Judge Declares Baby Name Unchristian And Orders Parents To Change It

It happened in Tennessee, y’all, so I guess it makes sense.

Lu Ann Ballew, a Tennessee child support magistrate has decided to rename a seven-month-old boy “Martin” because she objected to the name the child’s parents gave to him: “Messiah.”

She decided to change the name because “Messiah is a title and it’s a title that has only been earned by one person and that one person is Jesus Christ.”

It all started when the Messiah’s mother and father couldn’t agree on a last name for their son and took their question to Cocke County Chancery Court earlier this month. But, rather than just deciding on a last name, Ballew also gave the child a new first name, renaming him, Martin DeShawn McCullough.

Color me sane, but I always thought parents got to name their children; I never knew judges could tell you what to call your son. Oh, yeah … Tennessee.

Ballew says that her decision to rename a child that is not her own, is not related to her, has nothing whatsoever to do with her or her family, was in the best interest of the child since he’ll grow up in a heavily Christian county: “It could put him at odds with a lot of people and at this point he has had no choice in what his name is.”

Judge Ballew

When someone asked her about Hispanic children named “Jesus,” the Honorable, But Seriously Stupid, Judge Ballew said, “I thought about that, and that’s not relevant to this case.”

Besides, it’s pronounced Hay-zeus, so no one will get that child confused with the ‘real’ Jesus, like they might with a child named “Messiah.”

Jaleesa Martin, the Baby Messiah’s mother, is appealing the ruling: “I never intended on naming my son Messiah because it means God, and I didn’t think a judge could make me change my baby’s name because of her religious beliefs.”

And, she’s right, even in Tennessee. See, a government official ordering a family to take an action because it conflicts with the official’s religious belief certainly qualifies as a violation of the Constitution.

SIDENOTE: According to the Associated Press, “Messiah” is the fourth-fastest-rising baby name.

Seriously.

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