The Funny Papers

Pedro X Molina, Marc Murphy, Barry Blitt, Jesse Duquette, RJ Matson, Ann Telnaes, Nick Anderson, Jack Ohman, Gary Huck, Max Espinosa, Michael de Adder, Matt Wuerker, Lalo Alcaraz, Darrin Bell, Dave Whamond, Dennis Goris,

Why Is It ...

… that I don’t think I’m old, but I have noticed that my dinner time and bedtime are getting dangerously close to one another.

… that the two worst feelings in the world are not having a job and having a job.

… that non-cat people don’t realize that cats are better than babies for many reasons, one of them being that when you’re done holding a cat you can just drop it to the floor.

… that if you speak to me in the morning and I’m mean, it’s your fault, not mine.

… that I take rumors about me as a compliment. Is it because I like the fact that you’re bringing my name to tables I don’t sit at shows your obsession with me? Stay bothered.

… that people don’t get that they can burn all the sage they want; I’ll still come back.

… that jobs are so clingy; why do you have to see me 8 hours a day, five days a week … or even 6 hours a day, four days a week.

… that I don’t get why everybody hates lazy people; we didn’t do anything.

… that October is my favorite time of year? I can finally turn off the ac and turn on the heat at 5AM then turn it off at 9AM and open the windows and then shut the windows at noon and turn on the AC, only to turn it off at 7PM and then turn …

… that if I blocked you on social media the block also applies to real life so if you see me, keep walking.

… that when my boss said my co-workers told him that I intimidate them, I stared at him until he apologized.

I Didn't Say It ...

Barack Obama, My President, on The Felon’s cognitive decline:

“Have you seen [him] lately? Giving 2-hour speeches. Just word salads. He held a town hall meeting where he just decided to stop taking questions and swayed to Ave Maria and YMCA for half an hour. He called himself the father of IBF. I do not know what that means. He said January 6 was a ‘Day of Love.’ He made January 6th sound like Woodstock. You would be worried if your grandpa was acting like this, so imagine it coming from a guy who wants to be given unchecked power.”

Just think about the times Obama stopped talking and danced around in some sort of seizure for a half hour … or talked about the dick size of an athlete … or ranted about people eating pets.

There’s something wrong with a man that does that, and that man has no right to be President.

photo

Cher, icon, on stepping up:

“It really should fall on people like me to get together and do things to help people in this country. If you’re not worrying about how to put food on your table, you [should be][ worrying about why other people don’t have food on their table.”

It’s true: there’s the saying that ‘To whom much is given, much is expected,’ and I think all of us could lend a hand to help those less fortunate.

photo

Jermelle Simon, actor,  sharing his truth on National Coming Out Day:

“To everyone. To the ones who feel now is the time. To the ones who feel like maybe later. To the ones who may never come out. And to myself. I want to say to myself Happy National Coming Out Day. I decided to embrace myself fully. All the parts of me. I decided to love myself unconditionally. I decided that the one thing that I thought was the biggest curse in my life is actually the biggest blessing that I could ever receive. I have decided that I am enough. And I want to thank everyone who has helped me to get to that place where I feel seen, where I feel like I belong, where I feel loved. Thank you for that. Thank you for providing a space where I can come on the internet and say: ‘I am a Black, gay man.’ Happy National Coming Out Day.”

Welcome out, Jermelle. And please accept as our gift from HOMO HQ your own copy of The Gay Agenda and the Official Coming Out Toaster Oven™.

Everyone who comes out paves the way for others to follow ….

photo

Fred Upton, Republican and former U.S. Representative, on endorsing Vice President Kamala Harris’ 2024 bid for the White House:

“Watching [him] day after day, he’s ignored the advice of many senior, respected Republicans to stay on the issues. Instead, he’s still talking about the election being stolen, trashing women left and right. He’s just totally unhinged. We don’t need this chaos. We need to move forward, and that’s why I’m where I am. [Kamala Harris and Tim Walz] want to get things done, and the only way to get that to happen is to work on a bipartisan basis. I'm convinced that Harris has more ability to do that than [The Felon]. I’m convinced that those of us who are willing to stand up now will be at the table as we try to chart a path to resolve these issues. They are too important to ignore. ... At some point, the country has to come ahead of party, and that’s what this is all about."

I again ask: how many Democrats have said they will vote for The Felon? ::::crickets:::: And I believe for every Republican who comes out for Kamala they are dozens and dozens more who are silently, quietly, planning to vote Blue.

photo

Bobservations

We have this guy that I’ll call Paul—cuz that’s his name—who has done plumbing work on Casa Bob y Carlos over the years but he mostly came when I was at work so I only spoke to him over the phone.

This week he was out to check one of the burners on our gas stove that appeared clogged, and one of the racks in the dishwasher with a broken wheel … nothing major. And he came back this morning and I got to meet him and I noticed a few things …

He seemed to have no issue with the two queers in the household and was friendly and talkative and nice.

He gave us a No Charge for the stove and only charged for parts for the dishwasher.

He is quite a handsome fella and he’s got these gorgeous Paul Newman Blue eyes.

