I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

Jon Bon Jovi doesn’t suffer fools, even the pint-sized ones.

It seems that the rocker, who has a reputation for being one of the hardest working men in music, says that Justin Bieber will begin to lose his, um, for lack of a better word, ‘fans’ if he continues to disappoint.

Said Bon Jovi: “Every generation has guys that do that, none of that is new. They run the risk of disrespecting their audience members who have worked hard to pay for their ticket, to give you the permission to take two or three hours of their lives — or in that kid’s case, 80 minutes of their lives. Do it once, you can be forgiven. Do it enough times and shame on you. They won’t have you back. Then it just becomes a cliché. It’s really not cool — you’re an a**hole. Go to f***in’ work!”

Bieber blames “technical issues” for one of his tardy parties, and also claims he was just forty minutes late but, when your core audience needs to be in bed by 9PM ….

PS I just had to include the picture of Bieber looking like he has to be carried in and out of cars because, well, it's high-larious! 

Y’all know I am no fan of Gwyneth Paltrow but this time I gotta hand it to her. 

See, about a year ago, both Paltrow and Kate Moss were invited to party in Mexico for Sir Phillip Green's 60th birthday; don't ask, I have no idea who he is. But the story is that Paltrow and the hard-partying CoKate Moss got into some kind of bitchfight while in Mexico and spent a year not speaking. Quelle horror!

It all started the morning that Moss woke up with her usual hangover, and stumbled out to her terrace where she spotted Gwyneth jogging on the beach.

Kate ALLEGEDLY said, “Why are jogging on vacation?” 

And Paltrow ALLEGEDLY replied, “So I don’t look like you when I get old.”

Kate then ALLEGEDLY threw some potato chips at Gwyneth and retorted: “Why don’t you eat some f—king carbs?!”

Apparently a lot of the party goers heard the exchange and had a good old-fashioned giggle fest, though Paltrow later denied it ever happened.

But, ironically, it was those damned carbs that reunited Kate, 39, and Paltrow, 40, last week when they crossed paths at a North London pizzeria. Paltrow was there with husband Chris Martin, and their kids Pear and Solomon, or something, when Kate spotted them and came over to the table. Paltrow and Moss then air-kissed and air-made-up.

Sidenote: I give Paltrow points for the ‘So I don’t look like you comment’. I mean, look at them up there. Kate is younger than Paltrow, yet looks like Joan Crawford reincarnated.

Maybe Paltrow’s on to something?

I kid.

What would you do if you found yourself pregnant from one guy while still legally married to another? And what would you do if the guy that knocked you up, after said knocking, fled to Paris while you stayed in LA getting your picture taken walking into stores and cafes? And then, what would you do if, in the final stages of your pregnancy, you flew to Paris to be with the Baby Daddy but the Baby Daddy left the City of Lights for Milan?

Yeah, it’s hard being Kim Kash Kow Kardashian.

And, while some say that Kash Kow and her momager, media-whoring, pimp, Kris Jenner, flew to Paris to confront Kanye about rarely being in the same city, much less the same continent as his Baby Mama, he decided to skip town without a word and go to a photo-shoot.

Photo-shoot? Yes. Meeting your Baby Mama in Paris? Not so much.

Sidenote: KKKK’s new lips make her look more like a drag queen than ever—no offense to actual drag queens—and, seriously, they don’t have enough money to buy shoes that fit? Those little piggies are shoved into those kitten heels.

Poor Lohan. She can’t catch a break even in rehab lockdown. I mean, first they cut off her supply of Adderall, and now she’s getting sued?

Lindsay Lohan is being sued for $5 million by the company that released her line of leggings—Lohan and Leggings!! A can’t-miss-but-did—who claim that her “drug-addled image” caused low sales.

M’kay. I might buy that argument except for the fact that you knew you were hiring Lindsay Lohan! Amirite?

DNAM, the apparel manufacturer that partnered with Lohan’s leggings line 6126, just might be suing in retaliation because Lohan is suing them over a licensing dispute; the manufacturer is now claiming that Lohan’s tarnished reputation severely hampered their ability to sell her clothing line to buyers.

In the $5 million breach-of-contract counter claim DNAM ALLEGES that while Lohan’s leggings line was initially successful—go figure, but I’m guessing it sold mostly to prostitutes and hookers—buyers began pulling away from the line because, DNAM ALLEGES, “they did not want to be associated with Lohan’s drug addled image.”

