PR8EP8: Jackie O.M.G.

We open with makeup. Ivy applies mascara, and Valerie does rouge....Michael D goes guyliner....and all lament the absence of Casanova. There is a little less joy in PR'ville today.
CHALLENGE
The designtestants are shown pictures of Jackie Kennedy, and told that they must create a look that is their own take on American sportswear with Jackie O as their muse.
Remember. She's the muse. Some folks just don't listen. April.
And, as they end one work day, Tim tosses in the weekly monkeywrench by telling them that they must also create a piece of outerwear to go with their look. Most think this is a good thing, others, well, not so much because they haven't finished the outfit yet.
Still, there's lots of chatter and self-ego-boosting, because sportswear is something that they all do, and they all know they have this challenge in the bag.
Until one, or more of them, gets sacked.
Let's rip......

Michael C

He's the little engine that could of the runway. How he can make several dresses and several pieces of outerwear using the same amount of money the other designers receive is beyond mew, but he does it.

One dress. Two dress. Three dress. On the floor, Start over.

But he keeps working and starting over and finishing and starting over. The first dress says stewardess and the second dress says cocktail. The first jacket says towel, the second jacket says, as Gretchen snarks, Mom coat.

She complains that he makes so many things so he can have Tim select which outfit is the best to send down the runway. What Gretchen forgets is that Tim doesn't tell them what to do, but he simply asks questions and makes suggestions.

What Gretchen also seems to forget is that Michael C is also a two-time winner. Just like her.

So Michael plugs away, with all different kinds of fabrics and scarfs and coats until he comes up with a Michael Kors favorite: the Cobalt Blue cocktail dress with a denim-esque jacket.

It's nice, but doesn't read Jackie.

And neither did the scarf he slipped over his head, calling it Jackie O inspired. I thought it was a bit more Golda Meir with less facial hair.

Just sayin'.

He's safe.

GRETCHEN

She has returned to snarkville, and gets little actual onscreen worktime, but she gets quite a few scenes of bashing Michael C, questioning Andy's work, worrying about Ivy, scoffing at Christopher, making fun of Mondo.

And she has nerve, because then she sends this mess down the runway with the same collection of muddy unflattering colors she's used all season. Seriously, Gretchen, more beige? At least Mondo uses color, and stays true to Mondo; your looks are burlap with belts and halter tops and zebra.

Bo-ring.

Mondo's look doesn't read Jackie? Neither does yours.

Ivy's look is perfectly tailored but she isn't fashion forward? Neither are you with your Little House On The Prairie poncho.

Michael makes too many outfits because he has no vision or conviction? Well, if that outfit is your vision, you should be convicted of Fashion Felonies.

Andy didn't pay attention to the challenge? Okay..........I'll give you that one.

But still, some serape-horse-blanklet-looking-mother-effing-thing and a bland color palette weren't very challenging either.

But, for some reason, the serape is safe.

April

Not a lot of screen time for April this week.

We saw her get her hair done.

We saw her at a design table.

We saw her chat.

But we didn't see Tim talk to her, and we didn't see much of her design. I started to worry that she was getting the invisible edit because she was so awful, but that wasn't the reason.

It was, i think, because she sent the same little black number, with a black sheer something-or-other down the runway.

Seriously. This weeks outfit looked like what she made last week, except the shorts became a skirt and the sheers came off.

It was nice.

It was sleek.

We've seen it before.

And it was saved.

ANDY

Andy doesn't do American sportswear. His aesthetic is Asian, but he knows he can create something Jackie O inspired.

Jackie O No he di'in't.

For some reason, he says he was inspired by the fashion risks that Jackie took without knowing she was taking a risk. That makes no sense, because Jackie was not risky at all; she was classic and tailored and clean and smart.

All things Andy's outfit was not.

Don't get me wrong, I love his outfit, ill-fitting as it was. It had a compete Andy-vision, but was poorly executed. The pants were Ping-wild, and kind of all right, but the top was poorly made and that little hairy vest thing was a d-i-saster.

And let's just skip the crotch and ass.

Okay, we can't.

As Tim so eloquently put it, Jackie O would never have a cameltoe.

Or have the ass of her pants scrunched between her Camelot butt cheeks.

Andy goes Bottom Three. Heidi says she almost laughed out loud at his look, and, well, that ain't good. Ill-fitting. Baggy. Sad. No silhouette; not at all American sportswear. Kors thought it looked a little MC Hammer meets Granny on the Beverly Hillbillies, though the styling....the 19th century shoes and bad hair....looked a little Nicky Kidman Cold Mountain on the bottom, and too Nicky Kidman Far and Away in the hair.

