I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Mark me down in the ‘Sorry, Not Sorry’ column, but word has it that Lori Loughlin, who started her prison sentence at the end of October in a low-security prison for non-violent offenders, is having a hard time.

Sources, and that may be Lori’s prison bitch  who carries her tray in the dining hall and makes her bed every day, says the self-entitled, cheater mom is a “wreck. I don’t know why; she was  originally set to do time at Victorville Federal Correctional, where she could have done Pilates and Origami, but was instead sent to the Dublin, California prison,  a much lower-security cushy prison, because they had “lower COVID-19 numbers.”

Again, the rich get a better hand.

Lori was hoping to be out by Christmas but should have learned to count because a two-month jail sentence that starts October 30 ends December 30 … after Christmas.

Again … sorry, not sorry.

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Gwyneth Paltrow is back with her GOP Holiday Gift Guides which feature things 99% of you cannot afford … like a $100,000 custom concrete self-heating tub. Or maybe you’d like the Tsuchiya Kaban “Watermelon Bag” which is yours for … oops, the price is only given “on request.” 

But look, Gwynnie is a One-Percenter of the people and has added a ‘Poor People Section’ Gwynnie called the ‘Under-$100” where you can find the Vesper Vibrator … it starts as a necklace and turns into a vibrator with one click! A vibrator to wear around your neck? How GOOP. But in GOOP’s ‘Lovers Gift Guide’ she goes one better, and offers a ring that is also … wait for it … a vibrator.

Jewelry to get your rocks off!

But in case you don’t like jewelry in your cooch, GOOP also offers a $2,000 Edie Parker Ouija board to summon only the best demons to your manse. Or, the over-priced Monopoly “sculpting bar” for your face, which also vibrates; an over-priced puzzle; over-priced baby clothes; a $12,000 hover-board/surfboard. And finally, a hideous Gucci chair, which is maybe what you sit on when you take off your rings and necklaces, shove them in your nether regions, and then set them to high vibrate?

Now you know what to do with that stimulus check!

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Oh, dear goddess, this Mo’Nique vs. Oprah feud is still going on, only now it may have really jumped the shark. It seems Mo’Nique went after Oprah for putting Breonna Taylor on the cover of O magazine, after decades of only Oprah—and the occasional friend—gracing the cover. So Mo’Nique opened her cake-hole to say that O only put Breonna on the cover because she’s a murder victim, and because Oprah is a murderer who … wait for it … it’s a reach … but not for Mo’Nique … killed Mo’Nique’s career:

“A sister that was murdered and Oprah Winfrey took a stand and said ‘we gotta get justice' [but she] took part in murdering my career.”

A brief history of the Mo’Nique-Oprah feud? It started in 2010 when Oprah had Mo’Nique’s estranged parents and brothers—one of whom molested Mo’Nique—on her show. Mo’Nique saw this as a betrayal and told Oprah she was hurt and O gave the standard faux-pology, “If you think I did something wrong, then I apologize." But then Mo'’Nique accused Oprah of helping Lee Daniels blackball her for not playing the Hollywood game. And Mo’Nique called her out for condemning Harvey Weinstein but giving alleged sexual assaulters like Michael Jackson and Russell Simmons a break because of their race. But Oprah’s standard reply is that she remains silent to rise above Mo’Nique’s “negative energy.”

Seriously, what a bitch response. Now y’all know there’s no love lost between Oprah and me, but even this is a step too far. Mo’Nique doesn’t need a ‘come to Jesus moment;’ as much as she needs a come to your sense’s moment.

And Oprah should just go away.

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There’s some more drama going on around Hillsong Church, the church popular with Justin Bieber and Chris Pratt, only this time it isn’t because of the church’s ALLEGEDLY anti-gay sentiments, but because the pastor of the church, and The Biebs homie, Carl Lentz ALLEGEDLY stuck his dick into someone other than his wife. The church claims Lentz suffered a “moral failure” and has been let go from the church.

Founder of Hillsong, Brian Houston, announced Carl’s firing in a statement:

“Today Hillsong Church East Coast advised our congregation that we have terminated the employment of Pastor Carl Lentz. This action was not taken lightly and was done in the best interests of everyone, including Pastor Carl. [This comes after] ongoing discussions in relation to leadership issues and breaches of trust, plus a recent revelation of moral failures.”

Houston said it would “not be appropriate” to detail what led to Carl getting the boot but I can: Carl was ALLEGEDLY fired for being pro-BLM and “soft” on both abortion and LGBTQIA issues, though there are those who will gossip and say it was more alcohol and drug-related issues or Lentz has a porn addiction and cheated on his wife.

Or maybe all of the above.

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Now, while this isn’t gossip, because it’s true, I will end with a comment from My-Husband-In-My-Head, Randy Andy Cooper.

On Thursday night, _____ delivered a speech in which he claimed that the election was being stolen from him. Cable news networks swiftly denounced the president’s lies, with MSNBC, NBC, ABC, and CBS all cutting away from the press conference while it was still in progress, and even Fox News, which continued to carry the briefing, said there was no evidence of fraud. CNN anchors Jake Tapper called _____ “pathetic” while Dana Bash called him “dangerous” and “nonsensical,” but it was Anderson Cooper who said:

“That is the president of the United States. That is the most powerful person in the world. We see him like an obese turtle on his back flailing in the hot sun, realizing his time is over.”

Oh, I love a sassy Husband-In-My-Head.

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