Oscar Fashion: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly Kenndal Jenner and The Oh My God You Are Soooo Hot.

THE VERY BEST

Helen Mirren. She is ageless, timeless, and gorgeous. Fun and flirty and a dazzling smile.

THE BEST

Regina King. Fabulous, simple, but with a thigh high slit that doesn’t look at all try hard or slutty. Fabulous.

Jennifer Hudson. The lady in red. Big shoulder flounces  were a ‘thing’ last night and hers was one of the best.

Angela Basset. Just the most beautiful woman, and so pretty in pink and rocking the big flouncy bow, too.

VERY GOOD—clockwise

Sarah Paulson always takes a risk and it almost always pays off. This one paid off because it was fash-shun, and gave a little skin at the waist.

Rachel Weisz also took a risk with the patent leather capelet. It was daring and yet still, somehow, cute and demure.

Amandla Stenberg took us back to Old Hollywood with some glittering fringe; sexy and slinky.

Lisa Bonet in mesh and lavender armor; it’s tough and sexy, just like Bonet. Plus, the length was different, not so gown-y.

Emilia Clarke gets points for both glitter and color.

Danai Gurira rocked the gold last night in this regal number. Someone else tried to do regal gold and lost, badly.

Charlize Theron would have been the very best, for me, but the color annoys me. I don’t like this baby blue, lavender lilac thing, but I love the sexy slinky business and the mullet-ness—business in the front and party in the rear—of it.

GOOD—clockwise

Brie Larson brought out the metal, and between the slinky dress and the newly blond hair, I thought she was Margot Robie …and so did the announcers on the E! channel.

Constance Wu is a bold fluttery parakeet in this one; it’s fun, and she was having fun.

Emma Stone is always a Favourite—see what I did there—and I love the bold pattern and the winged shoulders.

Queen Latifah looks stunning in a shiny black, curvy number, though I missed seeing her with her pregnant girlfriend. Just saying, come out already!

Kiki Layne also made the most of a big shoulder, though she kept the rest of the dress simple, in style and color.

Michelle Yeoh looks like a Crazy Rich Asian in this stunning shimmering ball gown. I could have done with the crunchy thing on her wrist though.

Laura Harrier in a sustainable dress. Eco friendly and chic is a win-win. Plus, you know, if I was a straight man, I’d say, “She’s hot.”

Gaga came dressed like a serious actress and posed like a serious actress. I’m glad she brought some fashion, but toned it down a bit, and I love the gloves.

Olivia Colman is simple and fun, though in this picture it looks like she’s got it on backwards. Still, it was elegant and chic for an Oscar winner.

MEH—clockwise.

Amy Adams. One day she’ll pick a new style and silhouette and one day I’ll turn straight. Yeah, ain’t gonna happen.

Christine Lahti looks fabulous … for dinner with the Ricardo’s in 1955. It’s just not Oscar.

Tina fey suffers from ‘Amy Adams Syndrome.’ Perhaps the two should get together and try something new?

Octavia Spencer. We’ve seen you in this before …we’ve seen that hair before. Moving along …

JLo is a mirrored dress so that A-Rod could look at her and see himself a thousand times over.

Laura Dern. One look at that forced grin and you know even she thinks this is an ugly dress.

Melissa McCarthy. I wanted to like it, but that faux-hawk annoyed me. Add tot hat that the pants part of the look didn’t seem to fit very well and, well, yeah.

Kelly Ripa. Why? Why is she at the Oscars? Why is she dress for Prom?

BAD—clockwise

Awkwafina. I have no problem with the menswear look, but this looked sloppy and all one-note.

Kacey Musgraves. With he three ruffled skirt, and the ruffled shoulders and the ruffles at the writs, I was totally ruffled out. I believe it was coco Chanel who said, ‘Before you leave the house in that many ruffles, take a look in the mirror, and then stay home.’

Laura Marano. I have o idea who she is, and I have no idea why she’s dressed like a piece of Kandy Korn left out in the sun since Halloween.

