Why Is It ...

… that when a friend is telling me some story and I say, ‘Wow, that’s crazy,’ for like the hundredth time, they keep talking? Don't they know that means I don't believe them?

… that I have never, in my whole life, tried to pronounce an ‘L’ so hard as when I’m in Lowes and asking where I could get some ‘caulk'? God only knows where they'd send me if I left the 'L' out.

… that some  people spend all of their time complaining about their lives when there are literally millions of people living in Florida?

… that my therapist told me “write letters to people you hate and then burn them"? I did all that, but now I don’t know what to do with the letters.

… that not one of the Oathkeepers ever realized that they worship a guy who has never kept an oath in  his life?

… that body parts are often metaphors, like guts are courage, balls are courage, spines are courage, but toes are small pigs that participate in the market economy?

… that you can’t fix stupid, but you can sell it a red hat?

… that my doctor refuses to admit that drinking a Bloody Mary is as good as a juice cleanse?