It's Snarkurday!

That Woman must not have any children to whore out to the press right now, so she’s out there whoring her own self.

Last week she was seen in Beverly Hills with a ginormous zirconia on that finger, apparently to make y’all believe that her professional walker, Corey Gamble, who’s been her squire since her divorce from Caitlyn Jenner in 2014, had popped the question.

As a Kardastrophe, though, she doesn’t outright spill the tea, but instead posts a picture of said ring on said finger and then lets it go.

That Woman is 62-years-old in human years while Corey is a quarter century younger, and way too hot to be seen with the likes of the Demon herself.

I hope Corey didn’t put a ring on it because she’ll put a leash on him and turn him into a Very Special Episode of Keeping Up With The Kardastrophes until such time as his coma wears off and he runs for the hills.

Seriously. Look at him. Look at her … if you can … these two things don’t go together.

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I used to like Kathy Griffin; loved her snarky sense of humor, but after that _____ bloody head mess, she turned all desperate and thirsty and began acting like she was a victim in this mess. And now she’s going all victim again by reigniting a feud she’s had with Ellen DeGeneres about Joan Rivers … who passed away four years ago!

Griffin claims that the last time she saw Rivers before she died in 2014, Joan told her that Ellen had “shunned” her and how hurt she was by it; naturally Griffin shared this story with an audience:

“One of the things that really hurt Joan, and we talked about it at our last meal together, was that Ellen always shunned her and Ellen thought she was vulgar and not funny.”

And Kathy told the audience that she called Ellen to get her to appear at a tribute for Rivers and Ellen rebuffed her, saying “there’s a difference between mean and funny.” Griffin says:

“That fucking set me off. So, we had a fight in which I used inflammatory words like, ‘Look you fucking untalented hack.’”

Says the Bravo’s D-Listed celeb-wannabe to the woman with the hugely popular TV series and boatloads of cash. Well, several days later, Griffin says she tried to reach out to Ellen again, this time to do a sketch with her that involved them fighting. Yes, she started a fight with Ellen, who, let’s be clear, did not sink down and take the bait, and then asked Ellen to do a comedy sketch about the fight that Ellen did not have.

Thirsty bitch, that Griffin. Ellen said No; and that started Kathy Griffin’s dislike for Ellen and it’s why she’s still talking about it four years later. But this isn’t the first time Griffin has said Ellen doesn’t like her. In 2016, Griffin included a blind item in her book about a “daytime talk show host” with “short blonde hair” who had a “mean streak that all of Hollywood knows about.”

Griffin later confirmed it was about Ellen … a “daytime talk show host” with “short blonde hair” … could it have been Oprah?  … and says Ellen called her about that and went “on a rant” that left Griffin in tears.

“After the phone call I literally started sobbing. At the end of the day, whether we like each other or not, I’m always going to support a woman, over fifty, in the game, and making a great living.”

Wait. Let’s rehash … Griffin tried to get Ellen to perform at a tribute for someone Ellen didn’t like … Ellen refused … Griffin yelled at her … then Griffin was surprised that Ellen wouldn’t do a sketch with her … two years later she says Ellen is mean in real life because she didn’t jump when Kathy demanded.

Seriously. Ellen has yet to say one word about Kathy Griffin, who is the one who looks like a mean bitch to me.

And a thirsty one at that.

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Some old TV show gossip? Dukes of Hazzard style?

Apparently, Bo Hazzard, AKA John Schneider, has said he’d rather go to jail than pay his ex-wife, Elvira—not that Elvira—over $150,000 in back alimony. They were married 25 years and John thinks he’s give her enough coins and would rather sit behind bars that cough up any more.

Well then, lock him up and only let him out when his job in the laundry has earned him the 150K he owes the ex.

I imagine a few days as Bo, The Prison Bitch might change his mind and open his wallet.

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Oops, #MeToo has another case. And this time it’s Black-ish star Anthony Anderson who is being investigated by the LAPD for assault.

Charges filed last week by a woman who formerly worked with Anthony as a caterer at a private event last year. They met up once after his event to talk about future work, and that is when the ALLEGED inappropriate behavior went down. Now, there aren’t many, or any details, but Anderson is already on the offensive:

“It’s unfortunate that anyone can file a police report whether it is true or false. The authorities have not contacted Anthony or any of his representatives about this matter. Anthony unequivocally disputes the claim.”