Maya Rudolph. Try and convince me that dress isn’t made from drapes. Just try …

Amy Poehler also chose the menswear idea, but it’s just too severe. It’s nowhere near as fun as Amy.

Molly Sims. You know those crazy people in the tin foil hats? Molly took it a step further.

Gemma Chan. I guess since she’d seen both Gaga and JLo rock the giant balloon dress, she thought she’d try it too. But you can’t, Gemma. No …No.

Glenn Close. What was she thinking? That she was a shoo-in for Oscar, so she’d dress like one on steroids? The dress part is nice, but the cape is overkill, in that I’d like to through it over the designer and kill them for doing this to Close.

WORST—clockwise.

Cicely Tyson. The great Cicely Tyson looks like a crow in bondage.

Sza. A singer whose name is pronounced ‘siz-zah’. It looks like someone took a pair of sizzah’s to this dress and her hair.

Hannah Beachler tried the big shoulder …and failed. It’s just too big, and too ugly.

Krysten Ritter. I like the dress, I do. But then I noticed that the pattern of the dress perfectly pointed out her nipples and vagina. It was off-putting, but then …I’m a homosexual.

Linda Cardelini. Dear Kacey Musgraves, I apologize for saying you had to many ruffles. Linda saw you and raised you a thousand flounces.

WORST OF THE WORST

Kendall Jenner at an Oscar after-party. I’m not saying she’s a whore but … yeah, she’s dressed like a whore. This is stupid, tasteless and ugly, and I bet That Woman picked it out.

HOTTEST MEN

Michael B, Jordan in blue velvet just screams sex … or maybe that was me screaming at the TV last night when I first saw him. Yeah, that’s it.

Henry Golding is old school glam hotness. I.Was.Stunned.

CLASSIC MEN—clockwise

Chris Evans. I’ve seen him nude and I’ve seen him in a suit. I’ve seen him with the beard, and I’ve seen him without. Any way you slice it, he’s hot.

James McAvoy is here for a couple of reasons … his baby blues and that accent.

David Oyelowo always seems to wear velvet, though he switches up the color, it ain’t easy being green, but he pulls it off.

Rami Malek is a tiny morsel of tuxedo chic, and now he has an Oscar that’s just as tall.

FASHION FORWARD MEN

Adam Lambert. At first, I was annoyed at the cuffs hanging out and flopping around, and then I was like, “I need those cuffs.”

Nicholas Hoult wore a tuxedo that had a cape-scarf thing with it. I kinda wish he’d have modeled it because I think it might have looked cool.

Chadwick Boseman always rocks a fashion moment—Sidenote: I loathe people who say ‘moment’ so not I loathe myself—and this is no exception. It’s fun and fashion and elegant.

Stephan James brought the color … and the white shoes. At first, I thought the footwear was all wrong, and then I liked it …perhaps because Stephan is so hot. At any rate, I wanna suit with floppy cuffs, a scarf-cape-sarong thing and some white shoes. I’m soooo try-hard.

FABULOUS MAN

Billy Porter is about the only man who could pull off a man skirt—a ‘mirt’ if you will—and he brought it. I think he looks amazing. I’m. Dying.

ZEN MAN

Mahershala Ali is just the most serene, sweet human being… though I could have done without the headwear.

BETTER LUCK NEXT YEAR MEN

Jason Momoa, Mr. Lisa Bonet. I like the risk of the pink velvet tuxedo, but I wish it fit better. The man is built like a brick … and a good suit would be fabulous.

Pharrell. Enough with the little boy suits and shorts. We get it, you think you’re adorable. We don’t.

Spike Lee. While I love that he finally won an Oscar—for my favorite movie from last year, BlacKkKlansman—this is too much; the Michael Jordan shoes, the Prince necklace; the rings that say Hate and Love. Tone it down Spike.

HOTTEST MAN 

AKA HOTTEST UNKNOWN MAN

Scott Evans is apparently some kind of TV personality for Access Hollywood, but he was smoldering up that carpet. My only quibble is that I wished he would have walked the carpet like this …

What did you think?

