Why Is It ...

… that when I write the book about all of the things I should have done with my life, I will call it my oughtabiography.

… that people talk about multi-tasking I think, “Yeah, I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.”

… that no one understands that I don’t leave voicemails; you saw my missed call, that’s my voicemail

…. that the only clubs I’m into lately are sandwiches?

… that when things go left, I go right … to sleep?

… that my boss gets annoyed when I text him every morning to ask if we’re still on for work?

… that I am in a panic because I don’t know how to tell the cicadas all that’s happened in the last 17 years?

… that the Dildo of Consequences rarely arrives lubed?