Lately Carlos has been asking Sri to tell him jokes, which the then saves up for me, telling me as were in bed about to doze off; jokes like:
I have told him that I will murder him one night in his sleep for these jokes and I will get off on the charge once I tell people what he’s doing.
Those jokes are a crime punishable by death … or at least being hit in the head with a cartoon frying pan.
This one, about The Great Tuxedo, is from March 2009:
"I was on yard patrol today, raking leaves, bagging, leaves, hauling bags across the lawn to be put in the back of the car and taken. Tuxedo likes to sit in the window and watch.
But then he gave me the Pouty Face when I came inside because he isn't allowed to go outside.
Then he decided to punish me for leaving him in the house while I was outside having 'fun.'
Note to self: Don't piss off Tuxedo!"
Carlos was amazed that tuxedo would attack my hand and biting like that, but it didn't really hurt, it was just how we played.
I miss that.
I don’t eat fast food, but for some it’s a way of the life and maybe their only joy? Take one Belinda Miller from Georgia who drove her SUV through the front doors of her local Popeye’s because she claims they didn’t give her her biscuits.
According to the police, Richmond County sheriff’s deputies responded to Popeye’s for an accident with injuries and the manager told them that Miller drove her SUV into the east entrance after she became upset that her order did not have any biscuits. She continued to ram her car into the store and then decided she’d made her point and left for home, where police found her. She has been charged with aggravated assault and criminal damage to the property.
Like I said, I don’t eat fast food, but, damn, those must be some good biscuits!
At a recent publicity stop in Iowa Julie Ross, who calls herself a “craftivist”, gifted Florida’s Anti-Woke Governor Ron de Fascist with a handmade snowflake. But the joke was on Ronnie because, look closely, the snowflake is made of the word ‘fascist.’
Everyone’s talking about the Big Dress at the Oscars last weekend, and I missed the photo of Nigerian singer Tems, who co-wrote Lift Me Up, from Black Panther: Wakanda Forever, and her giant hood.
People seated behind her craned their necks to watch the show, but I’d have found a tiny pair of sheers and cut myself a face one and pushed my head through right beside hers.
Seriously, look at her gorgeous face that has Zero Fucks to give anyone sitting behind or beside her. Lift Me Up, indeed, so I can see that show!
Last week at church, the pastor asked if anyone would like to express praise for answered prayers, and Susan Greene took to the podium:
"I have a praise. Two months ago my husband, Phil, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."
The men in the congregation gasped and clutched their nether regions as Mrs. Greene continued:
"Phil was unable to hold me or the children, and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed an operation to piece together the crushed remnants of his scrotum and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."
The men in church were visibly squirming now:
“Thank the Lord, Phil is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."
The men sighed and the pastor asked if anyone else had praise; a man stood, and walked to the podium:
"I'm Phil, and I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum."
The New Mexico legislature has passed legislation, officially titled the Human Rights Modernization Act, to modernize the state’s anti-discrimination law by adding explicit protections for LGBTQ+ people.
The proposed law, which Governor Michelle Lujan Grisham is expected to sign, establishes a broader slate of protections for LGBTQ+ people by defining gender and sex in state law and expanding existing definitions of sexual orientation and gender identity.
Good on New Mexico. Especially with the anti-LGBTQ+ nonsense going on around the rest of the country. This is what happens when you put adults, and by adults I mean Democrats, in charge.
Another show I’m enjoying is Alaska Daily, starring Hilary Swank as a reporter in Alaska covering the many stories of Indigenous women who go missing every year in this country; a couple of hotties co-star, and they are Craig Frank, left, and Shane McRae, right, and so I pose the question; Which One Would You Hit?