This Is Why We March: "Now that my secret is known, I'll forever Rest in Peace."

Col. Edward Thomas Ryan of Albany passed away June 1^st at the age of 85 on the first day of Pride, but before he died he wrote a message to his loved ones:

“I was Gay all my life.”

The decorated Army veteran earned a number of prestigious medals throughout his military career and was brother to Rosemary, Cornelius, Joan, Bernadette, and Joseph Ryan, and was a beloved uncle to several nieces and nephews.

But all his life he kept that secret; his family says he was just a very private person. But Colonel Ryan decided not to take the secret to his grave, and wrote a message for his obituary, finally coming out to the world as gay and telling everyone he knew about the man he would be buried next to: Paul Cavagnaro.

Ryan and Cavagnaro met at some point in his life and enjoyed a 25-year-long relationship, even though he kept his romantic life a secret until he wrote:

“I must tell you one more thing. I was Gay all my life: thru grade school, thru High School, thru College, thru Life.”

He went on to tell them about Paul,  and how he died in 1994 due to a medical procedure gone wrong, before saying it was his wish to be laid to rest next to his love.

“I was in a loving and caring relationship with Paul Cavagnaro of North Greenbush. He was the love of my life. We had 25 great years together … I’ll be buried next to Paul.”

In his parting message to his loved ones, Ryan said he didn’t have the courage to reveal his sexuality in the past because he was afraid of being treated the way others like him were treated:

“I’m sorry for not having the courage to come out as Gay. I was afraid of being ostracized: by Family, Friends, and Co-Workers. Seeing how people like me were treated, I just could not do it.”

“Now that my secret is known, I’ll forever Rest in Peace.”

Over the course of his 85 years of life, Ryan served with the Army’s 10th Brigade and received honors including the National Defense Service Medal, the Defense of Liberty Medal "For participation to the State following the attack on America, on 11 September 2001," the Conspicuous Service Medal and Commanders Citation for "Service Above and Beyond the Call" from the division of Military and Naval affairs. He was also a retired firefighter and chairman of the Vietnam Veterans/Agent Orange Committee for the American Legion; he was co-owner of local radio station WHRL-FM in Albany and was also a chef at the East Greenbush American Legion Post #1231.

Colonel Ryan donated his body to the Anatomical Gift Program at Albany Medical College, which would allow med students to study using his body though eventually, his body will be cremated and buried beside Paul’s grave.

His nephew Joseph Ryan said the family knew about his relationship with Paul though they didn’t really talk about it:

“They would go on vacation. Once he did retire, he would take a month off, and they would just put down where they wanted to go, any place in the world. So, we kind of knew, but he wasn’t one that would come right out and say anything … Our family isn’t one that tries to say anything about people. He was quiet, but he was bold. It’s been inside him all this time.”

The family sees the significance in Ryan’s coming out during Pride Month, a time for celebrating the LGBTQ+ community’s history, achievements, and ongoing fight for equality and acceptance.

A number of comments poured in after Colonel Ryan’s obituary was posted:

“Thank you for your service Sir. I´m active duty serving in Japan at this time. Tomorrow, I will be hosting a Pride observation at our command and I´m elated to tell your story. We are fortunate enough now to be part of a military that lets us serve our country in full authenticity. We serve proudly in your honor. Thank you for all you have done.”

“It brings me peace to know that you and Paul are together again. May eternity together be beautiful. Rest in pride.”

“Thank you for your service, and I´m sorry that the world was not always a nice place for us. I hope you and Paul Rest In Peace together and are able to watch the world change.”

"Thank you for all the good you´ve put into the world. I´m sorry that you had to hide who you love. May you enjoy eternity with your beloved, and that you are accepted as you are by so, so many people.”

"Your story touched me deeply. I am so sorry that we live in such a judgmental world that you had to hide who you were and who you loved. I hope there's a way for you to know that sharing your story – no matter when you did it – will be helpful to others. Thank you for all your service."

"You have nothing to apologize for. I'm so sorry that you couldn't live your authentic self but are now able to join your beloved Paul. And I'm sure that you'd never imagine you have so many friends."

"God made you. God never makes mistakes. Your soul is eternal and you will be remembered for the courage that brought you to share your truth. Eternal peace."

"I know this wasn´t your intention, but the reality of what you did is that you showed the world how amazing a gay person can be. As the mother of gay children, I am forever in your debt. Bless you. May you rest for eternity in the arms of the love of your life."

"I am a 74-year-old gay man and grew up living under the same stigma as Edward did... I am so glad Edward had the love of his life, Paul, for 25 great years and now for Eternity. Bless you both."

This is why we fight and march and celebrate Pride and stand up and speak up. We do it for people like Colonel Ryan.

Thank you for your service, fighting for a country that made you feel you couldn’t be yourself.

Rest in Pride. The march goes on ...

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