That Sound You Hear Is GOP Heads Exploding

Well, it didn’t take long for the GOP Clown Car to come full stop, and to let all the loons out to run in circles and cry that the sky is falling after hearing about the Supreme Court ruling that marriage equality is the law of the land.

And so, make no mistake, each of the these Clowns will now begin running on the platform of turning back the law on same-sex marriage, and they will pander to every rightwingnut and Teabagger and religious zealot out  there and if, if, any one of them happens to get elected President in 2016, you can bet your ass that mere moments after taking the oath of office, as the leader of a country where more than 60% of the people think same-sex couples should be allowed to marry, that GOP President will suddenly stop taking about a repeal and sit in the Oval Office focusing on something shiny.

Still, it was fun to see what they had to say …

Mike Huckabee:

The Supreme Court has spoken with a very divided voice on something only the Supreme Being can do – redefine marriage. I will not acquiesce to an imperial court any more than our Founders acquiesced to an imperial British monarch. We must resist and reject judicial tyranny, not retreat.

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The Supreme Court can no more repeal the laws of nature and nature’s God on marriage than it can the laws of gravity. Under our Constitution, the court cannot write a law, even though some cowardly politicians will wave the white flag and accept it without realizing that they are failing their sworn duty to reject abuses from the court. If accepted by Congress and this President, this decision will be a serious blow to religious liberty, which is the heart of the First Amendment.

Yup, Mike, since you believe only God can make this decision, why don’t you as k God to run for President and you sit this one out, because the last thing we need in the White House is some crackpot who wants to make his decisions based on a centuries old history book.

Jeb Bush:

Guided by my faith, I believe in traditional marriage.  I believe the Supreme Court should have allowed the states to make this decision.  I also believe that we should love our neighbor and respect others, including those making lifetime commitments.  In a country as diverse as ours, good people who have opposing views should be able to live side by side.  It is now crucial that as a country we protect religious freedom and the right of conscience and also not discriminate.

Remember, when Jeb says “my faith,” he means “My base of loons.”

Ben Carson:

“While I strongly disagree with the Supreme Court’s decision, their ruling is now the law of the land.

I call on Congress to make sure deeply held religious views are respected and protected.  The government must never force Christians to violate their religious beliefs.

I support same sex civil unions but to me, and millions like me, marriage is a religious service not a government form.”

Check your laws, Ben, because no one, no one, in this country is legally married until the government says so, m’kay?

Carly Fiorina:

The Court ruled today that all Americans should receive equal benefits and rights from the government under the law. I have always supported this view. However, this decision was also about the definition of marriage itself. I do not agree that the Court can or should redefine marriage. I believe that responsibility should have remained with states and voters where this conversation has continued in churches, town halls and living rooms around the country.

Oh, honey, sit down. I mean, haven’t you got people to fire and companies to destroy?

Lindsey Graham:

I am a proud defender of traditional marriage and believe the people of each state should have the right to determine their marriage laws. However, the Supreme Court has ruled that state bans on gay marriage are unconstitutional, and I will respect the Court’s decision.

Way to try and play both sides, Miss Lindsey.

She was last seen clutching her pearls and buying up copies of Bride magazine, you know, just in case.

Bobby Jindal:

The Supreme Court decision today conveniently and not surprisingly follows public opinion polls, and tramples on states’ rights that were once protected by the 10th Amendment of the Constitution.  Marriage between a man and a woman was established by God, and no earthly court can alter that.

This decision will pave the way for an all out assault against the religious freedom rights of Christians who disagree with this decision. This ruling must not be used as pretext by Washington to erode our right to religious liberty.

The government should not force those who have sincerely held religious beliefs about marriage to participate in these ceremonies. That would be a clear violation of America’s long held commitment to religious liberty as protected in the First Amendment.

I will never stop fighting for religious liberty and I hope our leaders in D.C. join me.

Wait, so the Supreme Court followed public opinion, or, as I like to call it, The Will of the People? Isn’t that how it should work, Jindal, and not having the court follow religious wacknut philosophy, which is rally just bigotry and intolerance?

And, for the record, God does not govern this country.

Rick Perry:

I am disappointed the Supreme Court today chose to change the centuries old definition of marriage as between one man and one woman. I’m a firm believer in traditional marriage, and I also believe the 10th Amendment leaves it to each state to decide this issue. I fundamentally disagree with the court rewriting the law and assaulting the 10th Amendment. Our founding fathers did not intend for the judicial branch to legislate from the bench, and as president, I would appoint strict Constitutional conservatives who will apply the law as written.

Miss Ricky is planning on sharing those Bride magazines with Miss Lindsey.

Marco Rubio:

While I disagree with this decision, we live in a republic and must abide by the law. …I firmly believe the question of same sex marriage is a question of the definition of an institution, not the dignity of a human being. Every American has the right to pursue happiness as they see fit. Not every American has to agree on every issue, but all of us do have to share our country. A large number of Americans will continue to believe in traditional marriage, and a large number of Americans will be pleased with the Court’s decision today. In the years ahead, it is my hope that each side will respect the dignity of the other.

Nicely put, Marco, but you’re still too much of a Rightwingnut to ever be president. Plus, there’s that whole lying thing you got goin’ on.

Rick Santorum:

As President, I will be committed to using the bully pulpit of the White House to lead a national discussion on the importance to our economy and our culture of mothers and fathers entering into healthy marriages so that every child is given their birthright- to be raised by their mother and father in a stable, loving home. I will stand for the preservation of religious liberty and conscience, to believe what you are called to believe free from persecution. And I will ensure that the people will have a voice in decisions that impact the rock upon which our civilization is built.

Huh? What? Did he buy a copy of Mama Grizzly Bore’s™ Word Salad Cookbook?

There you have it, wingnuts have spoken, and they will stomp and head snap and spit fire and clutch pearls, but, in the end, there will be nothing they can do about this.

It’s over. Sit down.

PS As of post time, Ted Cruz and Rand Paul had not been heard from, which is kinda nice, really.

Towleroad