Team Anthony might wanna simmer for a hot minute because this isn’t the first time someone has claimed he was inappropriate.

In 2004, he was charged with an ALLEGED rape of an extra on the Memphis set of Hustle & Flow. That woman claimed that both Anthony and an assistant director on the film both raped her. The charges were dropped after the judge declared the whole thing to be “the most suspicious case I’ve ever heard.”

ABC, home to Black-ish, has yet to say anything, because they’re probably trying to figure out how not to lose another hit show over the actions of its star. Just sayin’.

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Ever since Gwyneth Paltrow launched GOOP in 2008 it’s been accused of being full of quacks and charlatans … and run by a bad actress, but maybe that was just me? I mean, remember when Gwynnie claimed that shoving a $66 egg-shaped crystal in your cooch could “balance your hormones”? Or those amazing $60 stickers … yes, stickers … that could boost “boost cell turnover”?

Snake oil saleswoman. Well, Gwynnie wanted to create a magazine to spread her ridiculous thoughts and ideas but the magazine failed after just two issues. Paltrow, never one to accept responsibility, places the blame on publisher Condé Nast because they weren’t keen on publishing half-truths and lies.

Paltrow had hoped the magazine would be like the website and be a place where the GOOP team of quacks could go unchallenged in their assertions that “earthing”—AKA walking barefoot—is healing, among other things. And she is trying to spin the craziness of her site’s claims by saying this … with a straight Botoxed face:

“We’re never making statements.”

Um, yeah you were; put the egg in your cooch and this will happen. That’s an assertion Paltrow. But now, in an effort to at least look legitimate, she’s hired a team of lawyers and the fact-checkers who work overtime to prove what Paltrow claims … crystal eggs, $1500 white T’s, and going barefoot … have medicinal qualities.

Seriously, you think a lawyer will say that GOOP isn’t hogwash?

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It’s been over two years since the internet and the Beyhive opened up a case file into figuring out the identity of the “Becky with the Good Hair,” you know, the girl who took a ride on Jay-Z. The case remained unsolved, though many think Becky is designer Rachel Roy and others think it’s Rita Ora.

Cue one Amber Rose, who Inspector Clouseau’d herself into the story and now claims that Becky is one Gwyneth Paltrow. Ick. Recently Amber was a guest on Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt’s podcast, Make Speidi Famous Again—don’t get me started on that mess—and made her case for Gwyneth taking a spin on Z dick:

“I definitely think that Gwyneth Paltrow is ‘Becky with the good hair … I feel like she’s the one who was, like, f**king Jay-Z. They were like friends, and then, like, you don’t see Gwyneth Paltrow with Beyoncé anymore. It just seems like she was the one that was f**king Jay-Z, and now Gwyneth lost her husband, but like Beyoncé’s still with Jay.”

First off, Amber, lay off the ‘likes;’ you’re not twelve. That said, she does make a strong case for Gwyneth being Becky especially when Paltrow’s team of lawyers and factcheckers instantly leapt forward to claim the accusation is “absurd” and 100 percent false.

And another source—possibly Paltrow burning love letters to Jay Z in which she asks him to make her his Queen Bey—claims Amber was just joking. But … was she?

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Sixty-eight-year-old David Foster’s daughter, Erin, posted this comment on one of her father’s Instagram posts where he posed with his fiancé the literally half his age Katharine McPhee.

“Mommyyy.”

At 35, Erin is one year older than Mommyyy.

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It's Snarkurday!

There are all kinds of theories as to why Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris exploded, but maybe it just boils down to Kewpie Doll Ego?

See, Calvin had a fairly big hit song with “This Is What You Came For” — I only know this because I read it, not because I ever heard the song … ick — but ALLEGEDLY some of the lyrics — differing versions of “Oooooooooh Oooooooooh” — were written by Swifty.

Folks say Swifty ALLEGEDLY wrote the song, sent it to Calvin, and they recorded a demo, but then felt it was wrong to work together on some sucky tune — because Taylor has the rights to all sucky tunes — so Rihanna sang it and TayTay was reduced to background Ooooohs. Then when Calvin was out promoting the song he said he wouldn’t do music with Taylor … and … cue Taylor Swift’s Teenage Meltdown.

