Saturday, February 18, 2017

It's Snarkurday!

Someone named Jason Derulo, a singer, apparently—thanks Google—has accused American Airlines of racial discrimination over a disagreement on baggage fees. And it must be true because Jason scooted over to bastion of journalistic integrity, The New York Times People magazine to spill the tea.

When Jason and his party of eight arrived at Miami International Airport at 4:15 for a 5PM flight to Los Angeles—which is cutting it very close you know—they had a total of 19 bags. And since they had just 45 minutes to make their flight, a Derulo flunky stayed behind to check the bags while everyone else scurried to the gate.

Now, Derulo says he flies AA because he has a Concierge Key that allows him to check three bags without getting hit with a fee and since he was traveling with eight people then all 19 bags should have been no charge ... right?

Not that day Satan. The straggler who stayed behind called Jason—who was on the plane and pulling away from the gate—to say the total for checking all 19 bags was $4,000 and that’s when Jason went off.

Derulo demanded the pilot let him off the plane and, miraculously, the pilot did! But, as Jason and his band of crybabies exited, Derulo says the pilot cussed them out, and they were met on the tarmac by fifteen police officers and another AA employee who also cursed them out.

But all that changed when Jason played the Don’t you know who I am? card ... and then took this mess to Instagram:
“As you can imagine, I’m surrounded by 15 police officers, I’m not going to curse back because I know what’s going to happen. So I pick up my phone, and I go live on my Instagram ... and I start to hear whispers happening, and as soon as they find out who I am, everything changes. Every single person becomes somebody else, and all of a sudden, we’re not in trouble anymore.”
No charges were filed and Jason, his group and their bags got on a later flight. But Jason says it’s not over. He says he would have ended up in handcuffs if he wasn’t the Jason Derulo and so he went back to Instagram:
“@americanair I spent millions on your airline throughout the past ten years between myself and my entire staff but have still experienced racial discrimination today at miami airport!!! Called 15 police officers on me as if I'm a criminal! It's not ok that when you find out who I am the gears change! Fuck that!! I want answers #conciergekey #conciergekeymember #thecaptainneedstoshowrespecttoo cause he could #cashmeoutsidehowboutdat #notypo #ifiwasanyoneelseiwouldhavebeenarrested”
Of course, the police tell a different story: an AA employee claims Jason and his group smelled like weed and got aggressive when they checked in, and then got pissy about the baggage fees and demanded to be let off the plane. But, when a passenger gets off a plane, they have to show their ID so the flight staff can take them off of the manifesto, and Jason and his group refused to show their IDs—Don’t you know who I am—and that’s where it got ugly.

See, he was acting like a dick on weed who cried about a baggage fee and then demanded to get off the plane and then refused to show his ID and then cried to People F**king Magazine about it.

Hey Jason, maybe you get to the airport early enough to check your bags and then, when you’re told how $$$ it’ll be, you don’t get on the flight. But don’t scream like a little bitch because you had to cough up some coins and then demand that the plane be stopped and act the bitch on the tarmac.

Grow the eff up. In a few years you’ll be working at baggage claim in Miami because no one knows who you are!
Mere moments after breaking off her engagement to her billionaire boyfriend, James Packer, Mimi got a new love ... one of her backup dancers.

Billionaire to backup dancer must be quite the come down, which may explain why Mariah Carey and her boy-toy spent an intimate Valentine’s Day together, and then shared it on social media.

The two of them, in a hot tub, with both makeup and hair teams, retouchers, costumers, lighting people, acting coaches to tell Mimi how to appear happy, and, of course, the accountant, there to write a check for the boyfriend.

Isn’t it romantic?
Did you know that Kelly Ripa hasn’t spoken to her former “Live” co-host Regis Philbin since the day he left the show six years ago? Did you care?