The Funny Papers

Darrin Bell, Steve Benson, Adam Zyglis, Drew Sheneman, Mike Luckovich, Dave Whamond, Clay Bennett, Nate Beeler, Steve Sack, Rick McKee, Steve Greenberg

I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

The one good thing about Dina Lohan getting Catfish’d on national TV by longtime, unseen boyfriend-cum-fiancé, Jesse Nadler, is that it’s brought the Lohan’s back together. Dina’s first ex-husband, Michael, spoke out in support of Dina and her new man, and now Lindsay is speaking … because she knows a hot mess and a publicity op when she sees one.

Lindsay took to Instagram to congratulate Dina for her “performance” on Celebrity Big Brother—even though she lost to “celebrity” Tamar Braxton—but then Lindsay took on CBS for the way they treated Dina during the show … and then suddenly deleted the post; perhaps she’s looking to be the next houseguest on that idiotic show? Luckily, the internet lives on when people post and repost and share, so here goes …

“Finally #family @alianalohan #free @cbs_bigbrother you suck and get no Valentine’s from @lohanbeachclub @mtv. My mother is an AMAZING woman and she did so well. The secrets she told me a few hours ago are going to #EXPOSE #YOUALL #dinalohan #dfwm.”

Is she trying to support her mother, or her Vanderpump Rules knockoff show on MTV that is used mainly as a test pattern during the network’s off hours? I mean, the only thing Lindsay Lohan has ever exposed are her titties, her “firecrotch”, and her penchant for jewel theft, driving drunk, and bar fights.

Take a seat, Lohan, under the bar where you belong.

PS That’s an old photo of the Lohan’s, but since they will always be hot messes, I thought I’d resurrect it.

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Last week we learned that an unnamed male friend of Miranda Lambert’s got into a shouting match in a restaurant bathroom which caused Miranda to toss a salad, literally, not figuratively, on an unsuspecting woman. And this week we learned that the unnamed man is none other than Miranda’s next ex-husband, and self-professed ‘hot cop’, Brendan McLoughlin, whom she married on the fly in January.

This is all nothing new for Miranda because, remember, in February 2018, Miranda dumped Anderson East, her Blake Shelton jump-off, after several years together. Not bad, but this is also the month she began touring with Evan Felker. In April, Miranda and the married Evan Felker, profess their love for one another and Miranda ALLEGEDLY begins stalking Evan’s not-yet-ex-wife Staci on social media.

In August, Miranda and Evan seem to be drifting apart because Evan is friendly with the wife he left to get with Miranda, and just as the Felker’s divorce comes though, Miranda dumps Even because he “broke her rules.” Rules about staying friends with your ex? After a dry spell of about eight weeks, Miranda meets and falls in love with Officer Brendan McLoughlin, who has his own baggage because … in November Officer Brendan McLoughlin becomes a first-time father … with a woman he cheated on his fiancé with, while the fiancé was out of town.

Let’s get this queer … shortly after dumping Evan, Miranda met, hooked up with, and fell in love with daddy-to-be Brendan McLoughlin who left his Baby Mama, and his fiancé for Lambert.

It seriously seems that Miranda Lambert has never seen a home she didn’t want to wreck and didn’t fall for guys who were in the same frame of mind.

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You’d almost feel sorry for Khloe Kardastrophe if you hadn’t seen this coming a thousand miles away, but …

Khloe’s baby daddy, basketballer Tristan Thompson, who cheated on his pregnant girlfriend with Khloe, and then dumped that girl for Khloe, got her pregnant and then cheated on her while she was pregnant, has ALLEGEDLY been dribbling his balls on the court belonging to Jordyn Woods, not only a former model for Khloe’s clothing line, but also a BFF of sister Kylie.

Seriously, you can’t write this shiz up, but you know That Woman is looking for a way to film it for E! before Miranda and Brendan sell their story to Lifetime.

And that was the straw that ended their relationship; not that Khloe knew Tristan was a cheater when she met him, because he was cheating on his pregnant girlfriend with her, and not because he cheated on pregnant Khloe, but because he cheated with a friend of Kylie’s and, what amounts to, one of Khloe’s employees.