In the spring of 2011, buyers canceled appointments and customers canceled orders, noting that “no one would touch the line.” Lohan, who was in rehab at the time—again, go figure—was unable to endorse the brand and now the company says that all Lindsay’s legal woes, coupled with her ALLEGED drug and alcohol addiction, devalued the brand.

And they want $5 million. From Lohan. The girl who can’t pay her hotel bill or her lawyer.

Good luck with that!

Restaurant workers are not fans of Johnny Depp. Rumor has it that he is the world’s worst tipper, and most servers would prefer to skip his table. And now he’s gone and pissed off the kitchen staff wherever he dines.

Depp was recently spotted eating at West Hollywood’s new vegan eatery Crossroads with new girlfriend Amber Heard and he kept the waiter at his table for some twenty minutes demanding to know the sugar, salt and fat content of each item on the menu that interested him, and then demanded a list of everything that was in the dish, including any ‘secret’ ingredients not listed on the menu. Then he asked exactly how the dish would be prepared.

After the drilling and the demand for perfectly healthy food, Depp dashed outside the restaurant and chain smoked until the meal came.

Yeah. I know.

Denise Richards is now a full-time single mother of five—her three daughters along with Charlie Sheen’s twins by his third wife, Brooke Mueller, who is currently trying her 27^th stay at rehab for a crystal meth addiction.

And since the chances are both slim and none that Mueller will get her children back after this rehab stay, and since chances are slim and none that Charlie is a good parent, Sheen has figured out the best way to make sure his sons get the best parent possible. Charlie Sheen actually proposed marriage to ex-wife.

A source close to Sheen—possibly Dina Lohan on a three way call with Lindsay and Brooke at Betty Ford—says, “When Denise took Charlie’s twins into her home last December after troubled Brooke entered rehab once again, Charlie suddenly realized it was the very first time his sons had lived in a healthy environment—and the first time he’d been able to begin building a relationship with them.”

But, no matter how much cash is involved—Sheen pays Denise some $55,000 a month in child support, and pays Mueller the same—Denise says she will NOT entertain is his plan to remarry.

She’s channeling the immortal Nancy Reagan and will Just Say No.

It's Snarkurday!

There are all kinds of theories as to why Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris exploded, but maybe it just boils down to Kewpie Doll Ego?

See, Calvin had a fairly big hit song with “This Is What You Came For” — I only know this because I read it, not because I ever heard the song … ick — but ALLEGEDLY some of the lyrics — differing versions of “Oooooooooh Oooooooooh” — were written by Swifty.

Folks say Swifty ALLEGEDLY wrote the song, sent it to Calvin, and they recorded a demo, but then felt it was wrong to work together on some sucky tune — because Taylor has the rights to all sucky tunes — so Rihanna sang it and TayTay was reduced to background Ooooohs. Then when Calvin was out promoting the song he said he wouldn’t do music with Taylor … and … cue Taylor Swift’s Teenage Meltdown.

And cue her people “accidentally” releasing information that she co-wrote the tune. Then cue Calvin, trying to make nice—saying Swifty is :::cough cough::: an “amazing lyric writer” and that she sang on the song too—but when Swift moved on to Tom Hiddleston the niceties were off.  Harris began Mean-Tweeting and even dragged TayTay’s Best Frenemy into the fight by saying he would not let Swift “bury him” the way she tried to bury Katy Perry.

Perry then piped up on Twitter with a GIF of Hilary Clinton giving some side-eye and then reTweeted some shade she’s posted about Taylor’s “Bad Blood” video:

“Time will tell.”

Now, seriously, these folks are too damn old and too damn famous for these kinds of Twit Feuds, but then other folks, less rich, less famous, less Swifty Robotic, started a hashtag #TaylorSwiftIsoverParty and then trolled Taylor’s Instagram and filled the comments section with snake emojis.

Taylor isn’t talking, or singing, but I imagine she’ll marry Tom Hiddleston as a way to “get back” at everyone and then “write” a bunch of grown-assed-woman-teenage-angsty songs about it to punish us further.

Consider yourselves warned.

Tori Spelling has learned that no matter how many times you cry poverty, you still gotta pay your taxes.

