PR All-St★rs 5, Ep 5: Au Naturale ....

This week, Alyssa meets the designers on the runway with the Dreaded Button Bag in her hand and the designers start to tremble; then she introduces the challenge … to dress ten Young Naturists of America, who appear on the runway completely nude, and the tremble turns to panic.

These folks are naturalists, who believe in all things natural, and accepting all people as they look and are, but they need to stay warm in winter so the designtestants must create a comfortable but fashionable winter ensemble for their client . They’ll have $250 — perhaps more than these naturalists spend on clothing in a lifetime — and one day for the challenge.

Let’s rip …

THE SAFES

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ASHA Her model was hot, both nekkid and clothed. I liked her look because I wanted to rip it off the model as soon as I could.

ALEXANDER It was nice, but when his model turned around, Alexander told us that he spotlighted the ass … and he did.

LAYANA I hated the fabrics and the color and thought it looked like she was wearing a Snuggie™ under her coat.

KEN His model was into androgyny, so Ken made a kilt … a white pleated kilt that looked like a skirt Diane Keaton would wear in one of those movies where she plays a rich women looking for love. And on the runway this look appeared less “Kanye on steroids,” as Ken called it, and more “Bruce, in the months prior,” to me.

THE TOPS

DOM 

She gets Lloyd, the silver fox ex-military man and opts to go for a military-inspired look, with a pea coat and a camouflage sweater. Camouflage? I can’t … I can’t. But Zanna loves the look, loves the idea, and, apparently, military is still a trend, and has been for several years now I guess. But she does know how to make a sick pair of pants that fit like a glove … or gloves that fit like a pant? Work with me here.

WHAT SHE SAID

I feel pretty good; he looks pretty confident.

WHAT I SAID

I’m not sure about the print on the jacket — though, slap me somebody, I liked the camouflage sweater — but he looks pretty hot in it.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ loved the camouflage and the mix of patterns, and called it expensive looking. Aimee Song was crazy for the pants, but thought it just great and not amazing. Naeem Khan called it a good look all-around — if a bit too literal — and said the coat had one button too many. Isaac simply said that it was “pretty damn good.”

KINI

He so wants to beat Sam that he cannot control himself, and so he sets out to make as many pieces as possible, I guess figuring the more he shows, the better his chances? He made a pleated skirt and a sweater and a chiffon top and a fitted trench coat, along with a house in the Hamptons and 2.5 children. Even Zanna thought it was too much, and in the end maybe she was right. The coat didn’t fit properly, and so, rather than scrap it, Kini had the model wear it over her shoulders.

WHAT HE SAID

She feels chic and she looks like a rich bitch.

WHAT I SAID

It’s totally Kini; totally well-made; totally too much. And I know he’s gonna get called out for not having the model wear the coat.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ likes the coat, but hates the coat worn over the shoulders … ♫ ♪ toldyouso, toldyouso, toldyou, toldyou, toldyouso ♪ ♫ … and wishes Kini has just concentrated on making a great coat and not a great twelve-piece ensemble. Isaac hates the coat because it doesn’t fit, and dubbed it “junior-y” while Alyssa said the model had a young spirit so she didn’t mind the “junior-y.” Aimee Song agreed with the Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ and loves it, while Naeem Khan thought the proportions were great.

MITCHELL

As soon as he hears winterwear Mitchell starts to sweat; and as soon as he realizes he’s been given a man, he starts to really sweat. He doesn’t do winter, and he doesn’t men … well, men’s clothing. I loathe this excuse, because does that mean every male designer who creates women’s clothes wears women’s clothes? Do your job, Mitchell.

Luckily, his BFF Sam was there to point out that Mitchell wasn’t draping his pants, and couple that with Mitchell’s fright over winterwear for men, and, well, you can guess who’s going to be in the top and who isn’t; especially after Zanna’ visit, where she admits that she likes it, and is happy that Mitchell has pulled himself away from feathers and glitz.

WHAT HE SAID

I think it looks great.

WHAT I SAID

The pants seem ill-fitting and the coat is too long for my tastes, but I love the buckles and the fact that this isn’t a Flamingo-looking mess. Score, Mitchell.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Alyssa loves it, loved that it was a complete look, and loved that it kinda proved that saving Mitchell from elimination was a good move. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ thought it was a great trench coat and loved that Mitchell edited himself down a bit, while Aimee Song loved the drop-crotch — maybe the pants weren’t ill-fitting? — and loved the silhouette. Isaac also agreed that it was a great coat while Naeem Khan called it cool.

EMILY 

She got the naturalist she wanted—a model-looking naturalist—and she decides to make a cool California winter coat, with a cape feature on the back and a form-fitting dress beneath. But then she picks a blue fabric — to match her hair? —a nd a blue print that, to me, reads Grandma’s Boca Raton Sunroom Sofa. I might be wrong, because Zanna loves the whole idea.