Perfect for an upcoming Nicky Kidman challenge, i think.

Andy gets the bashing of a lifetime on the runway, and I worry for him. His design was, okay, awful, but it was Andy, and I think the prolonged execution of his work signaled Andy will be Auf'd.

But no, the fact that he has a vision and a voice saves him. Barely.

VALERIE

She has this one.

She is a sportswear designer.

She is an outerwear designer.

She has this.

Not so much.

Valerie speaks in questions, you know? And it always bothered me, but then I realized she does it because she actually questions everything. Is Jackie O goth? Do I need pleats? Should I add pockets? Am I annoying you?

Well, yes, with the fact that you think zippers and piping and pleating....Oh my....is edgy and current and Jackie O. And if you think black and gray and bruise-y purple are fun colors because they aren't.

She spends a lot of time questioning what Andy is doing and why Michael C makes so many things that I want to scream at my TV, Valerie? Eyes on your own work!

Should she do leggings that aren't leggings? No? Maybe a tube skirt? A.Tube.Skirt. Should she just go home now? Should she do pockets?

When Tim monkeywrenches her, she asks if she can use the jacket she already made as her outerwear piece, and Tim, god love Tim Gunn, says, No. I was surprised to see you created a jacket.

Suh-nap!

So, Valerie keeps the jacket and then makes a vest to put over it, and then, well, she lies about it on the runway. Heidi asks why a vest over a jacket, and Valerie says it isn't jacket, but a blouse; Heidi commands that the vest be removed, taken out and shot, and then asks, again, Isn't that a jacket?

Quivering in fear, Valerie again says no, but then says the model could wear a camisole under it. So, camisole, jacket, vest. Not good.

In fact, it was sad. It had no impact, and, dear God, a tube skirt. I seriously think the producers had to physically hold Nina in her chair lest she leap to the runway and slap Valerie.

Tube skirt!

But, believe it or not, there was something worse on the runway last night, and I don't mean Ivy's personality, so Valerie got a pass.

MICHAEL D

He is a dichotomy. After buying his fabrics, he questions his choices, but when Tim Gunn questions his drapery skirt, Michael stands by it, and says he loves it and he's going to show it.

Michael should have questioned many other things other than the fabric choices.

But he soldiers on, doing what he ultimately called dressy sportswear because he doesn't do sportswear...which is evident on the runway. Instead, he makes what he calls a 1950s circle skirt, but then does some kind of 1750s pleating detail which makes it look as though he took my Grandmother's curtains out of the den and hung them around his models hips....making the hips look enormous. He says he's losing his mind, and I think losing is the operative word there.

Tim calls the dress Annie Oakley, but Michael says sometimes old things can be so old looking that actually seem modern. Yeah, I get that. Every time I see a stagecoach I think, Wow, what a cool way to travel.

With the announcement of the second challenge, the outerwear piece, Michael thinks he has this made. He, as he so incorrectly put it, is Captain Outerwear. I'd say he's more Countess Outerwear. But then I think it's just an honorary title because his outerwear piece is awful. Short and Granny....over a big black belt and a drapery skirt. Michael, again unquestioning--he should take a page from Valerie's book and question everything--loves his entire look.

I'm hoping he loves it so much he'll wear it on the plane ride home.

Kors called it schizophrenic Jackie O, and gave it this season's go-to phrase for horrendous: mall wear. I often wonder just what mall Kors goes to if he sees things like this. And why is Kors at a mall when he should be at the ManHole? But I digress.

This outfit was unbelievably unflattering....ouch.....poor and sad.....pow......old lady cheerleader......bam. He's down for the count.

He's Auf'd.

IVY

She's a bitch.

She listens to no one, and anyone who thinks she isn't a good designer is an idiot.

Um, Ivy? America called and you owe us an apology because we all think you're a terrible designer....who got lucky this week because there were several more unfortunate pieces on the runway, so she didn't get the boot.

And, well, I'll give Ivy props for getting away from white and cream and opaque and going for white and sheer and black.

Black? Huh? What? Huh?

But, true to form, Ivy, who scarecly finished the pants and admitted that the jacket was too small, spent a great deal of time questioning Michael C and Christopher's dresses as too cocktail. I think Ivy needs a cocktail and a good long hard......

What?