See, California has hit Tori, and her co-adulterer husband, with a tax lien to the tune of $259,108.23 in unpaid taxes from 2014.

What will Tori do? Probably pitch a reality show to Lifetime called Tori and Dean in the Slammer.

Lamar Odom is ALLEGEDLY drinking again … a few months after he almost died from the drink and the drug and the hookers at a Nevada brothel. But sources — most likely That Woman, his not-yet-ex-mother-in-law — say Lamar isn’t worried and can handle his drinking; or can he?

Think again because this week Lamar was kicked off a flight for being a drunken mess.

Waiting for a flight from LAX to NYC Lamar decided to beers and whiskey in an airport bar, and by the time he boarded the plane, before he even sat down, Odom started vomiting in the galley and the bathroom.

Doused in puke, Lamar was escorted off the plane by flight attendants while a cleaning crew came in and un-puked it … and then it got messier ten minutes later, when Lamar was allowed back on the plane. He sat down, then got up and, this time, made it to the bathroom before the hurling commenced and then he was taken off the flight for good.

But this isn’t all on Lamar … howsabout the bartender who thought it was a good idea to serve Lamar Odom all that booze, or the flight attendants who brought his drunken ass back onto the plane?

Seriously, if that was me they’d have slammed my ass in airport jail, but rich drunks get preferential treatment as long as they only puke once.

Puke twice and all bets are off.

In a prime example of ‘snark,’ “Difficult People” creator Julie Klausner says Hollywood stars only pretend to be pals — and that Gwyneth Paltrow is the biggest, phoniest “backstabber” in town:

“They pretend that they are [all great friends], but the stuff that is said about people behind the scenes is really terrible. [And] well — Gwyneth Paltrow — there’s many a tale to tell … all kinds of backstabbing.”

Klausner would give no specific details — perhaps after learning that Paltrow sells hit men on GOOP — but did say that Paltrow is now “into [Eastern therapy] cupping — maybe she’s cupping instead of backstabbing.”

I’d be careful of the stabbing comments … Paltrow. GOOP. High-priced hit man. Still, Klausner has taken potshots at Paltrow before, like when she Tweeted:

“Click here to witness the chemistry between Gwyneth Paltrow and Jimmy Fallon AKA the comedy version of ammonia and bleach!”

I wonder which one was Paltrow?

Dr. Phil is suing mad and aiming his gut at the National Enquirer.

Yup, “Doctor” Phil and his wife Robin McGraw are suing American Media Inc., who owns the National Enquirer published almost 100 false stories about their marriage imploding over the last 13-year period.  Huh; I guess it’s best to handle the nasty tabloid stories for a decade so you can get a bigger payout?

Phil claims the National prints a fake story about him and Robin every two months … like he’s a cheater … like she’s divorcing him … like how she kicked him to the curb. You know, the stories they print about every pseudo-wannabe famous person like the McGraw’s … stories like how he’s a cheater, or how they’re headed for divorce, or how Robin kicked him to the curb.

Apparently Phil threatened American Media with a libel suit before, and they agreed to stop telling fibs but then the Enquirer was all, “No, we’re still talking.”

Still, I wonder why the McGraw’s didn’t file suit … oh, I don’t know … thirteen years ago. Maybe it really is just about getting a bigger payout? Maybe the Oprah money is running out? Maybe, ALLEGEDLY, they are divorcing and Phil needs to cash for alimony?

ALLEGEDLY.

It’s been a while since we heard about Lindsay Lohan Crack Drama—which I have suggested as the title of the “book” she said she’s “writing.” But then she turned 30 and crazy came out to play.

To celebrate the milestone — seriously, many people thought she wouldn’t live to see 25 — Lindsay’s fiancé Egor Tarabasov took Lohan and a group of people to Mykonos, Greece for a party. Lindsay tried to get various companies or brands to sponsor her birthday party but everyone was like, “Lindsay who?”

So maybe that’s why she brought the drama ... Lohan was ALLEGEDLY—I kid, using italics! — after reading a text on Egor’s phone and shocked the assembled guests — there were at least three hangers-on — and Egor’s mother Elena — by hurling the phone into the sea. Egor, in a way of getting back at Lohan to really hurt her, tossed his drink onto her head.

Wasting alcohol in front of — much less on top of — a Lohan? That’s almost a capital offense in that family.