Anyway, Philbin is now saying that Ripa won’t speak to him because she was “very offended” when he left. Offended? I mean, her salary probably doubled and her name came first on the billing so ... offended? I doubt it. Philbin, though, is saying:
“She got very offended when I left. She thought I was leaving because of her. I was leaving because I was getting older and it was not right for me anymore.”
Then Philbin says he doesn’t speak to Kelly and gives us the nugget of why he’s spilling the tea right now ...
“Never once did they ask me to go back [on the show].”
And there it is; he hasn’t been asked back and so now he’s playing the She-Won’t-Talk-to-Me card in the hopes of her asking him to come back because, well, Regis Philbin likes to be on TV but when he gave it up, there were no new offers.

Sit down, Reege, and pipe down, too.
Nick Cannon has hosted America’s Got Talent for eight years, but recently announced in a long-assed Facebook rant that he’s done with the show. And he says it’s because NBC wanted to censor a joke he told in a Showtime comedy special about how he feels like he lost his black card once he started hosting AGT

NBC execs didn’t like that joke and felt like Cannon was hurting their brand, er wallets, and asked him to cut it; Nick put on that Norma Desmond turban and said, “Oh hell no” and quit the AGT gig.

Here’s the, um, for lack of a better word, “joke,” that caused Nick to quit:
“I honestly believe, once I started doing America’s Got Talent, they took my real n—r card. They did! Because then like these type of people started showing up to my shows”—Cannon then points to three older white people in the front row—“I can’t do the real n—r stuff no more, because then they’ll put me on TMZ.”
But that wasn’t the only joke he made:
“That’s what NBC is gonna stand for tonight: ‘N—rs Better Come on, cuz N—rs Be Cussin’, so N—rs Be Careful ... ‘cuz y’all see me on the show. I mean sometimes I wish I could say the stuff that I want to say. … But I can’t say that. I can’t talk like that ‘cuz that would mess up the white money. It will.”
And since Nick has a contract with NBC that states that he can’t talk about the network without approval, he has opted to play the I Quit card instead of the I Got Fired card for talking about my bosses and telling jokes that are not funny.

Seriously, had the jokes landed he might have still had the job, but unfunny gets you axed.
While walking the Red Carpet at the Grammys in a seriously hideous dress, Katy Perry created an internet firestorm because of something she said ... about Britney! Twice ... two times ... Katy joked about Britney Spears’ head-shaving mental breakdown moment from 2007.

The first occurred when ET asked Katy about her new-ish hair and she said:
“The only thing left to do is shave my head, which I’m really saving for a public breakdown. I’m down for that.”
And later, when asked by TV pipsqueak Ryan Seacrest about why she hasn’t been seen in a while, oops, she said it again:
“Yeah, that’s called taking care of your mental health…[it went] fantastic! And I haven’t shaved my head yet.
To be fair, Katy didn’t mention BritBrit by name, but c’mon, we all know who she meant. And some of the more rabid Cheetos-eating Spears fans didn’t think it was very funny of Katy and they let her know it on Twitter by creating the hateful ... I kid, it’s funny ... hashtag:

#KatyPerryIsOverParty.

Now, Britney’s fans might have been pissed, but Britney herself wasn’t saying a word, maybe because she’s crazy as a loon and doesn’t remember her head shaving moment.

Just saying ...

Cue ... #BobIsOverParty

But then .... Britney heard about it ... I’m thinking someone told her about it          very         slowly        so     she’d         understand        and Britney came back like this ... with a Bible verse no less ...  on Instagram and  Twitter:
“Her mouth speaks from that which fills her heart ...  Luke 6:45”
But here’s the deal; the full verse, and Katy, whose parents are ultra-religious, should know, is much more harsh:
“A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.”
Wow. Now I’m waiting to see what Katy does ... maybe dance around town with a boa constrictor who will choke her to death ... or maybe marry a backup dancer-turned-bloated-loser and pop out two Katylets ... or marry some random dude for half a day?

I do so love a feud, and maybe Ryan Murphy, once his Bette David Joan Crawford Feud airs, will turn next season toward Brit and Katy?

He can call it Dumb and Dumber.
It looks as though Ben Affleck’s stand alone Batman movie is going to be a bigger mess than his Batman v Superman mess. I mean, seriously, he was woefully miscast as Batman, unless Batman was meant to be a muttering, mumbling, pretend to be gruff wannabe.