And cue her people “accidentally” releasing information that she co-wrote the tune. Then cue Calvin, trying to make nice—saying Swifty is :::cough cough::: an “amazing lyric writer” and that she sang on the song too—but when Swift moved on to Tom Hiddleston the niceties were off.  Harris began Mean-Tweeting and even dragged TayTay’s Best Frenemy into the fight by saying he would not let Swift “bury him” the way she tried to bury Katy Perry.

Perry then piped up on Twitter with a GIF of Hilary Clinton giving some side-eye and then reTweeted some shade she’s posted about Taylor’s “Bad Blood” video:

“Time will tell.”

Now, seriously, these folks are too damn old and too damn famous for these kinds of Twit Feuds, but then other folks, less rich, less famous, less Swifty Robotic, started a hashtag #TaylorSwiftIsoverParty and then trolled Taylor’s Instagram and filled the comments section with snake emojis.

Taylor isn’t talking, or singing, but I imagine she’ll marry Tom Hiddleston as a way to “get back” at everyone and then “write” a bunch of grown-assed-woman-teenage-angsty songs about it to punish us further.

Consider yourselves warned.

Tori Spelling has learned that no matter how many times you cry poverty, you still gotta pay your taxes.

See, California has hit Tori, and her co-adulterer husband, with a tax lien to the tune of $259,108.23 in unpaid taxes from 2014.

What will Tori do? Probably pitch a reality show to Lifetime called Tori and Dean in the Slammer.

Lamar Odom is ALLEGEDLY drinking again … a few months after he almost died from the drink and the drug and the hookers at a Nevada brothel. But sources — most likely That Woman, his not-yet-ex-mother-in-law — say Lamar isn’t worried and can handle his drinking; or can he?

Think again because this week Lamar was kicked off a flight for being a drunken mess.

Waiting for a flight from LAX to NYC Lamar decided to beers and whiskey in an airport bar, and by the time he boarded the plane, before he even sat down, Odom started vomiting in the galley and the bathroom.

Doused in puke, Lamar was escorted off the plane by flight attendants while a cleaning crew came in and un-puked it … and then it got messier ten minutes later, when Lamar was allowed back on the plane. He sat down, then got up and, this time, made it to the bathroom before the hurling commenced and then he was taken off the flight for good.

But this isn’t all on Lamar … howsabout the bartender who thought it was a good idea to serve Lamar Odom all that booze, or the flight attendants who brought his drunken ass back onto the plane?

Seriously, if that was me they’d have slammed my ass in airport jail, but rich drunks get preferential treatment as long as they only puke once.

Puke twice and all bets are off.

In a prime example of ‘snark,’ “Difficult People” creator Julie Klausner says Hollywood stars only pretend to be pals — and that Gwyneth Paltrow is the biggest, phoniest “backstabber” in town:

“They pretend that they are [all great friends], but the stuff that is said about people behind the scenes is really terrible. [And] well — Gwyneth Paltrow — there’s many a tale to tell … all kinds of backstabbing.”

Klausner would give no specific details — perhaps after learning that Paltrow sells hit men on GOOP — but did say that Paltrow is now “into [Eastern therapy] cupping — maybe she’s cupping instead of backstabbing.”

I’d be careful of the stabbing comments … Paltrow. GOOP. High-priced hit man. Still, Klausner has taken potshots at Paltrow before, like when she Tweeted:

“Click here to witness the chemistry between Gwyneth Paltrow and Jimmy Fallon AKA the comedy version of ammonia and bleach!”

I wonder which one was Paltrow?

Dr. Phil is suing mad and aiming his gut at the National Enquirer.

Yup, “Doctor” Phil and his wife Robin McGraw are suing American Media Inc., who owns the National Enquirer published almost 100 false stories about their marriage imploding over the last 13-year period.  Huh; I guess it’s best to handle the nasty tabloid stories for a decade so you can get a bigger payout?

Phil claims the National prints a fake story about him and Robin every two months … like he’s a cheater … like she’s divorcing him … like how she kicked him to the curb. You know, the stories they print about every pseudo-wannabe famous person like the McGraw’s … stories like how he’s a cheater, or how they’re headed for divorce, or how Robin kicked him to the curb.

