It's Snarkurday!

So last week it was confirmed that Charlize Theron and Sean Penn were no more, though it appears to have been over for a couple of months now because, ALLEGEDLY, Penn was “overly critical” of Theron — perhaps because she has a much more in-demand career — and that she was just plain over him.

So she simply stopped taking his calls. No text; no email … nothing.  And this kind of breakup apparently has its own name … go figure … and it’s called “ghosting.” But, whatever it’s called, it’s quite clear that Theron ended it and Sean is still getting a “Mailbox Full” message.

Well, look who is making news because, well, they haven’t been making news lately … not since her break-up with that Terminator boy.

Miley Cyrus — who revealed recently that she came out as bisexual to her family at 14 — is dating a woman, Victoria Secret model, Stella Maxwell because, well, publicity. Yawn.

Well well well … since she’s off probation, and doesn’t have a job, what is Lindsay Lohan to do? Give an interview with Hello! Magazine and say this:

“I can definitely see myself settling in London permanently.”

And when asked if she would apply for British citizenship, she replied:

“If you’ll have me, I will.”

Okay UK, she’s your problem now. Don’t even think about having her deported!

Tiger Woods got flayed. Not played … flayed … as in Bobby Flay!

Y’all probably know by now that Tiger — who just ended his relationship with Lindsey Vonn — choked big time during the first round of the US Open when he lost control of his club and sent it sailing through the air, right? Well, perhaps it was because a plane flew over with that same banner that flew over Bobby Flay’s Hollywood Walk of Fame ceremony trailing a banner that read “Cheater.”

Ben Affleck better be careful … just sayin’.

Charlie Sheen is back in the news … yay!

He recently celebrated Father’s Day by calling Dennis Richards, the second of his three ex-wives — from whom he’s been divorced for ten years — a “despicable charlatan” and a “sack of landfill rash” during a hate-filled … and illiterate … Twitter rant so you know it’s the real Charlie:.

“Denise Richards is a shake down piece of s–t doosh phace & worst mom alive!”

“[A] despicable charlatan who sux ISIs ass!!!!

 “[S]ee u in court you evil terrorist sack of landfill rash. this gangster Sheenius will be Winning! Duh!!”

Richards responded with her own tweet:

“Happy Dad’s Day! @charliesheen have a great trip in Mexico! Kids were disappointed u weren’t here for it-Hey we’ll celebrate when u r back!”

Looks more like Denise is winning.

This is the most highlarious thing EVER!!!!

Out there in Oakland California, on June 30, for a mere $40, you, too, can attend a lecture on the objectification of women given by a woman who made her name flat on her back, heels to Jesus, in a sex tape.

That’s right, y’all, Kim Kardastrophe is speaking at the Paramount Theatre about her “new book Selfish, the Kardashian/Jenner clan, the business of millennial culture, the objectification of women in media, and more.”

Seriously? And it’s being called … wait for it, because it sounds like there will be strippers … “Kim Kardashian West Live!”  I’d go, but first, before I plunk down forty bucks, I’d ask Kim Kardastrophe to spell “objectification.”

So, Amber Heard, that sexually fluid wannabe who recently hitched her wagon to Johnny Depp’s falling star, has a few choice words for the Australian officials who demanded Depp take his illegally-smuggled-into-the-country dogs out of Oz or else. She says the politics wanted their fifteen minutes of fame:

“I have a feeling we’re going to avoid the land Down Under from now on, just as much as we can, thanks to certain politicians there. I don’t know, I guess everyone tries to go for their 15 minutes, including some government officials.”

Or … maybe those politicos believe the law applies to everyone who visits their country, even a spoiled has been and his hanger-on.

Well, it looks like Diddy is one of those parents; the ones who rail at their son’s football coaches and, well, attack them with a kettlebell.

Only the son involved inst some ten-year-old and this wasn’t some Pop Warner football league. The son is Justin Combs, who is twenty-one and the coach is the coach of the UCLA football team and Diddy wasn’t happy that the coach berated his son for missing practice and not giving it his all so he attacked the man.

Lovely parenting Diddy. And now he’s been arrested, posted bail, and is facing felony assault charges, though I see a healthy donation to UCLA in their future and I also see charges dropped.

Money talks louder than a physical assault.

Conrad Hilton just can’t stay out of trouble these days.

In May, he reportedly turned himself into authorities in connection with a high-speed car chase resulting in wrecking his BMW last August. He was charged with felony reckless evading a police officer and was released on $100,000 bail.

Then this past Monday Conrad was arrested again for violating a restraining order protecting his ex-girlfriend, Hunter Solomon, after authorities found Conrad inside Solomon’s home.

And if this story needed to be any slimier, Hunter Salomon is the daughter of Rick Salomon, the guy who co-starred in Conrad’s sister, Paris Hilton’s sex tape.

Yes, he was schtupping the daughter of the man who schtupped his sister on film.

I need a Silkwood scrubdown.

And we’ll end with a celebrity who actually does something nice for someone other than themselves.

Chris Pratt, who visited children’s hospitals around the country last year in his Guardians of the Galaxy costume that he stole just for those occasions, is at it again.

He recently stopped in at Our Lady of Lake Children’s Hospital in Baton Rouge, Louisiana and reenacted some of his Jurassic World scenes with, and for, the kids.

Chris Pratt really seems to be one of the good guys.