I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

Remember when Kanye hooked up with the daughter That Woman pimped out with a sex tape? And remember how he said he wouldn’t appear on their show,. But then he did? And remember when he said he wouldn’t allow pictures of baby Southwest to be shown on that show but then he went on That Woman’s failed talk show and showed the pictures? And remember how he proposed to the Kash Kow on that show?

Well, color me surprised that the Kanye West-Kim Kash Kow Kardastrophe wedding won’t be filmed and shown on the E! network, and all with Kanye’s blessing, and confidentiality agreements signed by each guest that no one films the ceremony but E!.

I wonder, though, if the divorce and custody battle will get equal airtime.

And speaking of the wedding, do you think  Kanye would ever even dare to ask Jay Z or Beyoncé to sign a non-disclosure agreement, or take away their cell phones?

Well, he probably won’t have to because friends are saying that the last thing Beyoncé wants to do is go to that circus, er, wedding  because she thinks it’s extremely tacky that the nuptials are going to be filmed for Keeping Up With The Kardashians.

Of course, this is from the woman who uses her own child in her own videos, so, yeah, Pot.Kettle.Beyoncé.

So, Chris Brown is out of rehab. And in jail.

Brown was arrested last week by LA County sheriff’s deputies after he violated the probation he’s still on for his 2009 conviction for assaulting Rihanna by being kicked out of rehab for violating ‘internal rules’ — like a special rule imposed specifically on him to stay at least two feet away from all women. He was taken to the inmate reception center in downtown LA and was booked into jail.

Sources — and if it involves rehab, can we assume that rehab darling Lindsay Lohan is the source … I mean she’s been in every rehab facility in the country, amirite — say Chris was caught having “an inappropriate relationship” with a female worker at the beginning of the month, but that is NOT why he was thrown out this time; you recall, Chrissy was previously thrown out of a different facility for throwing a rock at his mom’s car window.

He was awaiting a chance to go before a judge on Monday, but then Monday came and the judge said he didn’t have the time to set bail for Brown until last next month.

So, yeah, that’s right, Chrissy is now in jail for another six weeks or so.

So, Lindsay got a job, y’all.

Lindsay Lohan has a guest-starring role on the hit[?] CBS show 2 Broke Girls, though maybe her episode should be called 2 Broke Girls and a Cracktress, and Lindsay ALLEGEDLY was her her usual messed up self during the taping.

Eyewitnesses — and there was a studio audience full of them — say Lindsay's lip were so over-Botoxed that she could barely open her mouth to speak. On top of that, her three-pack-a-day cigarette habit has left her voice raspier than ever, sounding like some shrieking howler monkey.

Apparently one scene required Lohan to say the words Hawaii and Bahamas in succession, but she couldn't say them fast enough, possibly due to the Botox, and sounded more like a patient injected with Novocaine.

The sources also claims Lindsay couldn’t remember her lines — shades of her appearance on Glee that was cut to about a 30-second cameo for the same reasons — and that it took 45 minutes to film Lohan repeat just five lines over and over and over again. She would get one line and screw up another. 

And when it was time for another shot, with Lindsay reading, reading, her lines off-camera to the actress on-camera; it took her three times to read the lines correctly. The last scene was of Lohan in a wedding dress — create your own jokes about that — and has cold feet about the wedding. She has six or seven lines. 45 minutes later a cell phone starts ringing.

It was Lindsay’s and she stopped the taping to take the call!

It took five hours to shoot the 18-minute episode — with 4 minutes of pre-taped scenes — because of Lohan and her inability to be a professional.

Seriously, if you can’t even get through a crap show like that how will you ever get your film career back? And she’s screwed any more chances at reality TV with that Oprah mess.

Now, onto Lindsay’s daddy, Michael.

It seemed he was beaten up by his girlfriend, and baby mama, Kate Major, who was eventually arrested for a DUI. Well, there’s something!

Michael claims they were in a nasty argument at their home when she hit him multiple times in the face. He called 911, and just as cops arrived, ALLEGEDLY drunken Kate was fleeing in her car. But she didn’t get far; according to law enforcement, Kate crashed into some bushes near the house and was arrested for driving drunk.

Lovely family, eh? And, while Lohan, now an adult, has to take full responsibility for her actions, being the fruit of the loins of Michael Lohan and his demon spawn ex-wife, and DUI arrestee Dina, certainly didn’t help.

File this under I Won’t Watch It Because I’ll Puke.

It appears that some man — which makes the story sound so plausible, given who it involves — is in possession of a sex tape starring That Woman and he has been contacting news outlets to sell it, and harassing the 58-year-old reality show star and pimp.

Now, let’s get this queer: years ago That Woman found her daughter’s sex tape and sold it to the media to make Kash Kow a “star” and the whole Kardastrophe brand was born, and now there’s a sex tape involving That Woman?

I smell ridiculous publicity stunt.

Charlie Sheen is on it again.

Despite the fact that Denise has bent over backwards for him for years by taking in his two offspring with his serial rehabber ex-wife Brooke Mueller was in rehab again, he has decided to listen to his porn star future ex-wife, Brett Rossi, and stop paying his child support to Denise.

On top of that he made good on his threat to evict her from the house he bought for her in his neighborhood, so Daddy could druggily drunkenly stumble down for a visit because Miss Brett doesn’t like driving by the house knowing Denise lives there.

Charlie made the same threats against drug addict Brooke, but now that she lets him and Porn Star see his sons, she gets to keep her money and her house. For now. But he believes Denise is keeping Sam and Lola from him because she won’t let their drug addict dad and his porn star fiancé see the children unsupervised.

How dare she be more worried about the safety of her children!?! I cannot wait for the day when Charlie kicks Brett to the curb — possibly after she has two of his children — and starts treating her the way she likes him to treat all of his ex-wives and baby mamas.