Luckily, security pulled the lovebirds apart and Lindsay drove off — careful Mykonos, Lohan’s driving — and Egor continued to party.

Reality show famewhores Kim and Kyle Richards are being sued by a woman who claims that Kim’s dog Kingsley attacked her at Kyle’s house.

It all happened when the “stars” of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills invited stylist Paige Sanderson to Kyle’s house to dress Kim for a promotional appearance. Hopefully not at a hotel bar … if you know Kim. Or at a Target store … if you know Kim … or a wedding in Mexico … yada yada yada.

Kingsley, already known for his aggression — he ALLEGEDLY bit Kyle’s daughter in the last year — lunged at Sanderson, bit and held on to her lower abdomen and crotch, tearing off her leggings and underwear and ripping out portions of flesh.

That’s awful, but it gets uglier because Sanderson ALLEGES that Kim Richards refused to call 911 unless Sanderson promised to cover for Kingsley and blame the attack on a stray dog.

Well, Sanderson was like “Eff you” and is suing Kim and the dog, and Kyle because it happened at Kyle’s house. She wants cash for emotional distress, cosmetic surgery and medical bills and I want a front row seat at that mediation to watch Kim try to Word Soup an explanation and watch Kyle flip her hair and giggle.

It’ll all make for a Very Special Episode of RHoBH.

I Ain't One To Gossip, But ....

First off, I need to say I loathe Gwyneth Paltrow. Even though Harvey Weinstein ‘bought’ her an Oscar a few years back, she really is the worst hacktress out there; aside from Lohan of course. But what I loathe most about Paltrow is how she loves to give her advice on how one should live one’s life, and, of course, live it like Paltrow. She’s even created her own website, Goop—which I think is a play on words and really means sh*t—to tell the minions of the world how to be more Paltrow.

In her latest Goop-letter which focuses on her ‘Spring Edit’, Paltrow gives you a list of ‘must haves’ for a new season. But, not only does Paltrow name-drop a list of fancy designer clothes that world’s unwashed and un-Oscared™ must own, but she actually models the looks on her site.

Whatever. Here’s the kicker: if you want to dress like Gwyneth—just for this one season, mind you—you’ll need to spend $458,000. See, she recommends things like “a $425 white leather crop-top from Theyksens’ Theory, shiny orange Maiyet shorts for $475, a $925 leopard print Charlotte Olympia clutch, Jimmy Choo heels for $575, a $795 Swarovski crystal necklace and a $1,590 bangle bracelet from Saint Laurent.”

This leads me to realize that ‘Paltrow’ is Polish for ‘out of touch actress who has a far too high and mighty view of herself.’

We all know that Rihanna has terrible taste in men. I mean, what else can you say about the gal that goes back to the douche that punched her in the face for looking at his phone?

But now, it seems, at least according to the National Enquirer—don’t judge….they broke the John Edwards story—Rihanna has a way of getting back at Chris for punching her and then hooking back up with her and then cheating on her. She is ALLEGEDLY doing the nasty with Dane Cook.

It seems the singer and the, for lack of a better word, comic, have been friends for years, until Rihanna decided friends with benefits would be a nice way to show Chris Brown what a special girl she is. A source—and you know it’s Lohan lying on the floor under a bar in a pool of her own vomit, texting TMZ—says, “They hang out in Dane’s dressing room and sometimes he goes back to her Pacific Palisades home to party. Rihanna’s friends all think they’re carrying on a romance, but she’s very secretive about it. She wants to keep everyone guessing, especially Chris.”

Until he finds out and the fists come out. Again.

With lockdown looming, Lohan has been quiet this week, probably just getting drunk’n’high in her hotel room. But a new story has come out about her relationship with her doofus lawyer, Mark Heller, and his family. Apparently Mark isn’t the only Heller she’s involved with … legally. It seems Heller’s son Mike is in charge of something called Lohan’s ‘branding’, which, sadly, doesn’t involve taking a hot piece of bent iron and tagging her saggy ass.

Lohan has been a longtime friend/concubine/drug mule, ALLEGEDLY, for Michael Heller, a club promoter turned entrepreneur. He stages celebrity photo ops—and probably personally picked that hooker outfit Lohan wore to court last week—and brand-related party appearances, so it seems like he is providing the cracktress with some much needed income since her film career is basically over.

