It's Snarkurday!

What a world it might have been had John Stamos gotten his way, at least according to the new Lifetime movie, The Unauthorized Full House Story.

 See, it appears that Stamos tried to get the Olsen twins replaced because they wouldn’t stop crying, and Stamos is saying it really happened:

“It’s sort of true that the Olsen twins cried a lot. It was very difficult to get the shot. So I [gesturing], ‘Get them out…!’ That is actually 100 percent accurate. They brought in a couple of unattractive redheaded kids. We tried that for a while and that didn’t work. And that’s the story.”

Just think, though, had the Olsen’s been replaced, we have a couple less ultra rich Goth Hobbits in the world today.

So, Little Kylie Jenner turned 18 last week and celebrated in Canada because she can legally drink there, which leads me to sing ♫♪ Oh Canada … what have you wrought ♪♫.

But this is about her gift from her is-he-or-isn’t-he her boyfriend, Tyga, or is he just the guy banging the once underage “model.”

See, Tyga is known for regifting stuff to Kylie, and actually gave Kylie one of his ex-girlfriend’s, and baby mama, Blac Chyna’s old watches. And then Kylie and Blac started an Instagram war over who was wearing the watch “currently.”

But now it’s bigger than a watch because Tyga gave Kylie one of Blac’s old cars, after he re-painted it from white to red!

Of course, Tyga’s camp is saying Kylie is only “borrowing” the car … just like she’s borrowing Tyga from Blac Chyna.

So Ben Affleck’s nanny jump-off, Christine Ouzounian, is riding high with all the press about how she was banging a married movie star while babysitting his kids.

And to show what a class act she is, she posted pictures of herself on a private jet to Vegas with Ben and his buddy Tom Brady, while wearing Brady’s four Super Bowl rings.

And this trip to Vegas with Ben came right after Ben and Jen’s trip to the Bahamas where Jen found out about NannyGate and fired her, so it seems quite clear that Ben is schtupping the help, and then taking her on vacation.

But Ben assured her it was okay because he was technically her boss even though, while she is a nanny, there were no Affleck children on the trip, and Ben hid her at the hotel the entire time.

Banging.The.Help.

Paying.The.Alimony.

Looking.Like.A.Douche.

Meanwhile, back at the Goth Hobbits …

Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen are facing a class-action lawsuit says their company, Dualstar, treats its interns terribly by making them work long hours and then deciding not to pay them for the work.

The class-action suit, which alleges wage theft, says the Olsen’s failed to pay about 40 past and present interns. The lead plaintiff, former design intern Shahista Lalani, says she was treated poorly, toiling for free doing menial tasks at Dualstar Entertainment Group, and ended up hospitalized for dehydration.

Look, I feel bad, but these people knew they’d be working for Hobbits and, well, Hobbits aren’t known for fair employment practices when they spend too much together looking like conjoined twins in Morticia Addams’ knock-offs.

We all know Kristen Stewart, who once banged that sparkly vampire while she was also banging a married film director, has gone full-on Lesbian, right?

I mean, she clearly has a new girlfriend, Alicia Cargile, but hasn’t done the “Yep, I’m Gay” Time magazine cover. And don’t expect her to, either, because, while promoting her next sure-to-bomb film, Stewart made it clear that she wasn’t coming out any time soon.

In fact, she says, if you want to know if she’s Team Lesbian you can just Google her.

“Google me, I’m not hiding.”

Um, Google me? Isn’t that what Cargile is for?

Just sayin’.

And now back to Ben Affleck’s nanny, who has turned f**king a married guy into quite the lucrative career. Trips the Bahamas, to Vegas, hanging out with Tom Brady, and yet she doesn’t have to watch a single child.

And now Christine Ouzounian is tooling around town in a brand new $50,000 Lexus IS convertible and Instagramming this:

“Keep Calm and meet new drop top Lexi.”

I thought she was Drop Top Christine?

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon officially ended their marriage last winter, but it ain’t quite over yet because Nick is dragging his heels in the divorce proceedings, hoping to get more coins.

And y’all know Mimi ain’t playing, so she recently had dinner with her divorce lawyers to come up with a plan to put the screws to Nick Cannon so she can marry her newest next-ex-husband James Packer. But Mimi forgot one thing … well, she forgot those two little words: no pre-nup.

See, without a pre-nup, Nick can hold out for more cash and more cash because, I guess, he only married her for the money, so he’ll only divorce her for some more.

Oh Nicky, get another job!

Ann Curry may have the last laugh following her departure from NBC in January.

She’s writing a book, y’all.

If you remember, Curry tearfully said goodbye after being fired from the Today Show in 2012 because, ALLEGEDLY, prima donna Matt Lauer wanted his side-piece by his side in the morning, though she stayed working at NBC until earlier this year.

Curry has ALLEGEDLY been “unhappy for a long time because she basically does nothing, though she was earning $12 million a year after the firing.

NBC says Curry is moving on to develop her own media startup backed by NBCUniversal, which would allow her to produce content for a number of platforms, including for them so will she or won’t she talk about Lauer and the firing?

Well, she has a nondisclosure agreement with NBC that prevents her from spilling the details but it cannot stop her from talking about her feelings about events that have already been in the news.

I see a Nasty Book Club at NBC.