When The Batman was first announced, Warner Bros. said Affleck would write and direct and star in the film, but that lasted a second. Soon, Affleck gave up the director’s chair to Matt Reeves and now comes word that he doesn’t even wanna be Batman any more.

The rumor comes from John Campea, host of Collider Movie Talk, and he says he’s heard from sources—perhaps Lohan trying to get a Batgirl franchise going—that after being Batman in Batman v. Superman, Affleck wants to hang up his cape.

Now, he’ll write and produce it but he won’t wear the tights or the fake muscle suit any longer. And is that such a bad thing? I mean, he took Batman from the brilliant darkness of Christian Bale and turned it back into a cartoon.

He’s got to be stopped.
Halle Berry sucks at picking men, clearly.

She’s been married three times, and all three were messy; even the men she didn’t marry became extras in her hubby troubles. But maybe, maybe, Halle has learned her lesson?

During a Q&A at the 2017 City Summit and Gala, Halle admitted she knows her three marriages have been more of a bomb than Catwoman ... and that was a nuclear bomb, y’all:
“I have learned to deal with three failed marriages, which has not been easy, especially when there’s children involved. [As] women, we go into marriage thinking it’s going to last forever and that this is our prince on a shiny horse. ... But we go in there with that hope, so when it falls apart it feels like a huge failure and a huge disappointment.”
Halle then says she’s learned a lot from all those horrific relationships which means it took her three marriages and countless relationships to learn the lesson to ... LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP.

Got it now, Halle?
It’s hard to break-up with someone and then see them out dating someone else, but it’s harder when you’re Justin Bieber and you have the emotional range of a toddler in dirty Pampers.

See, shortly after Justin found out that his ex Selena Gomez was dating-schtupping-photo-op’ing The Weeknd, Justin puffed out his little chest and called The Weeknd’s music “wack” and now, a month later, he’s still crying.

We know that Justin Bieber didn’t go to the Grammys—because he says they don’t honor talent—so what did he do on Sunday? He trolled The Weeknd on Instagram Live by driving around with a friend who asks him, live, what his favorite song is ...and Bieber says it’s The Weeknd’s Starboy.

Then the two fools laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh ...

Oooh, burn! Like I said, the emotional range of a toddler in dirty Pampers.
Matt Damon’s latest movie, The Wall—and it has nothing to do with hair Furor—has taught the actor a lot about buns, man buns. In the film, Damon plays a European mercenary warrior who is imprisoned at the Great Wall, but it’s his hair, his extensions, that are getting the attention today.

Damon says it took nearly a day to install his weave:
“I mean they put 700 extensions in, it took 12 hours, and then I had to try and keep them in. By the time they cut them out, it was like a rat’s nest. I took a picture of it. I think there was stuff living in there.”
What the what? If Damon had to sit in a chair getting his wee extensions for man bun in this film, Beyoncé must spend years in the chair getting her hair did.

Just sayin’.

9 comments:

Helen Lashbrook said...

Mocking someone who has had a mental breakdown goes beyond unkind, it is seriously unpleasant....is this Katy Perry person a friend of der Trumpenfuhrer's?

Debra She Who Seeks said...

All this nonsense makes me glad to be an obscure nobody.

Anonymous said...

12 hours to do a weave? My daughter-in-law can do her own in less time, and it lasts for weeks! She did my one and only experience with extensions that also lasted for weeks. Unfortunately, I looked like E.T. after Gertie dressed him up, for weeks! By the way, man buns should be outlawed!

Deedles

the dogs' mother said...

What a mess! Eldest missed the man bun stage
when he had long hair.

Blobby said...

Oh Halle is the lowest common denominator. She should own THAT.

itsmyhusbandandme said...

Matt - why not just grow your hair?

Bob Slatten said...

@JP
That's what I thought, too! But then maybe he din't have time? But still .... Oy!

Raybeard said...

I can only think that they want to make another Affleck/Batman film as being a way of redemption (contrition?) for last year's 'Bat v Super' farrago. For fox sake, just leave it alone, will ya!!!

anne marie in philly said...

what a hot mess o garbage this week, bob! nobodies, used-to-be-somebodies, and crybabies.