobic fucktard..........

Tidbits

I lovedlovedloved Betty White on SNL. She's a bawdy broad, a comic genius, and, yes, a national treasure--not the kind that Nicholas Cage digs up. I've been pointing at Carlos all weekend and saying, The Wizard Of Ass!

I watched the end of The Amazing Race and was thrilled beyond words that Idiot Model Couple Caite Upton and Brent Horne lost. Lost. It was disgusting enough to watch these two morons routinely put down people in other countries for not understanding English, but to watch Little Miss The Iraq And Such As Caite Upton call a cabdriver in San Francisco a dumbass--repeatedly--just shows that she is an idiot of epic proportions. Caite? Honey? You lost. Again. Boo-fucking-hoo.

Is it me or is Oprah getting bigger by the second. I watched, er, DVR'd, her show on Friday because I wanted to see Christina Aguilera, and when I watched it, seeing Oprah in that sequinned Pepto Bismol skirt, well, made me wanna hurl. It seemed to be growing as I watched. Further making me wanna hurl was Carlos saying Christina was doing Madonna from the 80s because she had platinum blond hair and ruby red lips. I reminded him that Madonna was accused of doing Marilyn back in the day, and before Marilyn there was Jean Harlow--look her up. There has always been a blond bombshell, and there will always be a blond bombshell.

Like many of you, I am sick of George Rekers and his Luggage Lifting Full Body Massage Travel Assistant. I loathe closeted gay men who work, and earn a living at, persecuting gay people at every turn. But I also feel somewhat sorry for Rekers and his ilk. I mean, how sad to hate yourself so much that you will spend your life working against people like you, deny people like you, and lie to anyone and everyone you know. Rekers didn't make himself anti-gay; society did.

Here in the Great :::cough cough::: State of South Carolina, Mark Sanford, our Philanderer-In-Chief, is expected to announce today whether he'll sign a bill raising the tax on a pack of cigarettes by fifty-cents. Lotsa folks crying foul; most of those cigarette smokers. As a man who lost his mother to lung cancer, I can only say, STFU. You don't wanna pay the extra coinage, then find a way to stop. And, when you stop, I imagine you might feel a whole lot better, and live a bit longer. Isn't that worth fifty cents?

Lost. Don't get me started. I wept like a baby last week. Sun!! Jin!!! Get out of the sub!!! And Sayid? I think I'll miss him most of all. I am readying my box of tissues for these last episodes, and for the aftermath of no Lost. Where shall i go? What shall I do? What will become of me?

I am going to admit that I watched some of The Real Housewives Of New Jersey [RHONJ] last year. That whole Prostitution-Whore-Table-Flipping scene by white-trash-with-money Teresa was worth it. This year? Not so much. A bunch of bored rich, and not-so-rich-anymore, bitch housewives who spend their days talking about another woman and putting her down is just plain ugly. I'll stick with The Real Housewives Of New York, though Jill and The Countless can go screw themselves.

I watched a bit of Half-Term Governor Quitter Sarah Palin talk about how we are a religious country founded on Christian beliefs and that we should run the country the way God wants us to run it. Um, Sarah, you dipshit? Whose God? Yours? Mine? My Muslim neighbor? The Jew down the street? And what about the atheist on the corner or the agnostic on the next block? They don't get a say? Whose God, you asshatted wingnut? You should learn to keep your illiterate uninformed mindnumbingly dumb right wing opinion to yourself. For a more comprehensive, and especially well-written viewpoint on The Quitter and religion and the Constitution, head on over the The Junction, Nutwood Junction [HERE]. Miss Beth has a mouthful to say, and as usual, it's fantastic.

Don't Let 'Em Marry!! Don't Let 'Em Adopt!! Don't Let 'Em....Camp?

I used to think it was awful that I could be fired for being gay; denied housing for being gay; bashed for being gay. And don't get me started on legal rights of marriage and adoption that i can't get in many places because I'm gay.

But now, one of those Iowa wingnuts doesn't want gay folks to go camping. I know!

Senator Merlin Bartz, a Republican--naturally--who opposes marriage equality, is worried about plans to change a camping rule in state parks which, to him, makes gay couples eligible for family camping at state parks.

“They’re citing the Supreme Court case," Bartz says, "and changing, you know, ‘husband and wife’ language to ’spouse.’”

Um, Merlin? You're a wingnut? Husbands are spouses. Wives, too. Get thee to a Thesaurus.

See, in Iowa, which made marriage equality legal, by the way, the fees for camp sites are the same, whether you’re a family or a non-family, but the state allows families to put up more than one tent on a camp site.

But Bartz doesn't want The Gays to be allowed more than one tent.