“Mike books gigs for Lindsay and they’ve known each other for a long time,” a Lohan insider named Dina, accepting payment in tequila, said.  “She’s not likely to part ways with his father anytime soon, because of her strong ties to his son. Without brand promotion, Lindsay would be in a lot deeper financial trouble.”

In fact, Boy Heller was the one who whisked Lindsay from NYC to LA, aboard the private Mr. Pink jet, when her commercial flight was delayed. It’s nice when the pimps help their girls get to court, isn’t it?

And, what’s a girl to do while waiting for her lockdown-rehab to begin? Well, if you’re Lindsay Lohan, you’ll spend a few days with Charlie Sheen, guest-starring on his FX show, and possibly getting high in a hotel room together,. Then it’s off to Brazil. 

Perhaps someone should check on our extradition treaty with Brazil.

Oh, why? Better to let her stay there and become Brazil’s problem.

Wow, I knew he had a big head, literally, but Will Smith has a really big head.

See, Smith was rumored to be Quentin Tarantino’s first pick for the role of Django in Django Unchained but, after begging to be the star, turned it down because he didn’t get to kill the bad guy and he wasn’t the star.

Will Smith: “Django wasn’t the lead, so it was like, I need to be the lead. The other character [Christoph Waltz’ character] was the lead! I was like, ‘No, Quentin, please, I need to kill the bad guy!’”

Funny, Waltz was considered a supporting actor in the film, and won the Oscar as such, while Jamie Foxx, who played Django, was promoted as the star. I imagine Smith was more concerned about playing opposite a real actor in Waltz and that was the reason he bowed out.

Will Smith. Big star. Bigger ego.

Meanwhile, back at Rihanna.

She seems to have a taken a page out of Little Miss Justin Bieber’s playbook. A few weeks ago, Bieber kept tens of his prepubescent fans waiting because he was two hours late for his show; many, in fact, left early because they have to be in bed by 8PM.

Now, it seems, Rihanna has decided that being tardy is the new publicity stunt.

See, RiRi was scheduled to give a show at a Chicago high school a week ago; the students won the free show because of the video they created showcasing their philanthropic work that was set to Rihanna auto-tunes. These kids, who were on spring break but came back to school for the show, waited four hours for her Assholiness to appear.

Her official excuse? Chicago traffic is bad; and Rihanna Instagrammed a picture to prove it … except the picture was taken when she was already three hours late. And then, to pile on the I don’t have time for this shiz, I’m Rihanna nonsense, once she finally arrived she, um, sang [?] for fifteen minutes and then left.

One student, who helped with the philanthropic video—which showed the student’s efforts in helping out tornado victims—called it “The Surviving Rihanna Event.”

But then, she probably had to get back to schtupping Dane Cook and dodging Chris Brown’s punches.

I love when smarmy smartass James Franco gets served, and it’s especially good when he gets served by David Letterman.

See, Franco was on Letterman this past week and asked Dave to finally reveal why his friend and film-maker, Harmony Korine, whose appearances on past shows have been d-i-sastrous, had been asked to never come back. Franco tells the story that Korine says he was banned from the show because he ALLEGEDLY pushed Meryl Streep backstage.

Well, for that he should have been shot, but that wasn’t true.

So Letterman revealed the true story for the first time. “I went upstairs to greet Meryl Streep and welcome her to the show, and I knock on the door … and she was not in there. And I looked around, and she was not in there, and I found Harmony going through her purse. True story. And so I said: ‘That’s it, put her things back in her bag and then get out.’”

The best part isn’t the image of Letterman going all Keystone Kops on Korine, but the look on Franco’s face when he realizes it was shoving a living legend that got his friend banned, it’s that his friend was a petty thief.

Letterman said he would now be happy to have the director, who completed rehab more than a decade ago. That might be all right, but do we need to keep having Franco on?

I got nothing on Justin Bieber this week. I mean, we could talk about him being two hours late for a concert; we could talk about him going all Gibson on a papparazzo; we could talk about him being accused of assault and battery on his neighbor. Or, we could just look at this photo and laugh at Lil Justine being carried out of a car by her bodyguard.

Precious.

Oops. I guess I spoke too soon about Lindsay Lohan being a good girl this week.

After her first day on the set of fellow cracktor Charlie Sheen’s ‘Anger Management’ people were raving about how great she was:

“Lindsay knew her lines cold and her timing was perfect. She was really funny.” 

