Something Crazy In The Air

Jewel Thomas is suing American Airlines saying the emergency landing of a plane she was on has left her emotionally scarred.

Boo-fucking-hoo.
See, Jewel "Dumbass" Thomas, of Bellevue, Washington, was a passenger on American Flight 268 when the Boeing 757 ran off the runway and skidded onto grass at Chicago's O'Hare International Airport, back in September 2008.

"That day changed my whole life--it changed my whole world," claims an emotionally destroyed Jewel Thomas in a lawsuit filed in U.S. District Court in Seattle. "This is one problem I can't solve."

Well, I can solve it for you, Jewel.

Build.A.Bridge.And.Get.Over.It.

But, for the sake of the story, here's what happened.

See, Jewel Thomas was on a plane that was flying nonstop from Seattle to New York, when suddenly there were electrical problems. Jewel Thomas's suit ALLEGES that the crew tried to troubleshoot for several hours until key systems began to shut down.

Cabin lights went out.

Passengers were told to prepare for a rough landing.

Many started praying.

Jewel Thomas used her cell phone to leave messages for her children to tell them she loved them, and to probably call an attorney to get her lawsuit filed ASAP.

Then the aircraft landed, sustaining only minor damage in the emergency landing. And there was not one single injury reported among the 185 passengers and seven crew members.

Jewel Thomas should have thanked her lucky stars, but No, apparently Jewel Thomas is some sort of aircraft expert, or pilot, or, well, fucking know-it-all.

See, Jewel Thomas, in her lawsuit, says the plane should have been diverted sooner, and accuses American Airlines and the two pilots of negligence. Jewel Thomas goes on to say that since the incident she has suffered from mental and emotional problems--many of which I think she suffered before take-off--and says she is no longer able to fly and is on unpaid disability from her job at Microsoft.

Free ride, Jewel, on the Lawsuit Express?

Jewel Thomas says even the sound of a plane engine sometimes makes her "freak out" and she can no longer watch her favorite TV show, Wings.

The amount of damages Jewel Thomas is seeking was not specified, but if it's more than a bag of peanuts something is very, very wrong with this country.

Read my lips Jewel, and I'll try to say this without making airplane noises, NOT EVERYTHING IS A LAWSUIT.

Fucktard.