I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Let’s start with the funny …

Kanye thinks Kim is the most important celebrity of all time; which is odd because he thinks the same thing of himself, so I wonder how that plays out at home.

I’m a bigger star!

No! I’m a bigger star!

No! I’m a bigger star!

Lather.Rinse.Repeat.

But, since he’s said she’s the next Marilyn Monroe, is it any surprise that Kanye has cast the Kardastrophe in the film he’s writing — and hoping to direct — with American Psycho author Bret Easton Ellis?

And is it any surprise that this, um, for lack of a better word, ‘film’ is going to be based on the ‘Yeezus’ album; the, ahem, narrative of Kanye’s life.

Now the good news is that Kanye won’t be in the movie, but Kim’s ass will be there, in high-def, 3D IMAX, I’m guessing.

I love a good catfight. 

And I love a good catfight when one of the cats is Anna Wintour even more. And now it seems as though Giorgio Armani has a beef with Wintour, and he said so himself.

Armani slammed Vogue editor-in-chief Anna Wintour after she was noticeably missing from the front row of his Fall 2014 Womenswear show during Milan Fashion Week, though he kinda did so without mentioning her by name because you know Wintour will cut a bitch:

“There are some who prefer to snub the Giorgio Armani show and go to Paris. She took an airplane, dumped Mr. Armani and went to Paris.”

And he goes on:

“Why should I always be the moron [translating from an Italian expletive] to be penalized because of a person, who, for better or for worse, like or dislike it, is powerful? I feel penalized. She said she was sending her people. But if you go to see your dentist and he puts you in the hands of his assistant, what’s your reaction? They told me, ‘She went to see the [Armani] Prive in Paris; she has no time to see the ready-to-wear in Milan.’ She is influential and powerful. But, perhaps, I’m influential as well.”

That last remark is taken as a not-so-veiled threat to pull all future Armani ads from Vogue.

I dare say that Armani has forgotten that the Devil wears Prada, and probably sat in the front row at that show.

And while we’re talking fashion and divas and catfights, we’d be remiss not to dish a little Naomi. Campbell, that is.

As many of you know, but probably don’t ever watch — I know I don’t — Naomi is the Head Diva on The Face, the knock-off of rival Tyra Banks’ America’s Next Top Model. Well, it seems that co-hosts and judges and mentors keep leaving the show in droves because spending even a minute in the same room with Naomi requires battle wages … according to a “source” who is whispering about Campbell’s diva behavior and the quirky beauty tricks she uses:

“She’s taping her face skin back, which makes it look tighter, and hiding the evidence with her fabulous wigs. She’s a monster. She fought with everyone on set. She’s now not allowing anyone to do her makeup. She was taught by Kevyn Aucoin and thinks she knows better than everyone. She gets upset with them, then does it herself.”

Taping her face? Oy.

But then there is her list of demands, like banning show staffers from saying Hello until she says it first, and yet she refuses to talk to anyone unless they’re filming. That may be why original mentors, models Coco Rocha and Karolina Kurkova, left after just one season.

I’m trying to think who scares me more. Wintour or Campbell. I think Naomi would hurl a phone at my head, but Wintour could have me killed.

Or at least give me a bad seat at a fashion show, which might be worse.

A while back, former Grey’s Anatomy star, Katherine Heigl was using Kickstarter to ask the public for their financial help to get her film, Jenny’s Wedding, off the ground.

Now, while that’s bad enough, and sad enough, because why should I pay a celebrity to make a move and then go pay $13 to see it, eh?

And what makes it worse is that now Heigl is whining to the press about how little money she’s made in the past several years — since she walked away from her hit TV show and into a failed film career — and how she has children to feed.

Oh, and here’s the best part; while she’s all over the place trying to raise $150,000 to complete her indie movie, she wants you to know that she won’t pay anything for the project because she has better things to do with her money.

I guess she already knows it’ll flop like nearly all her movies do and she doesn’t want to risk her coins.

Chris Brown says he’s been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder [PTSD].

Yes he did.

Which you just know will be his excuse when he goes to trial for beating a fan in DC last year.

And he’s also saying he suffers from Bipolar disorder as well, and that’s the reason he stayed in anger management rehab beyond the original ninety days — though he first threw rocks at his mama’s car at the idea of a lengthy rehab.

But here’s the real deal: it wasn’t Chrissy’s idea, it was the judge’s order. His order also makes it clear that “[Brown] has responded well” to the treatment, though a probation officer said that Brown’s positive change in behavior “has occurred only recently”.