“Lindsay was incredibly nice.”

“Lindsay proved she has talent. You watch her and you know why she became a star.” 

Yeah, that was Day One; Day Two was a whore of a different color.

A source from the Anger Management set—did Dina get a day job?—says that, by the time Lohan was done shooting her guest spot on Sheen’s FX comedy, the cast, included Charlie himself, and crew were thinking that hiring her wasn’t worth the aggravation.

“She was a colossal pain in the ass,” one source says. “It’s a shame, because when she actually gets on camera she is good and has comedic timing. But she comes with so much luggage it’s not worth it…The first day was fine, she showed up early and did her job.”

But, the source adds, “from the moment she arrived yesterday she did nothing but hold up the production. She would sit in her trailer and stall and she delayed until she up and left for her boyfriend’s concert…She held everyone hostage. They almost called police to escort her off the set.”

Lindsay, ever delusional, Tweeted: “I just had such a wonderful day on set of #angermanagement with @charliesheen & @LIGHTAARON @SaveTheSociety @jazejazz7 and the entire crew!”

An insider from Lohan’s camp naturally refutes the accusations, and denies that Lohan deliberately held up the production. But, um, Lindsay was set to tape on Monday and then finish on Tuesday, but she had to go back Wednesday and finish up because of her delaying tactics.

But, here’s the deal with Sheen and his show: Shaddup. You hired her, you know who she is and what she does; seriously, someone must have read about her time on the craptastic Liz & Dick, and her d-i-sastrous porn debut in The Canyons, and yet you still hired her.

You get what you pay for, and when you pay for a drug and alcohol addicted narcissist, well, then, like I said….

Shaddup.

I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Word out of Hollywood is that Jennifer Aniston has hired an Oscar strategist named Lisa Taback, who previously worked on the Oscar campaigns for The King’s Speech and The Artist.

Seriously, Aniston wants an Oscar so badly, that she’s hired someone to help her win it? And what exactly does an Oscar strategist do? Here’s how I’d do it: Hey Jen? Get yourself a part in a film of substance for a change and try to act for a change. No need to go sans makeup or have a scar put on your face. Just be good at your job … for a change.

M’kay, I wouldn’t last long in the Oscar Strategist job.

Here’s how I see an Oscar in Jennifer Aniston’s future … cut to 2034, a retired former comic actress Jennifer Aniston appears on a TV screen eating a sandwich, and then begins to sing …

♫♪ My bologna has a first name … it’s O-S-C-A-R …♪♫

Aniston.Oscar. My work here is done.

Oh Gwynnie, now it’s not just Martha throwing shade at you, it‘s Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer.

And she out-elitists Paltrow at every turn! It seems Paltrow — Oscar winner … sorry Jen … best-selling cookbook author, lifestyle “expert” — wanted to work with Yahoo as an editor for the website’s food division but Mayer put the kibosh on that because … wait for it … I’m loving it … Gwyneth Paltrow doesn’t have a college degree.

According to a new book, Mayer and the Fight to Save Yahoo! By Nicholas Carson, Mayer — a 39-year-old Stanford grad who’s a stickler for degrees — “balked” at obtaining Paltrow’s services, despite Paltrow’s ego and fame and website and ego and star power and ego, because she “disapproved of the fact that Paltrow did not graduate college.”

To be fair, Paltrow did attend the University of California, Santa Barbara — a feat that at least two biographies of Goop attributed to her family’s long relationship with UCSB alum Michael Douglas — but left after one year to become an actress.

And so, twenty years later, hoping to be a contributor to Yahoo, Goop gets the news that college dropouts, no matter large their egos, needn’t apply.

My.Heart.Weeps.

Are Kim Kardastrophe and KrayKray West headed for a d-i-v-o-r-c-e?

Well, maybe yes, maybe no. I say no because their marriage seems to be one based on media attention, not actual love for one another because the pair rarely spend any time together at all. I mean, Kanye spent Thanksgiving eating dinner in Paris with male friends, while Kimmy was at home basting the turkey all by her lonesome.

And now, because he’s ALLEGEDLY working on new music, he may spend Christmas away from his shrew wife and Kimmy is livid … well, she’s mad because for her to be livid you’d have to first explain what livid means.

