Saturday, August 17, 2013

I Ain't One To Gossip, But ....

When Lindsay’s movie, The Canyons, was released a couple of weeks ago — while Lohan was still in lockdown rehab — she garnered some of the best reviews of her career. Stop laughing, I’m serious. She got good reviews; and not just because she was playing a vapid starlet with addiction issues.

But, even with those good reviews Lohan skipped out on attending the latest premiere of her film and there are all kinds of excuses, like Lohan didn’t know about it, or Lohan didn’t want to go to an event with an open bar at the after-party.

Okay, first off you just know that Lindsay Lohan has a Google alert on herself and she would know all things all things; you just know Dina would have wanted to go because, well, this answers excuse #2: the party had two of Lindsay and Dina’s favorite things: “open” and “bar”.

But, now comes the story that Lindsay didn’t go to the premiere because she was partying all night with The Wanted’s Max George — one of the last guys to schtup her before she went into lockdown — in  in LA before helped out of the Mondrian West Hollywood by security at 7 a.m. yesterday. They say ‘helped out’ I say ‘thrown out.’

Sources — and one of them is Dina, from the third stall on the left in the Men’s Room with her granny panties around her ankles … ALLEGEDLY — says  Lindsay, fresh from rehab, joined George and his band at the all-night party: “The party went on all night long and was so loud that guests were complaining. Lindsay was there with Max George. The Wanted have been staying at the Mondrian for days, and Lindsay, who briefly dated Max a while back, was partying with the band. She and her sister Ali were spotted waiting in the hotel lobby for the band.

One of Lohan’s reps offered this ringing endorsement: “I highly doubt this is true.”

I highly doubt Lohan will film more than one episode of the Oprah-induced reality show docu-series before she gets arrested again and O decides to sue her for the money back.

And, speaking of The Big O, it seems Oprah’s been snubbed again in a high-end boutique because she’s a black woman. Really, O?

She says she was trying to buy a $35,000 Tom Ford bag — was it filled with pastries or what? — in Switzerland last month when the snub occurred: “I was in Zurich the other day at a store, whose name I will not mention, and I didn’t have my eyelashes on, but I was in full Oprah Winfrey gear. I had my little Donna Karan skirt and my little sandals and all that on, but obviously The Oprah Winfrey Show is not shown in Zurich. This doesn’t happen to me unless somebody obviously doesn’t know it was me.”

Perhaps the clerk didn’t recognize her in her full O-gear because she wasn’t gnawing on a Ham Hock while she shopped but I digress … Winfrey says she asked the clerk to show her a luxury crocodile bag: “She says to me, ‘No. It’s too expensive.’” Winfrey asked to see it again the clerk once again denied her, saying, “‘No, no, no. You don’t want to see that one. You want to see this one because that one will cost too much and you will not be able to afford that.’”

This apparently went on forever: “Let me see it.” “You can’t afford it.” “Let me see it.” “You can’t afford it.” “Let me see it.” “You can’t afford it.” “Let me see it.” “You can’t afford it.” “Let me see it.” “You can’t afford it.” “Let me see it.” “You can’t afford it.”

Then Oprah left the store, and raced back to her hotel room to tell her husband Gayle what happened, and Mister Winfrey said she would have returned to the store and caused a scene a la Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, but O said she didn’t want to give the clerk commission.

Oprah: “I could have had the big blowup thing and thrown down the black card and all that stuff, but why do that?”

Trudie Goetz, head of the Swiss store Trois Pommes — The Store That Dared To Refuse Oprah — denied Winfrey was discriminated against because of her race: “This is an absolute misunderstanding. Any sales person would love to sell a crocodile bag. She simply explained [to Oprah] that the bag she wanted to look at was beautiful but in a very high price range and suggested lower priced models in leather, ostrich and so forth.”

Look, maybe it happened, maybe it didn’t, but it’s funny how the story emerges as Oprah has a movie to plug. It smacks of the same media manipulation as her tale of being told to get out of that Hermes store in Paris because they were closing; you know, the story she leaked to the press just before her TV show returned after summer break. Plus, she really thinks every single person in the world knows her? Like I said, maybe if she had a ham hock in her mouth.

Justin Bieber performed at the Prudential Center in Newark, New Jersey last week, or, better yet, Justin Bieber ‘Britney’d’ there.

