Saturday, March 02, 2013

I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

Since last week, and the weekend, were all about Oscar, and Lindsay Lohan will probably never attend, much less win one, she had her own dramas to create.

I didn’t know that Lohan sued rapper Pitbull in 2011, because one of his, um, songs—‘Give Me Everything’—contained the line: “Hustlers move aside, so I’m tiptoein’, to keep flowin’/I got it locked up like Lindsay Lohan.” 

Yeah, that made her bad because, well, the truth hurts, and so she sued. She thought he might throw some money at her—or at least leave it on the nightstand—like the folks at e*Trade did when she sued them, but Pitbull wasn’t playing. He even invited her to be his date to the VMAs, and kept fighting her in court.

Lohan claims Pitbull never got permission to use her name, and so he owes her big money because she needs big money, but last week a New York federal judge sided with Pitbull, saying the song is a work of art protected by the 1st Amendment and noting that Lindsay’s barely even mentioned.

Like her career, it’s almost nonexistent.
Well, The Mole and her husband of fourteen years are ALLEGEDLY over. See, rumor has it that Cindy Crawford and Rande Gerber are divorcing and that Cindy has gone all Demi Moore of late, ALLEGEDLY getting drunk and acting like a fool at a recent swanky hotel event, by telling anyone and everyone, “My marriage is over!”

And she continues Demi-ing, by ALLEGEDLY draping her drunken body all over twenty-something Terraplane Sun guitarist, Johnny Zambetti. And then it got worse. According to fellow partiers, Cindy went dirty dancing with Brody Jenner in a vain attempt to get back at Rande for cheating on her over the course of their marriage. Worse of all, is that her husband was right there, at the party, while she drunkenly played the part of aging model on a bender.

Crawford’s people, while acknowledging that Cindy and Rande were at that party, say the couple is still “very happily married,” but Lyle Riddle, Terraplane Sun’s drummer, tells a different story. According to him, Cindy “was drinking wine, beer and cocktails, and she seemed very intoxicated.”

Not exactly model behavior. Or even Mom behavior.
Now, for more desperate Lindsay.

See, because she gets no work, and because she has no money, and because the IRS is still after her, the National Enquirer—I know, but they were right about the John Edwards affair—says Lindsay has taken to drunk dialing her former friends and asking for a handout.

A source—and you know it’s Dina, whose house is nearing foreclosure and could use some Lohan help—says, “Her legal bills alone could buy a small country, and no one is safe. Wilmer Valderrama, Samantha Ronson, Stavros Niarchos and Jared Leto have all been targeted by Lindsay. She’s also calling in favors from Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, Nicole Richie and others. Problem is, she smells of desperation and almost everyone is running.”

I thought she smelled of booze and ciggies.

Most of her old ‘friends’ have blocked Lohan Calls, but, along with drug-addled Charlie Sheen, rumor has it that her old pal Ashton Kutcher is also giving support; along with three Middle Eastern “sugar daddies” who pay for her to come to their, um, parties.

And still she doesn’t have enough money to move out of Dina’s house, to pay for a dress to wear—and then cut up—and to foot her own tab at every club in Manhattan.

She must be a really bad hooker.
Let's say, for arguments sake, you’re one of the :::cough cough:::: hottest actresses in Hollywood, and one of the highest paid, too, so let’s say you’re invited to the Oscars.

Wouldn’t you at least wash your hair? Maybe run a comb through it? And even if you didn’t, would you sit in the audience and slouch and pout all night?

You would if you were Kristen Kasting Kouch Stewart.

Just sayin’.
So, before we had Lohan, we had TV’s version of Lohan, Mischa Barton. She was on something called The OC and said to be the newest It Girl, but then she vanished into bad parts, crazy behavior, and ugly clothes. And now, like her counterpart, Baron is also unable to pay her debts and owes some $90,000 to “a team of sober coaches.”

Wait, what? Does she play professional sports? I may be off on this, but is there a team called the Sober and they have Coaches? Oh….wait. It’s a different kind of coaching.

See, back in 2011, Mischa was ordered to pay Doctors’ Choice Nursing [DCN] $95,000 for unspecified services rendered in 2009, but she failed to appear in court—probably because she was appearing under a dumpster somewhere—which  is why a default judgment was entered against her.

Well, the nature of the, um,  “services” has been a bit of a mystery, but now we know, from the owner of DCN that the 95K was the fees charged by a team of nurses whose sole job was to keep Mischa Barton sober, though the nature of her substance of choice is still unknown.

