Celebrities Talking Dick

Well, this ain’t no day for gossip, so thanks to the good folks over at Just Jared, it’s a day for Celebrities Talking Dick … their dicks. Let’s let them dish …

Jason Derulo posted a photo of himself stepping out of the water while wearing just a pair of form-fitting boxer briefs and Instagram deleted it for “nudity or sexual activity” causing Derulo to react:

“F**k u mean? I have underwear on… I can’t help my size.” 

No. He can’t.

Daniel Radcliffe was seen by thousands in the all-together when he appeared nude onstage in Equus; he wasn’t quite as happy with his manhood as Derulo:

“You tighten up like a hamster. The first time it happened, I turned around and went, ‘You know, there’s a thousand people here, and I don’t think even one of them would expect you to look your best in this situation.’ I am terribly self-conscious.”

Nude in front of thousands? Um, no thanks.

Justin Theroux was not at all self-conscious when he slipped into a pair of gray sweatpants clearly going commando in the HBO series The Leftovers:

“When I went to get my wardrobe for the second jogging scene way later, there was my jogging pants and there was two pairs of underwear in the dressing room and [the staff] were like, ‘They want you to wear them both.’”

Maybe he needed a third pair?

Michael Fassbender famously went full frontal in the movie Shame and when he presented an award to Charlize Theron in 2012 she said:

“Your penis was a revelation. I’m available to work with it anytime. I have to say that I was truly impressed that you chose to play it big. Most other actors would have gone small, trust me. No, I know because I have worked with them.”

I’d also like to work with Fassbender’s dick. Just sayin’.

Jon Hamm. A few years ago, photos of Hamm with a huge bulge in his pants went viral online and the term Hamaconda was born:

“It was a topic of fascination for other people, certainly not me. By the way, as rumors go, not the worst.”

Not by a long shot.

Jason Momoa didn’t reveal this tidbit about his dick, his on-screen love interest from Game of Thrones, Emilia Clarke, did.

“I saw his member, but it was covered in a pink fluffy sock. Showing it would make people feel bad. It’s too fabulous.”

What a lovely compliment. And a pink fluffy sock sounds cozy.

Enrique Iglesias is one of the few celebrities who isn’t afraid to admit that he’s not packing:

“What does Spanish good looks have to do with the size of your penis? Maybe I have the Spanish looks, but I have the smallest penis in the world. I’m serious.”

Hey, as long as it reaches where it wants to go, right?

Colin Farrell very famously had a sex tape leaked online years back, so many of us has enjoyed his goods; he also shot a nude scene for Alexander, but, sadly, he didn’t end up going full frontal in that:

“I know the reason that it was cut out was that it just wasn’t right. If anything, it’s a beautiful, gentle moment—and a f–king large c–k with huge balls, is just f–king jarring.”

You say jarring, I say “Well, helloooooo … “

Adrian Grenier once hooked up with Bachelor ‘star’ Courtney Robertson and she talked about his manhood; later, appearing on WWHL, Andy Cohen asked Grenier about it:

“She said you had the biggest dick she’s ever seen.”

Grenier responded,

 “I was just glad she got the size right. And she’s seen a couple of them, huh.”

Oh, the shade!

Justin Timberlake worked with Patricia Clarkson  in the 2011 movie Friends with Benefits and she saw him in the buff:

“Yeah… I had the good fortune to get to see him… all there. They were shooting a scene that he couldn’t keep anything on. And he is a… gorgeous man.”

But, from what I’ve heard, a lot of folks have seen it.

Shia LaBeouf talked about his manhood while discussing a trip to Finland:

“For a person who’s not extremely well-endowed, who’s kinda insecure about my own junk, there’s something about sitting naked with a Sami native in a hut getting warm right away before you say ‘hello.”

Well, at least your dick didn’t stand up and wave, eh?

Justin Bieber had photos of himself nekkid go viral, and his own father commented about being “proud” of his son. Ick. Justin, on the other hand, said:

“I was scared. I first saw the one with the black bar over it. I was like, ‘Oh my God. I just got out of the water. Shrinkage is real.’ No, no. That’s as big as she gets.”

Little Justin is real.

Pete Davidson never talked his own dick, but ex-girlfriend Ariana Grande did in a since-deleted tweet when a fan asked her, “how long Pete is.” Her response: 

“Like 10 inches? …oh f–k …i mean…like a lil over a minute.”

Ten inches and a minute? Nothing to boast about, you know.

Pete Wentz once said he doesn’t like his own junk:

“I’m not a real big fan of penises. Like my own, whenever I look at it, I just don’t find anything attractive about it. I can’t believe girls are into it. It blows my mind a little bit.”

Well, if you’re just getting your mind blown, you’re doing it all wrong. Let’s talk, Pete.

Jason Segel went full frontal in Forgetting Sarah Marshall and co-star Mila Kunis talked about his size:

“I want it on the record, okay? It’s a nice dick. Well proportioned. Handsome. I have nothing but good things to say about Jason Segel’s penis.”

To this day Segel’s penis stands tall.

Scott Rogowsky, who hosts the trivia app HQ, has talked about his manhood several times:


In 2015: “FUN FACT: My penis is of below-average length and girth.” 


In 2018: “I’m not, uh, exactly blessed in the crotch department, and when I first became sexually active and started using condoms, I found the standard issue to be a little … baggy.”


Again, as long as it fits where it wants to fit … but baggy might be a good look in pants, but penises? Not so much.

Jared Leto doesn’t talk about his penis, but the late Alexis Arquette once talked of hooking up with Leto:

“I had sex with Jared Leto back when I was presenting as a male. And, yes, it’s not only massive; it’s like a Praetorian Guard’s helmet.”

Oh my …. That’s a real compliment.

Orlando Bloom is often seen in the nude, paddle-boarding of all things, and commented on his size after the photos went viral:

“It is really not that big. Things are expanded on cameras with a big optical lens. It is an optical illusion.”

Like a magic trick? It’s done with mirrors?

Howard Stern says  he is “hung like a pimple”:

“I think I might as well be up front about it. No guy will ever admit to having a small penis. I just went on the record. I might be one of the smallest guys in the world.”

Hey, if it works for you …

Johnny Knoxville, Jackass star, talked about the size of his manhood almost two decades ago:

“I have a penis like an egg in a nest. It looks like a light switch. Seriously.”

I guess you just have to flick it to turn it on?

Tom Arnold. His ex-wife Roseanne Barr said once that he has a three-inch penis:

“My penis is fine. Maybe because I undersell it. If someone expects petite and gets medium, they’re impressed.”

And probably, while appearing alongside Roseanne, any penis would look extra small.

Ricky Gervais once said:

“I don’t want to go into it but I’m not built, its average, I’m 5 foot 8 it’s in proportion, don’t worry about it. I’d look weird with a foot long knob wouldn’t I? It’d be ridiculous, also I’d faint if I got an erection as all the blood would be in there. It’s fine, it’s fine, really it’s average.”

Still, a foot-long might make Ricky less mean?


And there you have it, the ISBL Celebrity Dick Edition. Any of those interest you, and if not, which dick would you like?


Asking for a friend.