I Ain't One To Gossip, But.........

Okay, so Paris Hilton gets arrested and does the Excuse Three Step.

It's not my purse.

I thought it was gum.

I'm a dumbass.

Yeah, the last one works.

See, even though Dimbulb Hilton said the purse was a friends, earlier this summer she Tweeted a picture of her new Chanel purse, and, yes, you guessed it, it's the same purse.

Twitter.

Crime solver.

But then catching Paris Hilton in a lie is like shooting ignorant illiterate drug-addicted heiresses in a barrel.

Just sayin'.

Now, remember when Jim Parson won the Emmy for The Big Bang Theory?

Yeah, I'd forgotten, too.

But, I do remember saying, and blogging, that Jim seemed a little light in his loafers.

Get it?

He's a Friend of Dorothy?

Got it?

He could have his own show on Bravo?

Now do you see?

Okay! He's queer, dear.

And now comes the story that instants after winning his Emmy this year, Jim Parsons proposed to his boyfriend of several years, Todd Spiewak.
According to sources--and by sources I mean stagehands with nothing better to do--Jim walked right off stage and into the arms of his his man, saying the only thing that would make the Emmy win even better would be if Todd agreed to be his husband.

And he said Yes. Isn't it romantic?!?
Where else, but at the Emmys, and definitely the Tonys, could a couple of queens get engaged?

Poor Snooki.

She escaped jail time, but not poo time.

Snooki's punishment--besides having that picture all over the net--for being a sloppy, drunken, obnoxious mess on the shores of Seaside Heights was two days of community service and a $533 fine.

But the real punishment came when it was learned that Snooki's community service would include volunteering at the Popcorn Park Zoo in New Jersey, cleaning out animal cages.
Yup.

Snooki is a Sooper Pooper Scooper.
I think the punishment fits the crime, as she is clearly full of %$&@ and forced to pick it up.

Susan Boyle has ALLEGEDLY left Los Angeles in tears after being snubbed by a songwriter who refused to let her sing one of his hits on America's Got Talent.

Yup, not everyone loves La Boyle.

It seems that Susan Boyle came to L.A. to perform the song "Perfect Day" on the show, but sources--and by sources I mean Hare Krishna at LAX--say that producers needed permission from the songwriter, Lou Reed.

But at the last minute they were informed that Reed refused permission because he isn't a Boyle fan, and when Susan found out, she dissolved into tears, and literally flew away.

Reed, and America's Got Talent have refused to comment.

Oh, my two favorite things!

Not.

It seems that Lindsay Lohan, desperate to make herself look like an actress and not a convicted criminal, drug addict wacktress, is looking to spill the beans to Oprah Winfrey.

Lohan and O. I believe that is a sign of the apocalypse.

A source--and by source I mean any one of the myriad Lohan drug dealers and hangers on, like Mama Dina--say:

"Things are heating up in a good way. Definitely some good conversations. We're crossing our fingers it works out for Oprah's last season."

Though nothing is ALLEGEDLY locked in with Lohan, the possibility is high. Lohan needs to spin her lies, and Oprah needs ratings for her last--thank god--season. And, while Lohan has considered several television options, she is laying all her hopes at the altar of The O.

What's odd, however, is that some sources--and by sources I mean the Head Cookie maker at Chateau O--says that it was Winfrey who went after Lohan.

Wow, O more desperate than Lohan.

Who knew?

Well, Nicollette Sheridan must be kicking up her heels.

The former Desperate Housewives diva has been given the go-ahead by Judge Elizabeth Allen White to sue the pants right off her old boss, Marc Cherry, for ALLEGED assault and battery, gender violence, wrongful termination and discrimination based on sex, sexual orientation and age.

Sheridan is asking for $20 million.

Cherry's lawyers tried to sway the judge by asking Nicollette's lawyers to clarify the discrimination portion of her complaint, but Judge White wouldn't hear it. Literally.

So, get ready for an epic, old style Hollywood courtroom battle.

ABC will come in with guns blazing.

Nicollette will come in freshly botoxed.

And I wonder if the other housewives will have to testify.

This might be--hell, it will be--better than the show.

Oh boy, oh boy! This could get interesting.

We know that Danielle Staub is gone, but people are wondering who will join the mayhem when The Real Mafia Wives Of New Jersey comes back for it's third table-flipping, bitch-slapping, hair-pulling season.

Some people are saying Teresa is a goner, but with an $11 million debt, Low Hairline needs the job. Some are saying that Caroline and Jaqueline are pulling their mafioso family out of the picture, though they love the attention.

All Andy Cohen will say is:

"We're focusing right now on Season 3 of New Jersey; we know that Danielle will not be a part of that, all else is to be determined. We haven't begun production on Season 3 and can't really speculate who's going to be a part of it."
I'm thinking it might become the Teresa Giudice Show. She's got four kids to feed, a hairline to razor upwards, and a hubby who's about as useful as a dictionary in this family.

I won't watch, because, once you've seen one table flip, it loses all sense of reality.

Bristol Palin is taking dancing lessons from ABC, and grudge-holding bitch lessons from the Mama Grizzly Bore.

The show, um, Dancing With The Not-So-Much Stars As Desperate For Attention Wanabes, hasn't started yet, and Bristol--or as Wonderman so lovingly calls her; Blister--is already being Kate Gosselin Diva.

She is demanding that her former boyfriend, tuned baby daddy, turned fiance, turned former boyfriend, turned nude model, turned fiance, turned former fiance, Levi Johnston, be barred from the audience.

A family friend--and by that I mean Mama Grizzly Bore--says:

"The last thing in the world Bristol wants is to look up from her cha-cha-cha and see his big goofy grin looking at her."

Yeah, I like to think that many is the time that Blister has looked up from her, um, cha-cha, and seen Levi's goofy grin, but I digress.......

Bristol, who shares custody of son Tripp with Levi, will be living in Los Angeles with her baby once the show goes live each week, and Mam Grizzly Bore is expected to erect barbed wire fencing and electric gates around Bristol's vagina to keep Levi at bay.

Should be fun!