I could ogle him, if I chose, and I did, and chat with him, which I did, and Carlos doesn’t notice … though I did tell Carlos about his looks and those eyes and his nature.

So it’s all good between me and Carlos … and Blue Eyes … cuz Carlos knows the score.

This Tuxedo Memory is from April 2020 when we were all housebound …

“Tuxedo seems to relish the fact that Carlos and I are in lockdown because now he has company …”

I find it interesting with all that hair on the face and the chest and yet those cakes are smooth as a silky vanilla ganache. Go figure.

Federal Judge Lewis Liman has ordered Drunkle Rudy, AKA Rudy Giuliani, AKA The Felon’s attorney and former New York mayor, to turn over his Manhattan penthouse apartment to the control of Ruby Freeman and Shaye Moss, the Georgia election workers he defamed and to whom he now owes $150 million.

The judge says Drunkle Rudy must turn over his interest in the property in seven days, so Freeman and Moss can sell it, potentially for millions of dollars. The women are also entitled to about $2 million in legal fees Giuliani has said The Felon’s campaign still owes him.

Sorry, Rudy, not sorry.

I have begun to wonder if  Demented DonOLD  wears Depends because of “the enemy within”?

I will begin by saying I adore Jessica Chastain, but gurl, when she steps in it, she steps in it …

Chastain got dragged on social media after calling out JetBlue because their inflight entertainment was down during a recent trip; and even though she, like every other passenger on the flight, was offered a $15 credit for the inconvenience, she was not having it:

“Thank you @JetBlue for your $15.00 credit. My flight was $1,500 and the credit is 1/100 of the money I paid you. Strange that I paid that for your flight entertainment system that didn’t work for the duration of my 6hr flight, but I guess it was worth it for this $15 credit.”

When the airline informed her that everyone received the same $15 credit Chastain ratcheted up her ire:

“I understand but I spent $1500 on the flight and so did my husband. There should be some flight credit or something since I have a TrueBlue account and have been a loyal customer.”

And as happens, Xwitterers came for her:

“Jessica Chastain beefing with an airline publicly on twitter shows that no matter how much money you have you’ll never stop being a millennial,”

“Is 6 hours together that horrible that you lose it over not having movies to watch?”

“Jessica Chastain is whining about paying $1,500 for a Jet Blue flight and not having a working TV. The way you can be a millionaire but still be a broke bitch at heart.”

As one Twitterer said, Jessica should learn to read the room because then she wouldn’t spend her valuable time deleting all her self-entitled, broke-ass Tweets and texts.

That moment when I get to the cash register and the cashier says, “Will that be all?” and I say, “No, I’m gonna buy more stuff but I wanted to show you what I’d picked out so far.”

Lara, married to The Dumb One, appeared on The Breakfast Club as a surrogate for The Felon and was presented with a list of racist remarks and deeds of father-in-law:

Like when the Justice Department sued The Felon for denying apartments to  Black tenants and he was ordered to place ads in newspapers saying he accepted Black applicants.

Like when he took out ads in New York papers saying the Central Park Five—who were coerced into confessing to a crime—should be given the “DEATH PENALTY.” When their convictions were vacated in 2002, and after the city paid $41 million in 2014 to settle their civil rights lawsuit, The Felon continued to defame them.

And of course, there’s ‘birtherism’ and his questions about when Kamala turned Black and his lies about Haitian migrants in Ohio eating dogs and cats and how he demonizes minorities in every single one of his sparsely attended rallies. But apparently, that’s all news to Lara:

“I think that’s ridiculous. I’ve known this man for 16 years. You can go to each of those incidents. There was never any proof of anything with the houses … there was no admission of anything there. The Central Park Five, there were so many people. You had a Democrat governor, Democrat DA who prosecuted those guys, and they admitted to it. I’ve never seen this man say a racist thing.”

And that’s when host Charlemagne The God began to laugh, forcing Lara to mutter:

“Why’s that funny, Charlemagne?”

And he said:

“I think that’s hysterical. People act like there’s no such thing as Google, or we don’t have TV.”

Cuz all you gotta do is look and there he is spewing his racist bull shiz.

Zendaya giving us her best Cher as she inducted the icon into the Rock’n’roll Hall of Fame; it was like a two-fer.

Paul Forman is a 30-year-old English and French actor and model; he has been in the Amazon Prime series Riches, the Netflix series Emily in Paris, and the Paramount+ series Stags but the real issue is Would You Hit It?

Architecture Wednesday: Former Silk Factory Loft

Situated in the heart of Beacon, New York, this 4,559-square-foot loft with three bedrooms, three full- and two half-baths, is located in a former silk factory. The duplex residence seamlessly blends modern sophistication with authenticity and an understated elegance with walls of patinated brick accented with hand-carved pillars and beams, that pay homage to the building’s rich history.

On the main floor is a dining area and kitchen, as well as a guest bedroom with en suite, a powder room  and the primary suite. Down the iron staircase, captivated by dramatic 20-foot-high ceilings, is the great room with two tiers of windows directly on the creek that floods the space with natural light and the calming sound of moving water, as well as a family room that opens to a private courtyard, a large office, a gallery space and a second guest room with ensuite and another powder room.

As always click to emBIGGERate …

Dwell