Why Is It ...

… that I don’t think I’m old, but I have noticed that my dinner time and bedtime are getting dangerously close to one another.

… that the two worst feelings in the world are not having a job and having a job.

… that non-cat people don’t realize that cats are better than babies for many reasons, one of them being that when you’re done holding a cat you can just drop it to the floor.

… that if you speak to me in the morning and I’m mean, it’s your fault, not mine.

… that I take rumors about me as a compliment. Is it because I like the fact that you’re bringing my name to tables I don’t sit at shows your obsession with me? Stay bothered.

… that people don’t get that they can burn all the sage they want; I’ll still come back.

… that jobs are so clingy; why do you have to see me 8 hours a day, five days a week … or even 6 hours a day, four days a week.

… that I don’t get why everybody hates lazy people; we didn’t do anything.

… that October is my favorite time of year? I can finally turn off the ac and turn on the heat at 5AM then turn it off at 9AM and open the windows and then shut the windows at noon and turn on the AC, only to turn it off at 7PM and then turn …

… that if I blocked you on social media the block also applies to real life so if you see me, keep walking.

… that when my boss said my co-workers told him that I intimidate them, I stared at him until he apologized.