Apparently Phil threatened American Media with a libel suit before, and they agreed to stop telling fibs but then the Enquirer was all, “No, we’re still talking.”

Still, I wonder why the McGraw’s didn’t file suit … oh, I don’t know … thirteen years ago. Maybe it really is just about getting a bigger payout? Maybe the Oprah money is running out? Maybe, ALLEGEDLY, they are divorcing and Phil needs to cash for alimony?

ALLEGEDLY.

It’s been a while since we heard about Lindsay Lohan Crack Drama—which I have suggested as the title of the “book” she said she’s “writing.” But then she turned 30 and crazy came out to play.

To celebrate the milestone — seriously, many people thought she wouldn’t live to see 25 — Lindsay’s fiancé Egor Tarabasov took Lohan and a group of people to Mykonos, Greece for a party. Lindsay tried to get various companies or brands to sponsor her birthday party but everyone was like, “Lindsay who?”

So maybe that’s why she brought the drama ... Lohan was ALLEGEDLY—I kid, using italics! — after reading a text on Egor’s phone and shocked the assembled guests — there were at least three hangers-on — and Egor’s mother Elena — by hurling the phone into the sea. Egor, in a way of getting back at Lohan to really hurt her, tossed his drink onto her head.

Wasting alcohol in front of — much less on top of — a Lohan? That’s almost a capital offense in that family.

Luckily, security pulled the lovebirds apart and Lindsay drove off — careful Mykonos, Lohan’s driving — and Egor continued to party.

Reality show famewhores Kim and Kyle Richards are being sued by a woman who claims that Kim’s dog Kingsley attacked her at Kyle’s house.

It all happened when the “stars” of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills invited stylist Paige Sanderson to Kyle’s house to dress Kim for a promotional appearance. Hopefully not at a hotel bar … if you know Kim. Or at a Target store … if you know Kim … or a wedding in Mexico … yada yada yada.

Kingsley, already known for his aggression — he ALLEGEDLY bit Kyle’s daughter in the last year — lunged at Sanderson, bit and held on to her lower abdomen and crotch, tearing off her leggings and underwear and ripping out portions of flesh.

That’s awful, but it gets uglier because Sanderson ALLEGES that Kim Richards refused to call 911 unless Sanderson promised to cover for Kingsley and blame the attack on a stray dog.

Well, Sanderson was like “Eff you” and is suing Kim and the dog, and Kyle because it happened at Kyle’s house. She wants cash for emotional distress, cosmetic surgery and medical bills and I want a front row seat at that mediation to watch Kim try to Word Soup an explanation and watch Kyle flip her hair and giggle.

It’ll all make for a Very Special Episode of RHoBH.

I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

Jon Bon Jovi doesn’t suffer fools, even the pint-sized ones.

It seems that the rocker, who has a reputation for being one of the hardest working men in music, says that Justin Bieber will begin to lose his, um, for lack of a better word, ‘fans’ if he continues to disappoint.

Said Bon Jovi: “Every generation has guys that do that, none of that is new. They run the risk of disrespecting their audience members who have worked hard to pay for their ticket, to give you the permission to take two or three hours of their lives — or in that kid’s case, 80 minutes of their lives. Do it once, you can be forgiven. Do it enough times and shame on you. They won’t have you back. Then it just becomes a cliché. It’s really not cool — you’re an a**hole. Go to f***in’ work!”

Bieber blames “technical issues” for one of his tardy parties, and also claims he was just forty minutes late but, when your core audience needs to be in bed by 9PM ….

PS I just had to include the picture of Bieber looking like he has to be carried in and out of cars because, well, it's high-larious! 

Y’all know I am no fan of Gwyneth Paltrow but this time I gotta hand it to her. 

See, about a year ago, both Paltrow and Kate Moss were invited to party in Mexico for Sir Phillip Green's 60th birthday; don't ask, I have no idea who he is. But the story is that Paltrow and the hard-partying CoKate Moss got into some kind of bitchfight while in Mexico and spent a year not speaking. Quelle horror!

It all started the morning that Moss woke up with her usual hangover, and stumbled out to her terrace where she spotted Gwyneth jogging on the beach.

Kate ALLEGEDLY said, “Why are jogging on vacation?” 

And Paltrow ALLEGEDLY replied, “So I don’t look like you when I get old.”

