I Ain't One To Gossip, But........

I hate to say I told you so but.......

Lindsay Lohan failed a pair of drug tests this week and it looks like, if the judge is true to his word, that she is going back to the slammer for 30 days.

And hopefully, she'll serve all thirty days and not just a long weekend.

At first, the Lohan camp was denying the failed tests, but then Lindsay herself took to Twitter to confess:

"Regrettably, I did in fact fail my most recent drug test and if I am asked, I am prepared to appear before judge Fox next week as a result.
"Substance abuse is a disease, which unfortunately doesn't go away over night. I am working hard to overcome it and am taking positive steps forward every day. I am testing every single day and doing what I must do to prevent any mishaps in the future.
"This was certainly a setback for me but I am taking responsibility for my actions and I'm prepared to face the consequences.
"I am so thankful for the support of my fans, loved ones and immediate family, who understand that i am trying hard, but also that I am a work in progress, just as anyone else. I am keeping my faith, and I am hopeful….Thank you all!!!

Um, yeah, I won't hold my breath on this one. I imagine Lindsay, on her way to court, will stop by the nail salon and have another message painted on her middle finger.

And, I imagine, that Dina will spin this some way to make it seem like it's anyone's and everyone's fault, except hers and Lindsay.

And then we'll start all over again.

Oh Oprah. Your ego is as big as your waistline.
And, apparently, getting bigger all the time.
It seems that Oprah, the falling star of daytime TV, who is getting out just in time, surprised her audience the other day with a trip to Australia for all of them.
Not, you know, to say Thanks for watching me all these years but rather to say I am the richest woman in the world and none of you can ever touch me.
But it seems that more than $3 million dollars are going to be spent to bring Oprah and zombies to tape a show at the Sydney Opera House, but Tourism Minister Martin Ferguson said the cost is completely reasonable for what they're getting in return:
"This truly represents an amazing opportunity to showcase Australia, the warmth and hospitality of our people and the depth and breadth of everything our country has to offer visitors from around the world. Tourism Australia is finally getting it together. We as a nation will win as a result of this coup. I think it's money well spent."
Tourism Australia is partly financing "Project O," contributing $1.5 million from its current financial year marketing budget.
Isn't it funny how Oprah plays off the "I'm taking you to Australia," when in fact she isn't paying for a thing, and will probably get a paycheck while she's there? And, naturally, as with her infamous "free" car giveaway years ago, her audience must pay the taxes on the entire eight-day trip.
Some gift.
Sidenote:
Australia? Oprah going Down Under. Put another school of shrimp on the barbie.
Girlfriend is hungry.

Shaquille O'Neal is being sued by Shawn Darling, a former employee, for emotional distress, invasion of privacy and racketeering. Darling was employed by O'Neal from 2007 to 2009, and says he worked on several "creepy" projects for the NBA star.
He has ALLEGEDLY witnessed O'Neal hacking into voicemails, use law enforcement contacts to gain info about his mistresses,throw a personal computer with evidence in a nearby lake and conspire with active police to frame Darling for a criminal offense.
Uh oh.
Back in 2008, Shaq styarted having an affair with Alexis Miller--who has her own laqwsuit against O'Neal for harassment and stalking--and Shawn Darling says O'Neal asked him to find every email and text that he sent to Miller. He was then asked to perform a clean sweep of O'Neal's computer, wiping out every trace of Alexis Miller.
And if that isn't enough, Darling's lawsuit ALLEGES that "O'Neal, along with his houseboy Joe Caballero, disposed of the computer in the lake behind O'Neal's house and gave Darling cash to buy another replacement I-Mac."
It got ugly in 20098 when Shaq began another affair with Vanessa Lopez. Shawn Darling tried to warn her that O'Neal was hacking into her voicemails, deleting messages and changing her passwords, and Lopez ran to O'Neal with the story.
Darlind claims that O'Neal then began to send him threatening messages, attempted to break into his voicemail and tried to frame Darling for possession of child pornography with the help of an Arizona detective. His goal was that the computer would be confiscated and the evidence of an affair with Lopez would be gone.
Creepy.

I love adulterers who deny being adulterers and then come out and admit they cheated on their spouses and try to make a case for being liars and cheaters.

Yes, LeAnn Rimes, I'm talking to your sorry ass.

LeAnn Rimes: "I understand why people are disappointed in me, especially since I grew up as America's sweetheart. I think any relationship is hard to get out of, and I don't think the way I did it was right. It wasn't a fulfilling marriage for either of us. As we got older, we grew apart."

First off: America's sweetheart? Honey, please. You're a fourth-rate Carrie Underwood on your best day.