Barton’s lawyer wants to know why DCN hadn’t notified Mischa of the mounting bill if the actress was the one responsible for paying it, and the owner replied that she didn’t want the stress of the mounting bill to exacerbate Mischa’s sobriety problems. Like, you know, you owe me money for keeping you sober will send Mischa on a bender.

Barton’s lawyer contends it was the actress’ mother who hired the nurses and therefore ran up the bills — so Mischa shouldn’t have to pay.  Wait, so the person with the abuse issues, who needed a team of nurses to keep her from using whatever it was she was using, doesn’t have to pay those nurses, because she didn’t ask for their help.

That isn’t one of the Twelve Steps.
More Lohan, because, you know, she needs to one-up the Oscar coverage.

It appears that Lindsay’s former assistant, Gavin Doyle, who used to take the rap for all of Lindsay’s misdeeds, will be called to testify against her in the case of last year’s Pacific Coast highway crash where Lindsay lied to police about who was driving her car.
She said Doyle was driving, while others say she was behind the wheel.

And now, Doyle has changed his story, ALLEGEDLY, and is willing to say that Lohan was driving that day. See, they’ve had a falling out because the day after Lindsay was arrested for beating up the psychic in a bar, Doyle came to pick her up at the police station and she kicked him out of her car.

And he took to Twitter:
@lindsaylohan after bailing you out last night I HOPE and PRAY you are getting the help you so desperately need. We are ALL rooting for you. xxx
And now he’ll be testifying against her.

So, what have we learned: do not get into a car with Lindsay Lohan. EVER!
So, Madonna, even with her new face, is still all about the Kabbalah; and she’s a member alongside the likes of Ashton Kutcher, and his former wife Granny Kutcher, AKA Demi Moore. But, since the break-up. Madonna has been granted custody of Ashton’s friendship, leaving Granny Moore out in the cold.

See, she’s not going to associate with the older party who has the penchant for dancing on tables and dating wildly inappropriate younger men because, well, you know how Madonna feels about over-the-top behavior and dating children.

So, Madonna invited Ashton, but not Demi, to her annual Oscar party, which, a few years back was a co-hosting gig between the two women. A source—and it’s probably one of Demi’s three ungrateful children—says, “Madonna is firmly on the side of Ashton. She adores him and thinks that out of him and Demi he’s the one with the glittering career. Also, Madonna loves having Ashton around as he’s great eye candy, he’s funny and he flirts outrageously with her — In Madonna’s eyes, there’s no competition – when it comes to picking sides Ashton is the obvious winner!”

And Demi’s absence at the party was the stuff of gossip. “When Ashton walked in it got the crowd buzzing!” The source says. “Madonna’s never spoken about the split, but it’s obvious she’s sided with him over Demi. It was kind of shocking as Demi has even hosted the party with Madonna in the past, so it’s even more of a mega snub! Madonna clearly loves Ashton though, they were dancing together a lot throughout the night and flirting up a storm!”

Well, that sounds like Madonna. The only person at her parties to be dancing on tables and dating boys young enough to be their sons, is Madonna herself.
Color me shocked.

I kid.

Lindsay Lohan has just been hit with yet another tax lien. We knew that she had trouble paying taxes in 2009 and 2010, but now the IRS she failed to pay in 2011, either. You know, because the IRS doesn’t take airline bottles of booze as payment.

And now the State of California that’s trying to collect the $56,717.90 that Lohan never paid. Add that to the unpaid 2009 taxes of $93,701.57 and the 2010 bill for $140,203.30 and it all adds up to….carry the one….Lohan is screwed.

To be fair, Lohan cleared the 2009 bill because Charlie Sheen found 100K in drug money under a couch cushion and gave it to her, but still, she owes even more as every day passes.

And, well, she still has 2012 to deal with, and that Liz & Dick income, and the porn movie paycheck. So, I imagine that this time next year her Back Tax Bill will be even higher.
Kate Gosselin was on The View this week to promote her appearance on Celebrity Wife Swap.

Let’s stop. Um, doesn’t one have to be a wife to be part of the swap? And single mom Kate, who loves to talk about how hard it is to be a single mom because she’s single and not married and a mom and single doesn’t exactly fill the bill, you know.

But, for the show she switched places with Kendra Wilkinson and her one kid for a week, and then  Kendra got stuck with K8’s 8. Now, I didn’t watch the show because, well, it’s stupid and because, well, Kate Gosselin was on it, but I heard Kate made Kendra cry when she lit into her for not being a hands-on mom, saying, “Reading your manual made me believe that you just let everybody else do everything because you don’t care.” This from the single mom who isn’t married and is a single mom and has a team of nannies.