Kate then ALLEGEDLY threw some potato chips at Gwyneth and retorted: “Why don’t you eat some f—king carbs?!”

Apparently a lot of the party goers heard the exchange and had a good old-fashioned giggle fest, though Paltrow later denied it ever happened.

But, ironically, it was those damned carbs that reunited Kate, 39, and Paltrow, 40, last week when they crossed paths at a North London pizzeria. Paltrow was there with husband Chris Martin, and their kids Pear and Solomon, or something, when Kate spotted them and came over to the table. Paltrow and Moss then air-kissed and air-made-up.

Sidenote: I give Paltrow points for the ‘So I don’t look like you comment’. I mean, look at them up there. Kate is younger than Paltrow, yet looks like Joan Crawford reincarnated.

Maybe Paltrow’s on to something?

I kid.

What would you do if you found yourself pregnant from one guy while still legally married to another? And what would you do if the guy that knocked you up, after said knocking, fled to Paris while you stayed in LA getting your picture taken walking into stores and cafes? And then, what would you do if, in the final stages of your pregnancy, you flew to Paris to be with the Baby Daddy but the Baby Daddy left the City of Lights for Milan?

Yeah, it’s hard being Kim Kash Kow Kardashian.

And, while some say that Kash Kow and her momager, media-whoring, pimp, Kris Jenner, flew to Paris to confront Kanye about rarely being in the same city, much less the same continent as his Baby Mama, he decided to skip town without a word and go to a photo-shoot.

Photo-shoot? Yes. Meeting your Baby Mama in Paris? Not so much.

Sidenote: KKKK’s new lips make her look more like a drag queen than ever—no offense to actual drag queens—and, seriously, they don’t have enough money to buy shoes that fit? Those little piggies are shoved into those kitten heels.

Poor Lohan. She can’t catch a break even in rehab lockdown. I mean, first they cut off her supply of Adderall, and now she’s getting sued?

Lindsay Lohan is being sued for $5 million by the company that released her line of leggings—Lohan and Leggings!! A can’t-miss-but-did—who claim that her “drug-addled image” caused low sales.

M’kay. I might buy that argument except for the fact that you knew you were hiring Lindsay Lohan! Amirite?

DNAM, the apparel manufacturer that partnered with Lohan’s leggings line 6126, just might be suing in retaliation because Lohan is suing them over a licensing dispute; the manufacturer is now claiming that Lohan’s tarnished reputation severely hampered their ability to sell her clothing line to buyers.

In the $5 million breach-of-contract counter claim DNAM ALLEGES that while Lohan’s leggings line was initially successful—go figure, but I’m guessing it sold mostly to prostitutes and hookers—buyers began pulling away from the line because, DNAM ALLEGES, “they did not want to be associated with Lohan’s drug addled image.”

In the spring of 2011, buyers canceled appointments and customers canceled orders, noting that “no one would touch the line.” Lohan, who was in rehab at the time—again, go figure—was unable to endorse the brand and now the company says that all Lindsay’s legal woes, coupled with her ALLEGED drug and alcohol addiction, devalued the brand.

And they want $5 million. From Lohan. The girl who can’t pay her hotel bill or her lawyer.

Good luck with that!

Restaurant workers are not fans of Johnny Depp. Rumor has it that he is the world’s worst tipper, and most servers would prefer to skip his table. And now he’s gone and pissed off the kitchen staff wherever he dines.

Depp was recently spotted eating at West Hollywood’s new vegan eatery Crossroads with new girlfriend Amber Heard and he kept the waiter at his table for some twenty minutes demanding to know the sugar, salt and fat content of each item on the menu that interested him, and then demanded a list of everything that was in the dish, including any ‘secret’ ingredients not listed on the menu. Then he asked exactly how the dish would be prepared.

After the drilling and the demand for perfectly healthy food, Depp dashed outside the restaurant and chain smoked until the meal came.

Yeah. I know.

Denise Richards is now a full-time single mother of five—her three daughters along with Charlie Sheen’s twins by his third wife, Brooke Mueller, who is currently trying her 27^th stay at rehab for a crystal meth addiction.

And since the chances are both slim and none that Mueller will get her children back after this rehab stay, and since chances are slim and none that Charlie is a good parent, Sheen has figured out the best way to make sure his sons get the best parent possible. Charlie Sheen actually proposed marriage to ex-wife.

