PR All-St★rs 5, Ep 4: Someone Call 911!! It’s The Unconventional Challenge!!!

The designtestants gather in front of a firehouse and I’m all, “Hot Fireman Challenge”? “FlameWay?” “Hot Men?” Yeah, right to the gutter my mind goes. But this is no ordinary firehouse, it’s Engine Company 31, home to DCTV, the largest free arts training program for New York City youth.

Alyssa arrives by ambulance to, as Ken said, out-Beyoncés Beyoncé, and brings with her representatives from the Fire Department, the Police Department and the EMTs; I saw that police officer and said, to Carlos: “Cuff me, officer, I’ve been bad.

I told you my mind went right to the gutter; and so did Ken’s because right then he said, “I usually avoid the police, but he can handcuff me anytime he wants.”

I was hoping it’d be Hot Cops In Bikinis but it’s even better in many ways because, ladies and gentleladies, this is the Unconventional Challenge. And while the designtestants kvetch and moan — though they knew this was coming — Alyssa explains that they must create a high-end runway look using the materials from the fire, police and EMT services. They have just five minutes to grab whatever they can and one day to complete the challenge:

Let’s rip ….

THE SAFES

clockwise from top left

DOM Why this wasn’t in the top I do not know. Very cool. Very unconventional. I blame the hat.

EMILY Having never heard of Herve Leger — who is known for them — Emily makes a bandage dress which Zanna calls a mummy; she adds x-ray strips. It’s cool, and I love the belt, but it’s just safe.

KINI It’s what the wife of a Muppet looks like when she’s pregnant.

LAYANA She uses the blue gauze and Zanna worries that it’ll go Smurf. It went boring, instead.

MITCHELL Silver star badges and catheter tubes. There is nothing more to say.

THE BOTTOMS

ALEXANDER 

He seems like he’s shopping at Duane Reade, purusing the merchandise and filling his bags with gauze bandages of every color; I’m worried because gauze is a fabric and not all that unconventional, especially when, as Alexander does, he glues it to muslin to make a textile of … gauze which he’ll use to create surreal shapes …? He tells Zanna he’s thinking of adding a black glove that appears to “climb the dress” and Zanna throws him out a window … or tells him not to do it; either way.

WHAT HE SAID

It’s just a basic dress.

WHAT I SAID

In my best Bette Davis voice, dripping with sarcasm, “How unconventional.”

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ loved the degradation of the colors but really felt it was a nothing dress. Isaac also liked the color but thought that it was too short. Guest Judge, stylist Johnny Wujek, said it needed to be amped up and loved the back more than the front. Alyssa did like the way the gauze looked like suede though that had nothing to do with Alexander … it was just the gauze.

ASHA

She also grabbed bandages — how unconventional is a bandage? — to create a pink bandage tribal print with a pill motif. Zanna takes one look at it and hauls it over to Valerie’s station to see that the two dresses are very similar. Asha is undeterred, though, except when it comes to a skirt which runs the gamut from a shiny silver warming cover to more pink bandages.

WHAT SHE SAID

She’s Black Barbie. I hope the judges appreciate all the detail.

WHAT I SAID

And by detail she means a couple of strips of gauze and x-rays and a few random pills that made it look like Lohan spilled a drink and then her pill box on the front of her dress.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Isaac hated the slashed skirt and its length, while the Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ called the skirt a throwaway … possibly literally; she added that it was average and apologetic. Johnny Wujek wanted more … more pills and more couture, and called it a nice club dress but Alyssa a bunch of random pills glued on top wasn’t innovative enough.

STELLA

She was kinda mean and grabby at the firehouse, shooing people away from her stash of all things “blue.” I didn’t realize blue was a fashion but she’s got all kinds of blue oxygen hoses and not a thought about what to make. So she goes sci-fi alien ribcage coat … or something.

Until Zanna comes by and reminds her this isn’t to be an art project, so Stella kills her coat and goes all kinds of safe with a bandage skirt and hospital gown top; the only unconventional part was taking x-rays and cutting them into skyscraper shapes and gluing them to the blouse. Still, it was all kinds of safe and not safe in a good way.

WHAT SHE SAID

I’m happy I put something on the model.

WHAT I SAID

Is the model happy? I like the skyline but it’s not new or unconventional.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Alyssa loves New York skyline and wished that had been the idea for the whole look, but Isaac and Johnny Wujek call it mall and “Forever 21.” When the Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ likes the x-ray idea but hates the look as a whole, Stella throws Zanna under the bus by saying she had thrown out her original look. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ politely says she cannot judge what she cannot see, while Isaac is far more direct: “Forget about how un-chic this is, there’s nothing less chic than an excuse.”

