Thursday, March 21, 2019


So, a while ago, say maybe a year or more, I backed into our garage door while it was either going up as I intended it to do, or coming down of its own volition. I shattered the back window of the car and bent the bottom frame of the door; but it still worked, so we let it go. Then, last fall I noticed the wood was splitting along the minor dent in the frame; yes, it was a wooden door and one heavy mother**ker as I learned every time we lost power and I had to take the car out.

We contacted a company about a new door, and they came out and gave us our options: it was to be black like the old door, but with four windows along the top, and double steel insulated; we chose it, ordered it, and this past Monday it was to be installed. With Carlos out of work, he was staying home while the workers took the old door down and installed new rails and pullies and the door. I went back to the office and was playing on the computer when Carlos came in …
“I think we have a problem with the door.”
“It’s white.”
“White? We ordered black. It’s on the contract.”
“It’s white.”
Carlos left the room to ‘check on it’ and I took out the contract to show that we’d ordered a black door and then went out to the garage. As I opened the door, I looked down on the floor at the sections of new door and smiled …right at the time one of the installers said to Carlos…
“That’s the inside.”
Bless his heart. I quietly closed the door and went back to office. He came back a few minutes later to tell me that it was, in fact, a black door.
While the Catholic Church has done next to nothing about its pedophile situation, their parishioners are doing something: leaving. More than a third of all Catholics—up from 22% a few years ago—say that priests raping children and the church doing nothing about it has led them to question leaving the faith.

Pope Frankie better do something. Since the Church is all about protecting their coins, however will they make more if parishioners walk out? And with no new coins, how will the Church pay off the 1,000’s of victims of child-raping priests?
For the first time in history, an openly gay man will participate in a Democratic presidential debate after South Bend Mayor Pete Buttigieg, with husband Chasten Glezman, reached the 65,000 individual donor goal which qualifies him to be invited to the first debate of 12 planned by the DNC before the 2020 election.

I don’t think Pete will win the nomination, but he’s given the LGBTQ community its first place at the debates.

Republican Congressman Andrew McDaniel of Missouri wants to require … require … adults in his state to purchase handguns and AR-15 rifles and has introduced two bills toward that end:

The McDaniel Second Amendment Act, would require Missouri residents aged 21 or older to purchase a handgun, and would allot up to $1 million per year in tax credits for residents who purchased weapons, while the McDaniel Militia Act would require Missouri residents aged 18 to 35 to purchase an AR-15 and provide a tax credit of up to $1 million per year to incentivize the purchase of weapons.  

What the ever-loving-fuckery is going on in Missouri?
Instead of saying, "now is not the time to talk about gun violence," or offering "thoughts and prayers," New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern promised action. In response to the horrific terror attacks that left 50 people dead, and more than 40 hospitalized, Ardern, wearing a traditional Muslim headscarf as a "a sign of respect" said:
"I can tell you one thing right now. Our gun laws will change. I want to speak specifically about the firearms used in this terrorist act. I’m advised that there were five guns used by the primary perpetrator. There were two semi-automatic weapons, and two shotguns. The offender was in possession of a gun license. There have been attempts to change our laws in 2005, 2012 and after an inquiry in 2017. Now is the time for change."
No thoughts. No prayers. Gun control. It really can be that simple in a country that values human life more than the coins thrown at politicians by the NRA.
I'm just gonna say that if Chris Hemsworth ever got down on all fours and arched his back like that just to muzzle my nose … I.Would.Die.
This week _____ mocked the idea of focusing on wind or solar power:
“Put the windmills up and watch the value of your house if you’re in sight of a windmill—watch the value of your house go down by 65%. Wonderful to have windmills. And solar’s wonderful too, but it’s not strong enough, and it’s very very expensive.”
And apparently, if the wind doesn’t blow you can’t watch TV or even run a toaster … according to the stable genius.
A second Carlos story, though maybe it’s more about my Dad and where I get my sense of humor.

We had just finished dinner and I asked Carlos if he minded if I called my Dad:
“And tell him what a loser your husband is?”
“No! He already knows what a loser you are.”
Then I explained to Carlos that lots of people lose their jobs—I have—and if that makes you a loser then we’re all losers. Anyway, I called my Dad and told him Carlos was out of work and that he had called himself a loser. My Dad said:
“Tell him I already knew that!”
I nearly choked, but then my Dad also said to tell Carlos that he’d lost a job before, so my Dad would be Loser 1 while Carlos could be Loser 3, after me.