A source close to Sheen—possibly Dina Lohan on a three way call with Lindsay and Brooke at Betty Ford—says, “When Denise took Charlie’s twins into her home last December after troubled Brooke entered rehab once again, Charlie suddenly realized it was the very first time his sons had lived in a healthy environment—and the first time he’d been able to begin building a relationship with them.”

But, no matter how much cash is involved—Sheen pays Denise some $55,000 a month in child support, and pays Mueller the same—Denise says she will NOT entertain is his plan to remarry.

She’s channeling the immortal Nancy Reagan and will Just Say No.

I Ain't One To Gossip, But....Delusional Blond Diva Edition

Ah, Lohan.
When she isn't getting roaring drunk at Kim Kardashian's for-sale-to-the-highest-bidder wedding, or getting drunk at Chateau Marmont, or getting drunk in a gutter in Venice California, Lindsay Lohan is ALLEGEDLY fullfilling her court-ordered community service.

Community service? That's what you get in Hollywood with a big expensive lawyer, for being a carjacker, kidnapper, DUI'er, and jewel thief. In the real world, she'd be behind bars, not under 'em.
Just sayin'.
But, while there are reports that Lohan has been keeping up with her community service, she has completed just 45 hours of the 480 she was ordered to do. I wonder how this will sit when she goes before the judge again, next month. I imagine a lot of finger shaking and Bad girl! Bad Lindsay!
Followed by more partying.
A source close to the 65-year-old wactress--and let's face it, it's her mother, fame-whore Dina Lohan--says, “Lindsay has completed around 45 hours of her service at the women’s shelter. Lindsay does have a full year to comply with all terms of her community service.”
But, and this part I like, Lohan also needs to complete 120 hours of service at the LA County Morgue, where she might catch a glimpse of her career, although rigor mortis on that thing has already set in.
And, when she next appears before Judge Stephanie Sautner and offers up a report on her progress, what will her excuse be? Partying? Of course. Shoplifting, er, shopping? No doubt. Working at getting backstage at a Coldplay concert? Done. Acting? Not so much.
While Lohan seems to think she's been cast in the new "John Gotti" movie, even her publicist, Steve Honig says she hasn’t officially signed on as yet.
So, no work. No community service. Just parties.
Yeah, it pays to be a Hollywood hasbeen with a high-powered lawyer.

I don't like Gwyneth Paltrow.
Okay. Deal.

But everything I've read that she says makes her sound so full of herself, and so proud of herself, and so into herself. And now, this week of all weeks, Gwyneth Paltrow is telling the world that she was a hero on 9/11 and actually saved someone's life.
By almost running down a woman on the streets of New York.
The woman, Lara Lundstrom Clarke, was late for the subway, and therefore late for work at the World Trade Center, thus, her life was saved when she was nearly run over in a  crosswalk by Paltrow.
And that made her miss her train, and made her late to work. By the time Clarke arrived at WTC the first tower was already falling.
Now, to be fair, it was Lara Lundstom Clarke who first told the story, but now, nearing the ten year anniversary of the terrorist attacks, and with a movie to promote, Gwyneth Paltrow is telling the tale, and patting herself on the back.
Promoting Contagion at the Venice Film Festival, Paltrow acknowledged receiving a letter from Lara Lundstrom Clarke, and recounted her own version of that day: “Basically, what happened was I had gone to a yoga class very early...I was on the way home and it was the morning of September 11--not that I knew at the time what that meant--and a girl was jaywalking across the street and we kind of both stopped at the same time and waited a really long time....I got a letter from her saying that she had been late for work and we had that thing and she went down to the Christopher Street station to catch her train to go down to the World Trade Center where she worked on the 77th floor of the South Tower and the train was just pulling out....It was an extraordinary story and all I could think about is all of the people who had experiences like that that day, but aren’t able to reach out because it wasn’t a recognizable person...I think a lot of fates were changed that day obviously and I am very humbly happy to be a part of her story.”
Humbly happy? Well, of course it was lucky that Lara Lundstrom Clarke was almost killed by a famous person so she'd have a story to tell, eh, Gwynnie? And, of course, in your version, Lara Lundstrom Clarke was 'jaywalking' so she was doing the bad thing and you were just a self-involved, pampered movie star on her way home from yoga in your Mercedes SUV who didn't kill her.
Yes. She's like that.