Still, a couple of weeks back,  the couple did get to spend some quality time together during a family outing to Disney On Ice at Staples Center … until the middle of the show when Kanye up and left and never returned.

Perhaps one of his male friends was hungry?

Still, I’m guessing this mess of a marriage works because they rarely see one another, I mean, with one having an ego the size of his wife’s ass and the other having an ass the size of her husband’s ego.

Selena Gomez used to be BFFs with Taylor Swift; and they’re still friendly every now and again, when Selena breaks up with Justin Bieber for a hot minute to sing a song about how much she loves him and then go back to him so she can break up with him again.

But, apparently she now misses Little Biebs so much that she spent most of Swifty’s birthday party sobbing on the terrace over her broken relationship with that egg-tossing-drag-racing-Sizzurp-slurping too.

According to witnesses at TayTay’s 25th birthday party — attended by fellow media whores Jay Z and Beyoncé — at Swifty’s NYC penthouse, Selena was reportedly crying out on the terrace because she misses her Little Man and shouting, at anyone who would listen:

“No one understands me! My boyfriend doesn’t even understand me.”

Oh honey, we understand you. You’re a delusional young girl who thinks your life is wrapped up with a Twit.

Problem is, you don’t understand that.

Gosh, the folks at NBC”s Today Show are really desperate to grab some ratings away from Good Morning America, even going so far as to cancel an interview with Amy Adams because she wouldn’t talk about The Sony Hack.

Really.  Adams was in NYC to promote Big Eyes, which comes out on Christmas Eve and was directed by Tim Burton and distributed by The Weinstein Company. No connection to Sony whatsoever.

And yet, when Amy Adams went on Today all they wanted to talk about was the Sony Hack. Adams came to the set, and although she’d already told producers she did not, and would not, discuss The Hack, she once again had to tell the bigwigs that she would prefer to avoid the subject, given this was a four-minute interview and she was there to talk about her movie which, again, has nothing to do with Sony.

Adams says she was told that Today is a news organization — how’s that for high-larity? — and she was told no one dictates their interviews. Adams didn’t balk, and was, in fact, shown on TV screens as an upcoming segment and then … nothing.

The show bounced her, pulled her segment and completely wasted her time, though Today execs are spinning it that Adams was at fault and behaved like some kind of hellcat.

Who says hellcat anymore?

Here’s the deal: she was there to talk Big Eyes and had just four minutes to do it, but they wanted to talk The Hack because they’re desperate to appear relevant. Now they’ll be hard-pressed to ever get Adams back or any other actor who wants to promote a film and not Sony.

Stupid move, NBC ... NBC ... No.Body.Cares.

Last week, several unfinished tracks from Madonna’s latest album were leaked onto the internet by someone or a few someone’s who just couldn’t wait to hear some auto-tuned dance tunes from an aging, surgically enhanced diva.

But the best part of this is how Madge, speaking in that clipped British accent she’s not-yet-quite-perfected, tells the tale of living in a “state of terror” since the leak:

“Obviously there is a person, or a group of people behind this that were essentially terrorizing me. I don’t want to sound alarming, but certainly that’s how I felt. It’s one thing if someone comes into your house and steals a painting off your wall: that’s also a violation, but, your work, as an artist, that’s devastating. I’m an artistic person, I’m very expressive. I’m sorry if words alarm people, but that’s what it felt like. It was not a consensual agreement. I did not say ‘hey, here’s my music, and it’s finished.’ It was theft.”

Oh, it’s theft all right, but, Madge, seriously, calm yourself down … settle ... settle … sip some tea … because leaking your music, or what passes for music these days, is not terrorism.

Nobody died, dear, though I’m sure ear drums will be bleeding.

So after The Interview was made — detailing in all its high comedy the assassination of a country’s leader because that’s funny stuff — Sony found its emails hacked and all kinds of bad stuff happened.

So, Sony pulled the move after what Homeland Security called "not credible threats" of something happening should the film open on Christmas as planned and then ... cue publicity ... and now cue Sony saying they will release The Interview on Christmas after all.

Now, I know they were hacked and all kinds of private info and emails were released, but, show of hands, who feels like Sony just played The Hack for more publicity for what was bound to be another Franco bomb?

And seriously, now they’re playing it like it would be unpatriotic if you don’t go see this piece of crap.

F**k you Sony. This was just a stunt and I ain’t buying that … or a ticket to this piece of schlock.