Like when he realized he might not get out.

So, Katy Perry is on a publicity tour to drum up business for her upcoming musical tour, after which she’ll probably do an interview tour where she talks about her musical tour.

Anyway, one of her main talking points was her notorious kiss with Miley Cyrus at Miley’s LA concert.

“I went to her show, which is amazing. It’s very colorful. She has this one part where it’s like a kiss cam. I just walked up to her to give her like a friendly girly kiss, you know, as girls do, and then she like tried to move her head and go deeper, and I pulled away. God knows where that tongue has been. We don’t know. That tongue is so infamous!”

Funny. She goes up to kiss Miley, then kisses her, and then talks smack about the kiss.

It’s all a loop to keep your name in the news; do something even remotely shocking and then publicly discuss the hows and the whys of doing it.

Rather than, say, just not kissing Miley in the first place? But then where oh where would she get publicity? I mean, this is a woman who’s been banged by Russell Brand and John Mayer and she’s complaining  about Miley?

Uh huh.

So, Oksana Grigorieva banged Mel Gibson, had his child, and then sued him for money and called him a batterer and all that shiz.

I’m not saying it wasn’t true, but it does seem like Oksana had a plan all along.

Like being a celebrity. See, last Sunday night Oksana Grigorieva got all dressed up and went to the Vanity Fair Oscar party where she was stopped at the door and sent away.

I guess banging alcoholic anti-Semitic, homophobes doesn’t get you into A List parties like it did in the old days.

It seems that Chris Evans was not supposed to present at the Oscars on Sunday.

He showed up — asked at the last minute ALLEGEDLY — to present one of the night’s themed hero packages about superhero films, because Andrew Garfield, AKA Spiderman, pulled out that day.

Now, Garfield is saying that he  pulled out at the last minute because his girlfriend, Emma Stone, had a “longstanding family commitment” in Arizona. Now that seems kind of odd, because if it really was a longstanding commitment, why agree to appear at the Oscars at all?

Here’s the ALLEGEDLY real story:

Garfield was supposed to take the stage with Miles Scott — AKA Batkid after the city of San Francisco let him play superhero there — after the Academy y of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences made arrangements with the Make-A-Wish Foundation, to have Spiderman induct Batkid into the Superhero club.

Then in the middle of rehearsal,  with Batkid, Garfield decided he didn’t like his lines; he refused to go by the scrip and came up with his own lines. The producers felt the rewrites were not appropriate and ALLEGEDLY had a tantrum, stormed off and left Miles and his family shocked. The producers decided to cut the superhero initiation, but they paid for Miles to go to Disneyland.

If it’s true, I bet Batkid had a better time at Disney, and Captain America was a lot hotter to look at than Spiderman.

So, last week That Woman pimped out her daughter, Kim Kash Kow Kardastrophe, one more time, to have Kim appear at a “pre-Oscar event” called the Vienna Opera Ball. And Kim was there, like a high-class escort, because her pimp, That Woman, was getting paid $500,000 by Richard Lugner to have Kim on his arm.

I guess That Woman knows her days of whoring out at least one of her children are nearing an end so she’s pulling out all the stops.

Until …. After That Woman collected the 500K, and left Kim searching her pocketbook for cab fare, Kanye put his baby mama Kim Kardashian on notice: no more getting’ pimped by Mama.

A source — possibly Bruce, possibly Khloe, or possibly That Woman if there was a check involved — says:

“It’s not about the money. Kanye told her no more paid appearances. It was selling her soul and not worth it. How much more money does Kim need? It cheapens Kim and her brand to be paid to go to parties.”

And besides, he didn’t make a dime off the gig. And, where was Kanye while his baby mama was being whored out?

Uh huh.

Okay, so Lindsay starts this Sunday; you know, the Oprah Winfrey reality show docu-series about fresh from rehab, trying to stay sober, getting her career back, oh look, there’s a bar and a dime bag, Lindsay Lohan.

I’ll be watching.

See, what ALLEGEDLY started out as a reality show docu-series about Lindsay, post-rehab, turned into a wack-a-doo mess about a wacked-out, former cracktress who throws fits at the drop of a hat.

Take a look:

Now that the filming is over, the show is not just about Lindsay. It’s also about the filmmaker and the producers and the sober coaches, and even poor Oprah having to deal with that mess called Lohan.

Like I said, I’ll be watching.