THE TOPS

VALERIE 

She grabs gauze — in pink, of course — and a boat-load of cotton swabs. I remember someone on an earlier PR used popsicle sticks to make a cool corset and I’m hoping she’ll do the same, but, alas, Valerie is making a chevron pattern she calls fringe by sewing the swabs together. Zanna says it might be a bit too crafty and a little not fashion.

WHAT SHE SAID

It’s fantastic. Nothing’s breaking.

WHAT I SAID

I like it. It’s cute. But it’s not transformative and needed many more swabs to make it better.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Johnny Wujek says it’s cute, and loves the cotton swab fringe, but he hated the belt until Valerie revealed that it was a stethoscope. Isaac loved the cotton swabs, too, and called the look flattering but the Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ said it wasn’t really unconventional, though it was lovely, and Alyssa wanted more cotton swabs.

KEN 

Does he tire easily or what? About a minute into the five-minute grab he’s breathing hard and saying he wants to rest. But that might be because he filled his bag with heavy fire hoses and there’s nary a hot cop around to help him.

In the workroom he sees Sam working with fire hoses, too, so Ken cuts his open to reveal the insides which look like black patent leather; he’ll use those to make what he tells Zanna is a straitjacket dress. Zanna thinks he’s onto something, though I wonder: after Ken’s season on the PR and his breakdown, maybe his straitjacket dress is an omen?

WHAT HE SAID

I hope the judges notice that I top-stitched that skirt.

WHAT I SAID

Very cool, very edgy, and I love the underside of the skirt where you see the printed hoses.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Isaac said the length was fresh and that his favorite part was that “it looks like she’s wearing white crinolines with a black dress…nothing more naughty and chic than that in this world.” Johnny Wujek thought it was fantastic, and loved the concept, and if the boob dents weren’t there he’s put it on a client. He’d also like to see an entire collection of this style. Alyssa was bothered by the neck-piece, but that was all while the Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ loved the back and the lines but hated the dented boob area.

SAM

He has fire hoses and gauze and hospital gown, oh my. And he’s set to make a jacket and a pencil skirt, but scraps that idea for a hose coat, though it might be sleeveless if he runs out of time; he does not which Zanna liked because she really wanted sleeves. In fact, he has the time to make quick bandage dress for the model to wear under the coat. Smart, lucky, move.

WHAT HE SAID

Ain’t nobody gonna tell me that that jacket is not fabulous.

WHAT I SAID

I will. The sleeves seem like an afterthought and it looks like the model can’t even move her arms. And it looks like a box.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ called it original and quirky and restrained and said it reminded her of London couture — funny, because Sam hates couture. Johnny Wujek called it Hunger Games meets Paris couture, while Isaac called the coat boxy and ill-fitting until Sam smartly opened it up and showed the dress beneath; Isaac instantly liked it better … and so did I. Alyssa was once again impressed with Sam’s designs and said she liked his little “flirty” gestures. That was when Sam started to get flirty with Johnny Wujek — “I keep fixing my hair for you” — and I got a little … a lot … sick to my stomach.

Well, it was clear when Stella wanted to make an alien ribcage coat that she was going home, and if it wasn’t clear then, it was when she scrapped the coat halfway through and started over. Bye Stella.

It was also clear Valerie would not win, so it was down to Sam and Ken; impeccable black dress with boob dents or boxy coat with odd sleeves?

Boxy coat and odd sleeves; Sam gets another win.

I was watching the models try on some crazy, and some ugly, clothes and I wondered what they’re really thinking during the fittings besides, you know how hungry they are …

And Stella! She wears such crazy things herself — spikes on her sleeve during her confessionals! If she’d taken her own sense of style to this challenge and created something she would wear, she might have won.

Sam kinda reminds me of the gay kid in that new show The Real O’Neal’s, only not as funny. And when he was getting flirty with Johnny I was kinda grossed out by it, though not as much as Alexander, who, in previews for coming weeks seems to suggest Sam won because he flirts. Sam annoys me — I’m still shuddering at that awkward backwards flirt gesture thing — but I don’t think he won because he flirts. He probably gets laid because he flirts.

That said: Ken should have won.

Kini is still pissed at Sam for taking credit for his work last week, so it’s Kini snarking non-stop about Sam at every turn. I didn’t necessarily mind it, but I knew that with all the shade he was throwing Sam would end up on top.

LINE OF THE NIGHT

Mitchell, seeing Valerie’s use of the cotton swabs: 

“Val’s using her cotton swabs in a way that’s boring and basic … maybe she should have used them to clean out her ears so she can listen to what the challenge is.”

What did YOU think?