Saturday, September 05, 2015

It's Snarkurday!

Taylor Swift and her pals — and by ‘pals’ I mean the people she brought with her to VMA after-parties and paid their bar tabs, their hair and make-up tabs, stylists and transportation bills — were apparently a bunch of mean girls to diminutive pipsqueak pop star, Arianna Grande, and her brother, hanger-on-with-n-real-job, Frankie, because Swifty demanded the duo be kept away from her and her friend$.

At first, people thought it was just Frankie because … who? … but Swifty made it clear that she wanted an Arianna-Free Zone.

Perhaps TayTay was serving donuts and she didn’t want to tempt Grande who has been known to tongue some sweet treats?

It pays to be a Food Network star and it pays to divorce one, too.

Giada De Laurentiis is officially divorced from her husband Todd Thompson, but not without coughing up some coins.

Giada will pay Todd $9,000 a month in child support and give him their $3.2 million Pacific Palisades home, as well as $300,000 in art and furnishings. He also gets to keep his membership in the swanky Bel-Air Bay Club. In return, Giada gets all rights to an untitled Italian cookbook and her production company, Linguine Pictures, as well as the rights to GDL Foods, Inc.

But, because there was no prenup, Todd will also get 50% of the unpaid advances for various cookbooks, including a $2.5 million balance for Giada at Home/Weeknights with Giada, $2.3 million for Giada Feel Good Food, and $757,000 for Everyday Pasta/Giada’s Kitchen.

Wow. I should’a married a Food Network star!

So, fired Real Housewives of Beverly Hill’s “star” Brandi Glanville is being sued by out-of-a-job Real Housewives of Miami “star” Joanna Krupa because Brandi claims Krupa’s vagina stinks.

Uh huh. And that led to the lawsuit for “slander, libel, defamation and/or intentional inflection of emotional distress”.

Uh huh. And that led to Brandi’s defense lawyers and their questions that Krupa must answer in a deposition:
“Is it your contention in this lawsuit that your vagina and/or vulva are odorless? If yes, please explain with specificity why your vagina and/or vulva are odorless.”
Yup. Krupa will have to prove she has a sweet-smelling va-jay-jay.

That is one jury I want to be excused from …

In other Real Housewives of Beverly Hills news … recovering alcoholic and public drunk, Kim Richards won’t be heading to jail … at least not for acting the fool at a posh hotel.

Richards struck a plea deal this week and will get three years’ probation, and she must attend 52 Alcoholics Anonymous classes and complete 30 days of community labor, like cleaning up a freeway or a hotel bathroom after a drunk vomits in there.

Oh, and she is banned from the Beverly Hills Hotel … for life ... though she’s still facing charges for shoplifting $612.00 worth of stuff from Target.

I wonder if Target will ban her for life as well.

In more vagina news … I sense a trend and I don’t like it … this one is for the books.

A few years ago, some strange fan, or fanatic, started an online rumor that pop star Demi Lovato had, um, flicked her vagina during a meet and greet. Not only that, but Demi apparently flicked her vagina, made fun of the fan’s weight, and made her cry.

Demi called it the most ridiculous experience she’s ever had with a fan and now it’s come back up again because the fan apparently reposted the story …
“[Lovato] was rude, not classy and she lost a long time lovatic that day. I walked into the $350 [meet and greet] and say hello she replies with ‘fat’ and I shook it off because I thought maybe I had heard her wrong. As I approached her and asked to do my pose she stared at me blank faced. I continued talking ‘you saved my life’ I say ‘you’re the reason I’m alive today.’ She looks me dead in the eye and says ‘you’ll die soon enough fatty’ and then whispered ‘obesity.’ I started crying I had never felt pain like this and she started laughing and said ‘are you crying? Stop it. Stop it now’ and she flicked my vagina. I headed out of the M&G section and that’s when Demi started speaking whale to me. I still can’t believe this happened.”
The girl also claims that Lovato exchanged twitter messages and Demi kept up the fat rant, though the girl has no proof.

Seriously? Vagina flicking? Is this a thing?

And back to Swifty, who has apparently left one Sir Ian McKellen homeless.

In a recent interview, Sir Ian tells of the time that he was evicted from his apartment by TayTay. Yup, it seems that Swifty had purchased Lord of the Rings director Peter Jackson’s NYC apartment whilst Sir Ian was crashing there. And rather than let it continue, TayTay demanded he leave at once.

According to McKellen, he was “thrown out” a month before he was supposed to leave and ended up sleeping with hobbits or something; but he holds no grudge against Swifty saying:
“Well she bought it, she’s every right to take it over. I was just lodging there for free you know.”
But maybe Ian is a bit miffed, because Swift recently asked McKellen and his bestie, Patrick Stewart, to join her on stage during one of her LA shows but they both declined.

You don’t kick out Gandolf — he was Gandolf, right? — and then ask him to help you out onstage.

So, Tom Brady is now not guilty in the DeflateGate scandal, though a new one might be brewing on the home front.

They say they’re fine, but rumor has it that this summer has been tough — with Tom’s deflated balls, and Giselle’s inflated breasts, and Tom hanging out with Ben Affleck’s nanny in Vegas — and Tom has been “nasty and cold” to Gisele and everyone else while he dealt with DeflateGate drama.

And this week Tom appeared in a photo!

And we all know what means … he left it on the bathroom counter ... in Vegas ... and Affleck's nanny is now wearing it.

Tori Spelling needs money, y’all. I mean, her billionaire daddy left her just 800K in the will, and since she ran through that she’s been selling her life on reality TV and now people are so sick of her and her cheating-not-cheating-porn-addicted husband, that she’s had to come up with a new way to make some coins … besides getting a job.

She’s suing Benihana. Tori claims she suffered second and third-degree burns after slipping at the Encino Benihana last April and falling onto one of the restaurant’s signature table-side hibachi grills.

Spelling claims to have accrued medical expenses, “general damage” and wage loss—Wages? From what?—while she lolled about a hospital bed thinking of suing.

Tori? Dear? Get a job? Away from cameras and hot stoves? M’kay?

New Couple Alert:

Rosie O’Donnell and Tatum O’Neal are said to be having a “bicoastal” love affair.

Is that the PC term for it these days?


anne marie in philly said...

OMB, can this shiz get any more disgusting?

Blobby said...

ewww on Tatum.

and he wasn't Gandolf, but Gandalf. :)

the dogs' mother said...

On the road but nice to check in with Bob.

Jim said...

Taylor Swift needs to go back to her Radio Disney roots ... seems she has acquired an ego the size of Kanye West.

Bob Slatten said...

Ah ... Gandalf. I'm not into Hobbits and such.

Anonymous said...

I would start a crowd funding site for a sequel to Tori's Mother, May I Sleep with Danger? which was once a staple on Lifetime. I was always sure Ivan Sergei's character didn't really drown. ~~ NB

Biki Honko said...

Damn, someone really needs to haul out the trash. Is it the press or is it just me that thinks the famous have really slipped down into redneck hillbilly status.