Seriously. Wing-nutty.

“They’re changing their language even though the state legislature has not had a debate on this particular issue,” Bartz says, adding, “A lot of the advocates of gay marriage in Iowa have said, ‘It doesn’t affect anything. Nothing has changed.’ The reality of it is that everything is changing.”

Yes, Merlin, it's changing, and you can change with the rest of us, or you can continue to stand in a corner and stomp your feet because you don't want The Gays to have the same rights as everyone else.

Jesus Take The Wheel

Boy! Talk about having a bad day, and feeling like it's only gonna get worse.

In Pittsfield, Massachusetts, Brittany Cantarella was cited by police Tuesday after she ran down a man in the crosswalk.

The man was taken to the hospital, treated for minor injuries and released.

So, why is this a bad day for Cantarella?

The name of the man she hit in the crosswalk is Lord Jesus Christ.

In.The.Crosswalk.

I can't imagine that dinner conversation.

What happened?

I ran over Jesus with my Monte Carlo!

Good thing He's into forgiveness, or someone might be going to Hell.

source

Cinco de Never.....AGAIN!!!

Well, we had our little soiree over the weekend, the infamous Cinco de Never party that Carlos promised over a year ago, and, well, I think it all went smoothly. During and after.

Before? Not so much.

Carlos and I cooked everything; cleaned everything; rearranged everything.

We began cooking on Thursday, prepping got each dish. I was the panicked one, chopping mounds of onions because onions go in everything. I was the panicked one roasting poblano peppers on the grill. I was the panicked one, checking and double-checking each recipe to make sure we had everything. Carlos was calm.

On Friday, we became Tamale Central--or Carlos became Tamale Central. He crashed around 4PM, asking if he could be finished making Tamales. I wondered if we'd have enough, so I asked how many he had.

Sixty.

I don't know if that's enough. I don't want people raving over the Tamales and then being told they can only have two.

I'll make more.

I follow him into the kitchen and he shows me thirty on the counter, and thirty in the refrigerator and ten on the island. I point to a pot on the stove.

How many in there?

Thirty.

Thirty.Sixty.Ninety.One-hundred. You're done.

He fainted.

But we weren't finished.

Saturday we switched roles. I was on casserole, beans, and appetizer duty...and, my favorite, setting up the bar. I was the calm one, cooking and chopping and assembling and tasting and arranging. Carlos, on Flan Patrol, began to panic. He loaded the blender with spices and condensed milk and, yes, forgot the lid. Whrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr........spew. Flan juice everywhere!

I became Joan Crawford to his Christina and slapped him, hard, across the face.

Calm down!

Okay, that part was just in my head. But he did relax; and we got the food done, and some last minute shopping done, and were able to shower and relax before our friends showed up to the feast.

And, oy, mi madre....such a feast!

There were Carlos' Especially Marinated Chicken-n-Pineapple Kabobs; Bob's Mom's Salsa, and Guacamole, and Baked Brie; we served 100 Tamales, stuffed with chicken or chorizo; Steak-and-Green-Onion tacos; Refried Black Beans with queso fresco and scallions; two Tortilla Españoles--aka frittatas--one veggie, one with shrimp; Nopales salad--nopales is cactus, de-thorned, peeled, and boiled, then cooled and tossed with onion, tomato, avocado, and a vinaigrette dressing, and Chayote Casserole--a Mexican squash casserole with roasted poblanos, corn, onion, and garlic.

We had food for days, for an army. No one went home hungry.

And there were drinks. Carlos made Jasmine Tea--from dried jasmine flowers, steeped like tea--and, of course, being in South Carolina, Sweet Tea. But then there was beer and wine and vodka and gin and Margaritas and Pomegranate Margaritas and Mango Margartitas and Melon Margaritas...and....and.....

Well, with so much food and drinks and fun and friends, I left the camera on the mantel after taking just three pictures. I was busy playing hostess-with-the-mostess, so camera work was left behind.

But the best part of the day was good friends and good times.

The worst part of the day was good friends saying Let's do this again next year.

Carlos announced that this was Cinco de Never AGAIN!!

Yeah. We'll see about that!

Stopping The Spillage

Foyer: Done......To The Living Room And Beyond

The foyer is done, at last. Painted, rugged, dressed, staged, relit.
It went from a hideous red to a gorgeous midnight blue, and then I repainted an old secretary green, with gold accents, to showcase some of Carlos' favorite teapots.
It makes such a nice entry into Casa Smallville.

Life IS Good.....Thanks Corey

I have been honored with the Life Is Good Award, bestowed upon me by one Corey, AKA The MadTexter, and now I must answer a series of questions posed by Corey. Anyone who wishes to follow suit may do so, or, even take a stab at answering these questions in the comments section of ISBL.