Second off: I'm sick of that whole "grew apart" bullshiz. If you grow apart, then move apart, and file for divorce, and get a divorce, and then schtup Eddie Cibrian all you want...at least after he gets a divorce, too.

But don't get caught cheating and then deny it and then leave your husband and move in with the cheater and then blame it all on growing apart.

The only thing that grew apart was your knees.

Shut up already, because you'll be coming up with a new story when Cibrian cheats on you.

Unless you cheat on him first.

File This Under: I'm Getting A Lawn Chair and A Tiny BBQ and Getting In Line Now.

Cher! The Musical!

Yup, after the fantastic Cher appeared on the VMA's in that glittery bodysuit, at age 64 for the love of Gaga, there have been rumors a'rumbling.

Producer-director-writer Andy Fickman has confirmed that he has a theatrical piece, drawn from Cher's life and career, on the way:

"We'll be making announcements about that project coming together shortly. She's a fairly phenomenal character, Cher -- as a human being I think she's one of the great icons of all time, a force to be reckoned with. The way she looked onstage with Lady Gaga, well, it's one for the books."

Fickman isn't saying much more, but he's said enough for me to be readying a trip to a sidewalk in front of a theater somewhere.

Cher! The Musical!

I wonder how many drag queens it'll take to play Cher through the years!

Well, it looks like it's still going on.

Lindsay Lohan is still crying and whining that she shouldn't have to go to jail for her little indiscretions, and that she's only being punished because she's ,ahem, a star. She is begging the judge to let her out of jail on bail.

Lindsay says........What? I'm sorry? It's not Lindsay this time? Oh.

George Michael? Not Lindsay?

Okay. So, George Michael, who was sentenced to 8 weeks in jail, is the, ahem, star who is desperately trying to obtain a Get Out Of Jail card.

A source--and by source I mean George's roommate Bubba--says:

"George is desperate to get out of Pentonville and still can't quite believe he's there. He's pinning all his hopes on a judge giving him bail."
George feels that the sentencing is excessive and that bail should be set because his jail term could have ended before any appeal is heard. But, i think it's his prior record of drinking and driving and drugging and driving and trolling for meat in public parks that may be the problem that is keeping him in jail for a few weeks.

I mean, it's England, and he won't be doing Lindsay time there. They take criminal offenses seriously over there.

Quelle surprise!

FOX has announced that next Wednesday, American Idol host Ryan Seacrest will be unveiling the new line-up of judges for the coming 10th season of Idol.

Um, yeah, FOX? We already knew this, and we already don't care.
See, it's gonna be Jennifer "I need a career boost because my movies flop and my records don't sell and my husband is a hasbeen" Lopez, Steven "Where am I?" Tyler, and Randy "I'll stay only if you give me Simon Cowell money" Jackson.

Yeah, me, too. I'm done with Idol.

No Simon? No Bob.

No Ellen? No Bob.

No fresh talent? No Bob.

And, sad to say, Idol is opening up the audition process to online performances.

Train....followed quickly by.....wreck.

I am a Real Housewives of New York fan.

And I will not be seeking a Twelve-Step program to save me.

But I don't like the OC wives because they are fake boobs, teeth, tans, and hair, and that much plastic doesn't read well on my TV set. As for the Mafia wives, they are just plain ugly and mean and undeniably stupid. The Atlanta girls are just trash.

Then came the DC Wives. I refused to watch because they promoted Tareq and Michaele Salahi, the White House party crashers and self-indulgent, self-involved media whores.

Well, it seems that Bravo, who thought the Salahi's and their special brand of idiocy would bring ratings to the network, has done an aboutface. The Salahi's are out.

Yippee!

Sources--and by sources I mean the guys who work in the mailroom at Bravo and are kept around to service Andy Cohen--say:

"The DC show is the only show in the entire franchise that isn't a true hit. And the Salahi's are the biggest reason for that. At first, execs thought they struck gold with all the attention the couple got over the White House dinner. But now they realize not all press is good press and this couple's involvement in the show has turned more viewers off than on."
The Salahis are ALLEGEDLY miffed because they say Bravo kept them from talking about being pathetic media whores, and so they refused to attend the Housewives of D.C. launch party, and hosted a competing party the same night!
A fellow castmate--and by that i mean any one of the other bee-yotches who sell their lives for fifteen minutes of fame--says:

"At this point, they are an embarrassment to the 'Housewife' franchise. They are a loose cannon. Now, Michaele has revealed she has multiple sclerosis; next she'll be announcing she is pregnant with triplets to get attention."

Like I said, media. Whores.