Set the cameras up for A Very Special Episode of Keeping Up With the Kardastrophes, where Khloe learns what the rest of the world knew a few years ago … Tristan cheats.

As for Jordyn Woods … apparently, none of the Kardastrophe-Jenner’s are following her on social media anymore; the ultimate burn.

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Remember when we talked about the doctor suing Gwyneth Paltrow for snowplowing into him on the ski slopes?

Well, she is outraged! Outraged, I tells ya, and she is counter-suing Dr. Terry Sanderson, claiming he skied into her and she should know because she basically invented skiing just before she invented yoga. And she wants coins in retribution … four quarters, or ten dimes, or twenty nickels or one hundred pennies …or just a crisp dollar bill. Yes, Gwynnie wants a dollar, y’all.

In the suit, Gwyneth claims that on the day in question—three years ago—she was, in fact, skiing at the Deer Valley Resort in Utah and was “on one of the easier runs … making ‘short turns’” when the incident occurred. Gwyneth has the resort’s incident report which states Sanderson “took her out from behind” which I hear is how she likes it, but that’s another post for another day. She claims Sanderson says in the report that “she appeared right in front of him, thus admitting he was the uphill skier.”

Sanderson maintains Gwyneth was out of control and hit him from behind, which might be how he likes it, and says he suffered several injuries.

Gwyneth claims that Sanderson told the ski patrol at the time that everything was fine, but now he wants $3 million plus a slew of damages; and she’s only asking for a dollar because she’s never actually seen such a small denomination and she wants it lacquered to a jade egg she can hold in her vagina while she chants.

Or something.

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I Didn't Say It ...

Joe Kennedy III, on the ALLEGED crisis at the border:

“Twenty-two immigrants have died in ICE detention over the last two years. Two kids died in CBP [Customs and Border Protection] custody in the last two months. 15,000 migrant’s kids are held in custody. Donald _____ is right that we are facing a horrible humanitarian crisis. He just leaves out the part about him creating it.”

Indeed.

Sidenote: Joe looks a lot like actor Sam Heughan—Jamie in Outlander—and that’s hot.

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Lindsey Graham, South Carolina Senator and _____ lap dog, on the wall and that ALLEGED national emergency:

“I would say it's better for the middle school kids in Kentucky to have a secure border ... right now we've got a national emergency on our hands.”

Yes, Miss Lindsey doesn’t want children educated, schools fixed, roads built, potable water back in Flint.

He wants a wall because his lips are pressed so hard against _____ sphincter that he can’t see what’s happening.

Fuck Lindsey Graham.

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Andrew McCabe, former FBI director, on the insanity of _____ and his devotion to Putin:

“The president launched into several unrelated diatribes. One of those was commenting on the recent missile launches by the government of North Korea. And, essentially, the president said he did not believe that the North Koreans had the capability to hit us here with ballistic missiles in the United States. And he did not believe that because President Putin had told him they did not. President Putin had told him that the North Koreans don’t actually have those missiles. Intelligence officials in the briefing responded that that was not consistent with any of the intelligence our government possesses. To which the president replied, ‘I don’t care. I believe Putin’.”

And I don’t care which side you fall on politically, but that should scare the sh*t outta you.

Sidenote: Hot.

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Lynn Hutchings, GOP Senator from Wyoming, who first appeared here last week as an ignorant homophobe, arguing that without the death penalty, Jesus Christ would not have been able to die to absolve the sins of mankind:

“The greatest man who ever lived died via the death penalty for you and me. I’m grateful to him for our future hope because of this. Governments were instituted to execute justice. If it wasn’t for Jesus dying via the death penalty, we would all have no hope.”

Lord, Wyoming, what the f*ck did you do sending this asshat to represent you?

I mean, unless you’re are as ignorant, bigoted and unhinged as Hutchings, I cannot explain this.