WHAT SHE SAID

She looks perfect and it fits her really well.

WHAT I SAID

It’s nice. Nice. But I cannot stand that shade of blue. And the cape needed to be emphasized more, because it seems like a wee afterthought.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ thought the model looked comfortable, and that the look seemed expensive, while Isaac called it sensual with witty proportions, but he wanted more volume in the cape. Aimee Song loved it, said it was fun and playful and loved the cape detail. Naeem Khan loved the color — seriously? — and then muttered something about a butterfly; I replayed it several times and all I could get was more fabric and butterfly. Alyssa called it innovative and wearable … not the highest praise.

THE BOTTOMS

VALERIE 

As soon as her model said she loved being wrapped in a blanket, Valerie ran with that idea and there was no stopping her; a hooded voluminous jacket in gray, lined in chartreuse and a black-and-white print, over a camouflage jumper? It’s too much. Even Zanna noted that it was too much fabric and too much print and too much … ugly camouflage. Still, Valerie remains undeterred.

Sidenote: in South Carolina, when the local high schools have their proms, you always see at least one girl wearing, yes, a camouflage prom dress. Bless their hearts,

WHAT SHE SAID

She looks transformed.

WHAT I SAID

She looks like she woke up in the middle of the night and the house was on fire and she dragged all of the bed linens outside with her. It’s really quite comical.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Isaac said the model doesn’t look comfortable and that the camouflage jumper looks more like camouflage pajamas; he dubbed it “aggressively clueless.” Aimee Song appreciated Valerie’s craftsmanship, but said that didn’t mean that just because you’re good at everything you have to make a garment of everything. Naeem Khan agreed that it was too much volume; he called it an “over-painted picture.” The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ simply said that nothing could have saved this look, this “housecoat on steroids.” Alyssa said that it was all just too much and that it was upsetting.

SAM 

Sam tells us right off the bat that he’s from Boston and has been designer winterwear for himself since he was a wee queen, so he has this one y’all.

Cue ominous drumming. Sam’s model likes winter colors — I heard her say Burnt Orange, I never saw Burnt Orange — so Sam picks a yellow, brown and green plaid … ? Cue ominous drumming. Zanna loathes his fabric choices and color palette, and when his client, Zen, comes in, she hates the coat, too. Sam scraps it and tries to beg for fabric scraps from the other designers. Cue ominous drumming. In the end, there isn’t a coat at all but only a sweater and a sad little First year design School circle skirt.

WHAT HE SAID

She did a great job of selling that look.

WHAT I SAID

You did a great job of sneaking out of the PR apartments in the middle of the night and running down to Marshalls to buy that outfit. Boring.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Isaac said it looked like Zen was wearing a sweater she pulled from her closet, and that the whole look was dreary, while the Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ called it too safe and boring and nothing and Salvation Army. Naeem Khan pointed out that the simple circle skirt was badly made as it hangs longer in the front than in the back.

Dom sneaks into the top, along with Kini and Mitchell and Emily, and while it looked for a moment like there'd be a surprise win by Feather Diva Mitchell, the prize this week went to Emily.

And I still don’t like that blue.

Sam and Valerie are on the bottom, so who goes home? The one who created a Salvation Army look or the one who threw everything, and the kitchen sink, on her model?

No one goes home because the judges like Valerie and Sam.

That’s all kinds of wrong because …

… in the waiting area, as Sam and Valerie announce they are both safe because the judges like them, Alexander reminds us all that the judges liked Stella but didn’t save her; Emily adds Fade to the list. Sam is clearly annoyed that they aren’t bowing down to him, and acts like he should have been saved, though the first week, when Daniel and Mitchell were both saved, he was the first to bitch that someone needed to go home for ugly clothes.

And this week someone should have gone home for the same reason.

When Mitchell said Sam seemed ungrateful at the save, Alexander said maybe all the designers should flirt with the judges and Sam took off for the Little Designer’s Room.  Valerie called it a low blow, and maybe it was, but here’s the deal on Sam:

He scored big kudos from the judges partially due to a top that Kini made, and he’s yet to, on camera at least, acknowledge that. Sam thinks if you’re awful one week, you should go home, and yet he seems like it was a no-brainer to save him. As for Valerie, yeah, she’s been good, too, but let’s all remember the words o f the immortal Heidi Klum:

One day you’re in, the next day you’re out.

Someone.Should.Have.Been.Out. And I don’t really have an opinion on which designer it should have been, but one of them should be out.

I kinda snickered when Sam realized that he didn’t “have this,” and walked around the workroom playing the pity card and saying he wouldn’t be able to live up to last week’s win, and Emily replied, “Probably not.”

LINE OF THE NIGHT: Sam, in talking about how fast Kini works …

“Kini is a very talented sewer … period.”

So talented, in fact, that Kini created the top that landed you some major designer cred on a challenge a few weeks back … but I guess Sam has conveniently forgotten that.

What did YOU think?