Friday, September 04, 2015

PR 14 Ep 5: The One Where They Needed Real Guns

Tim and Heidi appear in silhouette on the runway, apparently armed with Tommy Guns and I rejoice in thinking this will be the week that someone is truly … truly … Auf’d — and I’m lookin’ at you Blake — but, sadly, it isn’t assault weapons, but paintball guns that will be used in a Battle For Fabrics.

Oh, and it’s another Team Challenge, though I knew that was coming since there are an even number of Designtestants. Blake, as the winner last week — and, yes, that win still stings — chooses first and opts for Swapnil; smart choice. Then Heidi pulls out the Dreaded Button Bag™ and chooses Candice to start a second team; Candice surveys the field and just when you’re thinking she’ll choose Ashley — given that they won when paired up and worked so well together — she picks Amanda because she wants to “help her.” Crazy say what?

Anyway the selection process continues and quickly becomes a girls versus boys plus Merline. Ashley, who has won two challenges thus far, for some odd reason is the last girl picked for Team Mean Girls, leaving even Heidi flummoxed.

So, now that we have our teams it’s off to the battlefield, where the designtestants will try and grab bolts of fabrics while being paint-balled by their opposition. Ashley takes out her anger at being chosen last by really pummeling the Boys + Merline, except for Blake, who hides in the back, grabs no fabric, and comes out in a pristine white jumpsuit. I am loathing Blake and his non-team-player-ness; not a word, I know, but it captures the spirit.

The challenge will be create a six look collection using fabrics collected in the game of paintball, with a twist: Tim tells the designers that their paint-splattered coveralls will be the main material for the challenge, while the fabrics collected will be their supplemental materials.  Oops Blake … good luck with the all-white; though, as happens in the PR where things are not always what they seem, the designers are also given white fabric and more paint to create more textiles.

Let’s rip …

THE TOPS
Five Guys and Merline
After the Battlefield, the Boys + Merline end up with blue, yellow, and green fabrics, and blue, yellow, and green splattered jumpsuits. They decide—after a brief discussion—to go with a 1950s inspiration and set about creating a Jackson Pollock-esque splattered fabric they can also use.

This is Team Get Along because they are all listening to one another, collaborating very well  — Jake dyed the fabrics, Blake painted flowers on some of the pieces — and Tim is quite impressed with what they’ve created and how they worked together. It’s clear from the first five minutes which team will win … but let’s talk clothes:

JOSEPH
My design aesthetic is not that Wow! Wow! Wow! factor.

WHAT I SAID
Joseph? I'm thinking you're gonna need to bring a Wow to the runway, and soon. This is cute — though I think Blake’s flowers accomplished that — but, again, it’s the older woman hemline that throws it off.

JAKE
I love my look because it flows.

WHAT I SAID
Stiff pants don't really flow. Especially not high-waisted blue Capri pants with a cape top. The cape, which Jake created with help from the team, is the best part, because it does flow; the pants seem off to me.

MERLINE
I designed something I’m super proud of.

WHAT I SAID
I don't get her POV; everything seems off about this Kimono-dress thing. It was my least favorite because, while we know it’s a coat since Merline told us, it looks like a dress with a blanket thrown over one shoulder.

BLAKE
My look is clean, fresh and crisp.

WHAT I SAID
And that's probably what he was going for after last week’s horrendously made winner, and the other week’s where he’s gone over-the-top. Blake scaled it down this week; sure, it’s simple, but it’s chic.

SWAPNIL
My look is looking quite nice. Kelly Osbourne is loving it.

WHAT I SAID
A poufy dress with a fitted bodice, this is a lot of work. Swapnil even took apart his shoes to create the lace up portion of the corset. While I think it’s odd to be longer in the front than the back, this is a lot of work and all of it good.

EDMOND
It looks really good … [it’s] more of a statement piece.

WHAT I SAID
He really used the jumpsuit, deconstructing it to make a floor-length halter gown. Blake’s flowers really worked on this one.