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Adam Schiff, Democratic Senator and House Intelligence Committee Chairman, pushing back against GOP Senate Intelligence Committee Chairman Richard Burr who claims the panel has not found evidence of collusion:

“You can see evidence in plain sight on the issue of collusion, pretty compelling evidence. Now, there’s a difference between seeing evidence of collusion and being able to prove a criminal conspiracy beyond a reasonable doubt.” 

And if you can’t prove collusion, you can prove obstruction of justice and you can prove he’s a crook and a criminal.

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Ron Johnson, Wisconsin Republican Senator, on why the GOP didn’t approve _____’s border wall when they controlled Congress:

“You said we controlled both chambers. We didn’t. We had a majority in the Senate. So you don’t control it. We needed Democrats to support us and they’ve been unified in trying to thwart this president’s #1 issue in the campaign, which was to secure the borders. So no, we didn’t have control. We needed Democrats, we never had any cooperation from Democrats, which is regrettable.”

Oh, you ignorant tool. Don’t try to rewrite history. You had a majority in both Houses of Congress, you had a GOP President and a GOP-Conservative Supreme Court and you didn’t build a wall.

This isn’t the democrats, it’s the lying hypocritical thieving goosestepping Republicans … like asshat Ron Johnson.

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Bobservations

So, the other night, I announced I was going to sleep, but told Carlos I was first going to ‘check my fans,’ Carlos calls the people who read and comment on this bloggy thing my ‘fans;’ while, since he doesn’t blog, he says he’s checking his ‘acquaintances’ on Facebook.

But this isn’t about that. This is about, as I am off to check my fans, he says he needs to use to computer after 10:45PM to complete a money transfer for Tia Gloria/Her Social Security checks are direct deposited into an American band and once a month Carlos transfers funds to hear. But, since there is a limit on the number of coins you can transfer at one time, and you can only transfer once in a 24-hour period, he needs to finish the transfer he’d started the night before at 10:45.

“Oh. Then I guess I have to be off the computer in 25 minutes?”

“No. I’m just saying, leave it on and I’ll do a transfer after you’re done.”

“Well, I don’t wanna inconvenience anyone, so I’ll be done before 10;45.”

“You’re not incon—”

“I don’t want to bother anyone.”

“You’re not bother—”

“I don’t want to intrude …”

“You’re not intruding—”

“I don’t want to impose …infringe … overstep …”

“You’re not—”

“I don’t wanna rock to boat.”

‘WHAT BOAT?”

I knew I’d get him. Boat.

Audrey Pence, the daughter of anti-LGBTQ and perhaps self-loathing homosexual Michael Elizabeth Pence, recently announced her engagement to Daniel Tomanelli on Instagram, with photos taken at Race Point Beach in the Massachusetts resort town of Provincetown …the gayest town in America.

Audrey has made her political views known and has called herself socially liberal and politically independent, though as far as the Pence kids go, Audrey may not be the only one who has rejected their father’s arch-conservative homophobia.

When John Oliver published his parody Marlon Bundo book, Charlotte Pence, who authored the original book about the Pence family bunny, said …

“His book is contributing to charities that I think we can all get behind… I’m all for it.”

And I’m sure Mother and Michael Elizabeth Pence weren’t thrilled about that, or Audrey saying ‘Yes’ in P-town … though I heard their first choice was The Castro?.

Jussie Smollett. It’s looking more and more like he faked his attack; he was arrested this morning for filing a false police claim about being attacked. Lotsa folks are doing the ‘I told you so’ dance at people like, well, me, because I believed him, but here’s the deal …

I will always believe a victim until I learn otherwise. The day I instantly decide that a person who says they are a victim of domestic violence, a hate crime, a rape, whatever, is a liar, is the day I am less human, and less humane.

That said, Jussie needs to apologize, explain, and go away, because when we have states in this country who don’t believe sexual orientation should be included in Hate Crime legislation, what Jussie did was feed that homophobia, and make it harder for LGBTQ folks to get the protection we need from people who hate us.

Thanks for nothing, Jussie.

