Bobservations

As y’all know, Ozzo is nearly deaf and blind, has a little arthritis in his hind legs, and is sometimes incontinent; good times. The other morning Carlos took Ozzo outside to do his business and then came in and fed the cats and made Ozzo’s breakfast. Then he got the dog back inside and fed him while I was in the back of the house. Carlos yelled to me:

“Can you come out here and see where the dog pooped in the kitchen?”

Words I love to hear first thing, but as I was walking to the kitchen I said:

“Are you sure it was Ozzo or did you poop in the kitchen?”

“No, I did not poop in the kitchen.”

“Not today, you mean.”

“I don’t like you.”

“But you love my humor.”

And then I found the poop, and we cleaned it up and went about our day.

This week’s Tuxedo Memory comes from April 2011:

“Caturday: Leapin’ Tuxedo

Tuxedo spots a speck of dust floating in a beam of sunlight ... and he's off in a blur!”

That cat was quite the jumper; he used to climb on top of the clothes hamper in the closet and jump straight up to a shelf six feet off the ground, and then across the closet to an even higher shelf.

Like his Daddy he enjoyed looking down on people … wait, what?

It’s no surprise that Inmate# P01135809 pushed the GOP wingnuts in Congress to open an impeachment inquiry into President Biden, but it looks like the Inmate is actually going to help the president.

In January 2020, the Inmate# P01135809-led Justice Department formally declared that impeachment inquiries by the House are invalid unless the chamber takes formal votes to authorize them.

And they don’t have the votes, just like they have no actual proof of any impeachable offense.

GOP Clown Car.

For well over an hour at a recent town meeting, the people of Llano, Texas spoke out against abortion. See, even though abortion is illegal across Texas, people were still driving women on Llano roads to reach clinics in other states and Llano residents said their city had a responsibility to “fight the murders.”

Howsabout this people of Llano? You don’t own the roads; they are state roads and as such you cannot decide who drives on them. So why not go home, thump your Bibles and shut the fuck up.

PS A journalist ought to investigate how many women in Llano have had abortions.

The man wears high heels, makeup, a girdle, refers to his hair as strawberry blonde, and lies about his height and weight.

All we have to do is get him to read a book to children and he’ll be kicked out of Florida.

*Stolen from Facebook

Rudy Giuliani, who finished another week whining and complaining about being charged as a coconspirator to Inmate # P01135809, and shrieking about being broke, has apparently purchased a massive new ring for his longtime girlfriend Maria Ryan. Ryan has been linked to Drunkle Rudy since 2018 after being named as his mistress in court documents filed amid his divorce from third wife Judy Nathan.

Most newspapers are quick to point out that the ring is worth an estimated $60,000 … “if real.”

I’m thinking the gem is as real as his hair color.

Okay, so I have this habit of saying horrid things that pop into my head at the most inopportune times … like this week when I went to work with a bandage around my forearm. As we settled in for a meeting someone asked what happened and here’s what I said:

“Well, y’all know I have a problem with heroin, right? And I used to shoot it between my toes to hide the track marks, and then started shooting it directly into my hemorrhoids because the high hits harder and faster. Well, over the weekend, I got so high I started shooting it into my arms again and now have these awful track marks.”

I looked around at the shocked faces of horror and then added:

“Or, while working in the yard I was bitten by some kind of bug and scratched my arm so much that it looks ugly and pus-filled so I put a bandage on it.”

A voice from across the room said:

“C’mon, we all know which story is true. Bob doesn’t do yardwork.”

Even the co-workers are funny.

PS It is a bug bite.

This is Ezra Moreland, a model and a US Navy Rescue Swimmer Veteran, but the question is: Would You Hit It?