Okay, to be fair, I am not a huge Madonna fan.
Bad gay, I know, but I just never got into her.  Now, don't get me wrong, I mean, she's been around thirty-some-odd years, and still kicking...even with a new face. But, this story, The Tale of Madonna and the Hydrangea Bearing Fan, irks me.

For those of you who have just discovered the interent and YouTube--and the video is just down there--while promoting her directorial debut at some film festival--where later in the day crowds laughed at it...and not in a good way--a  fan came up to HRH Madge and offered up hydrangeas as a gift.
Lovely, no?
Well, Madonna, stuffed them under the table, leaned down and looked at someone next to her, and gave them an eyeroll. Then she turned to her right and said, in that annoyingly fake British accent she manufactured, "I absolutely loathe hydrangeas" followed by a "He obviously doesn't know that."
Seriously?
How about a simple Thank you, Madge, and no eyeroll and no snark? And then find someone who loves hydrangeas and give them to that person? And howsabout not thinking so highly of yourself that you find it shocking that a mere mortal doesn't know that you "loooooathe" hydrangeas.
Bitch. See, one day, Madge, when your second and third new faces have outlived their welcome, you'll be wishing for someone, anyone, to give you a flower, and you'd wee-wee your adult diapers for a hydrangea.
Just sayin'.
Madge's rep Liz Rosenburg on hydrangea-gate: “The hydrangea incident is so ridiculous… It’s not like she said she hated warm chocolate chip cookies and milk and little puppies!....She’s entitled to like any flower she wants and she didn’t want to hurt the feeling of the hydrangeas of the world. No disrespect to the hydrangeas lovers of the world but she prefers different types of flowers.”
No, Liz, you're right. She is allowed to like and dislike whatever she chooses, but she doesn't have to be a shrew about it.



More on Madge.
After literally burning a hydrangea with her eyes, and using her Born To The Manor British accent, now Madonna has something to say about Lady Gaga.
You know, this year's Madonna.

During an interview with the French site LeSoir for Madonna's directorial debut, W.E.--which I've heard stands for What! Ever!--Madonna took on Gaga--and, to be fair, this is an English translation from the original French quote: "Of my fans? Say what interests me with the eyes of Wally, is to arrive at the truth about drilling Wallis Simpson. And realize that nothing is all white or all black. True or False. Life is gray. And you can not lock someone in a box. As for Lady Gaga, I have no comment on his obsessions related to me, because I do not know if it is based on something profound or superficial."
Um, Madge? Honey?
You seem to spend more time talking about Gaga than she spends talking about you. So, um, Madge? Honey? who's obsessed with whom?

Well, according to Liz Rosenburg: “She didn’t diss Gaga.”
But I bet she did send hydrangeas.



Oh, does this ever have trainwreck written all over it.

Many have tried to duplicate Project Runway--The Fashion Show, anyone--but few have succeeded. Still, hillbilly hasbeen, Jessica Simpson, and someone who's known for being someone's daughter, Nicole Richie, are working together on a new Project Runway-ripoff called Fashion Star, which is currently filming and set to air on NBC, owned by Universal, which own Bravo which used to air the PR before it moved to Lifetime.
Revenge programming, me thinks.
Now comes word that the two blondes aren't getting along. Folks are saying that Nicole is being the über professional, always on time, always knows her mark, but that she is kind of a Mean Girl. On the other hand, Jessica is always late, always eating Bojangles chicken, and always asking what a mark is, and is utterly unaware that Nicole is mocking her.
An insider--and by insider I mean Paris Hilton, whose "career" is over--says, “They chat only when they need to, and they have wildly different opinions about style.”
Richie “thinks Jessica doesn’t have much of a high-fashion eye” and “makes snarky comments about Jessica’s outfits” like her Daisy Dukes and her football sweaters.
Still, Simpson phased by Richie’s digs--quite possibly because she doesn't understand polysyllabic words: "Jessica really doesn’t care what Nicole thinks” and she walks around gloating that her fashion empire--which is largely made of cheese and Doritos--has $750 million in sales in 2010, while Richie’s lines pulled in an estimated $10 million.
Money talks, I guess. And white trash with money talks really loudly and stupidly.
Just sayin'.