It's Snarkurday!

Do not piss off Madonna; she holds a grudge longer than a mob boss. But, if you find that you have pissed off The Aging Diva she just might call you out in front of a packed arena.

Last week, during a concert in the Philippines, Madge shared a story of betrayal with the crowd:

“Once I had a Filipino trainer — this beautiful, beautiful girl. She was gorgeous and very talented as a trainer, but she f**ked my boyfriend, so I fired her.”

Now, the gorgeous trainer is no doubt Nicole Winhoffer, who worked with Madge for nearly five years before being put in a cement overcoat and sent to live with the fishes.

A source — and you know it’s Winhoffer — says Nicole helped Madonna launch eight branded gyms worldwide as creative director of Hard Candy Fitness but that she left Madonna of her own accord to be a businesswoman.

She is now the Global Ambassador for Stella McCartney’s line of Adidas workout gear and was once a backup dancer for Shakira.

Oh hell no. She went from being Madge’s personal bitch to dancing for Shakira? That’s worse than a Madge Hit … in both song and murder.

It appears that one needs hazard pay while working for Shonda Rhimes … ask Katherine Heigl, Patrick Dempsey and Isaiah Washington who were are ALLEGEDLY booted from a Rhimes’ show for making Mama mad. But now it appears the stars’ physical health is at risk and for that look no further than How To Get Away With Murder’s Viola Davis.

Viola ALLEGEDLY got hurt while shooting a Rhimes-written sex scene on HTGAWM with her on-screen man Nate, played by Billy Brown, and that she had to beg Shonda and the writers to tone it down while she recovered:

“I blew my back out. He threw me up against a wall. All I can say is I was totally committed to the scene. I just told them to slow it down for a minute. I’m going to get back into it. I have to. It’s Shondaland! You know, they’re gonna have me doing all kinds of stuff with all kinds of people.”

Um, Shonda? Honey? If you need a stand-in for Viola for those Billy Brown Sex Scenes, I’m available … no charge!

Is everyone losing millions? I mean, Kanye announced he was like fifty million in debt—though, to be fair, this was before checking Kim’s ass crack for coins—and now Oprah’s losing it, too!

According to CNBC, after a pike in stock prices for Weight Watchers when Oprah revealed that she eats bread, the stock has dropped some 20% in their fourth quarter revenue … meaning the Big O lost about $21 million.

Now, again to be fair, Winfrey has made about $75 million since investing in weight loss … again … and being that she’s Oprah and she can drop $21 million over breakfast at the Waffle House on waffles and sausages.

Sherri Shepherd just doesn’t learn.

Back story: she met a man and married him; he wanted a baby and so they found a surrogate; she paid all the expenses for the surrogate; just before the birth of that baby Sherri decided she didn’t want to be married; she divorced her husband and said the baby wasn’t hers; a judge disagreed but Sherri wanted nothing to do with it; a judge said, ‘Fine, but now, since you paid for everything else, you’ll pay child support for the child.’; Sherri went to court to get it overturned so she could save her coins.

Cut to today: a judge has ordered Sherri to keep those child support checks coming because a lower court in Pennsylvania court ruled that surrogacy contracts are binding.

As for Sherri’s relationship with the child she’s never seen him; the child she so desperately wanted that she opted for surrogacy when outer methods proved fruitless. The child she says she prayed to the Baby Jeebus to give her.

She.Hasn’t.Seen.Him.

PS Sherri’s a devout Christian, but she loves her money more than her child.

Trai Byers — or, as I call him, Trai Booty because, well, isn’t it obvious — ALLEGEDLY wants out off “Empire” because he’s a serious actor and not given enough to do or … maybe “Empire” wants Trai Byers gone because he might be a bit of a diva.

Trai ALLEGEDLY  threw a temper tantrum during filming a few weeks ago and howled, “I don’t get to do enough, I might leave.”

Producers called his bluff and said, “Fine, if you’re not happy, we don’t need you.”

But it isn’t just ‘Empire;’ Byers has also  fired all his reps for not getting him big movie roles.” He was ALLEGEDLY up for a new Muhammad Ali movie and when he didn’t get it, he fired his whole team from his manager on down to the Booty Masseur … and I needed that job!

Still, Fox says Byers is “not quitting nor is he being fired … for now.”

Ow.

“Little Richie” Rocco Ritchie’s custodial agreement blew up over Christmas after he’d been on tour with his mom, Madonna, for months and he just wanted time with his father, Guy Ritchie. He “ran away” to London and has been there ever since, refusing to return to New York for school and refusing to see his mom for Christmas.

A court date was set and it occurred this week, though without Rocco or Guy or Madge … just the attorneys and the judge who had little time for Madonna’s theatrics and Guy’s narcissism.

At the hearing both Madonna and Guy listened in on speaker-phone while the judge declared that Rocco will remain in London for the time being, living with his father and going to a school chosen by both Madonna and Ritchie.

And so Madge is trying to play the “Look! I’ve Changed” card; rather than bashing Guy to his son, or calling Ritchie a “c**t’ while performing onstage — she likes to air her dirty laundry in concert a lot these days — Madge is promising Rocco that things would be different … that she’ll be less strict and controlling. Uh huh. Madge less controlling? That’d be like Oprah quitting pastries.

Still, you gotta hand it to the judge who said this of Rocco’s parents:

“Frankly, both parties have chosen to live their lives in a very public way and may welcome the publicity, but the child has not. He would like this matter resolved and the issues concerning him and his family in the most private way possible.” 

That was right before Madge’s lawyer asked the judge to have Guy arrested for contempt of court.

Yeah … less controlling.