I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

JLo had that stripper movie that was supposed to earn her an Oscar nomination …

Hold for laughter.

… but the film really underperformed and so what’s the old girl to do now?

First, wear that cut-down-to-there-and-up-to-there Versace dress that earned her all sorts of notoriety twenty years ago again this year and then suddenly have an old interview “unearthed” where you go JLo on everyone’s ass …

The Movieline interview is from 1998 and people are “rediscovering” it as Lopez starts her campaign for an Oscar nod …

Hold for laugher.

… so here are some highlights:

When asked about Cameron Diaz, JLo said she’s “a lucky model who’s been given a lot of opportunities I just wish she would have done more with. She’s beautiful and has a great presence, though, and in My Best Friend’s Wedding, I thought, ‘When directed, she can be good.’”

Jennifer Lopez, acting critic. But then she goes in after Paltrow, saying in that hushed JLo voice:

“Tell me what she’s been in? I swear to God, I don’t remember anything she was in. Some people get hot by association. I heard more about her and Brad Pitt than I ever heard about her work.”

Says the woman who dated Paltrow’s ex, Ben Affleck. Next up: Madonna:

“Do I think she’s a great performer? Yeah. Do I think she’s a great actress? No. Acting is what I do, so I’m harder on people when they say, ‘Oh, I can do that—I can act.’ I’m like, ‘Hey, don’t spit on my craft.’”

Acting is what I do? Don't spit on my craft?

Hold for laughter. But she goes on … she was “never a big fan” of Winona Ryder but thinks Claire Danes is a “good actress” and finally goes in on Salma Hayek:

“She’s a sexy bombshell and those are the kinds of roles she does. I do all kinds of different things. It makes me laugh when she says she got offered Selena, which was an outright lie. If that’s what she does to get herself publicity, then that’s her thing.”

Man, this Oscar campaign will be delicious with JLo’s own words coming back to haunt her.

JLo. Oscar.

Hold for laughter.

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Well, it looks like the girl that Miley Cyrus jumped off of Liam Hemsworth to jump onto is out of the picture.

Sadly, just a few short weeks into their love affair, Cyrus and Kaitlynn Carter are finished, though sources say Miley is doing fine this time around, she is “looking forward to being single.”

Until the next relationship/publicity stunt is arranged in …five …four …three…two …

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Dean McDermott, AKA Mister Tori Spelling, because, let’s face, that’s all he’s known for, recently came back from a 10-day Hawaiian vacation with his five kids and wife, and described it as “an orgy in your honor with your five kids.”

I don’t know how many orgies McDermott goes to but if they involve your kids someone should call CPS on this asshat because, in his own words, he shows that he is the worst parent ever:

“You have paradise right in front of you. You’re scuba diving and paddle-boarding, and they’re like, ‘Hey, Dad! Come and watch me do s**tty cannonballs in the pool.’… I’ve seen so many bad cannonballs. God bless them. They’re so excited about it, right? But for 21 years — my oldest is 21 — I’ve seen all this stuff.”

Yeah, so who cares if your kids are having fun.

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I’ll start off by saying I don’t care for Beyoncé. Drum me out of the Gay Club, I don’t care. To me she is an ass-shaking, weave-snapping, self-promoting so-so singer. Sue.Me.

For a few years  now Beyoncé has been trying to trademark her daughter’s name and has been in litigation with Wendy Morales, who has used “Blue Ivy” as the name of her wedding planning business since 2009. In 2012, Beyoncé and Jay-Z filed for an application to trademark their daughter’s name a month after she was born but learned about Morale’s company and lawsuits began.

Beyoncé tried to circumvent the suit by adding “Carter” to the trademark application, but Morales had that one blocked too, and has also refused to give up the rights to Blue Ivy unless Beyoncé wants to buy it for $10 million.

Beyoncé doesn’t give up coins that easily and so now she has a new argument in her case as to why she’s the rightful owner of the trademark: She says the words ‘blue’ and ‘ivy’ are synonymous with her daughter because no one in their right mind would ever ask, “Blue Ivy…the Boston-based event-planning company, or the daughter of Beyoncé?” And Beyoncé, who sings about girl power but doesn’t live it also shades Morales’ company by saying it’s “regional” and “small” business, with only three offices, a handful of employees, and a small social media presence.

Morales snapped back that she believes Beyoncé has no intention to use the trademark for business reasons, but Beyoncé disagrees:

“Indeed, the circumstantial evidence, including Blue Ivy Carter’s fame, her interest in fashion and design, and her familial relationship with two of the most famous performers in the world all support BGK’s intent to use the BLUE IVY CARTER trademark in connection with building a brand consistent with Blue Ivy Carter’s interests and skills.”

She adds that “Blue Ivy Carter is a cultural icon who has been described as a “mini style star” and has been celebrated for her “fashion moments” overs the years. Her life and activities are followed extensively by the media and the public.”

Quick, someone grab Beyoncé’s ego, it’s getting blown awayby the wind machine.

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While we’re talking former Destiny’s child singers, let’s talk about forgotten DC member, Michelle Williams. She is furious because people are confusing her with Oscar-nominated, Emmy-winning actress Michelle Williams and wants this nonsense to stop.

Destiny’s Child Michelle Williams took to Instagram Live to ask everyone to stop tagging and fighting with her over the gender wage gap speech that World Famous Actress Michelle Williams gave after winning an Emmy last Sunday night.

To be fair, if you confuse Destiny’s Child Michelle Williams, who is a black woman, with World Famous Actress Michelle Williams, who is white, you’re a special kind of moron, but still Destiny’s Child Michelle Williams should be grateful anyone at all is even talking about her because, before this, she was known as the girl Beyoncé literally stepped over.

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Former TV actor and hot drunk mess, Andy Dick, is in trouble again.

An arrest warrant has been issued for Dick—that sounds odd, doesn’t it—stemming from a 2018 incident in which Dick ALLEGEDLY groped an Uber driver … while he was driving … from the back seat … and groped the man’s crotch.

That’s some Dick, Andy.

This latest incident is not to be confused with the ALLEGED 2019 groping incident in a New Orleans club .... or the July 2018 incident in which he groped a woman on the street … or the time in 2017 when he was fired for ALLEGED sexual harassment for groping people’s genitals on the set of an independent film … or the time he was sued for rubbing his dick in some guy’s face.

This is new. Kind of. New story, same old Dick.

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