Why Is It ...

… that I've NEVER seen long lines of pro-lifers lining up to be foster parents.

… that unless you’re music, I kinda prefer not to listen to you?

… that sometimes my road rage is so bad that I wish I could Bluetooth into someone’s car and cuss them out through their speakers.

… that they still call it a “vacation request” when it’s more of a “vacation awareness” because I’m not requesting anything, I’m making you aware that I won’t be in this week.

… that even though I keep my mouth shut, sometimes, you can read the subtitles on my face.

… that nothing seems to last longer than a video someone is showing you that you have no interest in.

… that back when I was trying to find the Yee to my Haw, all I could find was the Hell to my Naw.

… that I don’t always tolerate stupid people but when I do I’m probably at work.

… that self-discipline is so hard? Is it because I’m the boss of me and I run a really loose ship?

… that HR says I’m no longer allowed to answer the phone with, “For fuck’s sake, what now?”