She reminds us that she a a great seamstress, and tailor and that no one else, in the workroom, in the judges chairs, or on the planet, knows what sportswear is, or how to do it. I think Bravo has hired extra security to help Ivy carry her big fat head from Atlas to Parsons.

As for the twist, Ivy.Loves.Outerwear. But I don't think she knows how to do outerwear, because her design is too small, oddly shaped and left a "boob hole" opening in case Jackie O wanted to breast feed?

And, again--god, this is killing me--I will say that, without that jacket, her look did seem Jackie o-inspired, but it also looked like Jackie O-circa 1973. It didn't seem current or modern, and it didn't look like Ivy because it wasn't white or cream.

Kors called it elegant, but agreed that the closed jacket was weird. Heid thought it was too much design, too overworked, with Ivy's apparent love of the modernity of squares and triangles. And Nina thought that Ivy finally showed some design sense, and finally let go of Ivy's Week One Mumsy Mostrosity. For now.

Everyone agreed that the outfit was chic and sleek, but the jacket was a mistake.

But, Ivy redeemed herself and got a pass.

Damn it.

CHRISTOPHER
Again, like everyone else, Christopher tells us that he has this one, because he is a sportswear designer. But he'll take it up a notch and make it fantastic.
Keep reaching Chris. Keep reaching.
His dress is a little cocktail--all right Ivy?--but it's chic and clean and modern, and looks Jackie O Wow. It has, as Tim calls it, a richness to it. I'm thinking maybe this will be the week that Christopher finally reaches the top spot and then the twist happens.
For some reason bests left unknown, Christopher decides to create a fur piece to wear, but at mood all the fur pieces look cheap, so he goes for animal pelts.And he's never worked with pelts, or sewn leather, and thinks PR is the time to try?
Oh Christopher. You almost had it.
But then he made the shrug, and I shrugged in disbelief. It looked like a towel one might find on the floor of the shower at the gym. It looked dirty. Tim called it anemic, but I think he meant dirty.
Heidi meant dirty.
On the runway she called it a dirty dish towel, and Christopher couldn't defend it. Johnny Cochran couldn't defend it. Kors called it a shoulder toilet seat cover, and I threw up a little at the thought.
Luckily, his dress was beautiful, and form-sitting and had some interesting asymmetry going on, because that shrug could have come to life and bitten Christopher in the ass.
And given him rabies.
It was that awful.
But the dress saved him.

MONDO

Mondo again let the fabrics speak to him, and a loud purple and black herringbone called his name. Then prison stripes chimed it. nd he was off and Mondo-ing.
But he soon realizes his fabrics misspoke. Perhaps they were shouting at Ivy to stay away from the cream aisle, and Mondo began anew, switching from dress to skirt.
Good, fabric voices. Good.
He created Jackie O-inspired Mondo. He stayed true to Mondo, like Andy, but followed the challenge, unlike Andy. Tim calls the fabrics Mondo, the design Mondo and the aesthetic Mondo.
Everyone else in the workroom--and by everyone else I mean the Bitches Of Eastwick, Gretchen, Ivy, and Valerie-- question his taste level, saying Jackie, or as Gretchen constantly said, Jacqueline, would never wear that. But, Bitches, the challenge wasn't to make something Jackie O would wear, it was to make a Jackie O-inspired piece.
So....kwitcherbitchin' and pay attention; because Mondo took his design and his POV all the way to the head of the runway while one of you was middle-of-the road, one of you placed third, and one of you nearly went home.
Yeah, that's how it goes.
On the runway Heidi asks about his outfit and he goes into an elaborate discussion of fabrics and textures and mixing and color and silhouette, until Heidi says, No, I mean your outfit.
Mondo had chosen to go all Josephine "Joe" Baker, at the Cotton Club. And he looked fabulous; and his model looked good next to him.

It was called loud and bold and true to the designer. Kors said the POV wasn't Jackie, but he could see some of her in the separates. Nina called it fabulous fabrics, and chic.
And Heidi called him the winner.

So, here we are.
Michael D got Auf'd. And he should have. And Valerie should send him a muffin basket because if he'd done something different and better, she'd be zippering herself into a carryon bag and going home.
Ivy's still a bitch, but........No, I can't say it again.
Gretchen. I love how crestfallen she seems when she is told she is safe. She so thinks she should be in the top and looks heartbroken when she isn't. I like that.
I also liked Michael C sucking up to her, and then telling us that she is awful.
And next week......Does Valerie quit?
I'll watch? Will you?