Plus, again, and I’m sorry … not really … he is adorable.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID
Zac commended the team for stepping up this week; he called it a great collaboration. Heidi loved that they used fabrics they created, and thought Edmond’s dress was fresh; she also loved Swapnil’s balloon skirt. Nina loved that it was fun and energetic and sophisticated, and called it the best group challenge designs she’s ever seen on the PR. She also loved Edmond’s polished piece, and called him a very smart designer. Guest Judge, American designer and noted art collector Lisa Perry, loved the fresh textiles and Edmonds unique vision for a gown. Fellow Guest Judge, and fashion critic, designer, and upcoming “Project Runway Junior" judge Kelly Osbourne, wants Edmond’s gown, and commended each designer for sticking to their aesthetic while making a cohesive collection.

WHAT HAPPENED: Y’all know I loves me some Edmond, but I thought this would be Swapnil’s week. It was not, and Edmond gets another win, though he is sweet and gracious in thanking everyone from Jake to Blake for their help in making the collection work.

THE BOTTOMS
Mean Girls
After the battle, the girls end up with orange, pink, and purple fabrics and not much more. They cannot seem to decide on a cohesive collection and each one sets about making their own designs; cue ominous drumming. They then decide to paint their additional white fabrics, but it ends up looking like someone vomited Pepto and orange Juice on sheets; it’s a mess. They smashed pellets on the sheets and now they’re covered in paint and pellets, rendering them all ugly, and worst of all, useless.

And, after Tim visits, and confirms the hot messiness of the whole shebang, Mean Girls decide to scrap their painted fabrics and go for a Barney Purple theme that will be the glue which holds their team together.

The glue however won’t old, because there is sniping — Amanda is pissy because Laurie won’t let her use her scissors, but, um, yeah, Laurie was using the scissors when asked — and so Laurie tells Ashley that there will be a bus on the runway — The Downtown Candice-Amanda-Lindsey-Kelly Express  and they are gunning for Ashley.

Cue ominous drumming ….

ASHLEY
I love how everything fits.

WHAT I SAID
Good fit doesn't mean good design. This is not good; a ruffled pink clown color and a purple circle skirt. The top seems well-made but the bottom is a nothing. The pleats are cool; hey, couldn’t the theme have been pleating?

LAURIE
I love the culottes.

WHAT I SAID
I almost wished Laurie had been Auf'd for saying that. It’s cute; a crop top and culottes from the 1990s; hey, couldn’t the theme have been the 90s?

LINDSEY
I feel fine when I see my look … but it looks a little flat.

WHAT I SAID
A pair of too-short gray pants and a crop tank worn under a raincoat; hey, couldn’t the theme have been inclement weather and drab crop tops-and-pants?

KELLY
I am not happy with the fabrics or the colors.

WHAT I SAID
or the design or the execution or the styling? A bandage top with a strap-on … collar; and a mermaid skirt; hey, couldn’t the theme have been dominatrix-mermaid-workout wear?

CANDICE
There’s a vision in my top. It’s not the worst look.

WHAT I SAID
You say 'vision,' I say 'nightmare.' I've been to San Francisco and this isn't it. A pleated purple pouf on a hospital gray dress; hey, couldn’t the theme have been battered and bruised?

AMANDA
It does create drama. It’s not super basic.

WHAT I SAID
Um, it's a sheet with holes in it. A tent-like orange-and-purple-high-low sack; hey, couldn’t the theme have been circus?

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID
After Candice declared their theme to be "San Francisco," Kelly Osbourne wanted to know what was “San Francisco” about the collection, and was met with stammering and stuttering and something about ombrĂ© and being laid back and relaxed. Heidi pointed out that there was nothing relaxed about the collection, and called it amateur hour. She was also annoyed that Team Mean Girls didn’t use their hand-painted fabrics. Kelly said she’d seen it before—seriously, crop tops? She did like Ashley’s pleating, but called the skirt an afterthought, and said Candice’s wasn’t well executed. And when Team mean Girls decides to drive the bus over Ashley … their only team member who ever won a challenge—and Candice doesn’t count because she won with Ashley—Kelly calls them out on the Bitchfest and says they are all to blame. Nina called the whole shebang joyless and really hated on Kelly’s “bad mistake” and Amanda’s “maternity Easter egg” and then dubbed Amanda dead weight.

