… that when people say, “You suck,” I always respond, “Not for free”? Cuz the look on their faces is priceless.
… that I wish pets lived longer and life wasn’t so expensive and people weren’t idiots?
... that when you find someone who is obsessed with you and wants all your time, it turns out to be your boss at work?
... that I used to envy people who could do cartwheels, but now I’m jealous of anyone who can get up off the floor without making grunting noises and holding onto furniture?
… that I am at that “Oh look, there’s a bathroom. I should probably go pee” stage of life?
… that one day you’re young and fun and the next you’re pissed off because you left your kitchen reading glasses in the bedroom?
… that my level of bein g tired goes from exhausted to I might be dead and I don’t know it?
… that each day I understand the phrase “I’m getting too old for this shiz” on a deeper level?
… that my idea of a fun Saturday is to go to some unknown wedding and shout “I still love you!” and then wait for the drama?