Better news … Don Cheadle, one of my favorite actors and now one of my favorite people, hosted SNL last weekend and introduced the musical guest wearing that t-shirt:

“Protect Trans Kids”.

Cheadle’s career has been intertwined with LGBTQ issues for years, from playing the father of a gay, gender fluid son on House of Lies, and appearing in Logic’s 2017 clip “1-800-273-8255” which followed a gay teen as he inched toward taking his own life after he’s been outed having a relationship with a boy and subsequently rejected by his father and his boyfriend’s father.

Thanks Don. It wasn’t a huge gesture, but it spoke volumes.

Out on the West Coast, Contra Costa County Libraries,  set up an event called Drag Queen Story Hour, where drag queens would read to kids from books that display diversity and different gender identities.

Well, as happens, wingnuts got their panties in a snit, and set about protesting the event, calling it ‘inappropriate’ for children.

And, as happens, when the event began over 500 people showed up. Oh, not to protest, that was a much, much smaller group, but to attend the event … with their children.

Times do change.

Everyone from liberal media to conservative asshats like Lindsey Graham have questions _____’s sanity, though only Miss Lindsey has changed her mind and become ______’s lap dog, but nowhere was it more evident that the president is a narcissistic child than last weekend after SNL skewered him again.

And he TweetRanted:

“Nothing funny about tired Saturday Night Live on Fake News NBC! Question is, how do the Networks get away with these total Republican hit jobs without retribution? Likewise for many other shows? Very unfair and should be looked into. This is the real Collusion!”

Oh honey, it’s TV. If you think that’s collusion, then it’s clear you know nothing about the Mueller investigation.

GOP lawmakers in Wisconsin have forced the removal of quarterback Colin Kaepernick’s name from a state resolution marking Black History Month because they think  he’s too controversial … for kneeling protest of black men, women and children killed by police officers around the country.

I wonder if they’d have done the same for MLK or Rosa Parks?

Democratic Congressman David Crowley, who wrote the resolution, said the incident was “a textbook example of white privilege” and a “slap in the face” and said:

“Many of these people that you don’t agree with will still be in the history books that your children and grandchildren will be reading.”

Luckily, most of these GOP asshats and bigots will soon be forgotten.

In November 2016,  I blogged about Pamela Ramsey Taylor ... see post HERE ... who made a racist Facebook post about then-U.S. first lady Michelle Obama after _____’s election:

“It will be so refreshing to have a classy, beautiful, dignified First Lady back in the White House. I’m tired of seeing a [sic] Ape in heels.”

Well, Racist Pamela was fired from her job at a county development agency in West Virginia for being a racist tool, and that was good; this is better:

Pamela Ramsey Taylor just confessed to taking more than $18,000 in flood relief benefits after falsely registering for FEMA benefits after the June 2016. Taylor claimed that her primary residence had been damaged in the flood and that she was staying in a rental property, but it was proven that her primary residence was undamaged, and she was still living there.

In her plea agreement, Taylor agreed to pay restitution of $18,149.04, though she also faces up to 30 years in prison and a fine of up to $500,000 when she is sentenced on May 30.

Racist and a thief. Wonder where she learned that :::::cough _____ cough:::::

We recently watched the Battle of the Sexes, the true story of that epic tennis match between Bobby Riggs and Billie Jean King back in the 1970s. The story also focused on King coming to accept the fact the she was a lesbian, and featured a storyline about Margaret Court, an Australian tennis player known more today for being an unrepentant homophobe.

Good film, but you know this isn’t about that it’s about a trio of Hot Men from the film, like …

Austin Stowell, top … I’m guessing, and featured here before, who played Billie Jean’s unsuspecting husband, Larry.

James Mackay, bottom right, who played Barry Court, husband of Margaret.

And Lewis Pullman, bottom left, who played Larry Riggs, son of Bobby.

Two interesting footnotes: Lewis is the son of actor Bill Pullman, who also played a role in the film, and, kudos to the real Larry King, who divorced Billie Jean when she came out. Larry King remarried and when he and his second wife had children, they named Billie Jean King as the godparent.

Love that … and the hot guys.