It seems folks are saying he lip synced his entire concert and seemed all strung out, but, um, I say, your first clue that you’ll be disappointed: it’s Justin Bieber.

Music critiques took to social media after his ‘show’ in Jersey, calling Miss Justine “sluggish”, “bored” and “lazy” and accused him of lip-syncing large portions of the show. Well, that sounds about right.

Mesfin Fekadu of the AP, wrote a scathing review of the ‘show,’ insisting the Biebs was “not in pop star form”, and accusing him of lip-syncing most of his songs and failing to keep up with his dancers: “He seemed to be lip-syncing and his sluggish, lazy dancing didn’t match the oomph of the beats… Bieber phoned in a good amount during his show; at some moments, he even appeared bored. He was clocking in – another day, another sold-out concert… When performing the hit Beauty and a Beat, he couldn’t keep up with his background dancers.

Chris Jordan of local newspaper the Asbury Park Press was also disappointed: “As for Bieber the performer, well, there’s not a whole lot to believe in. His voice is thin and reedy… Unfortunately, his dancing isn’t any better than his singing. His turns are loose and his body control is sloppy. He seemed divided as to whether he should join his team of dancers full force or just let them do most of the work.”

I don’t get the surprise. Y’all. It’s Justine-freaking-Bieber. I could’a warned y’all to save your money. I mean, let’s be real, we’re on the countdown to Justin shaving his head and beating an SUV with an umbrella.

And he won’t do that very well, either.

You gotta love Victoria Beckham.

The girl loves to talk about how normal her family life is .... “Honestly, once the children are in bed I’d rather work or shove on a face pack and pluck my eyebrows. By the time Brooklyn’s finally gone to bed, it’s all I’m fit for. Really, we’re much more normal than people think.” 

.... and then she jumps into a helicopter because she's running late for Parent's Nights at the kid's school.

See, that happened recently when Vicki was doing a photo-shoot and interview for Australian Vogue, and she realized  she might not make it to Brooklyn’s school in time. So she did what all normal people do in these situations and hired a helicopter to take her directly there.

Normal.

This is high-larious.

Gwyneth Paltrow made a very special appearance at the East Hampton Library’s Authors Night, a charity event in which “authors” — air quotes for Paltrow, the “author” — sign copies of their books as a way to raise money for the library. Well, apparently the real authors weren’t keen on having Goop in their midst and weren’t shy about talking about it.

Author Christina Oxenberg — whose table was next to “author” Paltrow — wrote on her blog, “Due to the inflexibility of the alphabet, I had the questionable good fortune to be seated directly beside [Paltrow] . . . Slowly yet unmistakably a line began to form in front of my section of table. These folks were hushed and reverential and had a particularly earnest and focused demeanor and casting furtive eyes around . . . the increasingly urgent question they posed, ‘Where is Gwyneth?’ . . . Then the divinity in question arrived with hubby, children and a couple of massive bodyguards. The worshippers blocked my view of the whole world.”

Oxenberg say she left her table to grab a bite to eat and when she tried to return, well, “Gwyneth’s bodyguards blocked my re-entry despite my assurance I was just an author and pointing at my name tag. ‘No!’ they growled, body blocking me. So I was forced to crawl under the table. And there I sat with my meat products, wafting the excellent smells toward my sleek vegan neighbor. She ignored the siren smells of protein. We never did say hello, although I did try to sell my book to her sleek vegan children. No bites.”

Snap.

Also fellow author Jay McInerney Tweeted of Oxenberg’s post: “Authors Night at East Hampton Library hijacked by movie stars with ghost-written cookbooks.”

Again. Snap. Though the funniest part is, again, “Paltrow the 'author’.”

Back to Oprah because this story will not die.

She’s still talking about the store in Zurich only now she wants it to be over:  “I think that incident in Switzerland was just an incident in Switzerland… I’m really sorry that it got blown up. I purposefully did not mention the name of the store. I’m sorry that I said it was Switzerland…. It’s not an indictment against the country, or even that store. It’s just one person who didn’t want to offer me the opportunity to see the bag.”

Um, let’s see, how oh how did that story get, um, ‘blown up’? Oh yeah, Oprah sat her big ass down in front of an Entertainment Tonight interviewer and told the story. Oprah, for all her faults, is very media savvy and knew that telling that story would be news and now she’s playing the innocent card. With a ham hock in her mouth, to boot.