But, more telling than K8’s rudeness, shrillness, bitchiness, and utter need to be on TV at any chance she’s given, is the idea that Kate’s had some work done. Lotsa folks are saying she had lotsa work done, like a nose job, face lift and injectables and I’d have to agree. See, Old K8 and New K8 are not the same K8. And four, count ‘em four, doctors are weighing on K8’s surgery—though not the idea that the money spent on the surgeries might better have been spent on her 8 children since she’s a single unmarried mother of eight who’s single.

Dr. Steven Fallek, a New York-based plastic surgeon, says, “Definitely a facelift — which includes her neck.”

” Dr. Ed Williams, Group Vice President for Public and Regulatory Affairs for the American Academy of Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery : “Life is either treating her exceptionally well or she had work done”

Dr. Renato Calabria suggests she had fat or stem cells grafted onto her face: “This procedure is done by harvesting the fat in other part of the body and in case of fat grafting injecting it back to the face trough tiny incisions.”

Dr. Richard Norden, FACS of Norden Laser Eye Associates, believes that Kate may not have had a full-fledged facelift, but utilized Botox and a new form of facial rejuvenation: “Her neck seems to be noticeably lifted. I would guess that she had the hot new non-surgical facelift using non-invasive ultrasound called Ultherapy.”

Dr. Stephen Greenberg, Author of A Little Nip, A Little Tuck, surmises that Kate underwent a procedure called tip rhinoplasty: “Tip rhinoplasty is usually done just to thin out the roundness of the tip giving it more definition.

All that work because she got one episode of Wife Swap? Too bad there’s no such thing as a personality lift, or having one’s bitchiness taken off.

K8 could’a used that.
Okay, so like we remember where we were when Kennedy was shot, or when Cher won the Oscar for Moonstruck, we all remember back in June 2012 when Lindsay Lohan crashed her Porsche on the Pacific Coast Highway and a million cracked-out stories erupted, right?

I remember posting that Lindsay got out of her totaled Porsche—from the driver’s side—and tossed all the vodka bottles from the trunk. Now, that might have never happened, but, we’ll never really know, will we?

But, new reports suggest that Lohan was drinking the day of the crash, but prosecutors in the case are thinking of giving her a plea deal.

Drunk driver say what?

Law enforcement sources say a bottle of alcohol was found next to Lindsay’s Porsche, and that her breath smelled of alcohol, but for some reason, cops did not perform a field sobriety test at the scene of the crash.

And yet, the Santa Monica City Attorney is prepared to offer Lindsay 60 days in a residential rehab facility in her lying-to-cops case—where she said she wasn’t driving the Porsche—which is four months less than the original offer. In addition, the City Attorney wants Lindsay to attend another set of AA meetings and to do community service—like, for me, that would be telling her to stop making movies. That’s community service, y’all.

And that’s how Lohan keeps getting off, to drink and drive and crash and bar fight and jewel heist another day.


the dogs' mother said...

Your poor fingers need a break - LiLo locked up or on lock down - either way - you get a break. Maybe...

anne marie in philly said...

thus you have taken out the trash for another week.

Anonymous said...

Kristin Kasting Kouch Stewart. Bwhahahahaha!

I still can't believe that chump cheated on Liberty Ross for that.

Jim said...

Thanks Bob for the triple plus heaping helping of Lindsay baby this week.
She is a train wreck... Wow!
Loved the slap at Kristen Stewart too. She looks like she's whacked out on something all the time too.
These young ladies don't know how good they have had it.
Have a great weekend!

Ask the Cool Cookie said...

So Madonna is your friend. And when the chips are down in your life Madonna will kick you in the cunt. Madonna better be careful, because Karma is a bitch, and so is mother nature. She should be planting that second crop of friends to get her through the golden years, or she is going to go all Mae West insane, and it won't be fun.

mistress maddie said...

"She’s also calling in favors from Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, Nicole Richie and others." Is this the guest list for Bravo's new reality show titled The D List-Losers Club? Meanwhile Madonna invited Ashton to her Oscar's party? Im guessing he left with a big smile and found out how Dustin Hoffman's character was seduced in the Graduate by a old lady.

mistress maddie said...

LOL at Anne Marie's comment!

Ron said...

Better watch it Bob, Linds may sue you next. Just saying. said...

Phew. The only actress that I find more exhausting than Lohan is that tragic mess Kristin Stewart. Who DID she sleep with to get that one part of hers?