I used to cringe when I was younger and people would say, ‘You’re just like your Dad,' but now I get it. And I like it.
Spring TV has sprung and there are a few new shows and a few Hot Men to take your mind off the fact that your husband’s out of work … I kid.

First up is Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, of the sexy accent, who plays an OJ Simpson type on a new show called The Fix, created by Simpson prosecutor Marcia Clark; she says it’s not based on OJ but ….

On another show about lawyers called For the People, Charles Michael Davis plays DA investigator Ted; as I said to Carlos while watching one night, “I really think Ted would investigate better without a shirt.”

Lastly, hottie Daren Kagasoff stars as Gabe on what appears to be a This Is Us knockoff called The Village. I wished he lived in my village is all I’m sayin’.


Sadie J said...

I love the relationship you have with your father. And with Carlos. I always make a point of reading your Tales of Carlos. In a world full of depressing news, they always make me smile.

mistress maddie said...

I love that you follow the first Carlos entry with the Pope and his look. It's exactly what I did when I finished that entry of Carlos. Ohhhhhh dear.

Kudos to prime minister Jacidna!!!! I'm looking to emigrate.

I adore Mayor Pete and wish him well.

I can't tell you how many time I have pictured Hemsworth on all four with ass up😜😜😜😜😜😜

And did you hear trump is still picking on a dead McCain????? What a tasteless fat old fuck.

Helen Lashbrook said... the latest on what NZ is doing on guns in record time - it took longer than that, but it still happened here after a massacre at a school in Dunblane.

Love that tweet! I assume that Dev and his cow are still at odds!

the dogs' mother said...

(hugs) to your Dad and Carlos!
Very bestest wishes to Pete Buttigieg.

Sixpence Notthewiser said...

I’ve told you that basically, Carlos is me, right? And bet that door didn’t come cheap. darn.
Pete is awesome. I agree he may not get the nomination but he’s gonna go far. Would LOVE it if someone chooses him as running mate.
The difference between the US and NZ is intellectually superior politicians and no money from the NRA and gun factories.
Oh David Nunes. Poor thing. Almost as dumb as Cheeto. Oh wait. Cheeto wins here.


Moving with Mitchell said...

Your father is someone to emulate! And tell Carlos to get in line. I was laid off and walked out of a couple of jobs in a huff. I'd hire Carlos in a heartbeat. Anyone that can take what you and your father dish out is a god! Oh... and when I was laid off... two weeks before the entire company went belly up and the remaining 35 of 150 people were also out of work, I phoned my mother. SHE said, "Well, you must have done something wrong or they would have held on to you until the end, too." I LOVE your father... and you and Carlos!

anne marie in philly said...

carlos IS NOT a loser! the word LOSER is reserved for people like nunes and the dump. give carlos a smooch from me!

Debra She Who Seeks said...

The more Catholics who vote with their feet, the better.

Dave R said...

DEvin Nunes is like every other conservative, he's trying to blame everybody but himself.

funny how the Idiot Jerk, who is nothing but hot air, doesn't believe in wind power.

If your nose was that close to the ground, you and Chris are probably doing something more than muzzling.

I suspect Andy McDandy will not be in politics for long.

Bob Slatten said...

@Sadie J
Carlos and I, and my Dad, are happy to help!

Hemsworth, oh my god!

Nunes' skin is quite thin, eh?

The more he speaks, the more I love Pete. He's really making a name for himself out there.

If you have to be someone, Carlos is a grand choice. And that door was a chunk'o'change.

It was funny to hear my father say almost the exact same thing I'd said, and that it got a laugh out of Carlos is a bonus!

No he's no loser, he was just feeling down, and wanting a pity party for a hot minute.
The smooch is on the way.

I couldn't agree more.

If we could harness _____'s gasbag we could electrify the world!

Deedles said...

I will add my 'it happens to everybody' in the laying off department. I got laid off (fired actually) after coming back to work with a cold. My coworkers joked about me not being used to sleeping necked. Anyway, I was told to go home until I was better. I was fired a day later. No big loss, the company turned out to be somewhat shady. We ended up being Livermorons because Balder's company shut down in San Diego.
I love this double shot of Carlos! You and your father have my kind of sense of humor. I don't know if that's a good thing, but I like it! Chris Hemsworth can get down on all fours for me anytime! I don't know what I'd do to him in that position, but I'm sure I can think of something!

Bob Slatten said...

Twice the Carlos, twice the fun.
And Chris Hemsworth .... oy, a man can dream.