WHAT HAPPENED
When Nina calls you dead weight it’s time to be Auf’d. After three weeks in the basement Amanda goes home.

I played it back a couple of times, and I still heard Merline say how much she loved Jackson Polack, not Pollock. Seriously, girl?

Why Candice picked Three Time Bottom Girl Amanda is beyond me, except that they were pals—except in the confessional when Amanda constantly puts Candice down for being too confident and winning and stuff.
“You should be scared … all of you.” — Tim, to Team Mean Girls
And Candice seems to think that because her name was chosen from a bag of buttons, that she’s the team leader. Newsflash: she is not a leader when all she does is talk about what she’s doing; no guidance, no suggestion; no nothing.

Oh, and Candice? Note for the future: don't tell hair and make-up the theme is LA and then tell the judges it's San Francisco. Best to start with a theme and stick to it, rather than make one up to save your ass.

And, really PR producers, a segment on fingernail polish as part of the challenge? That was a stretch and a blatant commercial for the Sally Beauty Mobile Nail Studio™.
“I promise not to shoot you.” — Tim, to Blake
Oh, Blake; just when I loathe you — seriously, hiding during the paintball war — you come out as a team player by creating the floral motif. And, kudos for the smart pick of Swapnil after the rough start you two had; oh, and for sticking up for Ashley against the Mean Girls. Blake said it best to keep the drama for high school because they are all adults--except him of course, who is forever seventeen … age or IQ, I don’t know.  I may not like you, Blake, but this week I loathed you less.

And why go through with this paintball madness if you’re just gonna give the designers sheets and paints on the workroom? Was it because Blake might have had no painted fabrics and the producers want to keep him around longer? Is it because the Cubans killed Kennedy? Or, maybe because the moon landing was faked? I’m looking at all conspiracy theories.
“It looks like the 70s puked.” — Swapnil, about the girl’s painted fabrics
And the best part, for me, was that while sitting backstage awaiting their fate, Team Mean Girls chose that time to come up with their theme … after all the design and sewing and runway show, now they talk theme? And when Candice says "San Francisco!" I almost crapped my pants because didn’t she say in the hair and make-up session that their girl was from Los Angeles. Oy.

“I’m just praying for some color.” — Amanda
Each week she hits bottom and tells the judges she’ll do better, then doesn’t. What she does do, however, is complain that she isn’t the worst designer—high praise indeed—and that there were others who should have gone home. No, honey, three weeks in the Bottom and you are Auf’d. Complain at home and Instagram it to us.
“You did a really f**king good job!”  Kelly Osbourne, to Team Boys + Merline
What did YOU think?


4 comments:

Biki Honko said...

Damn I wanted to send all the girls from Team Mean™ except for Ashely and Laurie home. Candice gets ever meaner as the season goes along. Kelly is all to happy to blame someone else for her bad design. Lindsey is just mean like a viper, Two Sweet Girls™ need to keep an eye out because she is out for blood.

I thought Swapnil would win this week, his piece was full of wow and innovation. I did love Edmond's gown, so wasn't upset to see him win. I did rather like Jakes outfit. He took a piece of the cover alls and made an outfit around them.

Susan said...

Edmond's dress was gorgeous, but just to have someone else win, I would have liked to see Jake the winner. I thought the pants and cape outfit looked nice together and I am never a cape person. Plus I gave him points for coming up with the fabric design. My issue with Swapnil's dress was, I didn't like that it was longer in the front. I would have preferred the same length all around.

As for the girls, except for Ashley and Laurie, they better watch their backs!

the dogs' mother said...

Paintball..... omg!

If I was younger and skinnier the only look
I would have worn is Blake's. (ak, yes, really!!!)

Could not make sense of the previews for next week.


Excellent reporting as always, Bob! xoxoxox

BosGuy said...

Loved your critque and agree with you about who had my favorite look and about Amanda who was better at making excuses and casting blame then designing garments and executing them.

Overall, I really didn't like any of the garments made and my favorites were only by comparison to the others. I'm glad the challenge is over with and we can look forward to this week's show.