Wednesday, September 17, 2014

In Indiana, A Woman Is Dying To Have Her Marriage Recognized

Does anyone else see this as completely bassackwards?

In Indiana, The Gays cannot get married, nor can gay folks living in Indiana, but married in a marriage equality state, have their marriage recognized. But, last week a federal judge approved an agreement for Indiana to recognize the marriage of Veronica Romero and Mayra Yvette Rivera while the state appeals a ruling overturning its gay marriage ban.

And they did so because Rivera has advanced ovarian cancer.

The agreement stipulates that Indiana will recognize Romero and Rivera’s marriage and, if Rivera dies, the state will issue a death certificate listing her as married and recording Romero as the surviving spouse. The Indiana State Department of Health has also agreed to assist local health departments, funeral homes, physicians, coroners and others involved in completion of a death certificate to understand their duties in the couple's case.

So, these women will be considered married because one of them is dying. How in the hell is this right, fair, equal, American? It reeks of Well, if one of you is dying then we’ll call you married.

So, let me get this queer: do I have to die to have my marriage recognized? Is that the next step?

Earlier this week, a friend of ours stopped breathing in the middle of the night; his partner tried to resuscitate and paramedics were called. Sadly, he never awoke and passed away en route to the hospital. He and his partner have been together for forty-two years. True, they never legally married, but if they had, would South Carolina then be forced to recognize the marriage after death, while fighting not to recognize their marriage while both spouses are alive and well?

I’m glad Romero and Rivera filed their lawsuit; I’m glad anyone, anywhere, files a lawsuit fighting for marriage equality. But to have a state government basically say that they’ll recognize the marriage, and assist with all the details, if one of the spouses dies is the height of insult.

Recognize marriages now, while we’re living, and don’t wait for some symbolic, and truly meaningless, gesture afterwards. I don’t want to be recognized after I die, I want my recognition now.


Raybeard said...

One can be forgiven as seeing this as an encouragement to DIE, for goodness sake! (Maybe that was their idea.) What a miserable thing to say to ANYONE!

Ron said...

The ignorant homophobes will continue to fight until their dying day. This weekend I am attending my 55th class reunion. My longtime friend (since elementary school) will be there with his homophobe wife. This is the "friend" who equated my marriage to Bill with marrying my pet. I called him out on it and he was truly mystified. He didn't see the difference. It's going to be interesting to see him face to face and watch him stumble over his "explanation" of what he "really meant." Sad to say Bob, even some of the so called most intelligent and reasonable people fail to see marriage equality as equal. They just don't get it. He have to keep fighting and get married legally and let them to stew in their ignorance.

the dogs' mother said...

Very sad.

anne marie in philly said...


what happens to your friend's partner (read: husband) now? after 42 years, does he have any recourse, or will he be kicked to the curb? NO COUPLE should have to carry legal papers ANYWHERE to prove they are married.

Bob Slatten said...

Luckily, he and his partner had all the legal documents needed for couples who cannot legally marry. Plus, his late partner's family is quite open and lovely about their brother's spouse.

Biki Honko said...

I'm very sorry to hear about your friends passing, and very sad for his husband.

Homophobes are just narrow minded hate filled humans for anyone different than themselves. Who I sure are upset they are no longer allowed to use the "N" word out in polite society.