And speaking of mouths, the unnamed Italian shopgirl from that high-end Zurich handbag store is opening hers, and saying O ain’t telling the truth.  Speaking anonymously to Sunday newspaper SonntagsBlick, the Italian bag lady said she felt ‘powerless’ and in the grip of a ‘cyclone’ after Winfrey went on TV in America to claim she had been the victim of racism. 

She says: ‘I wasn’t sure what I should present to her when she came in on the afternoon of Saturday July 20 so I showed her some bags from the Jennifer Aniston collection. I explained to her the bags came in different sizes and materials, like I always do. She looked at a frame behind me. Far above there was the 35,000 Swiss franc crocodile leather bag. I simply told her that it was like the one I held in my hand, only much more expensive, and that I could show her similar bags … It is absolutely not true that I declined to show her the bag on racist grounds. I even asked her if she wanted to look at the bag. She looked around the store again but didn’t say anything else. Then she went with her companion to the lower floor. My colleague saw them to the door. They were not even in the store for five minutes.’

She emphatically denied ever saying to Winfrey: ‘You don’t want to see this bag. It is too expensive. You cannot afford it.’

Now, again, I’m no fan of Oprah, but I’m kinda leaning toward Team Shopgirl. I mean, would she really not show the expensive bag when she works on commission? Even if she thought the Woman The Worlds Knows As Oprah couldn’t afford it, she’d still show it, maybe make a sale, and get a nice percentage.

And given that O is now trying to downplay the incident, well, I’m calling Oprah a Big Fat Liar.

Everyone wants to see The Baby!!

Well, apparently not everyone. While rumors run rampant that MediaWhore Mom and Pop, Kim Kash Kow Kardashian and Kanye West were determined to not sell North West’s first baby photos to one of the weekly magazines — they say, in a blatant ploy for media attention that they turned down an offer of $3 million for North pics — we are hearing that Kimye has decided to put the pictures online, or give them to a major magazine like, say, Vanity Fair or Vogue.

Kanye — on vacation in Greece because he just gave birth and needs the rest — is trying to convince Vogue editor-in-chief Anna Wintour that putting his Kash Kow and baby Child Support Check on the cover of the magazine is a good idea.

Anna Wintour, however, is all, ‘Meh.’

Kanye has his lips pressed firmly to Anna’s tightly wound ass, but Anna just doesn’t like Kim — go figure — and she is said to be, ahem, “less than enthusiastic” about a Kim-North cover shoot. He points to a recent NYT article which says that the bestselling Cosmopolitan magazine last year was the April issue with Kim on the cover — some 1.2 million copies sold — and that the July-August issue of L’Uomo Vogue, the magazine’s Italian men’s edition, featured Kim on the cover as well, and was a big seller.

But others point to last May, when Vogue editors famously cropped Kim out of its Best Dressed Gallery when she appeared with Kanye on the Met Ball red carpet wearing the now famous and universally panned floral print ensemble.

With all that in mind, the loathing of all things Kardashian, the deliberate cutting Kim out of a picture leads me to think Anna’s gonna win this, because, well, Anna always wins.

5 comments:

mistress maddie said...

On the Paltrow front, if this is the same event, I also heard NO ONE wanted to be seated at her table. If I had gone I would have been with Oxenberg and LOADED my plate with meat products. But I love Victoria Beckham. And can you blame her for her mode of transport? She only wanted the quickest way there and back, so she could get back to riding her hot hubby's baloney pony!!! And when I saw Oprah had a movie coming out, I thought of you. While her acting isn't bad, now we will never enjoy the low profile she had been keeping. I say lets busy her with some Swiss pastry.

Raybeard said...

'The Canyons' hasn't opened here yet but I've also heard reasonable early reports about it. So I may well go (if it gets a British release) whereas might otherwise not have bothered. It might be a job to stifle my giggles, though, particularly in the light of the latest story you tell.

the dogs' mother said...

'the author' - snort, chortle!

R.J. said...

The Gywneth an author? Puh-leese.

I smelled BS when I heard about the Oprah racism story. I used to be in retail sales, and when you work on commission you will do anything to land the big sales. If Oprah wants to see the $35k crocodile bag -- and that's why it's so expensive -- then show her the bag so she can show you the commission!

Anonymous said...

oprah and the ham hock.. the visuals.. I can't.. thank you for the laugh. I needed it today..