I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

So, everybody’s climbing aboard the Save Britney bandwagon in the wake of The New York Times Presents Framing Britney stories of her father controlling her and her money. And one of the biggest worms crawling from the ooze to cough up some words on BritBrit is former love, Justin Timberlake.

Of course, JT waited about twenty years, and until he had a movie to promote, before saying a word about the not so nice things he said about Britney … he outed her for not being a virgin, for one. And also, as like every time he has something to promote, Timberlake does a mea culpa lap around ripping off Janet’s Jackson’s shirt, baring her breast, during a Superbowl Halftime show. Back then he played the coy innocent boy while Janet was dragged for it.

And so …because he has a new movie coming out … JT took to social media to read a prepared statement:

“I’ve seen messages, tags, comments, and concerns and I want to respond. I am deeply sorry for the times in my life where my actions contributed to the problem, where I spoke out of turn, or did not speak up for what was right. I understand that I fell short in these moments, and others, and benefited from a system that condones misogyny and racism.

I specifically want to apologize to Britney Spears and Janet Jackson both individually because I care for and respect these women and I know I failed.

I also compelled to respond, in part, because everyone involved deserves better and most importantly because this is a larger conversation that I wholeheartedly want to be part of and learn from …”

Wow, that is a full-on word salad that reeks of insincerity, though I was waiting for the “I have a new film opening this month, please go see it.”

Nicely done, JT, drag these women again while getting some free publicity for your latest film.

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When you’re a very rich person, and crazily enough, “comedian” Kevin Hart is, you pay people to do the most mundane things for which you have little to no time. And Kevin cannot shop, so he pays someone to do his shopping. But problems can arise when you give someone access to your coins, and now comes word that Kevin’s personal shopper, Dylan Syer, was ALLEGEDLY shoplifting about a million bucks from him, and this week Syer was in a New York City courtroom facing 9 counts, including grand larceny.

Apparently Dylan gained Kevin’s trust in 2015 and began buying expensive items for him, on his behalf. All the purchases were legitimate, and Kevin’s credit card was used to make the purchases. With access to Kevin’s credit card, Dylan ALLEGEDLY began transferring money from Kevin’s card into his personal bank account, and then began blowing through the money like a Lindsay Lohan coke binge, spending hundreds of thousands of Kevin’s hard-earned one-trick-pony dollars on expensive jewelry, watches, art, collectibles, designer handbags, and leather goods.

The grand total was roughly $1.2 million; all in the span of two years.

Yikes. The DA is trying to seize all the items Syer ALLEGEDLY bought with stolen coins, but that might prove difficult since Syer was given access to the card, so the company never called Hart to ask him about his sudden interest in  high-end designer handbags.

And it took him over two years to even notice the $1.2 million dollars charged to his card. Not quite the sharpest little tool … in the shed.

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I don’t really pay close attention to The Bachelor and Bachelorette franchises because it seems like a group of whores, male and female, vying for the one john, male or female, but I will try and explain it.

The story begins with Rachael Kirkconnell, a contestant on The Bachelor, who, back in 2018, attended an “Old South” themed party on an old plantation which caused peopleto think she was racist.  Now, going to an antebellum party doesn’t make someone racist but then people began digging into her social media and found a slew of Confederate flags, QAnon conspiracies and some racist crap.

Then spurred another former Bachelorette, Rachel Lindsay—the first Black Bachelorette—to ask the show’s host Chris Harrison about the controversy and he really stepped in it and has since “stepped away” from the show. See, Harrison basically dismissed Rachael Kirkconnell’s highly-racist past as nothing and then called out the “woke police” because people calling out racism are wrong:

“Well, Rachel, is it a good look in 2018, or is it not a good look in 2021? Because there’s a big difference. Where is this lens we’re holding up and was this lens available, and were we all looking through it in 2018?”

Wow, he seemed to suggest that racism in 2018 is okay because it was soooo long ago. Perhaps rather than stepping away, Harrison should have been shoved away. And he followed that up with the I Need To Save My Job apology:

“I have spent the last few days listening to the pain my words have caused, and I am deeply remorseful. My ignorance did damage to my friends, colleagues and strangers alike. I have no one to blame but myself for what I said and the way I spoke. I set standards for myself, and have to meet them. I feel that with every fiber of my being. Now just as I taught my children to stand up, and to own their actions, I will do the same. By excusing historical racism, I defended it. I invoked the term ‘woke police,’ which is unacceptable. I am ashamed over how uninformed I was. I was so wrong. To the Black community, to the BIPOC community: I am so sorry. My words were harmful. I am listening, and I truly apologize for my ignorance and any pain it caused you. “I want to give my heartfelt thanks to the people from these communities who I’ve had enlightening conversations with over the past few days, and I am so grateful to those who have reached out to help me on my path to anti-racism.”

That’s a lot of words for something that could have gone like this:

“I said some stupid ass shit. I’m sorry for being an addle-brained tool I will now walk away until I really truly learn that racism in 2021 is as wrong as racism in 2018 … or 1963 … or 1931 … or 1856 … or 1776 … or ….”

Now go.

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Lord, One Percent problems.

Salma Hayek is married to François-Henri Pinault, a French billionaire who made his billions by being the spawn of a French billionaire; he inherited Daddy’s company, Kering, which owns luxury brands like Gucci, Yves Saint Lauren, and Balenciaga.

Salma and François-Henri have been married since 2009, and, during an appearance on Dax Shepard’s podcast, Armchair Expert, she said she doesn’t care that some people think she married him for his $43.4. billion:

“You know the thing is that in pictures you cannot begin to guess the magic in him. He’s made me become a much better person, and grow in such a good, healthy way. And, you know, when I married him, everybody said, ‘Oh, it’s arranged marriage, she married him for the money.’ I’m like, ‘Yeah, whatever, bitch. Think what you want.’ 15 years together, and we are strong in love. And I don’t even get offended, I’m like, yeah, whatever.”

Salma has said she believes there’s discrimination against rich men and that not all of them are bad, materialistic, or people undeserving of their wealth.

Dear goddess, is she suggesting that rich people have harder lives than poor people? I don’ t think Salma married him because he’s rich, but he might have married her for those breasts, and not for her brains because, again, she’s an idiot who believes we should pity the rich.

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GOOP is at it again, y’all. A year, a full year, into the pandemic, and Gwyneth Paltrow has revealed she had COVID-19 very early on:“A little background:

"I had COVID-19 early on, and it left me with some long-tail fatigue and brain fog. In January, I had some tests done that showed really high levels of inflammation in my body. So I turned to one of the smartest experts I know in this space, the functional medicine practitioner Dr. Will Cole. After he saw all my labs, he explained that this was a case where the road to healing was going to be longer than usual.”

As she does with everything, Paltrow sold, er, told her story in a blog post on GOOP, and then turned that revelation into a money beg about how she came upon her latest regimen after COVID left her with some long-lasting symptoms,

Gwyneth’s personal routine involves fasting until 11:00 AM every day, eating a “keto and plant-based but flexible” diet—I guess that means not keto and plant based all the time, which would make it just regular eating—and  supplements which are for sale, where else, on GOOP. Oh, and she’s also doing “an infrared sauna … in service of healing.” 

Infrared sauna? This is it:

Is it just me or does that look like a $500.00 ginormous heating pad? Oh, and in case you fall for it, it’s “non-returnable?” 

So many people making money off the pandemic but they’re selling things we need like masks and hand sanitizers. Gwyneth wants y’all to buy a heating pad.

Next up, a candle that smells like your vagina on COVID-19.

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