I Ain't One To Gossip, But.......

Tom Cruise ALLEGEDLY got all diva in his high heels the other night.

Why, you say?

Two words: Joshua Jackson.

Remember Dawson's Creek? Me neither.

But, when that show was on the air, Joshua Jackson and the current Mrs. Tom-Stepford-Cruise, Katie Holmes, were in love. Katie has since called Jackson her first love and says that she will "treasure" him always.

And that's what got Tom's granny panties in a bunch at some film awards show in London.

Sources, which usually means cater waiters and bar staff, said that Tommy Grrrl was so incensed that Jackson would be at the same event that he had his people call with all kinds of "stipulations" or else Tommy wasn't coming!

He wanted it clear that that Jackson and his date, Diane Kruger, would be seated nowhere near Cruise central. He wanted extra security, you know, in case Joshua Jackson came over to do something, like say 'Hello'. Tommy even demanded two dressing rooms--one for himself and one for Suri; you know, you can't start too late in the diva training.

Tommy also arrived forty-five minutes late to ensure Jackson was not on the red carpet as he an his Robot schmoozed the crowd.

Little man.

Giant ego.

This sounds scary.

Mariah Carey was set to appear in Tyler Perry's film version of For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow Is Enuf but pulled out at the last minute sparking rumors that she is with child.

Mama Mariah say it ain't so!

Say you just went all Oprah on the buffet table!

But her mouthpiece, Colonel Sanders is his name, I think, said: “She is not doing the movie because her doctor advised her not to. More than that I cannot comment further.”

Hmmm.

Doctors.

Not working.

Could be a baby.

Could be a massive dose of lipo because Moo-Moo likes her pastries.

I am done with American Idol, but I will gossip about it.

Y'all saw--well, not y'all because ratings were waaaaaay down this year--the return of past winners, and losers, on the stage this year, but Adam Lambert was noticeably absent. American Idol minions say Lambert didn't show up for rehearsals, and they were afraid of what he might do on stage--like kiss a guy or something--so they planned the song without him.

Lambert, however, says he was never invited to perform. In fact, he says he was simply asked to be in the audience. And Lambert says he was too busy rehearsing for his tour to even do that.

People are calling him a diva, I say he's being smart. Why align yourself with that cheese-and-snooze-fest.

Plus, um, yeah, Daughtry? Jennifer Hudson? Where were they? It strikes an odd chord that three of the Idol losers who've gone on to greater success that the winners were not onstage that night.

Sour grapes, it sounds like, to me.

I love a story that just gets crazier and crazier.

Remember all those Matt Lauer cheating on his wife rumors? Me too!

Well, someone named Alexis Houston was the subject of Matt Lauer infidelity rumors, and now Miss Houston has hired media-whore-ambulance-chaser Gloria Allred to represent her.

Why, you ask? Me too!

Alexis says her privacy has been invaded with all this Lauer speculation, and she wants it stopped. Of course, she doesn't say she cheated with Lauer, and she doesn't say she didn't cheat with Lauer.

But......and this is where the crazy comes in.

She used to be he.

Alexis Houston, who says she's a singer, used to go by the name Wellington Houston, and was born Stuart Houston. ALLEGEDLY, this Miss Houston had a sex-change when a man fell in love with her and paid for the operation. In fact, she was a he when Whitney Houston sued him in 1996 for falsely claiming a cousin relationship with Whit; Whitney sued again in 2001 when her voice appeared on his or her--I'm confused too--demo tape.

That's crazy enough, but this Matt Lauer connection is even crazier.

Matty? if you liked the menz, you could'a called me; but maybe you just liked the womenz who used to be menz.

ALLEGEDLY.

PR news!

The show is on Lifetime--television for women and gay men--to stay, and the franchise, like a Heidi Klum pregnancy waistline will be expanding.

Two new Runway-esque projects are being developed by Lifetime.

The first reunites two former Runway contestants, windbag nutjob, Santino Rice and The Fabulous Austin Scarlett as they travel cross-country to find women who need a do-over, make-over.

The second show, which is in the first trimester of development, but will also star Heidi Klum and her hubby, Seal, in some sort of reality show, I'm imagining.

Seal. Heidi. The kids.

Lifetime seems to be going all TLC with this one.

This makes me laugh because it reeks of desperation, and comedy, and pathos.

No, just comedy.

Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony. who will be celebrating their sixth wedding anniversary this summer, will do so by renewing their vows in a ginormous, media-centric, tabloid-inspired ceremony at their home in California.

Nice, I guess. But, after six years you think they really need a renewal? I mean, JLO and Skeletor renewed their vows once already in 2008. Why keep going?

Of course, with JLo's record, maybe Marc Anthony thinks he needs to constantly remind her that she's a married woman lest she run off with a restaurant owner, or a wannabe rapper, or has-been actor. Or the cable guy.

Like she hasn't done that before!

Jessica Simpson.

I don't want to make fun of the fact that she has, um, expanded her, um, empire waistline, but I will talk about her ginormous head.

Apparently, Simpson has a TV show called The Price Of Beauty, where she and a camera crew and the minions that dress her, style her, make her up, feed her, and see to it that she wipes after Number Two, travel the world giving make-up and hair tips to the underprivileged.

And Simpson says, of her show, on beauty--I laugh because it's pathetic: "I'm not saying I'm changing the world. But…to be able to sit with my Dad and [create] Price of Beauty. It's similar to missionary work. It was what I was called to do and called to be."

Giving make-up tips to people in third world countries who would much rather have a glass of water and a crust of bread is your idea of missionary work?

Seriously.

Jessica. No talent. Big assed. Stupid. You should stay home.

This gets me hot'n'bothered.
But in a good way.

The National Enquirer--I know...but they did break the John Edwards story--is saying that Hottie McEnglish, 007 star, Daniel Craig might be bisexual.

Or....and here's where I'm hot'n'bothered....gay.

It seems that ALLEGEDLY Daniel was seen kissing a good-looking guy a couple of weeks back at the Roosterfish bar in Venice.

[Note to self: Get to Roosterfish. And bring a martini shaker for Mister Bond.]

An onlooker in the parking lot--meaning some drunk guy who hopes upon hope that Craig is gay....and, No, it wasn't me--says: "It was definitely Daniel Craig, and he was most certainly making out with a guy. Daniel kissed his friend on the lips. It was an open-mouth passionate French kiss. In fact, Daniel held the guy's head in his hands and pull him in for the kiss!"

I'm.Dying.

Of.Jealousy.

But, when Daniel saw he was being watched, the witness--who took a National Enquirer polygraph test....I know--claims Craig then "immediately broke away from the guy. If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn't have believed it."

Another source inside the bar--which means a drunk-on-Cosmos-homo near the back door--says: "When Daniel and his friend walked in, the looked like any other upscale gay couple checking out the scene. He rubbed Daniel's leg and shoulder while they talked, and Daniel didn't seem to mind. At first, I thought Daniel may have come in with his gay friend to check out the live music. But when they started dancing together, I though, 'This is more than just two friends out for drinks.'"

Craig's reps have not responded to the allegations.

He shoots. He kills. He kisses men.

Swoon.