So, first off, Thanks Corey, and now.......

Let's rip:

1) If you could go back to being a teenager knowing all that you know now, would you?

Tempting as that may be, to be a younger, infinitely more wise, version of me, I don't think I'd take that trip back in time. The things I've done, learned, seen, heard, felt, touched, tasted, have made me the Bob I am today, and, such as I am, I wouldn't change that. So, that's my log-winded, gas-bag way of saying I wouldn't go back to be teenaged Bob.

2) If you could be a fly on a wall for 5 minutes in any home in the world, who's home would it be?

Dick Cheney. I'd like to see if he's a raging fucktard whose head is permanently ensconced in his ass when the cameras are off, too.

3) What hair color attracts you? Black, Brown, Blonde, Auburn, Silver?

Well, I am attracted every day to a man who has, er, had, black hair, but every once in a while there's something to be said for a blond. No. Black hair. Carlos, Colin Farrell, Denzel Washington. All hot; all black hair. Yup, black.......unless. No. Black.

4) If you could move to another country and live there the rest of your life, what country would it be, and why?

I would move to Africa because I believe all life springs from Africa. 'Nuff said.

5) (Referring to the film The Box) If someone offered you $1million, but the catch was that someone random in the world would die if you took the money, would you take it? If 'yes', defend your answer.

Nope. I seriously couldn't/wouldn't wish death upon anyone. Plus, I'd know someone else would have the chance and I just might be that "random" death.

6) If you could ask any person (famous or otherwise) one question, who would it be and what would you ask them?

Well, anyone who knows me, knows that my hero is Rosa Parks, so i'd ask her if she was really tired the day she refused to give up her seat, or was she just tired of the bullshiz going on at the time.

7) If you could pick the winner of American Idol, who would it be?
Well, I have been Team Bowersox since day one. No other answer.

8) What is your favorite TV program of all time?

The Dick Van Dyke Show. Or it's modern day equivalent, Seinfeld.

9) What is your dream job?

Retired. Or writing. Writing about retirement. Retiring after writing.

10) If you could be King or Queen of any country in the world (whether it's currently a democracy or not), what country would it be?

Oh, I'd turn South Carolina into its own country and I'd be its first Queen. Just because I'd like to see the Bible Thumpers stampede for the border. See, in South Carolina, it's not the heat, it's the stupidity.

Lena Horne: 1917-2010

Lena Horne died Sunday at age ninety-two.
Beautiful lady.
Gorgeous voice.
She will be missed.

Sunday Funnies

BREAKING: Massive Windspill Reported In Southern California

by Jeff Lieber

I'm so sorry if this is disjointed [WHOOOSH] or confusing [WHOOOSH], but--I find myself the middle of a disaster of unprecedented proportions [WHOOOSH] and--oh the humanity--I'm having a hard time understanding how we progressives [WHOOOSH] [WHOOOSH] could ever let this happen!?

You see, I live in Southern California... just north of the Tehachapi Pass Wind Farm... and this morning a lipstick lesbian biker gang lost control of their motorcycles and CRASHED into one of the turbines and now...

THERE IS [WHOOOSH] FUCKING WIND [WHOOOSH] EVERYWHERE!!!!

There's wind on the ground and over the water and filling the sky in a way God never, ever, intended [WHOOOSH] and--as it spills out uncontrollably--blowing at speeds [WHOOOSH] fast enough to lift up cows and houses and allegorical crones on bicycles I'm reminded of the opening scene of the environmental disaster film The Wizard Of Oz.

In fact FEMA is [WHOOOSH] dispatching the Army Corps of Engineers just in case someone gets trapped [WHOOOSH] under a house!

We got cell phone calls all over the ground...fax transmissions smashed through the windshields of cars...and iPhone data strewn from Sacramento to the Mexican boarder.

How in God's name [TUMBLEWEED BLOWS BY] are we going to breathe with all this air in the air?

But the worse part...I now find out that some asshole in the GREEN MOVEMENT allowed these WIND FARMS to be built right near SOLAR FARMS and so [WHOOOSH] what is going to happen if all this extra wind somehow manages to DESTROY THE SOLAR FARM and [WHOOOSH] next thing we know... we're dealing with THE FUCKING SUN SPILLING ALL OVER THE DESERT!

WHY DIDN'T WE LISTEN TO THE REPUBLICANS AND STICK WITH A SAFE ENERGY SOURCE LIKE OIL!?!?!

from the DemocraticUnderground.com....via Round-The-Way-Gay, and ISBL Smallville correspondent, Neal.